THIS is why you don’t ask guys out 🤡 😭

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-28T13:06:26+00:00

Men make fun of women like this by the way. I had a coworker that drunkenly sent my old supervisor a email professing her love and he went around telling me and other coworkers how "she messaged him late a night". I felt so bad for her, it was so embarrassing. He majorly took it as an ego boost and made sure to let everyone know.

aquietsword · 2021-04-28T10:41:39+00:00

I mean, rejection isn't bad...but maybe send in your manuscript to an agent, audition for a play, apply to a higher paying job, code your first app and try to get users to pay for it, or run for office. Why do people frame rejection and spontaneity as something unique you can only get from asking a man out?

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-28T15:06:08+00:00

All these women are like “rejection has given me confidence!” And men are like “rejection makes me want to shoot up movie theaters”

throwaway32132134 · 2021-04-28T11:18:51+00:00

Society does not teach men to respect women. That is why women should NOT ask men out. Why would you go up to someone that doesn't respect you and give them things (your time and number) they haven't earned?

pinkcityscape · 2021-04-28T11:26:06+00:00

I don’t think rejection is a big deal I just don’t like how men lie about them liking this kind of thing because they obviously don’t. They either feel ‘emasculated’ or claim the girl is desperate so they lose interest or they use you pursuing them as an ego boost to ask the girl they actually like on a date. Seems like a waste of time to me...

dollymyfolly · 2021-04-28T15:32:19+00:00

I know a girl who chased down her now husband for AGES before he really gave her any consideration. I mean just hinting and desperately trying to make it happen with him. I mean he sort of shrugged one day was like “yeah maybe I’ll meet her idk.”

Sure, they’re married, but he didn’t marry for her another SEVEN YEARS. She was also constantly competitive with any benign women in his circle. Deep down, she knew he didn’t do anything to win her and as a result she is very insecure. To this day, she’s still mean to any new women she meets. I feel like taking that initiative role as a women hurts more in the long run. She “won” or got picked, but at the cost of her peace of mind.

HammyLet · 2021-04-28T09:32:31+00:00

How embarrassing for them 💀

I used to make the first move too and it never went anywhere... which actually is the best case scenario 🙈 I thought that I had to since guys supposedly love it and think its such a “turn on” but apparently not. Also I thought no guy would ever pursue me so I had no choice.

I was right about that, no guys want me but thanks to this sub I’m content that I don’t have a NVM in my life. I’d much rather be alone than with someone that isn’t into me but strings me along because I was desperate enough to ask him out 🤷‍♀️

aoi4eg · 2021-04-28T11:00:34+00:00

The one and only time I made the first move was so cringy and embarrassing at the end, I still wince thinking about it.

He was a friend of a friend, and we hang out pretty often in the mutual company. So one day I braced myself and asked him out. He agreed, so no embarrassment here, but the rest... He simply wrote "yes, let's meet". And then silence. I waited for a day and said that I'm free tomorrow. He wrote right back "great, me too". I was kinda baffled, but assumed since I made the first move, maybe I should just proceed with the rest?? So I basically found a cafe to meet, booked a table, texted him all the details etc. We met, chatted for a bit, ate and went our separate ways. He didn't even suggest walking me home, let alone ask if I got back safely.

The moral of the story: don't be younger me, don't try to "break" societal norms, only LVM/NVM like when they have to put zero effort into getting a date.

The_Pyramidion · 2021-04-28T09:59:00+00:00

To the first person:

Grad and postgrad students can and absolutely do date undergrads. They're just not permitted to grade exams of family members/partners etc. so my asshole colleague once offered me fifty quid(!) to give his wife a passing mark when she didn't even score 25%(!!!). Also every lab has that one sleazy late 20s/early 30s scrote assistant picking up students.

MadameDestruction · 2021-04-28T10:50:55+00:00

This is cringe but I unfortunately had something similar once. I commented online about how I had a crush on a guy in high school, I confessed my feelings to him straight-up, he said it wasn't mutual, I thought that was fine because I didn't want to date in high school anyways, I just wanted to let him know I thought he was cool, so we moved on. What happens next? A bunch of hate DM's of course, because it turns out I will only do that to 6'3 Chad and treat other men like shit and I am probably so fucking ugly and obese and I should stop holding men to such high standards (because I have only confessed my feelings to one guy who I had a crush on in senior year of high school, which is two years ago for me and I haven't met interesting men since so that clearly means I am superficial) and I am a failure of a "female" so I should just kill myself. And I feel like it's a pretty safe bet these pickmeishas have a few "nice guys" spewing hate in their DM's as well.

Anyways the moral of the story: scrotes will be mad at women either way. Even if they have no reason to hate you, they will find a reason to hate you. Well stay mad, die mad I guess.

SoftMagicMagician · 2021-04-28T11:22:54+00:00

I made the first move once. He was actually into it and wanted to hang out! But then I found out through facebook he lied about his name and has a girlfriend.

And that's another reason to never make a move on a male.

Guyincognito9876 · 2021-04-28T11:24:32+00:00

That was so painful to read!!

SpringJonesOcean · 2021-04-28T11:37:08+00:00

Yeah, why are they bragging about nothing???

UraniumGoddess · 2021-04-28T13:12:27+00:00

Never ask a man out.

Instead, give him some non-verbal signals that you find him attractive and flirt a little bit. If he finds you attractive, he’ll flirt back, respond to your signals with non-verbal signals of his own and ultimately ask you out.

motioncaptureF · 2021-04-28T10:00:09+00:00

I cringed so harddddddddddd ! U see these women were so not affected by rejection and there is incel 'Mike' whose whole personality is based on the fact that Bella rejected him in 9th grade 🤡 !

Hhjjuuy · 2021-04-28T17:50:53+00:00

No wonder the first 2 got rejected. Don't we all hate men giving us their number/asking us out while we're working in a customer service role? And can you imagine some creep running after you when you leave a cafe just to introduce himself?

Approaches aside, these women have obviously bought into the idea that asking someone out is a) making the first move and b) a big deal. All the nervous men online complaining about it being such a "risk" and murdering women over being rejected has built something so simple up into adrenaline worthy achievements.

pretty_kill · 2021-04-28T12:13:17+00:00

I made the first move with a guy at work once because he was moving, and I was like why not, if it gets weird he’s leaving. Better try now before I miss out in my chance 🤡. Well I think maybe he was kind of interested too but never bothered because he knew he was leaving. (Basically he didn’t want me enough)

So we dated for like a month, and he was an okay guy, bought me food, took care of me, he even let me meet some of his family. Never had official dates though. He kept talking about the future and how we’d hang out in the new place he was moving one day. How his friends would love me. He basically love bombed me but for what?

When he left he lost interest, and I was crushed. At first I was fine because I intended to date other people, but I had believed his future faking so much, and I actually wanted to date him one day. He told me eventually he felt I wanted something long lasting and he didn’t see that with me (despite all the future faking he did to me when I was in front of him 🤡 probably because we were hooking up)

But now that I have been exposed to FDS, I realize if he really wanted me, he wouldn’t have passed up on asking me out before he moved. He would have made long distance work. The saying “if he wanted to he would” is so powerful to me now.

By asking him out I ended up only wasting my time, and left myself with a lot of trauma remaining from getting attached in the month before he left and all his broken promises.

Even to this day, I still really want to visit the area he moved to. Not for his dumbass but because it sounds like an awesome place to live. Amazing hiking locations, the type of weather I love, etc. I struggle to know if it’s because the seed he planted or because I feel I genuinely would be happy there. It’s hard to see myself making a move across country on a damn whim. So yeah, I am still parsing through if that’s me or just because him and the future he planted in my mind (I have zero interest in meeting him, I just liked the lifestyle he wanted to live, which is why his future faking hit me so damn hard). My intention was to vacation out there before the pandemic happened. I definitely will NOT be hitting him up if I ever make it out there.

But moral of the story, if he wanted to he would. Don’t make the first move.

stealthcalmer · 2021-04-28T15:17:05+00:00

One of the most shocking things that clicked for me at FDS: men are happy to date someone they don't even like. Just to have a woman around, just becuase she's convenient. Chasing a man is a surefire way to become his 'good enough for now' girl.

brya228 · 2021-04-28T10:12:21+00:00

So sad 🤣

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-04-28T11:50:50+00:00

Prince Charming sure will love your desperation 🤡

alichuchu · 2021-04-28T14:35:58+00:00

Oh my goodness... this is so embarrassing to read...

cocoa_soda · 2021-04-28T09:36:17+00:00

The cringe

haunted_vcr · 2021-04-28T17:48:10+00:00

I think it's fine to give an invitation in the form of strong flirting etc - but any guy worth dating will step up and reciprocate once it's clear you like them. And they read interest very easily.

The thing with asking is you will never get turned down, you'll just get used as an ego stroke or continually have to push around a half interested marshmallow into doing the basics.

Bwolffff · 2021-04-28T16:33:28+00:00

You guys this is legit why I hate Bumble. I hate having to message first, just for the guy to be boring as fuck and making me regret it. I like to be chased and hyped up, not the other way around

kuroo95 · 2021-04-28T10:50:49+00:00

I confessed my feelings to a guy I love ofc he rejected me, It hurts so much but now I'm feeling little bit better, if I didn't confess I'd have my hopes getting ahead of reality.

lansburysoda · 2021-04-28T14:08:30+00:00

I’d encourage this move for when a guy won’t leave you alone: be boring and weird. Asking out a guy is weird, and it’s also boring because there’s no chase involved for him. When you hang out with him, try to get validation from him and say a bunch of weird shit. He’s nearly guaranteed to leave you alone. Hope this helps!

thediverswife · 2021-04-28T15:16:21+00:00

This happened to me in my more libfem days and yep... it never went to plan. I won’t ask a man out again, unfortunately they interpret this as an ego boost that devalues you in their eyes (because you’re so easy to nab) and in cases where that actually led to a relationship, that ended badly too. Just a lot of desperation and pick-me-ism. I would respect someone for asking me out on a date but apparently most men can’t muster that up for a woman who takes the lead

Fragrant_Effort_2783 · 2021-04-28T15:19:13+00:00

We must stop chasing after low effort men. Asking them out is just giving them another excuse to use and exploit us.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-04-28T23:07:19+00:00

Ladies! Make a 🤡 out of yourself so you can join our 🎪!

academinx · 2021-04-29T14:46:20+00:00

My older brother said he would never have dated my now SIL had she approached him, because it’s a huge turn-off. Granted my brother isn’t exactly a HVM, but I remember being shocked by that. One time, when I was 18, I literally threw my number at this guy and ran away. I remember being terrified and so embarrassed, with my friends egging me on. I’ve seen some gorgeous guys while out in the past, but if they are interested they’ll approach, if they’re not, they won’t. It’s that simple. It’s not like he didn’t notice you, he did, he’s just not interested.

sunbathingpug · 2021-04-29T16:34:18+00:00

Tbh this is a lovely way of seeing how women react to rejection as opposed to men. Men are entitled so their reaction is aggressive when they’re rejected while women see it as something that happens.

Br0ther-Finger · 2021-04-29T19:30:00+00:00

Honestly, rejection is the best outcome.

If you don’t, you’ve just made yourself a target for all sorts of heartache. Being picked is worse.

creamtart_ · 2021-04-30T10:37:40+00:00

Look up the lady who chased David Tennant, she idolised him, determined to marry him. Huge pick me, think of the power he has over her. Terrifying.

Title	THIS is why you don’t ask guys out 🤡 😭
Author	AcadiaLeather5071
Upvotes	337
Comments	58
Date	April 28, 2021 9:29 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n0az93/this_is_why_you_dont_ask_guys_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-you-dont-ask-guys-out.777031 https://theredarchive.com/post/777031

Comments