Never give men your passwords & always change them after a breakup. NVM will go to any lengths to get revenge. What can we do to help keep women safe?

lunatigre · 2020-10-08T02:23:04+00:00

That is disgusting! That poor woman. I feel like there should be more stuff in the handbook about damage control when dealing with an abusive ex or stalker.

chateauduchat · 2020-10-08T02:26:26+00:00

I broke up with an ex who then went and got me fired from my job. This is very common.

MakeURegret · 2020-10-08T02:23:15+00:00

I wonder if she can sue. How are men so entitled??

elainejay82 · 2020-10-08T02:49:22+00:00

Wow. This is truly terrible. She must feel devastated. I hope she goes on to find something even better for herself. ❤️

N/LVM will suck your life and your future completely dry and men in general get extremely spiteful and vengeful after a break up. I wouldn't put it past ANY males to act this way if you dump them.

This is why I'll never hop to congratulate a woman for a guy being decent the first few months. Barf. It takes a long while for the mask to slip. Without that though, most men react this way if you start implementing boundaries or break up. It's scary out there for us.

All the best to the girl who went through this and to ALL of us who will and already have gone through something similar.

unbelyevable · 2020-10-08T03:56:57+00:00

I work with sensitive information. My ex got SUPER pissed off when I wouldn't allow him access to my phone. He might as well have just screamed "I'm cheating on you but I'm gonna project my guilt onto you because I'm a scrote"

Come to find out, he was cheating on me! Shocking

🙄😒🙄😒

RedRetrograde · 2020-10-08T02:51:25+00:00

It is amazing how evil and vindictive people can be

Lmfao. “People.” Yeah, no. It’s men.

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-10-08T02:22:38+00:00

Oh man yeah, I used to play runescape and my ex bf at the time hacked my account and walked me out to the wilderness and dropped all my expensive shit. I legit cried. Fuck that guy.

shaquielle0atmeal · 2020-10-08T03:36:59+00:00

This isn't even LVM behavior, this is straight up psychopathic and being bitter. This made me so upset.

randomgirlimok · 2020-10-08T04:14:43+00:00

You guys need to put 2 factor authentication on everything

bananna_nut · 2020-10-08T06:34:23+00:00

There was actually a court case similar to this I've read about where an ex sent an email from their ex-partner's email rejecting a once in a lifetime scholarship to this super prestigious music academy. In the end the judge actually ruled that the ex owed their ex-partner at least 200k because they lost out on so much earning potential because of that nasty thing they did.

I really hope this girl is able to sue her ex bf similar to that case, it's crazy evil that people do things like this.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-10-08T03:36:14+00:00

"people" she misspelled men.

scaredofevery1 · 2020-10-08T04:22:12+00:00

My ex had my facebook account password and email, he deleted all my previous photos through out high school, all the world travel photographs, and all my friends -- would use it against me in order to control me. Im still fucking agry about it, but it was years ago.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-10-08T03:27:36+00:00

And just in case don't update your address book until after you've changed the passwords or just keep them in a written book like the old days. Hell, get a new number and email address too.

And unfortunately if he's causing problems for you at work, he'll probably be able to guess your work email bc most companies do the [email protected] format. This happened to me before, I broke up with him and he started sending me the most vile emails but HR refused to change it or give me a new one. And then bc I worked a function where everyone used each other's terminals, anyone could read them if they really felt like it. Embarrassing.

Huntscunt · 2020-10-08T03:27:48+00:00

My ex unfriended on my accounts a shit ton of male friends that he didn't like after we broke, and read my messages. I found out he was doing because he had the lack of foresight to then complain about this I was saying to people in dms. Change your passwords!

snooklepookle_ · 2020-10-08T06:05:56+00:00

My ex and I work in the same very tight-knit industry and he threatened to slander me. I ended up just having to cede to his conditions, and I gave up my dream job. All while he still claimed to love me. God.

Aclearly_obscure1 · 2020-10-08T06:56:55+00:00

Yes! This is a real thing. Don’t stay logged in to any devices either. A (now ex) boyfriend pet sit for me while I was out of town and logged into my social media accounts on my computer at my home. He stayed up all night searching for anything to prove his insecurities. He ‘found’ flirty conversations from long before we even met and decided that was ‘proof.’ Nothing sexual. He proceeded to make crazy comments under my login to former colleagues, family members and friends. I was mortified. It took a long time to recover from the damage and some of it was permanent, e.g. I got kicked out of the group of 8 core people I went to school with from Kindergarten-8th grade.

Stay safe ladies!

Edit: grammar. Also I demanded he leave my home while still away, wouldn’t allow him back in my home and immediately ended it when I got back to town.

Maisiebr · 2020-10-08T06:20:47+00:00

While my ex didn't do anything on my accounts I know of, becaused I changed everything in time and I use 2 step authentication where I can, he used my photos for a fake tinder account and god knows what else. And he somehow stalked down my new landlord in a facebook group for renting ads and he threatened me with smearing shit on me so they break the contract, or harrass me there until they have enough of it and kick me out.

IrritatedMango · 2020-10-08T06:12:46+00:00

Where does this ex live I just wanna talk.

On a serious note this is another level of messed up, I bet the girl feels absolutely terrible rn and I hope she finds a job she likes.

gendpurr · 2020-10-08T06:43:26+00:00

PLEASE DO THIS. luckily my abusive nvm ex never did anything this serious but 2+yrs post break up i recently (around the start of quarantine) got a notif that he went on my old PINTEREST account. (i cant even imagine the logic there except to terrorize me for daring to move on from him years later.) i freaked and changed every single other password i could think of.

Queens, he even had my BANK password (he was controlling af), and i shudder to think of the damage he could've done. i had a few other scares before this but i brushed it off as i was still avoiding that it ever happened to me, but yes. don't give men your passwords ever, and change them if you do. they will do ANYTHING to terrorize and control you whether you're with them or not.

WildUnit · 2020-10-08T10:13:59+00:00

What’s terrifying to me is how coercive young men can be about this. When I was working with early teens, I had a handful of young women with fairly low self-image dating boys who insisted they must have the passwords to all the girl’s social media accounts. They also insisted on having the ability to track their location at all times. What was scary was how incredibly easy it was for them normalise this to young girls. They would say that it’s normal for boyfriends and girlfriends to have no privacy - if they had “nothing to hide”, it shouldn’t be a problem? These girls were adamant that that’s what you do when you “love someone”.

It was terrifying watching these future FDV victims growing up in real time.

dragon_wolf4 · 2020-10-08T08:23:05+00:00

That's just straight up psychopathic behaviour.

Women shouldn't give any of their passwords ever to anyone, not even if they're married to a man. I mean, come to think of it, men don't really "need" it for anything. The only exception might be maybe your online tax account if you file joint taxes or something like that where it's actually necessary.

In fact, someone getting mad about this boundary itself can be a huge red flag imo.

localgirlcult · 2020-10-08T11:41:40+00:00

Yeah. "People". Any people.

Anyway, if you've watched the Paris Hilton documentary. She gets a whole new laptop every time she breaks up with a man.

StrainingMyNeurons · 2020-10-08T12:57:33+00:00

My meek, quiet, nerdy, sulky ex, self-proclaimed defender of women and all sorts of minorities, who always acted like he was just tolerating me and eventually said he was going to up and go to another city for no reason (and I was relieved it wasn’t me who had to break up with him), did his best to make me homeless after he broke into my social media and found out from a private chat with a friend that I had moved on quickly after our breakup.

He was the last person I expected that from. He was useless in every way, zero personality or testosterone and I could never imagine him putting any effort in anything, but I was obviously wrong. I kind of chuckle at it now, because the conversation that he read described how I had wild post-break up sex with a fireman while on holiday, who had a massive dong 🤣 So he kind of humiliated himself with that hacking into my account. He then phoned our landlord (we were still living together until he was going to find himself a new job) and gave him a two week notice from both of us. I used that as an opportunity to move across the world, which I always wanted, but never had the courage to do. It’s been several years and the best decision for me personally and professionally.

He still does his IT support job in a boring government organisation, renting a room in a crime ridden town. I’m buying my second house in a beautiful, sought-after location, putting my degrees to a good use and travelling a lot for work, all expenses paid for.

Microwave79 · 2020-10-08T10:39:28+00:00

Yeah, I'm not giving my passwords to any guys when I will be dating next year cause this is insane..

AnniaT · 2020-10-08T14:14:33+00:00

I never give my passwords to men but I usually don't think about the autologin/old login issue. This is very useful to know.

I'm no tech expert but when dealing with a break up I'd log out of all accounts and change all passwords yes, always have all the passwords do double control (like SMS code and stuff like that), take out all the authorized devices that are not mine, dont accept any social media requests if not knowing the person, tell all my friends and family we have broken up, block the ex on everything, change locks if he ever had my key, never meet them in private ever, document any instance of stalking or abuse and keep all evidence.

Some preventive measures in any relationship: NEVER ever send nudes or pictures you'd feel ashamed of if your family, friends or coworkers saw them. Also never give men access to your bank accounts. If you're married and want them to access the money just have a joint account where you transfer money to. There is no reason for a man to have access to your personal bank account and much less if he's just a boyfriend. Always have money secured to leave at any time.

ShadowoftheGrimoire · 2020-10-08T17:22:00+00:00

I don’t have proof of this so it’s only my suspicion, but about a year after I went no contact with this NVM, I was at work when I received a letter from the board that regulates my profession that I had been accused of committing fraud.

The letter basically demanded that I address the claims and provide my side of the story. So I investigated the records at my workplace and found the records that the letter was referring to.

Without going into too much detail a basic (like utterly first glance investigation) showed that the accusation was bogus. It was something so basic that anyone who worked in the field is required to check before making such an accusation—especially the so-called “auditor” who supposedly forwarded the claim to the board.

So I wrote the board back a twelve page letter including HIPAA compliant copies of the records and ended that letter by saying, “if the [auditor] does not understand how [this basic process in the profession] works, then maybe they shouldn’t be an auditor for this profession.”

The board eventually dropped their “charges” and there was no tribunal, so whatever, but to this day I can’t help thinking that the NVM was somehow involved. He was always so spiteful about the fact that I had a high-paying job in a good field. He hated the fact that back then I could afford to buy my own house and pay my own mortgage while he couldn’t get a job with his bachelors degree. And he always bragged that his family had a lot of connections.

And given the really suspicious way that the accusation was pushed through all the way to a tribunal at a professional board and apparently NO ONE thought to check if the auditor had done their basic due diligence to investigate the issue before sending it to the board, I can’t help feeling that there was something fishy going on.

I may not love my job or my profession, but I’ll be damned if I just sit back and let someone try to steal my livelihood from me. It’s the same reason why I’m now so careful and hesitant about branching out into another field. Even five odd years later I’m still worried about this f*cker showing up and trying to ruin things for me.

2020-10-08T13:56:59+00:00

Oh damn, that's something I haven't even thought possible. How vile.

stillcantsee · 2020-10-08T16:14:26+00:00

Password managers, ladies. Phone locked too.

notreallyhere123456 · 2020-10-10T04:42:05+00:00

My ex stalked my bumble account for a year after he broke up with me. He’d read conversations, saw my matches, it’s beyond psychotic. I don’t know how he ever got the password. I don’t know what the hell he was trying to do or why someone would want to see that. I will never understand men.

shoesfromparis135 · 2020-10-10T08:06:46+00:00

WHY DO PEOPLE GIVE OUT THEIR PASSWORDS TO ANYTHING?! YOU ARE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE! JFC I have NEVER understood this, even back in ye olde middle school days when people were giving out their locker combos. Ya know, a full decade before smart phones were even A Thing and the Internet was still ancient. Don’t do it, people. Just say no.

Source: A Scorpio who likes to keep her damn secrets secret, thank you very much.

Comments