A flawed argument that women make excusing past One Night Stands

Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-03-16T00:03:34+00:00

Yeah I've seen this happen. I knew a girl who had a dozen ONS the first few months of college and stopped when she realized she was doing it as a bandage for her low self esteem and it wasn't doing anything positive for her. I also know women who genuinely enjoyed casual sex (more often FWB/sneaky link than ONS tho) and continued to do it for a lot of college.

BFFR with this post tho. Everyone gets some level of validation from sex. You know from your own experiences that there is significantly more validation in sex than just flirting. And yes, women are told our whole lives that guys just want one thing and will fuck anything. Some women don't get attention before college and then they look for that validation of themselves as attractive and sexual through hookups in college.

Also tbh I think part of it is about proving your worth and attractiveness to other women. I remember freshman year women would show off hickeys to each other or talk about how great some guy was in bed. Men here bring up feeling bad about being a virgin, tbh I felt pretty bad about it back then too...

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-03-15T21:13:47+00:00

The women who have ONS just like having sex, it’s not that deep. If men have a problem with that, they should just date women who don’t engage in casual sex.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-03-15T20:13:03+00:00

“Sometimes the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one”

Let’s be real, dudes would do this just as much as women if we could. And the ones that can: do.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2024-03-15T22:51:42+00:00

This is the issue when dudes like you live in a world of all black or all white.

It’s entirely normal for something to feel validating and then do it a few times, realize it wasn’t as fulfilling as you thought because you actually wanted something different, and this was close, but not quite, so you change your mind and try a new strategy.

I slept around because I love new relationship energy. I love the rush of getting to know someone. I love sex. It was fun.

I know some women are looking for male validation, knowing you can get a guy to sleep with you I guess feels better than someone just flirting with you (and the fact that you don’t see a difference worries me) and they wanted the fulfillment of a relationship and thought sex was the next best thing. So they do it a few times, realize it isn’t fulfilling and so they stop doing it.

Some women do it until they settle into a relationship.

Some women do it forever.

Why do women need to rationalize anything though? I don’t see threads on here of asking men to explain why they slept around.

sandysadie · 2024-03-15T20:54:33+00:00

Why would a woman need to "defend" having a one night stand?

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-03-15T20:08:03+00:00

I can't say I've heard that argument from women. But if it is, what's so wrong about it? They are supposed to stop at the flirting phase because that's enough validation? Maybe that wanted validation and an orgasm.

It's a perfectly valid concept for whatever women it applies to.

WANT_SOME_HAM · 2024-03-15T20:31:11+00:00

As is often the case here, you're confusing "explaining" with "defending."

You're assuming they feel guilty about doing something that you'd do in a second if it was an option.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-03-15T21:47:49+00:00

People always make up dumb excuses for the stuff in their past they aren’t proud of, just part of being human

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-03-15T20:15:58+00:00

It’s not a valid excuse

Personally the main reason ‘excuses’ are even needed, is because fundamentally sex is a very intimate act. If not the most intimate act. Two people can share. Thus any sex that isn’t intimate, is reduced to the basest form of the act. As it’s just for ‘fun.’ For ‘validation.’ For ‘empowerment.’ It simply means that people value sex differently.

RubyDiscus · 2024-03-16T08:34:50+00:00

No one needs an argument or excuse for having 1NS.

People get horny and have sex, it's that simple.

SteveSan82 · 2024-03-16T04:29:49+00:00

Believe what a woman does, not what she says.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-03-15T22:39:26+00:00

Why would a woman need to defend or excuse having a ONS?

apresonly · 2024-03-15T21:32:20+00:00

> you had the validation of the guy when he flirted with you as this was him expressing sexual interest in you

there have been a hundred times i had no idea that guy was flirting until he kissed me, and even then there have been times i haven't believed that was sincere interest (so, not validating).

> Women constantly make an argument that all men want to do is have sex. Well, if you want to make that argument and say that's true, then the validation you seek should be gained from them flirting with you and finding you attractive. Why does it then require women to go further, and have sex with the guy "for validation"

bc the alternative is half the population values you 0%

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-15T22:11:47+00:00

Because they are adults and most adults want to have sex.

Why would a man demand an “excuse” for typical behavior that damn near everyone enjoys?

biscuitcatapult · 2024-03-15T20:49:38+00:00

As a man, I find it weird to obsess over a woman’s sexual history, unless it has long term ramifications.

But I am also not a hypocrite. I’ve had some one night stands in the past, so I would not judge a woman for the same.

Edit: See below for why I cannot get fully “red-pilled.” A bunch of guys who talk about “studies” but can never show you a single one of them.

gothfrootloop · 2024-03-17T03:12:22+00:00

I’ve done some promiscuous things online with strangers when I was a teen, and unfortunately, when you are someone who is low self esteem and confidence, receiving just a little validation and desire that was thrown your way can feel like a drug. You want to keep it coming and you want to feel it stronger, and you can lose yourself in the rush. Yes, I may have received the initial validation when a flirty PM was sent my way, but a low self esteem and insecure woman with little self control will squeeze the situation for all the validation she can get.

I’m now older and even at my lowest moments in the last couple years, I haven’t resorted to such lowly behavior to satiate my esteem and confidence.

I respect a man’s decision to not pursue a woman who has displayed such behaviors such as ONS and online hoe-ery, since it’s indicative of low self control, impulsiveness, and general mental instability. However, I do believe it’s a legit explanation of the behavior. But remember, explanations don’t excuse mistakes, just makes it understandable of how they came to be. You cannot erase what has already been done.

FreitasAlan · 2024-03-15T20:24:10+00:00

That's just like "just be yourself" advice or the "that didn't mean anything" excuse. They're just saying that because they don't want you to feel bad. That's it. I thought that was obvious to anyone.

Hi-Road · 2024-03-15T22:29:34+00:00

If anyone, man or woman, makes a weird "excuse" about a ONS - BAIL

RahLyt · 2024-03-15T20:14:02+00:00

One day, I'll understand why guys care so much about what women say.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-03-15T20:24:47+00:00

A common argument I hear from women defending the reason why they had one night stands in the past, is that they only done it for validation at the time and were doing it to raise their self esteem.

Women have casual sex for the very same reasons men have casual sex:

(sexual) validation and having one's needs met.

The difference is that women have a much higher standards when it comes to hooking up.

Why does it then require women to go further, and have sex with the guy "for validation"

Newsflash: Women, too, have needs that need to be taken care of. If a guy (that they deem attractive enough) comes by, they'll probably have sex. Shocking, I know but that's how it works.

Women like to engage in ONS just as much as men do.

No, they don't because they have higher standards. If women and men had an equally high/low desire to have no-stirngs attached sex with each other, we wouldn't have men whining and complaining that they can't get p even if their life would depend on it on all sub reddits. Women like sex as much as men but they can't lower their standards as much and still enjoy it (enough) to justify casual sex.

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eli_ashe · 2024-03-16T01:22:29+00:00

Nah, I think it is a real reason tbh. Having the full on sexual go round with it carries a sense of satisfaction and completion that would be missing with the flirtation bit. Flirtation is cheaper than full on sexual encounter. I can totally see a woman feeling emotionally validation because they got the D they wanted.

Tho yes, women love engaging with ONS as much as men do. It's a reason, but it isn't an excuse or indicative of them not wanting too. A reason is just an explanation as to why they wanted to.

Think_Brilliant3517 · 2024-03-16T16:31:07+00:00

I kind of get you, but I think they're being honest when saying that, it's a massive ego boost to get a guy to sleep with you even if they know the guy really is only interested in using her body. But what do you think is the real reason?

Filmguy000 · 2024-03-16T20:18:32+00:00

I love women who love one night stands. Cuz they do the deed and just walk themselves out feeling "empowered" then when I hear the door close, I just pour a drink, have a smoke then go to sleep without having to text her the next morning.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-03-15T22:43:15+00:00

guys would bang an apple pie yet women somehow still derive validation from casual sex. but they're the emotionally intelligent gender apparently

givemeausernameplzz · 2024-03-16T03:47:28+00:00

Women don’t need an excuse for a ONS. This is the puritanical bullshit making society worse.

Proudvow · 2024-03-15T23:47:43+00:00

A common argument I hear from women defending the reason why they had one night stands in the past, is that they only done it for validation at the time and were doing it to raise their self esteem.

Even if the explanation was true I don't see how it helps. Don't people clown on the manosphere all the time for us suppoosesly needing sex for validation? The literal only difference between a woman who hooks up over self-esteem issues and a guy whining online about life being pointless because he can't get laid is that the former actually gets to have sex.

She should still be considered to be of poor character and undatable, just like that complaining internet guy apparently is; the excuse doesn't improve her image at all.

NoMisinformation911 · 2024-03-15T22:10:22+00:00

Certain people love to make bullshit excuses when being upfront about their social fucks ups.

shadowstep12 · 2024-03-15T22:02:32+00:00

And people caring why do you care about her one night stands forget that someone people don't want the risk of STDs and this conversation usually comes up when talking about being clean or not or kinks or possible children. People need to know if their partner is spayed or neutered or has some sort of disease that they might catch or any kind of kink that they might need to deal with when making sure their compatible.

Otherwise it's a horrid case of miscommunication and a break up follows or other horrid things that both sides will complain about

wtknight · 2024-03-15T20:42:21+00:00

Most women who aren’t just having sex for hedonistic fun are hoping for relationships. That’s where the “validation” comes from. So I think that it’s both possible that you are wrong and that women are having casual sex for validation, and that women aren’t being completely honest if they are saying that they had casual sex only for validation and weren’t secretly hoping for a relationship to eventually come from that sex.

izoldetales · 2024-03-15T20:56:18+00:00

The same way women blame their fathers for being clingy or needing for validation .

The whole feminist idea in dating were to get over the fact that women need men for validation cause it was the easiest way for men to get sex .

Sex form women <=== > validation from men .

But now feminism made everyone not just men validate women with nothing in exchange.

Basically, women complaining about nice guys wanting something in return of validation is a prime example

KayRay1994 · 2024-03-15T20:30:19+00:00

Because an intimate, personal experience with somebody you find attractive is the ultimate form of validation? also the way sex generally emotionally impacts women plays a role in this too, ie. the validation goes far deeper than “hey you’re hot” - which is why women with low self esteem are far more likely to hook up, imagine being wanted at your most intimate and vulnerable - that’s the thought process they’re running under

thearmchairgigolo · 2024-03-15T20:52:57+00:00

Why do you care about what women have to say? About whatever justifications they give or the reasons they use to excuse past one night stands ? It doesn't matter. There's only one question that matters. Are you okay with the women that have one night stands?

I personally find it to be unappealing so I don't date women that have done it. I'll keep them as fwbs (This isnt a double standard because were talking about what i value, not about what a potential future partner values. ) but I'll never bother having a relationship with them cause I find that women who have had ons, have values that are fundamentally incompatible with the values that i seek in a partner. I don't care why they do it, I don't pass moral judgements on it, I just know that I have no romantic interest in the women that do it. That's all that men should care about.

Title	A flawed argument that women make excusing past One Night Stands
Author	Goodgoy6969
Upvotes	10
Comments	257
Date	March 15, 2024 8:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bfn3u7/a_flawed_argument_that_women_make_excusing_past/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-flawed-argument-that-women-make-excusing-past.1426307 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426307

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