She's not just looking for a 'nice guy'

wtknight · 2021-11-30T18:40:40+00:00

Flaired as CMV as this is an affirmative claim.

CimZim · 2021-11-30T18:35:03+00:00

Someone saying they just want a "nice guy" is giving the absolute bare minimum, not a detailed example of what they're looking for in a man.

When I was dating wanted a nice guy, sure. Duh.

But I also wanted him to be a gamer, atheist/not very religious, into watching anime and action movies, is heavy set, highly into reading, never does drugs, enjoys hiking and swimming, doesn't make a ton of money, sexually adventurous, hates traditional gender roles, and loves animals.

One is the most basic of basic traits anyone could possibly ask for. The other is what you actually want.

chalkandapples · 2021-11-30T18:37:08+00:00

I think "nice guy" is just a blanket term for... just a normal nice guy. When people say that they're not seriously telling you their only preference. My parents would tell me to find a nice guy and my brother to find a nice girl before we found our partners, that's just them casually talking. Their actual standards for our partners are sky high.

TotalTravesty · 2021-11-30T19:32:26+00:00

Since the fact that you wrongly assumed “nice” was not only a necessary but sufficient characteristic has already been covered, I’ll suggest that you’re also projecting your rock bottom standards on the girl. Only someone who would be happy with literally anyone would be so incredulous that someone might have other basic standards beside “nice.”

Also, “nice” and “light-hearted jokester” aren’t mutually exclusive.

JustStatedTheObvious · 2021-11-30T18:35:06+00:00

I'll never understand those who confuse "nice", with "being nice to automatically earn sex, while still being a dick to everyone else" or "being a spineless doormat."

Stop looking for cheat codes.

CatchPhraze · 2021-11-30T18:48:23+00:00

Whst do you want to eat?

Anything is Fine.

Oh but you wanted it cooked properly?

And you wanted it not covered in dirt?

So not anything then.

She wasn't telling you nice was her only requirement she was just making normal conversation and everyone on planet earth already knew she has other requirements. Holy shit.

kittenated · 2021-11-30T19:56:52+00:00

I am autistic and I got autistic vibes from this post, lol. You want a way more detailed and highly specific answer than people usually give friends in casual response to this question. She wasn't being deceitful when she said she wanted a nice guy, she's probably just not chronically online enough to know not to fall into the "I want a Nice Guy®" manosphere trap.

We all want what can be easily summarized to others as a "nice partner".

CFinCanada · 2021-11-30T18:32:07+00:00

Lightheaded jokester personality means he can't be a nice guy? So nice guys are boring in your view? Lmao

2021-11-30T18:56:11+00:00

You think this is a gotcha, but it really isn’t.

She said she wants someone who is nice. She also has other things that are important to her. That doesn’t invalidate her wanting someone nice.

Fleischpeitsch · 2021-11-30T18:35:22+00:00

I'm pretty sure most people here are socially retarded and don't understand how normal people talk.

When people say that they want a partner that's X it's also implicitly given that they want them to have a pulse, to not having a disability, to not having some kind of disease, etc

Similar to how "I just want a pepperoni pizza" also contains several other factors like it not being burnt, it not being small, it not being dirty, containing cheese and sauce as well, etc

Normal people just aren't using words in an autistically literal way.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-30T19:53:02+00:00

Wait...so someone can't be a jokester and be nice?

What planet do you live on? lol

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-30T18:55:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CatoftheBanals · 2021-11-30T18:36:59+00:00

I mean, when pressed guys will say they want a nice woman. But not a fat one. Not one who is unemployed and not looking for work. etc. When women say a nice guy I think it's a given she wants one she's attracted to. Not one who's unemployed and unmotivated. Etc. As long as these things roughly line up with his or her personality (he isn't a fat slob looking for a swimsuit model, she's not an unemployed mess looking for a millionaire) there's no problem with wanting a partner to be like you, more or less.

Men and women have the right to realistic standards. We *should* have realistic standards.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-11-30T18:35:40+00:00

Why are you so fixated on your friend’s dating life… why is it wrong for her to have preferences beyond just a nice guy lol. I think it’s unreasonable to choose a partner just because they’re nice. Being nice is not enough. Most people are nice at a superficial level. Most people are nice to their friends and to people they want to have sex with and to strangers and servers and acquaintances

Every guy that hits me up is nice. They’re sooooo nice. Should I have sex with every single nice guy or marry the first one that falls at my feet? Because he’s nice? Lol…. how sad

livs4drpepper · 2021-11-30T19:10:34+00:00

I think people confuse “nice” with “treats me well”

DarkSp3ctre · 2021-11-30T19:46:57+00:00

If you’re only personality trait is being nice then of course you’re not a good choice. Being kind is a bare minimum thing, you’ve got to be interesting on top of being nice.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-30T21:33:13+00:00

When they say "just", it's not in the sense of "only." "Just" has many meanings based on how it is used in a sentence.

If you take "ah, I just want x" and take that to mean "nothing but x matters" that is your own fault for lacking what should be very very basic conversational colloquial understanding.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-11-30T22:27:56+00:00

So light hearted jokesters who like drums can't be a nice guy?

This... Isn't the contradiction you think it is.

She wants a Man that shared her values and she's attracted to who is also nice.

This wasn't rocket science

goneaway2thewind · 2021-12-01T07:56:45+00:00

The lesson here is that when women say they want a nice guy, they mean they need a man that is nice to them. It doesn't matter if the guy is morally righteous or not, it's about his actions being in her favor.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-12-01T04:02:59+00:00

What a woman says she wants and what she goes after are two very different things. Remember, it is no accident that almost all women claim that their ex's were assholes and abusive. Those are the guys that made them wet.

wtknight · 2021-11-30T18:31:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Educational-Ad6210 · 2021-11-30T21:49:17+00:00

So, the scientific fact that women don’t want just a nice guy is somewhere between “earth is round” and “plants photosynthesize” on the obviousness scale. Congratulations on catching up and notifying the community!

Everybody and your dog knows that people have tons of requirements and preferences. not vomiting out “I want him to be six feet, blond, rich, with a huge dick, funny and he needs to be a Virgo and nice” is a sign of sophistication and politeness. People who go around “teLliNg EveRyBOdy tHe TRuTh!!” about their standards are equal to people who don’t mind taking a public shit or urinating in a subway.

baresquad · 2021-11-30T23:47:23+00:00

Dude nobody’s looking for a nice guy get that out of y’all heads. Or at least the personification of what y’all think a nice guy is because if I’m being honest the term nice guy has basically be co-opted to mean dork. Any dude reducing their personality to just being nice is a dork

Nice guys aren’t these knights in shining armor who treat any and everybody so well that women have no choice but to fawn over them because their personality is so “pleasant” no, these are dudes who invest so much into going out of their way to present something that should come natural and project it to embody their entire existence. Nobody that’s actual nice goes “I’m nice.” It’s something that comes 2nd nature that no one has to even consciously think about

Women just want good people. It goes “nice guys finish last.” not “dudes that are good dudes finish last.” It’s fair to say that good people are nice but not all nice people are good. No woman worth dating is gonna want someone they see to be a bad person just because he’s nice

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-12-01T06:29:23+00:00

Ask a vague question (what you are looking for) and get a vague answer (a nice guy).

It's like looking for a shirt to buy. I want a nice shirt, but I don't know what shirt is nice unless I see it. I can't "build" a perfect shirt in my head and also finding that shirt would be a pain. There are so many combinations of elements that you can't think of them all.

Things don't exist in a vacuum. Some elements that you don't like in a vacuum can actually enhance it (or not have influence over) when it is part of something. Like spices: you might not like the spice if you eat it straight out of the container, but might like it (or be neutral to it) when it's used in a dish.

It could also be a thing that you load the questions with assumpitions/hidden information, thinking that it is so obvious that you don't need to verbalise it, while that not-verbalised information is not obvious to the other person. It's something like when someone asks for dating advice. They say "how to get a date?" meaning "how to get a date for a hookup" and the one giving the dating advice means "how to get a date for a LTR" (as they assume you want an LTR advice as you didn't verbalise that you want hookup advice). And then the person gets angry for the advice not working because he uses LTR advice for getting hookups.

It's communication 101: don't assume that the other person assumes the same things as you. And if you want explicit answers don't ask vague questions.

Bonus:

has more of a 'light-hearted jokester' personality than a typical 'nice guy'.

Do you assume that a nice guy can't be light-hearted jokester? What is a typical nice guy? There is a genuine nice guy and there is also a "nice guy" (or Nice Guy™) who is nice just to have sex/date and if he doesn't get it, he immediately calls you a whore/bitch and other names.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-11-30T18:41:35+00:00

I would argue that no woman is actually looking for a “nice guy”. They’re looking for a lot of other shit… and “nice” is a catch all for what she can’t verbalize.

I think it’s just the PC answer… but when someone likes someone else, niceness has very little to do with it. Im not particularly “nice” to people i just start out dating, but I don’t go out of my way to be a dick.

Niceness for the sake of niceness or pussy is just weird.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2021-12-01T02:10:43+00:00

"I just want a nice guy" usually translates to "I just want a hot, rich, successful douchebag who is nice only to me".

FabulousFuchsbau · 2021-12-01T01:25:32+00:00

So she wants other qualities and not just nice?

Folks, OP has finally solved one of the greatest mysteries of life. Pack it up this sub can close now.

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OneComfortable3508 · 2021-11-30T20:15:35+00:00

Yeah dude, they’ll do that sometimes. Neither you or us should concern ourselves with this particular situation. It’s really just a gripe post.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-11-30T20:21:29+00:00

Mid to late thirtys. Looking for what?

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-11-30T21:41:07+00:00

I get what you are saying, but I think the implication here is that women conspired to get together and lie to every single guy that they want nice guys and then sneak behind their backs to fuck the badboys and then make fun of the nice guys.

What you need to understand is that women have been told since they were little girls by parents, media, Disney movies and everything else that they SHOULD want a nice guy.

I have a coworker who is 23, cute, slim, kinky in bed from what I gather. She has an ex that reconnected with her from when she was 18. On paper that guy has everything going for him. Decent looking, great job, owns his place, has a boat, takes her out and treats her well. Guess how much she wants to fuck him? And do you know why? He offers no excitement whatsoever. He offers only one emotion - BOREDOM! He is not mysterious, unpredictable, dominant, he definitely cannot satisfy her BDSM kink and will be terrified by her porn and sex toy collection, not to mention her bdsm gear. And you know what? All nice guys are exactly like that. Boring, bland. No excitement.

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-01T00:45:46+00:00

Is her boyfriend a complete asshole or something?

BottedeNevers · 2021-12-01T15:02:33+00:00

You are focusing on the wrong part of the problem:

It's like when someone says "I really want a beer" but what they also want is the beer to be cool, or ice cold, in a glass, or a bottle, or hoppy taste, or bitter, or....[Insert attribute here]

This is normal and human, because romantic attraction is more like an acquired taste than an ideal, despite what novels and films tell us. Sure some people might like plain vanilla ice cream (nice), but the vast majority want a range of different flavours. You cannot fault women for being attracted to what they attracted are to. You also have to decide how far you are willing to modify yourself (and in the process compromise inner personality/brand) to accommodate one particular individual as opposed to the whole field.

However the reason why RP/Incel/PPD and whole raft of interrelationship flame war continues is something else that goes on with a small but either significant or obvious minority of women.

Imagine someone wants beer, they see an advertisement for a beer product with a nice bottle, 'fruity flavour', buy 4 get one free. However the label is clearly labelled 'Battery acid'. The ingredients on the back have the main ingredients as 'battery acid with beer flavouring'. The people at the bar say 'look, that product you have there...its toxic. Don't listen to the advertisements'. But the customer goes and drinks it anyway, because you need to live life to the full end up in hospital and then says "but all I wanted was a beer"

Now some unscrupulous beer producers put a label that says "worlds best selling wholesome beer!" but the ingredients label still say "battery acid, 25% Beer flavoring". Drinkers have every right to be outraged if they later find out that it only tasted like beer, but was battery acid.

Now imagine at the same bar a week later a small untested brewery offers free samples of beer. The beer is warm, the advertising is awful and quite simply it smells. But a closer inspection of the labelling reveals that actually it at the very least has genuine beer in it.

But a the drinkers in the target marketing bracket refuse even to sample the beer, because it isn't marketed very well. But what really pisses off the small brewery is that these drinkers go back to buying clearly labelled battery acid, even if there isn't a millilitre of actual beer, and then have the audacity to go back to the small untested brewery and say "your beer tastes awful! at least battery acid are upfront with being battery acid" and then later complain "all I want is nice beer!".

Now its important to realise that it's only a minority of women who are attracted to arrogant/abrasive/abusive men. Sometimes they are love bombed by a battery acid guys with nice guy flavouring and this makes women really wary of any other suitors, and suspiciously check the labels paradoxically of new and untested guys (because the mainstream popular beers/guys are social proofed,,,how many times have you checked the actual ingredients of a top drinks brand? )

However there are a small minority of women who will absolutely date and sleep with upfront battery acid guys, even if on the surface they are the target demographic for nice men who will give away free samples/attention. Many of these women are young and may even be well adjusted, but like a new beer drinker they may have a palate that is so underdeveloped that can't taste the difference between actual beer and battery acid. In some very rare and I would say unlucky circumstances, some of these guys live in the orbit of solely women who just like battery acid guys and their confirmation bias leads them to become very bitter and angry towards women in general, hence erroneously starting to believe women have a hive mind. However....

Nice guys have absolutely no right to demand that they be 'given a chance' even if their product is "100% artiginal beer with no artificial flavouring" but the taste, marketing and bottling sucks. There might be a rare few who like the 'unpolished product', but he has to aim for the right market and possibly make some changes or compromises. You don't get to sell beer just because its beer.

But they do have a right to call out individual women who date or sleep with battery acid guys on the discrepancy between what they say they want and what they actually accept. But call out individuals not entire womanhood, and this is the really important bit alluded at the start of this wall of text, her sleeping with you makes zero absolutely ZERO difference to your actual worthiness as an individual or personal virtue despite what you or she thinks.

Sagittarius_AAA · 2021-11-30T18:35:33+00:00

I thought nice guy wasn't a good thing. Like nice guys are guys that have personality deficiency and they get treated like trash by women.

LackOf_Empathy · 2021-11-30T18:42:58+00:00

It really makes no difference whether a guy is generally nice or has nice guy syndrome, in the end, both parties will struggle in the dating world.

Title	She's not just looking for a 'nice guy'
Author	LongLiveTheSpoon
Upvotes	18
Comments	102
Date	November 30, 2021 6:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r5trax/shes_not_just_looking_for_a_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/shes-not-just-looking-for-a-nice-guy.1089477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089477

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