Higher N-Count = Better Partners

decoy88 · 2020-09-09T00:09:57+00:00

I don't understand why people think the "hoe phase" is necessary for growth. A high n count person can just as much yearn for someone else. It's not a matter of count, it's about lust, and it'll probably be someone with a higher count that'd lust for something more out of eventually getting bored and comfortable.

Legend_of_fucboi · 2020-09-09T00:33:27+00:00

God people on this sub talk such nonsense sometimes, all the data seems to prove otherwise but fine enjoy your whore. I hope you got just as much sex as she did before marriage!

Snacksbreak · 2020-09-08T22:59:46+00:00

Nope. All the studies on the matter tells us the opposite. Why?

More likely to cheat than low-n:

Women’s number of pre-marital partners: percent who cheated once married

2: 10.4%
3: 14.9%
4: 17.7%
5: 21.6%
6-10: 26.0%
11-20: 36.7%
21+: 46.8%

Source: https://archive.fo/SDVEU

———————————————

More likely to divorce than low-n:

Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce,

Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce.

Wolfinger, Nicholas H. Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability. Institute for Family Studies, June 6 (2016).

Source: https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

Edit: Here is a buttload more studies proving the phenomenon that high n women cheat and divorce more. This is for the people screeching about NSFG studies being “not reliable” based on some math a random redditor did that cannot be verified by a scientist (moreover, a random redditor whose agenda we do not know)

Workaholiconew · 2020-09-09T00:38:11+00:00

So does many men my friend. Outside of religious men, very few men who were able to get a virgin, actually want another one. Me included.

If you do not feel the distaste of most men feel instinctively against high n count women. You are a very lucky guy, and simply put, most men would want to be the same. We WANT to get a high n count woman, but our bodies do not wish to cooperate, forcing their value down, against our desires. Most men just do not feel well being with a high n count women. Me included.

Do you seriously believe we would want any other woman outside of high n count and sexual women, if it wasn't for this instinct? That we would just chose low n count women because they are just less likely to cheat? I don't think so. I think way too many men are just trying to hide the truth that they are just controlled by their instincts.

PickleLine · 2020-09-09T00:40:06+00:00

It can CREATE more what ifs than it relieves and STRENGTHEN her desire and feelings for sleeping around. Actually experiencing a hoe phase strengthens her emotional and hormonal response to it. She associates the good feelings she had with the flings with her hoe phase. If it was just a fantasy, she would eventually think "it's probably not so great anyway" because she didn't experience it and her LTR guy is the best she's had.

Women don't choose to settle down. They don't choose to get out of the hoe phase. They are forced out of the hoe phase. Women settle down because of their age, because their friends settle down.

Casual sex mixed with hypergamy can destroy a women's pair bonding ability and make her unable to appreciate her LTR man (because she has to date down for LTRs compared to casual sex).

Barely-moral · 2020-09-09T00:52:50+00:00

Even if we concede that higher body count= more commitment (and studies show otherwise) I don't think that adresses all of the reasons men preffer low n-count women.

Other people mentioned that some men are not looking for a challenge. They don't want to be compared to anyone and if that is what they want then low n-count is the way to go.

Then there is people like me that value my partner's "first experiences" the higher the n-count of the woman then the least "first experiences" I can have with her.

Then there are men that have religious beliefs and you don't negotiate with that shit.

Then you have the thing that happens with all humans... they usually become jaded after multiple relationships. Humans bring their best to the first relationships they have and then in the best case scenario they bring whatever they have left to the last commited relationship but there is too much bagage scars and bad memories to overcome before they can bring their best again that is if that is even possible.

Mimoxs · 2020-09-09T01:29:12+00:00

Experience wise, as a female, nah. My first dude was n-7, I tried to be ~progressive~ and overlook it. It was the worst relationship I ever had.

As a person? Horrendously abusive, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Apathetic, insulting, strung me along, constantly did things to make my life harder, loved to make me feel guilty for his choices.

Sexually? Awful. Zero effort, never lasted more than 4 minutes at the absolute most, and I could not feel literally anything at all.

Commitment? Zero. Drew me in with these whining heart to hearts about how no girl loved him, how he'd been dumped over and over, how he just wanted some girl who would stick with him and marry him... Then dumped me.

Rahim556 · 2020-09-09T03:21:17+00:00

So now that all the fun is all out of the way you 2 can settle down into a relationship with each other?? Are you hearing how this sounds? My God it sounds positively awful.

decoy88 · 2020-09-09T05:57:15+00:00

This is false. You cannot determine a quality solely on n count. Whether it’s low or high. You still need the “why” behind the number.

While I share a similar personal experience. I think you’re projecting too hard.

“Why did your LTR’s end?” is a much better indicator of success.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-09-08T23:55:04+00:00

As funny as this is, and as much as I agree with you personally... I'll argue that you're/we're looking at it from our perspective of an ideal mate.

We're looking for independent minded woman, who feels secure in her own body and sexuality. These guys aren't.

They want the timid little shy girl who has never really talked to a guy before, and is easy to take and mold, and make her do whatever he wants her to do. "She won't know any better," in every sense of the word fantasy.

She's never had good sex, so he doesn't have to worry about his performance, or performance anxiety.

She's never been catered to, so the bar doesn't get any lower. He just picks the bar up, and steps over it. Does what he wants, when and how he wants... Every time, and she just magically in the world of mass information still thinks that's how it's supposed to be.

He doesn't want a challenge, no "shit test" playful have to tease or seduce, or build up anything to get his dick in her. He's just supposed to be able to ask for it like pass the bread bowl, and she hands it over.

TL;DR: There's at least two conflicting ideas of perfect, and these guys aren't you and your ideal perfect.

Edit: You probably perceive sex as at least occasionally something you give to her, if not always have in mind what you're going to do for her.

They view it as something she gives to them, or he takes from her. Not the same thing or line of thought or thinking.

wtknight · 2020-09-09T00:41:52+00:00

How would a guy know whether she is still in that "hoe phase" or not when she is with him? If she still is, then wouldn't she just be more likely to eventually find another guy?

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-09-09T01:37:58+00:00

Are you saying this can be generalized?

I don't think this is necessarily true. Higher n-count doesn't automatically mean more relationships. If anything, n-count > relationship count = problem, to me. If someone had an n-count of 15 but has only been in 3 relationships, what happened with the other 12 people? Higher n-count can be correlated with instability, and if you're unstable, I fail to see how that person would make a "better partner," unless you mean "better at eliciting feelings from people," which doesn't make someone a better partner. It just means that they're probably manipulative.

but my views are rooted in personal experience

Ah, so "my experience is almost everyone's experience." That's not what the stats show, but sure.

Please save the studies and speak from experience.

Experience is only going to give you a bunch of random answers, and I'm guessing that you'll side with the ones that confirm your view.

Fuego213 · 2020-09-09T04:20:15+00:00

You seemed determined to see the world through the feminist fantasy of equality. You want a woman to have had the same experience as you because you think women are effected the same way as men, they arent. You say you dont want to hear any studies done by scientists that cover thousands of relationship results and you would rather hear anecdotal stories. I really dont think your looking for and answer, just a way to make yourself feel better about trying to ltr a slut.

Zippo-Cat · 2020-09-09T06:15:16+00:00

Please save the studies

When a CMV literally Cs itself.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-09-08T23:14:30+00:00

be able to have had their fun and be done with it

I’m the fun. Me. Not Chad from 5 years ago, if she’s not having fun with me then I’m fucking someone who is instead.

the_purring_jew · 2020-09-09T00:46:09+00:00

Who has better, longer lasting, and more fulfilling marriages? The whores or the chaste?

AnarchoNAP · 2020-09-08T23:08:14+00:00

My number is 4. I married at 31, so it wasn't 4 in one year then a young marriage or anything like that. I've never looked back and thought "sure am glad I fucked that guy before I met my husband." And the more people I've done it with, the less special it is. It progressively became less of a big deal each time. So I imagine if it was like 20 it would be a completely routine meaningless thing.

My husband's number is also low. He's completely loyal (in more than just not fucking other women). He is demonstratively committed to the relationship.

relish5k · 2020-09-09T00:09:47+00:00

I broke up with m #2 precisely because I had wild oats to sow (he wanted to get married, but I wanted to experience the world). And sow I did. Met husband 3 years later, faithfully coupled for 10+ years. I can say with confidence, he's the best I've ever had.

So in my experience my body count has had no correlation with my attachment to my partner, though I think it's understandable that people with more liberal views on sex may also have less stringent views on sexual monogamy, though that does not apply to my own experience.

skullirang · 2020-09-09T01:24:37+00:00

In a vacuum yes more experience equals better partner. In the real-world more experience includes more emotional damage, more trust issues, more bad habits developed, more physical wear and tear, more exposure to STDs, more likely to have bad relationship IQ (reason why they can't hold down a relationship) and more ties with bad people (which is why the past relationships failed).

You are ignoring all other variables and just focusing on one. If you are the type who can overlook all of the other variable so that you have someone who has had their fun then that's fine. A lot of people care about the entire package.

This also a shitty CMV, if your view is rooted on personal experience, nothing we say here can change your view. This is more of a rant than a CMV.

DicamVeritatem · 2020-09-09T02:46:00+00:00

Boy, it really pisses off some women how men are biologically predisposed to be revolted at the idea to committing to a high N woman, don’t it?

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-09-09T05:31:00+00:00

Whatever acrobatics you like, simpy

12112019 · 2020-09-09T05:33:40+00:00

I know a guy who was in several relationships over the years, in each relationship he found himself wanting to cheat after a period of time, it has always amazed me how nothing has ever changed for him and although he got lots of hit in the past for this behavior, he kept repeating it over and over.

But since you are looking for someone similar then it's not a problem, usually the problem is dual mating, if you are going for a recovering fuck boy I don't see any issues with that.

midwesternMD · 2020-09-09T12:33:13+00:00

I don’t think it’s a guarantee. Some women can explore a lot of sex with one or two very open minded partners. Others need to hoe it up with a one or two dozen guys to figure it out. I don’t care what her n is, provided she knows what she likes and is reasonably good at sex. Hell, my n count is fairly high, even if you remove my sugar babies and the handful of escorts I’ve seen from the equation. But I now have a better understanding of what makes good sex possible with me.

Freevoulous · 2020-09-09T13:46:07+00:00

I agree with you but for the opposite reason: I want to always be in open relationships, and this pretty much requires that the women I date also want to have new partners.

In order for me to keep increasing my n-count, I need a partner who ALSO wants to increase her n-count.

IMHO, the best people for that are those who are already proven to be promiscuous, which is evidenced by high n-count.

SeemedGood · 2020-09-09T16:32:41+00:00

Your theory rests on the assumption that men and women think similarly about mating and relationships:

but my views are rooted in personal experience. In previous exclusive relationships the curiosity of dating experiences with other women killed me. It’s shitty, but I was young. But being a bit older, I know that when I’m ready to commit again all of the fun will be out of the way and I want the same for whoever I’m with.

However, like the males and females of every other sexually reproducing animal species on the planet, the male and female of Homo Sapiens Sapiens have very different mate choice behaviors.

GGMcThroway · 2020-09-09T17:30:03+00:00

They have a better idea of what they like and what they want. Doesn't necessarily mean their own behavior has changed, though.

poppy_blu · 2020-09-08T23:45:56+00:00

IME the men who are best in bed are ones who’ve had more girlfriends than ONS. Meaning they had relationships to learn a woman’s body and experiment versus just trying to get their rocks off with as many as new chicks as possible.

There is something to be said for sowing your wild oats before settling down but that’s not a guarantee. There are a lot of variables, certainly more than PPD acknowledges.

Mr Blu definitely has his fun in his youth but really he’s more the LTR type.

And I’m with you. I’d rather have someone who had whatever fun they wanted to have and are ready for something serious.

zerofeetpersecond · 2020-09-08T23:54:19+00:00

This is like a women saying I want a guy who beat all of his exes so now it’s out of his system. Or a guy who did anal with his exes so now it’s out of his system.

leftwingrightwingall · 2020-09-08T23:15:24+00:00

The dumbest take. There's legit mountains of evidence to the contrary.

Your behaviors dictate who you are.

Edit: I would be cool with being guy #7-9. Not cool with #10 and above. That's too many, I've had six partners my whole life and I am 30m.

2020-09-08T23:41:55+00:00

I don't have any problem if a sexual partner has had 1, 10, 100, 1000 partners.

The problem is only in monogamously committing, because women's sexual histories incite images upon giving up that freedom.

In fact prior to monogamously committing I rather enjoy trading war stories/crazy experiences.

I used to think I was alone in this, only to realize that not everyone who has such a reaction blindly accepts the globohomo narrative of "you must go along with anything and everything and if you have any contrary preferences you're a mUhSoGyNist"

I don't agree with or even care about justifying my preferences with studies or anything else. All that matters is I know what my own preferences are, and that failing to honor them is unhelpful both to me and to prospective partners. I know for a fact that even if the studies said the opposite, nothing would change.

I have no opinion of whether sexual history has a tendency to make someone more or less loyal, capable of "pair-bonding", etc. I even think there's possibly some truth to your "get it out of your system" theory. Doesn't matter to me.

wekacuck · 2020-09-08T23:54:56+00:00

Well I think generally more mature partners are better partners and since N-count increases with age there will be a strong positive correlation between N-count and maturity. Particularly since marriage is increasingly delayed.

But to show that high N-count makes for better partners I think you're going to have to actually say something about low N-count making worse partners. It's probably true but you haven't made any case. Basically this reads as

PPD: High N-count is bad

Fuego213: Nuh uh

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2020-09-09T01:11:28+00:00

Why? Because I believe that “hoe phases” are vital to killing any of the what if’s and curiosities that come with relationships. I’d much rather my partner, like myself, be able to have had their fun and be done with it

Well, that's not how it works. When I was 28 I was fucking a 45 year old ho. Married ho. And she got around town a lot, and always did. People who like to fuck a lot of people, will keep doing that as long as they can. You don't just stop liking what you like to do. You just have to stop at some point. Can't play ball forever. You get old.

Loose women might stop for a bit when they have kids. For a bit. I'm sure it stops some of them altogether, but, moms and wives can be sluts too.

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2020-09-09T01:22:57+00:00

In my experience high count women are broken. Come from broken homes with no fathers, or bad fathers when they were there. Most likely to get divorced. Most likely to have drinking/drug problems.

Just imagine the most perfect, picket fence, intact family, daddy's girl you can imagine. Does that seem like a chick that will end up with a high count? Probably not. Is she gonna make a bad partner for that reason? Probably not. Good partnership runs in her family. The kind of girl that will have 1 boyfriend in high school. 1 in college. Marries the next one. The end.

AutoModerator · 2020-09-08T22:55:25+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wekacuck · 2020-09-08T23:22:49+00:00

INFO are you a man or a woman?

SteveSan82 · 2020-09-09T09:24:05+00:00

For women, no. Women with high notch counts are unable to pair bond.

Men it’s healthy

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-09-09T10:23:54+00:00

But being a bit older, I know that when I’m ready to commit again all of the fun will be out of the way and I want the same for whoever I’m with.

I'm gonna talk about myself, now. N-1, from an ex-marriage.

I was perfectly OK associating sex with one and only one person, because it made that person special in a way that nobody else got to have. The experience of having the person you're with being the only source of 'fun' you've had makes it actually worth being with her.

I'm ruined beyond the point of getting to remarry now, specifically because "the fun is out of the way", and it wasn't even that fun, but I'll never get a rush of oxytocin and vasopressin enough to dwarf that of virginity loss and essentially erase its' significance to make way for first-time sex with whoever's still willing to marry me.

That would need to be a really, really intense first time, and God forbid I bring my N up further and require and even higher intensity to properly pair-bond with hypothetical future wife.

I feel like this idea of alleviating FOMO is more like being able to tolerate white rice the rest of your life because you didn't miss out on lavish meals, and less like being actually satisfied with your favorite food because it's your favorite.

2020-09-09T18:56:49+00:00

If you genuinely believe that higher body counts = more commitment, then please marry a prostitute.
Don't judge her and marry her. Prostitute or porn star, whichever.

Folks with lower impulse control (like folks who sleep around) generally have poorer outcomes. This includes family/marriage.
Sleeping around doesn't "get it out of your system". Much like over eating doesn't get hunger out of your belly. It just makes you more hungry and want to eat (or in this case, fuck) more.

If a person sleeps around a lot before, probability dictates that they will likely continue that behavior after marriage too. They might hold up for a while, but......as they say in vampire movies, the thirst always wins.

UTC24 · 2020-09-09T22:04:17+00:00

You would think all the fat people who gorge on food have had their fun and should have stopped eating already...

Nu_Guy · 2020-09-09T22:25:03+00:00

The hoe phase only ends with maturity/age.

In my experience high n's are better at sex but it is easier for them to let go; in an obnoxious way.

flowerwoven · 2020-09-12T00:04:58+00:00

Someone who truly doesn't want to be with other people (not talking about people who secretly do but hide it because it's unacceptable) are going to be monogamous.

I'm not curious about other guys because I only want to be with one. If I was with a few guys before, I would probably think about others. And that would be the cause of me thinking about others. You either get to be with one, or you don't. Being with one person is totally different than being with two or more. Being with two or more means that you've opened that up, and now you might be curious about more. You could be curious about whoever at that point.

>In previous exclusive relationships the curiosity of dating experiences with other women killed me.

So you weren't with one person. I'm not sure how it applies to situations like yours, but when you have one for life you'll never want another. Not only are you not curious about others, you're revolted by the mere suggestion of it. You never want to give up the fact that you get to have one.

Also, I've heard many people say they wish they didn't have past partners because during the new relationship they keep thinking about sex with past partners when they don't want to. You're definitely going to be a lot more "open to other people" in your thoughts if you've had multiple partners.

Roachcluster · 2020-09-15T20:43:16+00:00

Not really, higher N count equals more issues and baggage. More crazier.

flexboy50L · 2020-09-21T23:09:58+00:00

It doesn't. I had 2 and my bf had >10 when me met and I was the best fuck he ever had. It was all about chemistry, education and communication.

TheLotusLover · 2020-09-08T23:08:56+00:00

Not true, you're settling for a insecure partner that uses sex as a compulsion which will always lead to ruin, that's why these women are high N to begin with,

Maaaaate · 2020-09-09T00:12:46+00:00

As long as her N count isn't something absurd and breaking world records then I'm fine. What I don't really agree with is when men and women make excuses for why they had a lot of meaningless sex (ONS) like "wanting to experience college" or some BS.

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-09-09T19:21:57+00:00

Why? Because I believe that “hoe phases” are vital to killing any of the what if’s and curiosities that come with relationships

Hoe phase most of the time starts by mental illness.

It is not necesarry part of growth, it is just a lifestyle at best.

instead of harping on what could have been with other people.

Excuses. Do you really wonder what could have been with any job opportunity?

Having LTR from younger ages shows maturity and planning in life.

Fuck buddies and ONS shows how someone doesnt really care or plan their life up until its too late.

So change my view that higher body counts = more commitment in LTR’s. Please save the studies and speak from experience.

Nothing I say will change your mind, those are deep rooted beliefs, so are mine.

I can tell you from personal experience, that high N count people have mental problems.

Title	Higher N-Count = Better Partners
Author	Fuego213
Upvotes	12
Comments	257
Date	September 8, 2020 10:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ip44vp/higher_ncount_better_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/higher-n-count-better-partners.271113 https://theredarchive.com/post/271113

Comments