Does demonization of sexuality affect you?

Sillysheila · 2023-11-25T12:10:39+00:00

No I haven’t had much because happen to fit very well in the acceptable rubric of traditional female sexuality. I am a relationship person and would only sleep with a person I love.

I don’t personally agree though that women should have to be pure and virginal while men don’t have to be. Expecting women to not have any sexual experience, even modest experience, at age 22-25 is kind of ludicrous. It’s ok to have an n count preference but I think some people’s expectations of women in particular are very high and they’re going to be disappointed or looking for a long time (even if I guess you’re entitled to that all the same). I’m saying this someone who only slept with one person in their life.

With the male sexuality thing…it really depends. I don’t love when people assume men are creepy, but I do think there are some easy steps you can take if you’re worried about being viewed that way.

For one, part ways with women if they aren’t interested in dates/drinks soon or right away on first refusal (especially if you cold approached her). Some men keep trying to talk to them after the fact. I also think some men do not look into body language enough. If she’s shrinking away from from you or trying to face away she might not like you.

Having a preferred type is fine but one thing I’ve noticed in this subreddit is some guys are so into their preferences they kind of act blind to the fact other people might like them, or they act as if no one should like that thing.

“Only simps and the most deluded beta manginas would date a landwhale with crotch fruit”

versus

“I’m sorry, she’s not my type and I’m just not sure if I want to be a step parent”

Most people would be completely understanding of the second sentence but they would not be ok with the first one.

Willow-girl · 2023-11-25T10:35:32+00:00

Do you have any real experience and examples of being shamed for sexuality?

No, because I'm old and grew up in a generation in which things were much more free and easy! It seems kids nowadays have grown up to be this weird combination of Puritans and pornography, lol.

mlo9109 · 2023-11-25T13:14:21+00:00

I feel like I can't win. I guess I have what you'd call old fashioned morals and values, especially re: sex and relationships. I need to be in a committed relationship before sex is even a question. Unfortunately, many men get frustrated and walk away when I don't put out as soon as they'd like. However, if I did put out, they'd slut shame me. I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2023-11-25T08:39:41+00:00

Everything about male heterosexuality gets shamed intensely, it's actually insane.
You want to have sex? You are not entitled to women you creep.
You feel sexual attraction to that woman? That's objectification and you are evil for that.
You like to look at attractive women in media? That's disgusting male gaze.
You don't get any? Haha, you are virgin who nobody wants.

But basically anything woman does (or doesn't) about sex, it's okay.

WanabeInflatable · 2023-11-25T09:06:48+00:00

My thoughts. I wasn't ever punished or canceled. I'm grown up and my young years were in Russia.

Nevertheless I experienced creepshaming. And heard a lot from women that "You men want just one thing!"

Thats why I never touch any 18+ topic from my real accounts. And I hate initiating. This is one of the many reasons my marriage is borderline dead bedroom. I considered if I'm asexual, but probably no. I just find some aspects of sex gross, e.g I hate thought of AS and even PiV is somewhat dirty.

Now I'd prefer reading or writing kinky literature and text roleplaying to doing any real thing with real women. And this is at least partly due to how male sexuality is looked down upon.

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-11-25T08:05:18+00:00

Depends on what culture you come from. For my culture, the issue isn’t women exploring their sexuality. The issue is when they’re unhinged about it.

Sleeping around with no protection.
Committing adultery.
Being vulgar in public.

In my culture, men get shamed, too. They just convinced themselves that they’re better than their female counterpart.

However men, who want sex and express it are called creeps, perverts, associated with rapists.

Because of the lack of self control. The issue is when people are unhinged about it.

Wanting a woman is somehow objectification et.c

That’s downplaying what they do and act. Dehumanizing somebody is the issue.

Men having preference for body types, specific body parts, slim figure or even fat - is objectifying and fetishizing.

Only when it is the main/only thing they care about at the expense of caring about her humanity.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-11-25T08:39:48+00:00

No way I'm going to subscribe to that site to read the article you linked. Bad form in my opinion. So, maybe this all is covered.

The difference between slut-shaming and I guess 'creep-shaming' or whatever we want to call it is that women are being demonized for the act, regardless of context, whereas men are being shamed for their behavior in context. guys can't be creeps in a healthy way that doesn't bother anyone else. Being creepy requires that they be creepy to someone as a social interaction.

As for the demonization of being a virgin, or submissive, or something like that, I would agree that is absolutely equivalent to slut-shaming. At the same time, I don't really know of any circumstances of men being killed or grievously assaulted for being a virgin. Women often suffer physical harm and threats for being a 'slut.' I'm sure someone will bring up that society just accepts demonizing men because feminism or whatever, which is why I include the last bit. Just because the demonization of sexuality can affect everyone doesn't mean it affects everyone equally.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-11-25T14:55:20+00:00

Though, how much it really affects your life? Do you have any real experience and examples of being shamed for sexuality?

My dad literally tried to kill me for having sex as a teen. I was removed from the home at 16, emancipated at 17, and never spoke to him again outside of a courtroom. It required the protection of a restraining order. Women are still being honor killed and men are like women hurt my feelings. They're not the same.

MidoriEgg · 2023-11-25T15:46:30+00:00

I think men who are anxious/awkward or whatever seem to get more effected (affected?) by demonisation of their sexuality compared to actual creeps. Men who are charismatic and likeable or at least socially dominant can get away with a lot.

Alarming_Ask_244 · 2023-11-25T15:54:51+00:00

Demonization of male sexuality is extremely real. Once you recognize this, you start seeing it everywhere. A completely identical statement or conversation can be acceptable from a woman but "creepy" from a man, simply because people see male sexuality as inherently negative, a bad thing that women allow men to do them.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-11-25T18:06:03+00:00

I have a higher body count than many women (though nothing extreme), and the only times I’ve ever been slut-shamed have been by some men online, usually guys who associate with the pill ideologies. None of the men I dated, including my husband, have been obsessed with my past or had any sort of problem with it.

WingOutrageous9987 · 2023-11-25T19:15:48+00:00

Perhaps I’m an outlier internationally, but I was raised I a very feminist household and then went on to spending a lot of time around feminist women as an adult.

I saw these people as my tribe sort of.

In this tribe, being a guy you have to take on the role as the trash can. Being marinated in shame and guilt about all the terrible things men do I was sort of the guy who had to make up for it by being extra pure. I guess the question is “why did you not leave?” But it’s the same as any abusive relationship, when its all you know and think you deserve in life its hard to leave.

I’m 40 now, still a virgin pretty much. I have done about 8 years of therapy on and off. I’m no longer a doormat, but I still have “disorganized attachment” to women. I really hate feminists/feminism as an ideology and in many ways women in general and I vote for anything that want to reduce their influence in society.

Listening to these women and believing what they said was the worst thing I have done in my life. What I used to see as a form of purification and Justice was in fact emotional/psychological abuse that completely ruined my life.

ArmariumEspada · 2023-11-25T08:25:38+00:00

All of this is rooted in the idea that men are supposed to be perpetually horny, sex crazed animals who constantly pursue sex and carnal pleasure, but that women conversely are supposed to be holy, pure, and indifferent or even disgusted by sex and carnality. It degrades both genders and has wreaked seriously negative consequences for society.

Of course, at some times this script was flipped, with women being seen as the horny insatiable ones and men seen as the rational sex.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-11-25T12:04:56+00:00

Though, how much it really affects your life? Do you have any real experience and examples of being shamed for sexuality?

Not at all, not even when I lived in the Bible Belt and attended school with kids who routinely went to Catholic or Protestant church. Not even when I lived near a large Mormon population.

Because all those kids were having sex and lying about it. Catholics and Mormons were having anal sex, giving handjobs, and petting through clothing until orgasm. And lying about it. My parents and grandparents were also having sex and lying about it. None of us will ever know exactly how much sex people have had, nor will they know how often they masturbate nor what porn or fantasies they use to get there.

And that’s how it should be. Sex is private, even if it feels like a Very Big Deal to young people who don’t have access to it, and an even bigger deal to people raised with a lifetime of religious indoctrination and shame.

Safinated · 2023-11-25T15:31:32+00:00

No, I’ve never been called a slut or whore, and never engaged in behaviors that would prompt such insults.

bioh4ckdr · 2023-11-25T22:57:29+00:00

All men are rapists /s

anonomega · 2023-11-25T23:05:22+00:00

Let's not neglect the growing anti porn anti masturbation sentiment.

I know people would disagree but let me ask: What IS porn? It's the visual manifestation of (usually male) sexual attractions desires, and fantasies. Your feelings of porn are most likely your feelings of what it represents: again, male desires and fantasies themselves. It is my strong belief the hatred of porn is mostly a secret or subconscious of hatred of male sexuality itself: "porn" is a convenient scapegoat to project that hatred onto.

Of course, I also think that in many cases hatred of porn is thinly veiled hatred of masturbation.

anonymous375555 · 2023-11-25T08:00:09+00:00

Yes and I hate it so much.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-25T09:51:06+00:00

It only affects you when you are enjoying your life the way you choose and a stranger comes along and decides they need to interject their hateful views about you, attempt to police your behavior, and set standards for what you and others should do/prefer all under the idea that your personal life negatively impacts them and other people.

obviousredflag · 2023-11-25T10:19:45+00:00

Though, how much it really affects your life? Do you have any real experience and examples of being shamed for sexuality?

Doesn't affect me at all. I am a horny womanizer and people accept me as that and comment jokingly but benevolently on my dating and sex life. I have only been called a creep and pervert, when a friend of me introduces me to young and attractive women, he knows i will be interested in, and it has never lead to those women not being interested in me. The women in my life enjoy being sexualized and objectified. My gf regularly comments, when there is not enough sexualization going on in a given situation. I get regularly asked about preferences in women and have never gotten any negative comment for what i state regarding age, looks, shapes, or sexuality.

Absolutely nothing you described has ever affected me. I am neither demonized nor shamed, nor policed. EXCEPT: in online places like this sub.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-25T09:19:35+00:00

Men who have violent sexual deviances are demonized. Its only supposed to be women that can have these deviances men can't really admit to it.

If a woman likes getting beat "love is complicated" if she likes beating men "go gurl" if a man does... yikes

captainhowdy82 · 2023-11-25T21:48:08+00:00

However men. who want sex and express it are called creeps, perverts, associated with rapists. Wanting a woman is somehow objectification et.c. So wanting sex makes you sinister, bad person. Even looking at women might be policed.

This kind of sentiment is always so suspect. It’s a wild exaggeration, first of all. But beyond that, it gives the impression of a guy who did or said some genuinely creepy, objectifying shit and when they get called out on it, they play all innocent like “what??? I can’t even want sex???” No, dude. You can want sex and express it. You just also need to be respectful of women at the same time.

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soupmastwr · 2023-11-25T17:28:20+00:00

As a men who did not grew up in church but values sex as romantic activity exclusively I have never experience this so called slut shaming nor did I know what casual sex was until college.

I asked some Christian girls if their church slut shamed them and they said no but they believe sex is exclusively romantic. My male friend says the church he attends with family only spoke about technology and stocks lol. Contrary to popular beliefs I don't think slut shaming causes people to couple sex and romance

Ainsleygz · 2023-11-25T13:40:47+00:00

Never has

MateriallyAttatched · 2023-11-25T14:51:35+00:00

Slut-shaming is great and needs to be encouraged! The only issue is that men don't get slut-shamed enough. Nothing worse than boys getting brain-washed into thinking they need to smash a bunch of mid bitches to be a real man.

Women who are ran-thru almost always have a jaded void in their eyes and have issues holding down relationships. Why would anyone want that when they could be with a demisexual woman who isn't constantly reminiscing about her favorite penises?

It's honestly kind of sad when these young teen girls with bright eyes become jaded and dazed after becoming a slut.

Title	Does demonization of sexuality affect you?
Author	WanabeInflatable
Upvotes	23
Comments	237
Date	November 25, 2023 7:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/183enjb/does_demonization_of_sexuality_affect_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-demonization-of-sexuality-affect-you.1239290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239290

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