There's nothing wrong with men not caring as much about the "work and school" of the women they date.

ThrowRAGlobeVase · 2025-09-28T19:15:45+00:00

I think it’s pretty simple tbh. Men aren’t attracted to where women work or what they do, but logically it matters in a partnership to have someone contribute financially; women aren’t attracted to men doing laundry, but logically it matters to have them split the chores and housework.

We live in this world where the things wanted for a partnership aren’t the things that also attract you.

bluestjuice · 2025-09-28T19:06:58+00:00

Like many things, this item is less about the thing itself (whether or not you care about a potential partner’s work or school CV) and more about the reasons why you care, or don’t.

Economy-Praline9372 · 2025-09-28T17:55:29+00:00

It really depends on culture and socio-economic class. The "higher class" someone is, they more they and their parents care about the educational attainments and careers of prospective spouses.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-09-28T16:22:14+00:00

Most people date within their same socioeconomic niche, as those are the people most compatible with your basic life preferences (ie where you want to live, what your goals are, how you prefer to raise children and keep house etc.)

The only men who SHOULD be concerned about something like this are men who are concerned with “divorce rape”, paying alimony or having to pay child support. Because if you’re afraid of paying these things, it would be foolish to actively put yourself in situations where they’re more likely to happen.

Ok_Royal_8429 · 2025-09-28T16:42:57+00:00

Many women DO act like it's a part of you, one part. I promise.

Perhaps I could turn that assumption around you and say that men should care because they should care about all parts of a woman at least enough to ask about these things and be supportive. If you have children one day, you should want their mother to be able to give them sound advice on education and maybe even able to take care of those children should something tragic happen to you. No, I guess you can't expect a woman who has millions to pass down to your children if you work in retail or something, but it might make some conversations more interesting if an educated working man can actually accept that the person he's dating has commonality in that regard. Hell, even if you were dating a bartender, I bet she's got some hilarious stories y'all might enjoy sharing together. I simply don't understand the reluctance to discuss work and school at all, especially once you're dating long term. You don't have to bust out a bank account on the first date to show you're supportive of a woman's projects, ideas, and goals - particularly if you're dating a woman who rightfully takes pride in her hard work. Don't be a stick in the mud. Surely men are supportive of their own friend's work project and academic achievements, right? Surely y'all know that's normal?

Rebexl5150 · 2025-09-29T02:23:02+00:00

Attraction between men & women are asymmetrical. For the most part men don't care about a woman's degrees or how she has more degrees than a thermometer. Also keep into account a higher a woman earns the less potential dating partners she has. This is because woman only date up and across not down. Before you give me you dumbass stories about a woman earning x more than a man and they've been married for 100 years. The exception doesn't make the rule.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-09-28T18:07:05+00:00

Trouble is most men do actually care, they just care too late. Either they end up upset that she isn’t contributing financially enough, or that she doesn’t want to put a job she really cares about on the back burner to take on a supportive role. That’s why you need to care before it becomes a problem. Like it or not, a job determines your standard of living and affects your lifestyle and amount of free time.

It’s unwise to assume a woman will just adapt to your lifestyle or you won’t be affected by hers. Some people’s jobs are just a way to put food on the table, some people’s are central to who they are. But either way, it is an important compatibility point.

Icy_Cauliflower6482 · 2025-09-28T17:48:07+00:00

Women deserve to have careers, stability and finances that drive them and their lives in the same way men do. I mean a generally never gave a rats ass what my partner did as long as he had a job because I agree that a career isn’t a persons whole personality. But if a man expects to both have a career and be loved for who he is a woman has every right to expect the same. We’re people and we’re people who think a lot like you and have a lot of the same insecurities, needs, desires and goals. Most of this discourse about not caring or even not wanting your wife to be educated or have a career is just another guise for wanting control. A woman is not more respectable just because she’s easily controlled, in fact, I’d argue the exact opposite.

I expect and will continue to demand the same level of respect from the men in my life as they give each other because I’m a human being who matters just as much in every single way as they do. This means I have a right to my own autonomy in the form of finances and education.

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2025-09-28T21:05:47+00:00

But here’s the thing.

A lot of decent guys are really boring to talk to—they give short, dry answers—but they often have good jobs (sometimes ones they actually enjoy and are suited for) and a fair amount of assets.

In those cases, if I ask about their work or bring up their investments, they actually get excited and open up, and the conversation flows much better.

So honestly, I think it just depends on the person and the situation.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-09-28T16:33:03+00:00

Then they shouldn’t be complaining when they get “divorce raped”, aka, have to give a woman more because they earned less

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-09-28T20:11:35+00:00

Men are really primarily concerned with how she looks. They often don’t care about the rest. This doesn’t mean they are more virtuous.

SteveSan82 · 2025-09-29T05:16:10+00:00

The issue is women think men care about the same things that they care about due to too much time watching TV and less time in the real world.

Imagine a man says he loves to cook clean and is a virgin. To a woman he’s a loser. But a woman like that is a prize.

When a woman tells me she’s a mechanical engineer or career driven, all I hear is she’s not available and going to have office affairs. That’s when I hookup with her and then block her number.

Women were lied to and it’s their own fault for thinking social media and Hollywood were reality

Solondthewookiee · 2025-09-28T18:06:02+00:00

How are you defining "wrong?" Like it's not morally wrong, no. But it's incredibly foolish for most people. Money is one of the biggest stressors in a relationship, and marrying someone who does not have stable, gainful employment greatly increases that stress, especially if you plan on having kids.

In my experience, the guys who say they don't care are very wealthy or very naive.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-09-29T19:05:23+00:00

Work and school usually isn't important to either women or men, what matters is socioeconomic realm - meaning they are generally in similar upbringing brackets and are targeting the same lifestyle.

So I have to disagree here, because there is nuance to this that you're missing, and you're trying to turn it into a gender war issue when in reality I suspect it's the same for both men and women, and it DOES matter, just not a lot.

Hobbies matter far more however.

Each person has 4 categories of interests:

Core hobbies - must be supported by the other person (aka can't be a dealbreaker)
Dealbreakers - hobbies they won't put up with, don't like (can't be any of their partner's core hobbies)
Likes - hobbies they like (need at least a few shared between both partners)
Willing to tries - hobbies they are unfamiliar with but willing to try or support their partner doing (these are an enhancer if all the other criteria are met and can deepen the relationship)

Most college students gravitate towards other college students because the experience of attending a 4-year stay away institution and making the final transition to adulthood largely unsupervised while living with peers in a semi-closed setting where everyone is there for the same purpose is deeply formative and there are commonalities of experience in that that are key to bond over. But what they studied isn't particularly relevant.

For most people work isn't a passion, it's simply how they make their money, and for some it's a mild interest. There are few for whom it's a genuine passion, which is why they call it "work" and people spend their whole lives trying to retire from it.

What matters far more is how you spend the time you're not at work, what experiences you have in common, and what future experiences you're both looking to have in common.

HOWEVER - I disagree on your premise that work and school don't matter at all. There are still dealbreakers for people (including men). For example, I'm not single right now, but as someone who holds a complicated mix of political positions that generally exclude far left and far right positions, I would not date any political extremist. Anyone who, say, is a member of the DSA/CPUSA/Antifa, or had been in any alt right groups like the Atomwaffen Division, would've been out. Similarly, anyone whose work was antithetical to me, would have also been a dealbreaker. Someone who works for Everytown for Gun Safety, for big tobacco, Transportation Alternatives, Extinction Rebellion, any group that advocates for biological men to compete in women's sports, any group that is anti-gay marriage (I have gay friends who I'd like to be able to continue to be legally recognized as married by the state), any group that tries to work collaboratively with the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), or any group that holds similar politically/legislatively/consumer unpalatable opinions would be a nope.

I suspect that's true for most people. But that doesn't mean that bankers need to date bankers and healthcare professionals need to date healthcare professionals, nor does it mean that incomes have to match. But most doctors are gonna be striving for a house befitting 2 professionals, and it's kinda hard to get there if the doctor turnsaround and dates a retail worker.

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-09-29T22:13:58+00:00

My work and school isn't a transactional quality though, it absolutely is who I am. I'm 6 months away from finishing my master's degree, which I've been working towards during the most formative years of my life. It's a passion, it's a way of life that is very special, and it is a pretty big part of who I am, who I want to be and what I want to contribute with to the world

I'd like it if guys cared more about it, and I don't see what "non-transactional qualities" it is in women that you think men are geared towards/attracted to?

BirdLawOnly · 2025-09-29T02:47:20+00:00

If a man doesn't care about my accomplishments, I don't care about any part of him.

IronheartedAngel · 2025-09-28T19:32:11+00:00

I disagree. But also think men should just stop getting married in the first place. It's a major scam.

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GhostXmasPast342 · 2025-09-29T01:42:04+00:00

There shouldn’t be. Women don’t care either. If you have gone to graduate school that doesn’t have any pull with women. It ranks below military service, volunteering, or charity work. Nothing g closes up a woman’s legs than somebody who has put forth some type of humanitarian work.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-09-29T11:49:22+00:00

I don’t care as much WHAT the profession or education is so much as what they VALUE. For instance, I believe education, particularly higher education, is really important. I myself have multiple masters degrees. I took school seriously, got good grades. And I work in a field that is utilizing those skills. I don’t have much in common with a man who didn’t go to college, for example, or purposely chose not to go to college. It’s not socially who I am. And I don’t know how I could raise a family with someone who didn’t believe their kid should also go to college. It’s just cultural, I guess.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-09-29T13:50:49+00:00

Yes, I don't care either. I just ask as a way of learning about him and his life.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-09-29T16:17:14+00:00

“I don’t care what you do for 8+ hours a day, I just care that your a warm hole that turns me on! That’s so much better than caring about trivial things like your life outside of sex with me!”

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-09-29T18:51:22+00:00

Of course we care about women's school and work. It's an insight in what she dreams about and what she thinks is important. And even if they don't like the work, it's a big part of their life/day, so we care about it in that sense, too.

It's just annoying when they bring those up as if having them makes her successful or something. It's like, nobody asked you to do this, you know? You decided to do it all by yourself, why do you expect men will find it more attractive? Don't project. You find it attractive in men, but where do you hear men saying they find it attractive in women. But of course, better work and school then drugs, partying, and racking up a high d count.

Few-Yesterday9628 · 2025-09-29T21:55:24+00:00

It is transactional though. Men benefit from a womans presence, especially one that makes less than him in ways that a woman with a man who makes less than her will never enjoy.

And even if he was one of the very rare men who could keep up with the best of the best PTA stay at home mom's, he can't get pregnant and have her babies.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-09-29T17:55:07+00:00

I don’t disagree. I do disagree that it doesn’t have consequences

Title	There's nothing wrong with men not caring as much about the "work and school" of the women they date.
Author	Cultural-Ad-8486
Upvotes	31
Comments	150
Date	September 28, 2025 4:18 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nssfkp/theres_nothing_wrong_with_men_not_caring_as_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/theres-nothing-wrong-with-men-not-caring-as-much.1563022 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563022

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