How much do looks matter?

SilverHawk73 · 2023-08-26T13:08:42+00:00

I feel like looks are the difficulty setting of dating, you can find success as an unattractive man but you'll need to put in more effort that more attractive men and also just play things out better in general. At the same time you could be extremely physically attractive and keep fucking up because of social incompetence even if you have alot of opportunities, but the bar for what you need to do to get experiences when you're physically attractive is definitely lower than it would be if you're unattractive.

automaks · 2023-08-26T13:17:22+00:00

It is all about looks boiii! If you are handsome then women will either make first contact or at least let you know they are interested. You havent asked anyone out because in your subconscious you know you would probably get rejectes because no positive were shown from the woman.

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-08-26T12:58:22+00:00

Define “looks”? Are we talking tall, in shape, great smile, etc.?

When I was in college, I realized the men with the most success with women did not approach 100% of the time. If you’re a man with a certain level of attractiveness, women often and routinely approach you. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s fairly aggressive. I would argue, this is how attractive men learn how to approach: females from an early age approaching them. If you are lonely, it not just that you never approach. It’s also that no one has ever approached you.

Looks are not the end all, be all. You are at disadvantage.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-08-26T14:20:14+00:00

The short answer: Being good looking gives someone an advantage but it's not required to be in a romantic relationship.

lacuti3 · 2023-08-26T12:46:55+00:00

Every time I see a guy with a girlfriend or wife it makes me think girls don’t care that much about looks 😂

throwaway164_3 · 2023-08-26T12:55:34+00:00

It matters a lot! Both height but also muscles and being fit/athletic and sexy.

Personality etc is very important, but only after you pass the looks threshold.

I'll admit that the reason I don't have success is because I've never asked a women on a date

You’ve identified your own roadblock really well! This is the key issue. Women are very privileged when it comes to dating so they needn’t put as much effort (if any) in asking guys out.

As a man, you need to be comfortable asking girls out and getting rejected, else you’ll be single your whole life.

Remember, men and women are fundamentally different.

cel-shaded · 2023-08-26T13:45:59+00:00

It's the most important thing in getting a relationship. I'm not saying only 6 foot something gigachads with giant shoulders and jawlines so sharp you can cut yourself on get women but you need to have something going for you. Maybe you are ugly but you are tall. Maybe you are short but you are handsome. Maybe you are bald but you can rock the look. But ain't nobody wanting a short, bald ugly dude no matter his personality. At best he can self improve himself into a walking ATM. Certainly, the amount of men falling into this category is small. And of course the better you look the easier it is to find someone or even be found yourself.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-08-26T14:22:14+00:00

It's almost everything for the simple fact that it have a giant effect on your formative years.

lolmastr13 · 2023-08-26T13:40:03+00:00

Most important thing although there are diminishing returns

ReasonablePlenty5548 · 2023-08-26T14:26:02+00:00

Looks is about 70% of getting your foot in the door. The remaining 30% is social skills. Not your “personality” but your social skills.

To illustrate the difference between your personality and your social skills, let’s say a part of your personality is that you like to collect funko pops. Social skills, then, is knowing that collecting funko pops makes you an unfuckable loser in the eyes of most women, and therefore you have the awareness to never bring it up on a date.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-08-26T14:29:45+00:00

How much do looks matter?

Generally speaking, the less conventionally attractive you are, the harder it will be to find a partner.

The opposite is true the more attractive you become.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-08-26T15:39:24+00:00

Some women care a lot about looks

Some dont

Some settle because they realized they wont be able to secure those really attractive men that they want

Some stay single all the way into their 40s & 50s because they refuse to settle

Some dont care that much about looks and get with someone who exceeds all other areas

Durmyyyy · 2023-08-26T18:54:23+00:00

A ton. You cant show off your personality if you dont get past the first filter.

zoxzoxzo · 2023-08-26T13:16:12+00:00

How much do looks matter depends on what type of girl do you want to attract and what game are you playing. If you want a 9/10, you'll hardly do that of you're 6/10 let's say. This is especially true if you do cold approach or spend time on dating apps. Obviously there are exceptions, this is just in general. Even though you may have awesome personality and other things in your life going for you, looks typically serve to open the door in the dating scene. Every time I had success with girls who were better looking than me, it was through warm approach, social circles etc.

neverendingplush · 2023-08-26T13:53:39+00:00

This questions gets asked literally everyday, why not just read past posts.

HelicopteroDeAtaque · 2023-08-26T14:47:32+00:00

Dude... (and all dudes) why is it so hard for you to grasp that maybe showering and going to the gym (or at least not eating junk food 24/7) would be something that women value? Asking that as a man myself.

balenciaghoe · 2023-08-26T13:04:44+00:00

Looks matters to me but i’m not too picky i think..

Not every man is going to look like a body builder and to be honest that’s cool and all but it’s not something I seek. They can be skinny or average.. as long as their face is attractive and their personality is great then i want them. Just cause someone’s body “looks good” doesn’t make it replace all their other features. im definitely not into obese men. I also can’t be with a guy way shorter than me or way taller than me. Im also open to any race , i don’t believe any race is unattractive. but i’ve only ever been with black,white, and hispanic because that’s who i’ve always been around.

with the height thing … I’m 5’9 and slim. i don’t feel comfortable being with someone 5’7 and under and i don’t feel comfortable being with someone 6’2 and above. If i was shorter then my preference will be around my height still because that’s what I prefer . So looks does matter to me equally to personality.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-26T13:51:34+00:00

I'd say a solid crocodile.

Glass_Bucket · 2023-08-26T13:57:20+00:00

It’s not as important as money or status

George69143 · 2023-08-26T15:36:51+00:00

Height is most important for men and then it’s looks then personality. If your height isn’t 6ft+ a large portion of women will automatically move past you

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RidingRedHare · 2023-08-26T13:15:44+00:00

Dating very much depends on location. Do you live in a city with 65% men/35% women in the age group 18-35? Your chances are tiny from the get go, and average or worse below average looks will make your situation worse.

Do you live in a city with 35% men/65% women in the age group 18-35? You will do just fine on average looks.

Are you trying to find somebody via a dating app? Then looks matter a lot.

bison5595 · 2023-08-26T14:06:37+00:00

Looks will matter to extent of your effort in other areas of attracting women and how much you put yourself in front of women. If just rely on online dating, it will matter alot. If you attempt cold approach in bars, sporting events, do singles and speed dating events, it won’t matter as much

MxMaster9907 · 2023-08-26T14:11:02+00:00

A fair bit.

Away_Entrance1185 · 2023-08-26T14:43:55+00:00

Really depends on the environment and if you have something that makes you stand out. I'm a 3/10 (using the general scale, a 1/10 using the "normal people" scale) and I literally can't get a single match on any swiping dating app, meanwhile I do just fine on direct messaging dating apps where personality matter more than looks.

Some environments are more looks based than others. On places like Tinder or night clubs and bars looks are 90% your value as a man. But most people don't meet there. Even most relationships that started online tend to start in Facebook groups and chat rooms, not Tinder and the like.

1Here4Bach · 2023-08-26T14:57:42+00:00

Being conventionally attractive will net you a wider range of people who will be interested in getting to know you romantically and sexually. You’ll also get to pick from other conventionally attractive people.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-08-26T15:32:16+00:00

They're pretty important but its also sex appeal, a woman's type and niches that matters more. For example I'm physically attractive and black but no matter what there's going to be a certain % of women that will never like me cause of my race. Also I don't (to an extent unless I mask) fit a mold for certain women behaviourally speaking even if they're attracted I turn them off.

You can make up for looks for hitting cultural markers of attractiveness and knowing game too since this sub only focuses on the biological moreso than the cultural.

SrNetworkEngineer · 2023-08-26T15:34:59+00:00

Looks matter in the sense of showing someone that you care about your appearance enough to have the discipline to work on it. If you’re in shape, it means you have the discipline to eat healthy and not excessively, and that you make sure to stay active.

Luciansleep · 2023-08-26T15:37:48+00:00

Easy, a lot

mangusta123 · 2023-08-26T15:41:22+00:00

Dating is 70 % looks and 30 % luck. The confidence everyone is talking about only came from external validation, which is heavily dependant on how attractive you are

wtknight · 2023-08-26T15:57:41+00:00

They matter so that a man can pass a woman's "looks bar", but women do not always date the best looking man whom they know, because other factors matter in whom they choose to date.

Fiestygirl000 · 2023-08-26T16:00:27+00:00

As a woman a lot. Looks for me encompass physical looks, but also things like upkeep maintenance.

Does the guy regularly get a hair cut, dental appointment, doctor appointment, practice good hygiene. Etc

I’m not entertaining any guy I don’t find physically attractive, I don’t care about his personality if I don’t like looking at his face or body

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-08-26T16:20:24+00:00

All I can say is this, the kind of sex and things said to me shifted dramatically after I became a really muscular dude. I also was treated far differently by others.

Available-Tackle-648 · 2023-08-26T16:27:51+00:00

Looks are like 90% of it.

I went from being fat (was fat as a kid) to getting fit in my mid 20s. I’m 6’1” and have a good face. I’m an ethnic minority so I do lose some points there.

The difference is massive in how I’m treated by women. I used to often get ignored and would have to initiate everything.

Women do approach you if you are attractive enough. They will make excuses to be around you, strike up conversations with you at parties, there will be some non-verbal signals as well. Female friends are more likely to be touchy when drunk.

Looks operates on a bell curve. If you are on the extremes of either side all that matter is your looks. As you get hotter or uglier, the less and less your personality matters (at least for short term).

Look up halo and horns effect. It’ll explain what I’m talking about.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-08-26T16:31:16+00:00

Looks matter a lot. If you are going to have sex with someone be physically affectionate towards them it should be someone you are at the very least you should have some physical attraction to them. Now what people find attractive looks wise differs from person to person. It's not standard person to person one size fits all brand of attractiveness.

I tried dating someone based off just personality thinking perhaps I am just shallow. And no it didn't work I felt like I had to explain why I am dating this person to family and friends he was a good person. But not my person since I just wasn't attracted to him.

MidoriEgg · 2023-08-26T16:34:29+00:00

I think it depends a lot where you are, how old you are and what your micro culture values more

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-08-26T16:39:57+00:00

As long as she's in very good shape and takes care of herself, the only physical thing that's a hard no for me is a recessed chin. Other than that, as long as I don't find her unattractive, there are more important thing to me. I've equally loved a runway model and an average looking police detective.

GotAHungryHeart · 2023-08-26T16:51:17+00:00

Above all else, by a mile

Sawtoothsilver · 2023-08-26T17:16:21+00:00

We eat with our eyes

Safinated · 2023-08-26T17:22:54+00:00

It depends on what you want

princedune · 2023-08-26T17:37:08+00:00

You need them to get your foot in the door. If you aren't attractive, you never get to show your other traits.

KayRay1994 · 2023-08-26T17:39:31+00:00

From what i understand, when it comes to women your overall vibe matters - looks are a part of it, but they’re one of multiple variables. Ie. usually if you’re mediocre in terms of looks, and things like your confidence, humor, presence, etc are all top notch, that makes up for it. For women attraction is an accumulation of multiple factors, and if your looks aren’t the best (but you’re also not ugly - i need to make that clear, but luckily most people are butt-fuck ugly sooooo), you can usually make up for it depending on the individual

PlantHag · 2023-08-26T18:09:56+00:00

Looks matter to everyone, especially in terms of getting a foot in the door. And I think in general "getting a foot in the door" is much harder for men. However, I don't think men fully appreciate that for lots of women attraction can significantly grow (and sometimes fade) as we get to know a man more.

I mean it makes sense that most people out there, male or female, would be sort of "meh" in the looks department.

_here_ok · 2023-08-26T19:00:07+00:00

I think looks matter in a society where looks dictate more than attraction. From story telling to expectations. we have rigid rules for what looks like what in the sense of constant examples. I think a big problem is people not objectively looking at those examples.

A person towering over another in imagery for example is meant to show a sign of superiority, fear or awe. The only difference being context, posture, and color. However we don't really notice that as kids and many don't know that. Things just click. Light is good because we see with it. Anything showing light henceforth is likely good.

Ultimately what's attractive is what you show. If you have unkempt hair, then you are showing that you don't care about your hair. Something many woman will care about because they are told to care for their hair. At the minimum it's hygienic which is something every wants and at the most it's a standard that's merely for beauty.

Title	How much do looks matter?
Author	Spirited-Parfait7245
Upvotes	6
Comments	89
Date	August 26, 2023 12:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/161u91v/how_much_do_looks_matter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-do-looks-matter.1229856 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229856

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