Men should not approach without obvious signals

TrumpFucksKidz · 2025-12-22T00:18:34+00:00

Unless a woman signals transparent indicators of romantic interest- prolonged eye contact, attempting to strike up conversation with you, or light touch, it is best for men to just avoid women when they are out in the world.

Is there a handbook called "Signs that a woman wants you to approach her and acceptable venues to do so?"

Pretty sure there isn't.

Women flirt in different ways.

Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with approaching women in public - If a woman doesn't make an aggressive move towards me I'm not interested. If a woman isn't introduced to me through a mutual friend I'm not interested.

I don't cold approach because frankly I don't like giving them the right of first refusal.

TheOneWhoThinketh · 2025-12-21T22:24:11+00:00

Your lack of approach is still behavior that signals something to them. You cannot escape judgment for your behavior, and in many cases talking to women with the appropriate response is far less risky than ignoring them.

That being said, you should not escalate with women romantically, but that doesn't mean you can't escalate with them in other ways. It just means that men have now become peacocks who will have to signal their desirability to women while being in proximity to them.

G0_0NIE · 2025-12-22T14:14:37+00:00

Isn't this not incredibly obvious to anyone who isn't attractive - I thought the main problem is that inexperienced guys aren't even getting the obvious?

Unless your post is also implying to pretty much eliminate interest in women as a whole (i.e socially) unless there are obvious signs which is up to the individual tbh.

VersionEins · 2025-12-21T22:09:28+00:00

Wrong. Men are more intimidating than bears, so I doubt most women will have the gall to make a scene.

ViolentShallot · 2025-12-21T23:42:55+00:00

Even if you initiate conversation very politely, there is always the risk that she will make a scene and publicly humiliate or designate you a creep and scream for attempting politely to talk to her.

This is unlikely as fuck. To the point that in probably over 500 approaches (probably twice that) it's not happened to me once.

Women have made it very clear through their social media messaging and through supporting societal norms that unknown men making conversation is unwanted and creepy.

A very small number of whining activists that don't speak for the average person have. I don't think following the dictate of chronically online tiny segments of the population is a good choice at all.

It does not matter if you are contemplating striking up conversation with a woman at the park, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a bus stop, if she doesn't give you transparent indicators of interest, don't try to talk to her.

Doing so has served me really well. At this point it just feels it makes you feel bad that people do it. Why?

Edit: read your posts. Found why:

I told him in April Iwill ask a woman for her number as he did so. In November, I still had not asked a woman out of apprehension, but I bet him $100 I will ask a woman out by the end of the year. There are now 11 days to go, and I have been too petrified to take action. He wants me to develop confidence and social skill. I have all day today to meet a woman and ask for her number.

So you're rationalizing your cowardice. I see.

yungyany · 2025-12-21T23:43:24+00:00

False. She might simply have not yet noticed you. You might be at a bar or coffee shop and notice the attractive girl a few tables away. Are you really going to wait until she sees you to decide if it's worth an attempt?

NoShortMen4Me · 2025-12-22T01:07:07+00:00

You posting this is very weird considering your current predicament :/ why did you make the bet with your friend if you felt this way?

Vaudeville_Clown · 2025-12-22T09:01:37+00:00

I've never seen it like that at all. I see it like approach = step up to someone with the fixed intent of establishing something, making something happen. I don't understand people who do this at all, and it seems to me like a sure fire way to trip yourself up.

What I find more normal is, if you have space for more people in your life you make sure to be extra open and connective. You enjoy shooting the shit with anyone, and if that someone doesn't bite, it's boring and unfunny. Then you'd rather talk to someone else, and you will!

If they think you're hitting on them, that early on, well that's their problem.

It gets harder if you want to do this in neutral public spaces. Doable, but it doesn't look good unless you invent a role for yourself where that behavior seems normal. I could do it I found, but it required me inventing a whole role for myself where I'm, supposedly, this wildly spontaneous guy who just get hit in the face by the universe every morning he wakes up.

But when you have to invent an entire new "character arc" for yourself to make something work, that's too much effort.

I do however think there are people like that who genuinely can engage people anywhere, but that's a certain personality which, is more and more unusual nowadays.

Only_Excitement6594 · 2025-12-22T13:08:44+00:00

Signals. So easy to shun on purpose...

rejected-again · 2025-12-22T00:20:09+00:00

Stop caring about what women think. It makes you look like a weak sissy.

Cool-Mixture-4123 · 2025-12-22T00:41:40+00:00

If you can't chat with strangers at the store, in line anywhere, servers etc of any sex, age, attraction, you are not gonna ever succeed hitting on a woman of interest.. The PUA "do you wanna fuck" practice of the old days couldnt and wouldn ever work IRL for people who can't chat up the random clerk ringing up ur energy dribk

PassengerCultural421 · 2025-12-22T01:03:38+00:00

I would go a step further OP. And say men shouldn't approach women at all. If women continue to be grown-ass adults who can't say words like yes or no. Because there is no such thing as signals.

“Signals” are vague, subjective, and retroactively interpreted, which makes them a terrible standard to base social risk on. What one woman calls flirting, another calls harassment, and the man only finds out after the fact.

Expecting men to decode eye contact, tone, or body language with zero margin for error is unrealistic and unfair.

Clear communication is how adults reduce harm, not mind-reading games dressed up as social intelligence.

If the social cost of misreading is public shaming or reputational damage, risk-avoidance becomes rational behavior.

Women can’t tell men to respect boundaries while refusing to clearly state where those boundaries are. Silence, neutrality, or politeness are not consent, interest, or rejection, no matter how much people pretend otherwise.

A society that punishes initiative but won’t normalize direct rejection creates paralysis, not respect. Until “yes” and “no” are normalized over vibes and ambiguity, opting out entirely is the most logical choice.

jorts-enthusiast · 2025-12-22T00:05:14+00:00

I somewhat agree, but I think that as long as men can gracefully take no for an answer the obviousness matters less. Like if you can’t read a girl super clearly and you approach, as long as you can tell if she wants you to fuck off then I don’t see an issue approaching without super overt signals.

Kapoue · 2025-12-22T00:30:44+00:00

It does not matter if you are contemplating striking up conversation with a woman at the park, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a bus stop, if she doesn't give you transparent indicators of interest, don't try to talk to her.

So if I'm waiting in line waiting to by tickets for something and want to have small talk with the woman in front of me I should wait for her to lock eyes and smile at me?

Also, I don't know how you do it but women don't start screaming that you're a creep if you just randomly chat with them. And that's usually how hitting on someone starts. "Hey, have you seen this band play before?" is a normal icebreaker that can lead to more conversation if they want and is never going to get you called a creep.

If you start with "Hey, nice tits!" then yeah, don't approach women anywhere.

mashedturnip · 2025-12-21T23:16:22+00:00

Only if 100% success is your goal

Nihix · 2025-12-22T12:48:25+00:00

"transparent indicators of romantic interest- prolonged eye contact, attempting to strike up conversation with you, or light touc"

tf are these considered transparent? I only consider it a clear signal when she kisses me or gives direct compliments on physical appearance.

Technical_End9162 · 2025-12-22T13:26:13+00:00

The trick is to approach woman when they feel safe and not approach them like a potential partner, just like any other individual have some low pressure slow talk and then you might see some signals and then you can escalate a little bit

Able_Donut2654 · 2025-12-22T03:57:59+00:00

Crabs in a bucket advice. Just because one person has crippling social phobias and a neurotic personality does not mean they should tell other people to behave in the same failure of a way.

Women have made it very clear

No, women as a whole have absolutely not. Only a tiny percentage of perpetually online antisocial/autistic and hateful feminists think that way.

Dependent_Editor_237 · 2025-12-21T22:16:41+00:00

Please define "approach"

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-12-22T05:46:49+00:00

Every woman that had genuine desire for me, made it obvious. If you have to convince someone to like you, it will never work in the long run.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-12-22T00:01:05+00:00

Men should look for signals that have plausible deniability. Make a judgement only after receiving a half signal. If she hadn’t noticed you yet to give you a half signal with plausible deniability, then you do something for her to notice you also with plausible deniability. Ask something, or say something that isn’t a “hit”

Same-Treacle-6141 · 2025-12-22T04:14:51+00:00

This is insane. Example - I remember in 2006 when I was a senior in college I was standing in line one afternoon waiting for someone to give out tickets to a show later that night to the students who had prepaid. The person was clearly incompetent at this basic menial task. The girl in front of me was visibly annoyed and sorta looking all around. I happened to make eye contact with her and snarkily remarked, “who woulda thought someone could suck at this?!” She laughed, we chatted, I invited her to a party my fraternity was hosting that night. Start of a nice 2 month casual fling.

Point is, just fucking talk to the girl and don’t be weird about it. Worst she coulda done is say, “yeah, I know” and turned back around.

Neverending_Danding · 2025-12-22T12:29:12+00:00

Men shouldn't approach at all. if you have to approach, convince woman to like you...well, she doesn't really like you.

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illusive-man-00 · 2025-12-23T15:49:11+00:00

I agree sir. Unless she is making eye contact with you (you will know if a woman wants you) then don’t approach and leave them be.

Eye contact means everything.

beautiful_falcon776 · 2025-12-22T06:31:35+00:00

How would we know the signals? It's easy reading a traffic signal, but a human woman has so many parameters combinations and permutations

Title	Men should not approach without obvious signals
Author	Equivalent_Use_5024
Upvotes	29
Comments	98
Date	December 21, 2025 10:01 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1psid12/men_should_not_approach_without_obvious_signals/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-should-not-approach-without-obvious-signals.1569403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569403

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