Men paying for dates

LilzHr0 · 2020-02-23T16:17:17+00:00

Always pay for what I have, so there can be no ambiguity about owing anything

Dora_Bowl · 2020-02-23T13:34:23+00:00

Do you think men should pay for dates or do you think splitting the bill is the best choice?

I do not really know how to answer this question. In some situations yes, in other situations no. I find this entire squabble about paying for dates to be irrelevant and easily solvable.

What do you think about the rising number of women pushing back against splitting the bill?

Is there one? I was unaware of this.

RF111164 · 2020-02-23T16:10:10+00:00

Do you think men should pay for dates or do you think splitting the bill is the best choice?

Is the third choice just unthinkable? What if I wanna pay?

What do you think about the rising number of women pushing back against splitting the bill?

Tell 'em to GTFO srs. Either you want "equality"/feminism or you want preferred treatment/"chivalry"

FlavFal · 2020-02-23T14:07:03+00:00

I prefer splitting the bill.

Where I live the amount of entitlement men feel after they pay for anything is absurd. My whole life I've heard men talk about how all they have to do is throw their money around and women will do anything they want. Many will even get mad if they can't pay because it's like you're undermining their expectation that you will owe them something.

The money isn't worth the trouble for me.

goatismycopilot · 2020-02-23T14:15:00+00:00

Depends. I prefer to at least split early on and I bring cash so I can nope out if it is going badly. I like to go up the middle not super cheap not super pricey if somebody is wanting to go to a super pricey place then they can pay.

PPD-Angel · 2020-02-23T14:31:55+00:00

[removed]

squirrelfoot · 2020-02-23T14:38:33+00:00

If two people don't earn around the same amount, rather than splitting the bill, it's a good idea if each person pays for the things they plan. I did this when I dated someone who earned a lot more than me, and who often wanted to go places and do stuff beyond my budget. I love cooking, so the dates I planned often involved dinner at home, often after a visit to a great art gallery since we both loved art.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-02-23T16:02:39+00:00

I prefer to split the tab, since men think if they buy you dinner they automatically will get laid and I am not a hooker. If i really like him and he insists on paying I will let him, but then offer to pay for after dinner drinks or dessert; or I will get the tab for the next date. The less I like him the more likely I am to insist on splitting so I can get the hell out of there and never see him again.

yasee · 2020-02-23T16:50:24+00:00

in the initial stages of dating I think it's better to split. There's no deep reason for my belief about this, it just seems fair. when I used to go on dates I would try to pay my own way. but some guys would insist and I'm conflict-averse so I wouldn't push too hard about it

I don't think there is really a rising number of women pushing back against this. definitely not in my age group at least

ontherailstoday · 2020-02-23T14:08:14+00:00

"My penis is thirsty for this stranger who I want to take time out of her already planned and full day to listen to me try to persuade her to meet my needs, but I don't know her well enough to know that money spent making this process acceptably comfortable for her won't be just wasted... why won't this stranger who doesn't know me from adam and hasn't formed any significant level of attraction to me yet waste her money instead?"

Because she's not as stupid or as thirsty as you are. And she knows that she'll probably enjoy that fancy $5 coffee better if she's allowed to drink it alone in quiet contemplation while not mulling over some strange dude's efforts to penetrate her... so if she's going to buy a $5 coffee why should she want you there? Get over it. Pay up or take the long road by seeking other options such as meeting women through ongoing social participation where you spend hours in each other's company. The short path is a toll road, that's just the way things are.

NarniaFox · 2020-02-23T14:42:03+00:00

Splitting the bill is more preferable. You go on a date, because you both want it, why should only one of us pay? It also makes it easier to end everything, if your date turns out not as nice as you thought.

My husband and I paid for both of us in turns. We were students and we didn't always have money, so it was expected.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-02-23T15:07:26+00:00

I have always offered to pay my half but sometimes they insisted on paying the bill so when that has happened I let them. I never argued over it lol.

When I was dating my now husband we ended up taking turns paying for dates and we still do that to this day.

There’s a cultural context too, some cultures it’s the norm for men to pay for every date, but not in Western Cultures.

I personally think it’s a red flag if a westernized woman expects him to pay for every date. I imagine though that a lot of men simply aren’t sure how to avoid paying for every date if she is not offering to contribute, because he may be trying avoid looking bad. But she is the one who looks bad for never offering, imo.

I don’t know about a rising trend of women pushing back against spitting the bill. Wasn’t aware that that is a trend now but I have been out of the dating pool for awhile.

Brokerhustle · 2020-02-23T15:30:39+00:00

Im sitting here thinking about how invites to go out for dinner / drinks happen between friends when one party is strapped for cash: "Hey, wanna go to happy hour?" "Naw, not this week...money's tight" "Don't worry about it...I've got ya covered."

Would men like to have that kind of upfront exchange with a woman they ask out on a date? Would that make you feel better about paying for the date if the woman says "love ta go...I'm but I'm dead broke."???

I just dont see any other way to satisfy modern men in these first date situations

OpdatUweKutSchimmele · 2020-02-23T17:04:56+00:00

Do you think men should pay for dates or do you think splitting the bill is the best choice?

You pay for your own products.

What do you think about the rising number of women pushing back against splitting the bill?

Humans want to get free stuff; that does not surprise me.

Please explain your reasoning and post personal experiences if you want to.

What reasoning is there in believing that one should pay for one's own expenses?

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2020-02-23T13:43:45+00:00

Yes, men should be paying for dates to demonstrate their interest and involvement, if they initiated the date. Men offering to split the first date is a signal he doesn't like me that much, so I'll gladly pay my half and won't see him again.

Also, I will offer to pay half if I have no interest in a guy.

laeriel_c · 2020-02-23T15:01:11+00:00

I have plenty of options so why wouldn't I go for the guy who is generous and keen to pay for me? If I had limited dating options maybe I'd settle to split but if a guy has a full time well paid job while I'm broke and still studying, I wouldn't be able to date someone wanting to go out all the time and expecting to split. I do feel a bit weird about it but I figure it's because I've learned to put others needs ahead of mine and I'm trying to change this.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2020-02-23T14:05:30+00:00

I expect him to pay for our first dinner date, but after that I almost always split or we take turns. Heck I’m pretty sure I’m more financially invested than my fiancé but I love treating him well

chocolatefondant21 · 2020-02-23T22:25:49+00:00

The guy I eventually end up marrying, if that ever happens, is not gonna have a problem with paying for our dates. That’s all I have to say.

DivaHustlerPrincess · 2020-02-23T16:40:43+00:00

Men should pay 💋

TheRandom6000 · 2020-02-23T15:38:27+00:00

[deleted]

Twiteena · 2020-02-23T17:53:15+00:00

Yesterday I paid for lunch and then he paid for dinner.

teibe · 2020-02-23T18:15:16+00:00

I disagree with FDS on this because if a guy doesn't know me then excessive investment is a red flag. He is not buying me stuff because he likes me so much, it's just part of his love bombing ploy to get me to be into him.

Reisiluu · 2020-02-23T18:39:08+00:00

It depends. If I wanted to be a traditional housewife, I would not date men who don't pay for every date. Housewives have little or no income. It should be obvious to guys they have to pay if this is what they are looking for.

For egalitarian relationships, I still need to know if the guy is interested in me specifically. Willing to invest and sacrifice for me, just like I will sacrifice my youth and body for him. If he doesn't like paying for first dates because he has so many it gets expensive, well I wouldn't want to be whatshername number 17 this month. I don't care about the price tag as long as I get the feeling he is trying to treat me better than a friend or a hookup. A guy who wants to make a girl feel special can do it in different ways and paying for a nice date is one of them. If he can afford to only go for ladies who make him feel special by paying, more power to him.

I'm also not going to go alone to some guys place or invite him to mine. If a guy I'm not already interested in or friends with wants to spend time with me one on one, he's going to have to make appealing. Being convinced by someone I don't know to have sex with him is not my idea of a good time. I'd rather go Dutch with a guy friend who I know will be good company regardless of how well we end up connecting romantically. If a guy wants to date outside his social circle and doesn't have girls chasing him, it may be beneficial to pay for a date.

eveleaf · 2020-02-23T19:24:01+00:00

I like splitting, or take turns treating.

2020-02-23T22:22:54+00:00

The only time I offer to split the bill is when I want to bounce without him having anything to use as ammo to moan at me for. If he asks for a split bill I just assume he doesn't take me or my time seriously.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-02-23T22:23:42+00:00

Depends. If I barely know the guy and we’re just friends, splitting is fine. On low cost dates, like frozen yogurt or IHOP. Or a walk to the park, maybe even playing a game together (in public somewhere, like on a switch). 2-3 hours together.

But if we’re actually more interested in each other, then a nice dinner or activity (like mini golf, for example) is preferred, I’d like the guy to pay so that I can see he is truly interested and willing to invest. Then from there we can take turns. I prefer making food at home though, so I don’t “pay” like at a restaurant, I pay the grocery bill. Zoos and museums are always fun. Hot springs and weekend getaways are reserved for a love interest. Disneyland is for a boyfriend.

shannxmm · 2020-02-24T00:46:00+00:00

I think splitting the bill is the best option when going out to dinner, regardless of whether you're dining with friends, family, or (potential) romantic partners.

If your date insists on paying, let them, but still have enough money on hand to pay for your portion of the bill just in case.

2020-02-24T03:45:25+00:00

Initially I always at least offered to split the bill (although some men insisted on paying -- usually the first date was something light like a coffee though).

In LTRs, we kind of switched it up. Whoever had the money at the time would pay for stuff. It was never a big issue in any of my relationships.

I see both sides of the splitting the bill issue. I personally think men should probably select for low maintenance women, but also accept that that's probably just my own bias talking :p

Electrical_Quarter · 2020-02-24T05:48:59+00:00

I like to switch off paying for shit because I don’t want to feel cheap and I want to treat whoever I’m taking out. If someone wants to take me on a date, I go in with the split bill mentality but if I ask someone out on a date I am expecting to pay for everything and if they try to pay I tell them “next time, if you take me out then you can pay and we can relive this awkward situation”

Having someone pay for my is nice but I also want to take my date out with expenses on me if they do the same thing for me. Odds are I’ll pay if they don’t even offer half but I draw the line when it comes to being short on cash because there are a million free things to do rather than spending money on dinner and shit.

I think I prefer to go out for drinks because we forget who paid for what and whose turn it is to buy us a round and in the end we lose track and it doesn’t really matter

Sophiatab · 2020-02-24T16:47:39+00:00

As long as the man, I am dating expects me to wear feminine (uncomfortable, expensive clothing that requires extra care and expense to maintain) clothing and shoes and wear make-up, also expensive, time-consuming, and a hassle, hell, yes, I expect him to pay for dates. I expect him to pay plenty, at least as much to compensate me for the expenses I have had to undertake in conforming to society's expected standards for female beauty.

Cimorene86 · 2020-02-25T09:54:46+00:00

Personally, I feel a bit more comfortable in masculine gender roles so I always pay for my dates. I've been with the same guy for 8 years and I think he's paid maybe 6 times altogether? Idk, I just enjoy seeing my sex partner happy and if buying him food, movie tickets, etc does that then why not? In the past when I dated other guys it never went beyond date 1 or 2, and they typically wanted to go dutch which was fine by me. I did have a few who took me up on my offer to pay, and obviously that was cool too.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-02-26T12:02:21+00:00

Guys I date have always insisted on paying for everything & will even loudly argue about it

lilacluna548 · 2020-02-28T16:38:24+00:00

I just go along with whatever the man wants to do. There's no reason that men should have to pay, women are as capable as men are of going out and making money nowadays. I don't hold it against men who dont pay for me on dates, my ex almost never did. But lately I've been dating again and the men usually pay. It's kind of nice and if they offer to do it I dont fight

DungeonsandDoodles · 2020-03-04T00:29:33+00:00

Personally, if it's a first date I like to go 50/50 just in case the dude tries to use it as a weapon to pressure me into sex, however I think it's fine if a guy wants to pay for the date after the initial couple dates, and I will also pay for dates when I can. I tend to like to go Dutch tho.

gentlegee1976 · 2020-04-17T16:46:10+00:00

When asked who should pay on a date, I always answer that question with another -

If i'm supposed to pay for a date, be a gentleman and provide for you, what are you supposed to do? What do you have to offer in return for my chivalry?

I'm not going to pay for your time, because I'm giving up mine as well.

AutoModerator · 2020-02-23T13:30:38+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Men paying for dates
Author	acenosk
Upvotes	7
Comments	259
Date	February 23, 2020 1:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/f89gip/men_paying_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-paying-for-dates.339708 https://theredarchive.com/post/339708

Comments