Autistic men struggle to hide their keenness/attraction and this puts people off.

No-Regular1667 · 2023-08-06T15:54:22+00:00

In my experience as an autistic man, both men and women (although women do this more) tend to just not want to interact with autistic men at all. They show signs of disinterest the second one starts talking to them even if all he said was "hello, how are you". Most of the time it’s extremely obvious a person is autistic within seconds of interacting with them (this is even true for high-functioning autistics). The problem becomes worse when we tell autistic men or men struggling with social skills to just go out to social events and talk to people. Unfortunately, in practice this doesn’t work and the reality is that people don’t want autistic men talking to them.

The men you discussed acted very inappropriately. There’s no excuse not to take no as an answer. However, I bet those men were told by others to go to events like that and just start chatting up people. Unfortunately, their poor social awareness and lack of EQ leads to what you described. The sad part is that those autistic men you had to deal with skew the views that you and others have on neurodivergent men that aren’t like.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-08-07T04:58:26+00:00

Autistic people tend to have a reduced theory of mind which is our ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of others and how our words and behavior affect other people.

For example, someone who is autistic may fail to pick up on cues that a woman is not interested in going out with him. As a result, he may continue to pursue her and creep the girl out even further until she leaves him on read or blocks him. The autistic man, who may not understand why this happened, may take it extremely personally and suffer from low self-esteem, especially if it happens to him repeatedly.

Autism is one of the biggest disadvantages that men can have in the dating market.

Commercial-Formal272 · 2023-08-06T12:17:52+00:00

My personal rule of thumb is that it's fine to approach, but not to follow. If she makes up a reason to leave, then she will come back or arrange further contact if she wants to keep talking. Otherwise that is the end of the conversation until the next coincidental meeting, and even then awareness that she showed disinterest is kept in mind.

GlasgaAccentfurYanks · 2023-08-06T23:08:59+00:00

It is a big spectrum now, the autism/incel/weirdo/creep paradigm is way too expansive, but I tell ya, it comes down to one word, it would solve the majority of our problems, seriously... Community, you have to know everyone, and I mean everyone in a 10 to 20 mile radius of yer home and from that point there is social accountacy. Too many strangers allowed to be strangers. We are not meant to be alien to each other.

-AvatarAang- · 2023-08-06T16:08:25+00:00

Feels good knowing I am at least not as bad as those autistic guys. I am constantly monitoring social cues, and constantly trying to decipher them. I'd be scanning her body language to gauge her level of interest in me, which would hopefully allow me to bypass a rejection altogether since I could recognize whether she was or wasn't interested in the first place. Though there's room for ambiguity, so I guess sometimes I wouldn't be sure of her feelings and would need to make my interest clear, and possibly be rejected. This is hypothetical since I've currently not approached women before. But at least I know that my social skills are not as bad as some guys out there. But I guess that's not much consolation when you're talking about some of the most undesirable members of the adult male population.

Stergeary · 2023-08-07T00:46:46+00:00

I think for neurodivergent men, the best way is to go fully logical and unambiguous. "Hey, I feel like you're hitting on me. If that's the case, I just wanted to let you know I am lesbian and so I'm not interested, sorry." Preserve your agency while being as compassionate as you can without compromising yourself. It's hard out there, best of luck~!

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-08-07T05:04:20+00:00

Autistic men tend to be less attractive (on average) compared to neurotypical men, and I think this is one reason why men on the spectrum tend to struggle with dating.

A big reason why is because many autistic people don't put a lot of effort into their appearance. Let's face it, if you never work out, dress like a slob, and have no fashion sense, of course you're going to be less attractive.

Many autistic men tend to also dislike sports and exercise. A big reason for this is because many autistic people are naturally uncoordinated so they grew up being bad at sports, and you're less likely to enjoy something you're bad at, right? And people who exercise are on average, more attractive then people who never exercise. And since autistic people are less likely to be into exercise, it would make sense that they're less attractive on average.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-08-06T22:47:52+00:00

So many men are so busy searching women for any evidence of attraction that they forget to actually listen to the words coming out of our mouths. Or pay attention to the obvious signals.

Women are not wildebeest in the wilds of Africa. We don’t operate according to some complex social code. We have feelings and emotions that come and go like everyone else.

Part of autism that people often are unaware of is actually being hypersensitive to changes in emotions or mood. Take some guys who feel desperate for romantic affection, add in that hypersensitivity, and you end up with men who convince themselves that any time this woman shows the slightest interest in what they are saying she is demonstrating romantic interest. Or if she’s willing to talk to them, maybe she will be willing to sleep with them. Etc.

DumpApe135 · 2023-08-06T18:45:51+00:00

It's weird how they are autistic enough to not know how to read social cues, but then still have the confidence to approach women multiple times even after getting turned down.

Critical_Lettuce2899 · 2023-08-06T10:56:47+00:00

This doesn't sound like autistic men, this sounds like bad looking low status blue pilled betas with no options. They are awkward & clingy because they get no female attention.

The solution is simple, they need to take TRP and increase their SMV

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-08-06T12:10:04+00:00

Yeesh I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like a nightmare.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-08-06T12:27:38+00:00

Did you tell them you were a lesbian? And a REAL one and not some porn omnisexual lesbian fantasy?

Sometimes you have to be pretty explicit with autistic people.

FourthHarbinger · 2023-08-06T12:23:25+00:00

It never fails to amuse and frustrate me when women try to argue they are suffering because they have so many options

Kero_9 · 2023-08-06T13:28:24+00:00

Insisting and following a girl comes from a hopeless position thinking they are probably going to get a chance if they prove that they are interested enough , so you can’t expect them to act like a normal guy who isn’t hopeless and probably still exploring his options

I find this not exclusive to autistic men , i knew men with social skills doing this behavior more often

You probably need to hangout in homosexual spaces more , other than that be ready to be lame and reject a lot of dudes

operapeach · 2023-08-06T17:15:33+00:00

Great post. This highlights exactly what I mean when I say to blackpillers that their attitudes and opinions about women as a whole and individuals are incredibly obvious and they simply do not get what I mean nor understand why they’ve been rejected.

They’re all convinced it’s because of height and their faces.

DerayRevan · 2023-08-06T12:06:46+00:00

So basically horny men who have the guts to let you know they wanna fuck is what your describing in this post

I don't know how you come to the conclusion of only autistic men because even neurotypical guys do this all the time

Adept-Emphasis4104 · 2023-08-06T17:47:26+00:00

I’m the type of person who’s face is to honest for my own good. I can’t usually hide when I’m into a woman. I usually keep my gaze low and refuse to lock eyes for that same reason.

But what I’ve realized is a lot of guys are like me and women can tell when men are into them. And for many women (atleast the ones I’ve asked this question) they seem to understand to some level most guys are into them.

So it’s not really bad to show attraction. But being able to also take a no is important.

Most guys however understand some women play this hard to get game so it’s hard for them to understand it’s best to take the no as a no even if it’s potentially not a no.

Also side not. Because so many women have used the “I’m lesbian line” it doesn’t really work anymore. Also they’re lesbians on tiktok who say they’ve slept with men. Meaning it’s a possibility apparently for atleast some men.

Regardless I think it’s best for dudes to take the L graciously.

But being open about attraction? Nah. That’s not that much of an issue.

bifewova234 · 2023-08-06T13:38:29+00:00

Wear a wedding ring

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-06T15:04:06+00:00

im more curious why did autism exist or become what it was? why is there no cure or treatment for it. why is there no medicine for it.

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beastmode179 · 2023-08-06T23:19:50+00:00

My heart goes out to autistic people, but especially men. As a man with mild ADHD symptoms who is constantly struggling to consciously control is various social tics when out in public. I can empathize a bit with them.

The problem is there is no real systematized way to conduct a social situation. Some things are predictable. You can predict an initial approach and opener. But beyond that it's down to random chance because this isn't a Chat AI you are talking to but a smart, vibrant person of quality.

The Universal Random Number Generator is every present to screw up your conversations and approaches. So there is no real way to systematize interactions enough for those significantly on the spectrum to use to make themselves better.

All I can do is look at them and say "But for the grace of God, there I go."

harmonica2 · 2023-08-07T00:09:29+00:00

I'm autistic, and have a gf now, but back when I was single, this could explain why perhaps I did better with online dating, to a degree, is because my attraction to the women was not blatantly obvious I guess, like the OP points out.

Dstar538888 · 2023-08-07T20:25:18+00:00

Yeah I get very uncomfortable when a man who really doesn’t know me that well starts becoming overly fixated on me… I had this one dude tell me he loved me when he barely knew my name😐 it’s just very strange and makes me not want to interact with them lol

Title	Autistic men struggle to hide their keenness/attraction and this puts people off.
Author	_demidevil_
Upvotes	57
Comments	257
Date	August 6, 2023 9:44 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15jllhj/autistic_men_struggle_to_hide_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/autistic-men-struggle-to-hide-their.1227632 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227632

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