Someone was definitely denied

[–]MK_fan_8351 points 6 years ago [recovered] (139 children) | Copy Link

I'm stealing cum depository

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[–]CountCuriousness1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

If they're used to being promiscuous, there will definitely be some doubts as to whether they'll revert on the part of the partner who is actually looking for a serious relationship

This sounds like your personal insecurity - that you're afraid that you're not enough to please a woman who's had a lot of partners.

Sure, a woman who knows what she wants is probably more demanding in bed. I don't see the issue with that. You'd probably benefit from her experience anyway.

You can say you won't revert, but words are free. Are they just supposed to take your word for it?

I trust my partner to stay faithful, if that's what we agree on, regardless of the amount of partners they've had. If they cheated before, it's obviously different, but I know plenty of women who were once promiscuous girls that are perfectly happy and content in a committed, long term relationship. Maybe they sowed their oats or whatever. One has a kid with her guy, and they seem very happy.

I don't see why a rich sexual history makes you less trustworthy. Maybe you think all people who sleep around a lot are like the unhinged people that most of us know. Doesn't have to be the case at all, and their issue ain't promiscuity - it goes way deeper than that.

[–]CountCuriousness1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Yahmahah-2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

If you're able to get sexual partners but you either decide not to or are not able to turn that into a long term relationship, that says something about either your character or your decision making.

No it really doesn't. Some people have casual sex because it is something they enjoy. It doesn't mean they were seeking a relationship and failed, and it doesn't mean they're making bad decisions if they're having sex responsibly.

Either you don't respect yourself enough to take sex seriously

Sex is not that serious. It's essentially the jousting of genitals and mucus membranes. Not every sexual encounter has to be a commitment ritual. Sometimes people have sex simply because they want to have sex. It's not a difficult concept to interpret.

Unless of course you grew up in the Victorian era, in which case I understand where you're coming from. Otherwise not so much.

[–]deaf_cheese2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]CountCuriousness1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]CountCuriousness1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

An individual's satisfaction in a long term relationship goes down for every sexual partner they have had. I'd imagine that would be an issue.

Does this apply to all humans, or are you just looking at very broad statistics that might be influenced by the fact that promiscuity often follows from many, many social ills?

I'm not sure what you mean by missing out though, unless you're talking about how people stop wanting you so much when you've had over 10 partners.

It's the thing about "sowing your wild oats". I didn't invent this. People have a higher risk of becoming old and regretful if they didn't have a childhood or young-adulthood with fun, and often sex.

I don't really think you can rationalise your way out of emotions

I was raised to feel disgust with promiscuous women. After living many years by now without any rationale behind that, and knowing fully that I was raised to feel this way, I don't really feel it as much.

I think it's the emotions and intimacies that prevent most humans from being able to fuck groups of strangers without things becoming weird.

But many people do not have special emotions or feel a high level of intimacy from having sex with randos, and that's perfectly fine.

Do you not believe that you can have intimate sex with a dearly beloved partner if you've had a lot of previous sexual encounters? Do you think porn actors lie to us/themselves when they describe sex at home as vastly different from sex on the job?

[–]Drakane11 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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I got the same results for bias, seemed enough not to trigger non-snowflakes.

I've seen more studies, I'll get back to you when I find them (and they have scientific value).

But sure, I don't deny that sometimes promiscuity and personal issues go together, and troubled people try to find solace in sex.

That's kinda of irrelevant to the point, unless you're proposing correlation is being mistakenly attributed causation, in which case I'll reconsider.

But that doesn't exclude all promiscuous partners. It doesn't mean you should abandon the perfect woman who loves and truly understands you or whatever, just because she might have slept around a lot.

A perfect woman doesn't brag about how many HUNDREDS of guys she fucked. I've stuck my dick in crazy and in cumdumpsters. I've learned my lesson with crazy, but I would NEVER try to save-a-ho.

[–]CountCuriousness1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

That's kinda of irrelevant to the point, unless you're proposing correlation is being mistakenly attributed causation, in which case I'll reconsider.

I'm saying that I think the results are skewed by all the promiscuous people who have issues that make them more likely to be promiscuous and untrustworthy partners. A meth addict probably has a lot of sex partners, and is probably not trustworthy. Is it the sex or the meth abuse that makes them bad partners? Just one (extreme) example of course, but I don't trust stats too much on this issue because of these things.

A perfect woman doesn't brag about how many HUNDREDS of guys she fucked.

And why would it be wrong for a healthy, successful, mentally stable woman who loves sex to be open about it, specifically? Why would it be a bad idea to have such a partner?

But say she isn't vocal about it. Say you meet the perfect girl that you click with incredibly - long talks, laughs, great sex, the works. At some point you learn she's had "a lot" of partners previously. Say 200 or whatever through college or some shit. Why care? Why not just not care and love a good woman who happens to have been promiscuous?

[–]better_meow1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]RobertCornwallisp381 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]RobertCornwallisp381 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

The original question was where does this anti-slut norm come from.

Your new question is what do we do now, having an understanding of biology and reproduction that no mammal has ever had before. How do we navigate things now that we don't just have to grope around in the dark and unconsciously hope that are genes persist?

I'll tell you a story. A girl I dated when I was a freshman in college and then became longtime friends with is a legitimate sex addict. She's been a stripper and a prostitute. She's in her thirties now and is living with another guy I know who I'm friends with. They're pretty happy together. I mean as happy as people ever are. It doesn't bother him that she has the history she does. I have no judgment of her or him or them. I just hope they're happy.

I still think chassity and monogamy and marriage and are good cultural normative practices. I think in the long run and on the large-scale it will produce a more robust civilization.

I don't think sex positive mean: sex with whoever you want whenever you want however you want as much as you want. Human beings need healthy boundaries and limitations.

[–]WallsAreOverrated1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]WallsAreOverrated1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

People have hard time with sexual history of their partners in general, you don't want to constantly have on mind who they slept with, that's why it's not a good first date topic. Mature people talk it out eventually and can deal with it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having rich sexual past, sex is a normal biological need and ignoring it is just lying to yourself. Some people can't handle it, either because of jealousy or because they are afraid they will not be good enough for them and get insecure. That's why I think there is this weird obsession with "pure" women, guys think since she only has been with them she can not be dissapointed, these guys are usually loners who has next to no experience them self.

I think she worded it poorly and he had an overly aggressive response, but again, I wasn't talking about the post.

[–]Drakane11 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

sexual history of your partner is important. it shows their values and a pattern of behavior you can expect as you go forward while not a first date topic it is an important aspect in determine the continuation of a relationship. you dont deal with you decide if you want long term relationship based on it.

while you might not have a problem with promiscuous women. some men do for whatever reason and thats their choice. eating is also normal but stuffing your mouth with sausages and getting fat isn't healthy so we avoid people with an unhealthy relationship to eating.

you see it as jelousy and insecuirty, to them its just avoiding toxic unhealthy people not something to handle but to avoid.

so what is wrong with choosing someone pure comparison leads to dissatisfaction. if they are loners with no experience and want a loner with no experience, so they can grow and explore together why cant they want that.

you think she worded it poorly she called a lot of men weak and insecure he called her a slut it is what it is.

[–]WallsAreOverrated1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

If sexual history is a dealbreaker then the problem is with you not the partner. Your insecurity prevents the relationship from progressing not their past, that's why it's their past. Your example with food is weird because assuming you have been together for a while and find out they had many partners, it is nothing like them stuffing their mouth and getting fat, it's more like hearing that they were fat but got in shape before they met you, but you wouldn't mind that at all would you?

If that would still be a dealbreaker for you then I respect that people have their preferences, it's fine, what I dislike is people going out of their way to shit on others because of something that is simply not for them. Hence why I called a lot of people in this sub lonely incels, similar example is people who don't want kids are fine, people who go to /r/childfree are a little bit messed in the head.

you see it as jelousy and insecuirty, to them its just avoiding toxic unhealthy people not something to handle but to avoid.

There is nothing toxic about having rich sexual past, as long as it was consentual and there was no cheating. Again this is all in your head and you are adding attributes to them based on your imagination.

you think she worded it poorly she called a lot of men weak and insecure he called her a slut it is what it is.

Yes, that's why I didn't comment on the post, I partially agree with both of them but the way they worded it makes them both seem like an assholes. I was commenting on the state of this sub, which if you haven't noticed yet is a toxic hellhole 90% of the time.

[–]Drakane11 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

yeah i have a problem with promiscuous sexual history. insecuity just sounds like shaming tactic this is not just the past it an account of your actions and decisions and behavioral pattern if yoou ve being moving from men to men then logical am just a new person youre going to move on from. youre past a is your credit history if you dont have a 700 to this guyz youre not worth it.

youre shitting on them for their choice right now calling them insecure loners. lonely incels you called them insecure for not wanting to deal with previos sexual baggae you were purposefully derogatory.

of course there is a toxicity to being a slut, is it shows you have an inability to commit and be happy in your decision a lack of critical thinking and discernment and inability to self control.

the sub just agrees with the tweet nothing toxic anout it

[–]WallsAreOverrated1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

yeah i have a problem with promiscuous sexual history. insecuity just sounds like shaming tactic this is not just the past it an account of your actions and decisions and behavioral pattern if yoou ve being moving from men to men then logical am just a new person youre going to move on from. youre past a is your credit history if you dont have a 700 to this guyz youre not worth it.

See this statement oozes insecurity, you have a problem with their sexual history because you are afraid you would not be good enough for them to stay with you.

youre shitting on them for their choice right now calling them insecure loners. lonely incels you called them insecure for not wanting to deal with previos sexual baggae you were purposefully derogatory.

I was, but not because they are lonely, but because they chose to go out of their way to hate on people who have choices. There are plenty of cool lonely people, but incels can fuck off.

of course there is a toxicity to being a slut, is it shows you have an inability to commit and be happy in your decision a lack of critical thinking and discernment and inability to self control.

Or it shows that you haven't found someone worth committing to. Sex is normal part of life, it's entertainment, having sex with someone doesn't mean you want to have anything serious with them. Sexual history has nothing to do with ability to commit.

the sub just agrees with the tweet nothing toxic anout it

I suppose you haven't bothered to read the comments I guess, maybe you are one of those...

[–]Drakane11 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

insecurity? now you're just projecting. there is no fear or being afraid on my part its a simple analysis based on your past history you've moved from dick to dick. i am just a a new dick in rotation so a long relationship is impossible. with such hoes i am just a pit stop. good enough lol if the past 100 dicks was not good enough i clearly am not going to be. sluts are not long term relationship material.

sex is normal part of life in a committed relationship. its not entertainment . sex is how kids are created having sex with someone you dont plan on having kids with is just foolish behavior from stds to uti. sexual history has everything to do with your ability to commit. numerous studies on this.

all the comments are normal maybe your just reading to much into it since you insecure about your sexual history

[–]DavidTheNoobieArtist 46 points47 points48 points 6 years ago (60 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Spooner_Street 36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

Apparently.... they do it anyways.

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[–]Herdo 72 points73 points74 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

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Holy shit. Imagine an incel but with instable emotions². The ultimate doom of human.

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Something that helped early on when I first left. I wrote down all of the shitty things she did; and that list was long. I Then wrote down what my part was. It really helped me not make her the bad guy, and helped me take accountability for my part and not have any bitterness towards her. An example; no matter how much I made; 60K to 160K. We were always $20K in debt. Our whole marriage. My paycheck from both jobs went into her account which I had no card to nor had any idea what was the balance. If I needed anything for myself I would sell stuff on eBay for gas and clothes money. She always said we were broke. Also, I never saw her wear the same outfit twice. Now that’s pretty fucked up. I look back now and say to myself “what the fuck was I thinking by allowing that to happen?” Here is the Truth. She never held a gun to my head and said “Give me your money and don’t ask questions”! She just made it clear that she would be happier and I might get better sex if she controlled the money. Also, there would be hell to pay if I didn’t. I hated to fight, and gave in to avoid conflict. In the end I didn’t hate her, I was apathetic beyond measure. That made it easier to just leave and write her a “it’s time for me to go and for you to find the person you want to be with” Letter.

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I agree 100%. Also you can check my post history. It’s all real. I now believe every day we make a 1000 decisions that determine our life. I was just stuck digging the same whole day after day saying “today is going to be different, only to keep digging the same whole.” Self doubt can be debilitating, a cancer of the mind that makes you think you have no other option. Today I make different choices and looking for a healthy relationship. When you grow up being told your a piece of shit and no one would love someone like yourself, if you don’t work on that core shame and guilt, it’s easy to find someone else to continue the abuse.

My sister was mercilessly molested and beaten as a kid by my father. She has spent her whole life finding men that continue that treatment of her.

Sometimes making a Change takes a level of pain and suffering that makes the current pain feel tolerable. My fear of being unloved allowed me to stay in a relationship in which love was conditional for how much I made and gave to her. I agree the old me got exactly what I thought I deserved.

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I am not OP but I can say as someone that's had an abusive past that I pretty much started rejecting anyone that was nice to me for a long time. I definitely ghosted and self sabotaged relationships that were good, at least one could have gone somewhere very serious. I did not believe that anyone could actually treat me with respect and kindness without an ulterior motive because that's how my abuser operated. It was 'safer' to date scum because they told you who they were tight off the bat and it wasnt a surprise when they did or said shitty things, so I (and a lot of abused people) went for predictable and familiar. I am still working on completely breaking the cycle. My bf is great, he loves and respects me and is just the cats pajamas honestly. But in our almost 7 years together I have had doubts and fears that led me to either: continue as I was going and ghost a great person or communicate what I was feeling and fearing like an adult and work it out. We are still working on it, but self sabotage doesn't cross my mind much nowadays. There are still times when I can not get my brain to believe him when he says and does caring things, but it takes a lot of hard work. This might have been convoluted and for that I'm sorry, I got about 3 hours of sleep and can't manage to fall back asleep, so here I am.

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I can’t comprehend how someone could give all is money to his woman.

This is normal in Japan. Also normal for simp's raised by single mothers.

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A friend of mine had a similar experience. About five years ago he started dating a gorgeous young girl. He's overweight and always tough no one would date him, so it was jackpot for him. Me and other friends met her and, despite she was really hot, she was always making fun of him or doing everything in her power to start fights. Then she got pregnant. My friend had to sell most of his stuff to pay for things during this time. After birth, this bitch were always too tired to take care of the baby and the house. My friend had to do all the house work while having a full time job. They lived like this for 2 years and then she left him and got a younger boyfriend. My friend also told us she was terrible during sex, always complaining about having to do it. But she present herself as this big slut that sucked on a thousand cocks. Now my friend has to pay alimony and she never worked a day in her life.

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For a lot of people, in a way, yes.

The 30 year old working a skill-less job at McDonald's or a checkout line isn't going to be bringing in 69,000 anytime soon.

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[–]DexyStorm1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

if you had shitty parents who didnt care about your childhood, then monst probably, yes. immutable. though, you can still go to an evening school, but going to school and studying is too much

[–]19Jacoby98 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]DexyStorm1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

" Terrible childhoods and high salary don't equate. "

if your parents didnt give 2 shits about you and sent you to a shit school and because of that you got a shit school degree, then yes, it does equate.

" What do you mean by too much? "

in my opinion: its way to much stress and you really dont have time to study and work. i tried it myself. going to work at 5:50 and coming back at 16:00. After that being completely exhausted and having to study something is pure hell. worst time of my life.

[–]19Jacoby98 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Nah dude. There are plenty of people, that I'd consider successful, that came from far less than most can imagine. Those sort of conditions can bring out the best or worst. Up to you.

though, you can still go to an evening school, but going to school and studying is too much

I didn't know you meant schooling and working.

in my opinion: its way to much stress and you really dont have time to study and work. i tried it myself. going to work at 5:50 and coming back at 16:00. After that being completely exhausted and having to study something is pure hell. worst time of my life

I will agree it is terrible. I did it as well. Here was my schedule:

School 8am - 1:30/2:30pm

Construction work 2/3pm - ~8pm

Carpet cleaning 9:30 pm - 2/5am

The only reason I did this was to live on my own on campus, be debt free when leaving college, and, most importantly, because I didn't try hard and high school and get a good scholarship...which is entirely my fault alone and no one else's.

[–]DexyStorm1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

oh yea. i wrote "going to school and studying is too much"

i wanted to type "going to work and studying is too much"

sorry!

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[–]DexyStorm1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

thanks. have a good day!

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Pretty sure that was her point though. Some men seem to not be ok with thinking about a woman’s sexual history.

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[–]sptPALM0 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I fully agree, hypersexuality is a problem and is still discussed to be a clinical diagnosis in psychology.

My point remains the same: The feeling described is jealousy. here a few definitions of jealousy as taken from wikipedia:

"Romantic jealousy is here defined as a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of potential attraction between one's partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival."

"Jealousy is defined as a defensive reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, arising from a situation in which the partner's involvement with an activity and/or another person is contrary to the jealous person's definition of their relationship."

"Jealousy is triggered by the threat of separation from, or loss of, a romantic partner, when that threat is attributed to the possibility of the partner's romantic interest in another person."

I think these definitions exactly reflect your first paragraph.

The point of my post was, that virginity/purity myth is a result of jealousy.

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I think it's perfectly fine to say, "Hey I made this change and I think it made my life better, do you think you'd like to try it?" It's also fine to say "No thanks, I am happy with the way I am on this issue and have no desire to change."

I never found it to be overly burdensome to maintain this standard in my life. Sure it weeds out a fair amount of potential partners, but seeing as those aren't people I have any desire to partner with it's a non issue. And saying that this causes "widespread harm" may be a bit hyperbolic there. I don't think it can be classified as doing harm to say, "I'm just not interested in dating you."

Besides, I think that it would be easier to argue the point that promiscuity does more, actual widespread harm by contributing to the breakdown of the nuclear family. Being the child of a single family household is a massive disadvantage is so many areas of life. It is a strong predictor of criminality, education level, employment prospects, and community cohesion.

But for me, I am very much to each their own. Promiscuity isn't for me and isn't something I wanted in a partner. Nor is it something my wife wanted in a partner, so everything worked out just fine.

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[–]CommieSide6 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I didn’t say they didn’t have consequences. I said it doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s a choice to be hurt by what someone said. And likewise it’s a choice to believe what someone has said about another. I can type that I fucked your mother and ultimately it’s your choice whether to acknowledge, believe, accept, or whatever you want to do with that. I can’t make you get offended by it.

I do understand humans are ultimately social creatures and that social status, emotions, and general caring for what everyone else does is inherent, and in fact considered beneficial to the success of humanity. However, if you believe that we have free will and that we are indeed sentient and better than something like a dog, or a bee, or a fish, then everything you choose to think and do is your choice. If you believe that these things are more important than what you make of it, then you must not see yourself as above the level of dog.

[–]indrek_k2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]CommieSide1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

It’s not a contradiction. I called them creatures. If you are a creature, then yes, everything I said doesn’t apply to you. You’re just an animal doing what it’s been evolved to do. Stimulus in, reaction out.

I do believe humans are more than capable of functioning on a level much higher than this, therefore, you should definitely be able to decide what to feel and think at any time.

The person proved my point by stating that he is going to ignore me since I offer nothing he wants to consume. He had the free will to not be offended by what I said, and to let it be what it is; nothing.

I’m not an asshole to others. I may be difficult to communicate with, as I don’t really have a care for operating on social norms. I’m combative and blunt. I know people dislike this. I don’t care. Which is how everyone should be. Healthily narcissistic. Live your world for yourself. Be happy and content with yourself. Others shouldn’t be a factor in how you feel and think.

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[–]NonStopKnits1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

One person's opinion means nothing. No, talking about my knitting doesn't hurt me because it doesn't make me seem like less of a human whereas calling someone a cum dumpster is literally dehumanizing a person, which is wrong. Perpetuating negative stereotypes about anyone is wrong, especially when its false information. I'm very tired and might not make lots of sense here, but it's similar to when people rag on men that actually show emotions other than anger. "Men shouldn't cry or they're pussies!" My dad wouldn't be offended to be called a pussy for crying as an individual, he has thick skin. But I have an older brother that was raised by a true shitheel, he doesn't know how to show affection, he doesn't know how to raise his son with compassion, and that's a big issue. We could fix so many more problems in the world, big and small, if we were all just a bit more nice to each other. If we look past how something might affect us and try to see what or who it could affect on a bigger scale. (Affect or effect? I can never remember in the moment.) I'm not trying to be an ass, and I hope this doesn't come off as an attack, because that is definitely not my intent. I have a great father and a horrible stepfather. I've seen the way they treat people and what effects occur. My dad raised me to think about the consequences of my actions and words, and that most things go a little deeper than the surface and make more ripples than you'd think. My stepdad raised me and my brother without care or compassion. He was violent and loud. On the rare occasion he'd try to teach either of us a lesson without violence or screaming loud enough our neighbors (in BFE, they weren't close) could hear, it was only "Because I said so." Which doesn't work on it's own. My brother fucked up a lot, and he kept fucking up because that's all my stepdad expected of him and he knew it from the way stepdad spoke to him. I was very honest with my mom and dad while they were together and dad was around, I knew he would sit me down and talk with me, and I'd learn why what I did or said was wrong, and how to not be a shit next time. He never spanked me or yelled at me. When my mom got with my stepdad, I stopped caring whether or not I doing stupid shit because it didn't matter what I did, I was going to get a beating and be called a stupid queer regardless if it was a B in math, or me not getting home for whatever curfew he decided on today.

[–]CommieSide1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You’re saying that how others treat you should affect how you behave, which is taking me back to my point of how that’s basically no better than being a dog. We aren’t dogs. We are humans. We are better than that.

There’s others who’ve been through worse who are model citizens. I grew up in a very abusive single parent household. I do not see it as a good or bad thing. It just was. I could easily try to point fingers at my father or mother or brother for any behavioral problems I had/have, but that’s ridiculous. What I choose to do or think is entirely up to me.

I understand my way of thinking isn’t very common among the general population, but honestly I believe this is the way humans are meant to be. We are not a lowly animal. We are better than instinctively reacting to whatever stimulus enters our brain. We can make choices. We are sentient. Yes, people shouldn’t do bad things. But ultimately words are meaningless. They only have as much meaning as you give them. If I screamed all of this at you through my phone, then absolutely nothing would happen. Something only happens when you read this, make the choice to acknowledge it, then make the choice to consider it, and make the choice to respond. Otherwise this is nothing, isn’t it?

[–]NonStopKnits1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm not saying my comment is the way it is literally all the time for everyone. But there are many people that are conditioned, and the average person isn't anywhere near a genius, so it happens often. Especially with someone that was in that situation from the start and never got the opportunity to know anything but that. It doesn't even have to be a behavior problem. I don't trust people easily, but I was raised partially in a household where the family was a bunch of liars. I look at it from a psychological standpoint, if all you ever know is people lie, you aren't going to trust because that will keep you safest. Its survival instinct, like blocking out trauma. Women giving birth is usually a pretty traumatic experience, even with an epidural and ideal conditions. But the brain tries to downplay trauma around childbirth so that you keep procreating. That's a really oversimplification of my point, but it's all I got right now.

Everyone is gonna react and respond differently to any experience. There are shitheels with perfect parents, there are saints with shitheels for parents. Many people break the cycle of abuse, many perpetuate it. My stepdad and his siblings and his mom were abused pretty badly by his dad, all he did in his life was abuse other people. He's not even really all that stupid, just not self aware enough and all closed off so he has no chance to heal and be a better person. I broke the cycle, but I had other role models and authority figures and friends in my life that he didn't have to help me grow into a good person. We are still just stupid animals in my opinion though. Make a stupid and complacent enough population (which isn't that hard, only takes like 40 years) and they're practically cattle.

[–]CommieSide2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]prtstrk2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

So you think granting women the same right as a man is the same as forcing men to encourage behavior that they don't agree with?

What you are proposing is comparable to forced gay conversion therapy or state mandated religion and it honestly baffles me how you can be ignorant enough to call the idea that all people, including men, are allowed to live their life's according to their own preferences "dangerous". It's not on men to change what they view as a desirable partner, and if you have a problem with it no one forces you to be a part of their space (unlike the sick ideas your are proposing). I don't know what's going in your head that you think you are entitled to other people's approval simply because you exist. You are not.

This idea that society just changes over time to the better and we should stop complaining it hasn't yet perpetuates the status quo.

The destruction of the family is one if the major reasons of western decline. From record numbers of depressed singles, to reliance on mass immigration because of lack of reproduction there are so many things we sacrificed so that some people can be cum dumpsters while the rest of us pretends like we are not disgusted by it. I don't know why you think it's something worthwhile to persue.

[–]Anti-Satan1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

First of all, there's a big difference between not wanting to date someone that has had multiple sexual partners and calling those people cum dumpsters. That's the same as the difference between not wanting to date short men and calling them midgets and such.

And how the fuck do you go from:

The solution is exactly what he's proposing. Don't post stuff like this that encourages that way of thinking.

To 'oh he must mean that everyone should be forced to date loose women'?

It's also willfully ignorant to act as if slut-shaming exists in a vacuum. As if this isn't almost entirely an issue men have and that the vast majority of the guys who have it do not see it as an issue in regards to men and use it to demean and badmouth as you have, rather than treat it like a lifestyle choice like religion or political party.

[–]iamawizard1 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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I hate to use the ^^^misogyny word around this sub, and this comment will be -100 because I did, but that’s what this any many top posts in this sub are.

You are correct. It literally doesn’t matter at all.

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Some men do not want to bring sluts home. Get over it.

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[–]genital_rot1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

In the same vein I respect any woman that says no because I’m the man whore of my social circle

This seems fair/equal to me. But all the female whores out there won't accept it.

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[–]Heinrich_Lothar1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

"hateful"

why the emotionally loading? civilisation made rules on "securing" the male lineage/succession. men in civilisations evolved, because they cared about it. If that wasn't the case, we wouldn't have it now and we would live in uncivilized cultures (or maybe are going back to that)

[–]PoLS_-3 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Heinrich_Lothar4 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yes, we can change them. But don't expect to still live in a cilizitions after you changed enough of the norms. Those norms evolved in a context and are beneficial when building a civilization. We have pretty good historical data. But if you want to life your normless lifes, go to the noble savages, fck all do, but you sure won't have a dish washer, a car, phones, etc.

Thinking you can tell anything about a person from their sexual partner count is just objectively wrong

Yes, I can make predictions based on a giant corpus of literature. I can't judge anything at all ever to 100% certainty, but I can make an educated guess about probabilites. If she has a high sex count, she is also more likely to do x,y,z. That doesn't guarantee that she does x,y,z, but greatly increases the chances she will. And since I can't ever know anything, I go with educated guesses and play safe.

While a high sex-count per se is not a bad trait, the traits that are correlated with it are, at least for a men who want high chance of a stable family environment. Luckily for me, I found someone, who shares my viewpoint and understands the reasons behind it.

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"Men having standards". Lmao

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[–]Heinrich_Lothar1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

why only women? im pretty sure islam is right about islamic men

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😂😂😂 ‘major issues’

I’m not an incel but I 100% feel their plight.

I was an incel (but tall) just didn’t care about looks, but once I did start to work on my looks it was easy to see women as they are.

When you aren’t short, all the incel subreddit stuff makes SO MUCH SENSE.

So many of my friends treated like shit just because of their height and other features they have no control over it’s pretty disgusting.

Just how women look at men based on their psychical characteristics, any self respecting man is not going to want a girl who has been with loads of guys and that’s just facts.

Short guys get treated like shit for literally no good reason at all, meanwhile the current consensus is that girls can literally do no wrong and even calling them overweight is some heinous crime.

The tables are defnitley not fair for the average man vs the average women and that’s why I always defend ‘incels’ even the ones in denial, because their attitudes are a result of a lifetime of being treated like shit by women (and other sad men) due to their physical characteristics.

Obviously they need to tone down the mysoginy and a lot of them probably would be able to find a nice girl if they weren’t so caught up in incel culture and just tried a bit, but not all of them.

Some of them have just been treated like shit for years for no good reason and I will always stick up for someone like that

[–]Somebody-Man 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Thank God I’m not only in thinking that. When things like this get upvoted I always worry for a minute, and then I feel relieved that at least someone in the comments sees why it’s bullshit.

For anyone wondering, here’s why it’s bullshit.

1) This implies women only have value if they’re chaste/sexually exclusive. That is obviously damaging, as women are just as much fully actualized human beings as any man is, and having thing that make them lovable and valuable aside from perceived sexual value. If you’re in love with someone and they love you, it really shouldn’t matter what had happened in their past, or your past, unless it will affect your relationship going forward. Having had a lot of partners doesn’t mean they can’t love someone. Now, if you’re a kind of person that has chosen to only sleep with very few people, you might not be comparable with someone who has slept with over 100, but that doesn’t mean you’re better than them, you’re just not a match. This is especially true given that...

2) It doesn’t acknowledge the hypocrisy of many slut shamming men, who would gladly sleep with as many women as they could, except for the fact that no one wants to fuck them. It’s one thing if you’re chaste for religious reasons/personal values, and you want someone who shares those values, but if you’re just a salty loser who’s upset because you’re not getting any, then it’s you who is the problem. Acknowledging that will set you on a far better path than if you just continued to degrade women in order to give yourself a deluded sense of superiority.

It’s rare that anyone is really that much better than anyone else, and the sooner you see yourself and others as flawed but valuable individuals worthy of self improvement, then better. Tearing others down only serves to isolate you from them, which will only making someone lonelier and more bitter.

[–]flyingscotsman1001 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

The past absolutely matters, for one the more promiscuous a woman is, the more here pair bonding ability decreases.

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[+]littlehollah1 points 6 years ago [recovered] (45 children) | Copy Link

Having a lot of past partners doesn't mean they slept around in relationships and won't commit to monogamy...

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[–]littlehollah 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair, I agree honesty at the beginning is important but she never said she had a ton of partners. I hate how she worded it, but this could have been off a rough conversation. I've had dates that found out I was with less people than them but they still explicitly said they wouldn't be with me from that count since they wanted to settle down "and that's not wife material".

Basically we don't know the situation or any details and I think regardless of how many people they were with before you, you could find a really good thing if you are confident in yourself. I've experienced so many hypocrites in this topic irl that now I'm just like "fuck it, I found a man that loves me for me and that's all that matters".

Also this is just a shitty post for this sub, I want to see women thinking they are invincible and above men, not women thinking they have equality.

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Sex is very addicting. It's akin to using drugs. Can a drug addict sober up? Sure, but it takes a lot of willpower and discipline, support from friends/family, etc. They would also have to be as far away from drugs in the future, lest they get tempted/relapse.

Let's say a promiscuous woman decides to stop sleeping around and enters into a monogamous relationship. How likely is it that she'll remain faithful? She may end up getting bored with sleeping with the same guy. In that case she'd either cheat or try opening up the relationship.

She would have temptation everywhere she goes. All it takes is a simple right swipe and she finds herself a hot guy to have discrete sex with. How many friends/family would tell her to remain faithful? You see a lot more "Get it girl!" comments encouraging her to "have her fun". And it's not like she's going to never chat with other men when she enters a relationship.

These are the kind of nagging thoughts a guy would have when it comes to dating a woman with a promiscuous past. She may be great, but there's more of a risk when it comes to getting cheated on. And dating is risky enough as it is.

[–]daydrunkforamerica 61 points62 points63 points 6 years ago (93 children) | Copy Link

[–]genital_rot1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link

i dont really care about a womans sexual past

Everybody in the neighborhood fucked her, but I got to marry her.

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let him go through a divorce first, maybe then he'll check the statistics.

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[–]MadBigote 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

May I ask something? I am now in a relationship an my SO slept around pretty hard in her uni years. I knew from the start bc we were friends before we had a relationship and, once we got formal, She worried that her past affected me. I said that as long as that stayed in the past and wouldn’t come to haunt our relationship, I couldn’t care less, but it actually did come back now.

After a year, I have just had enough of it. I actually just broke up with her tonight, but she insist I’m having a second chance.

The things that triggered this now was that: two weeks ago we went with two of her friends for a drink; one of them male. She says nonchalantly to me the day after this night that she had cheated on her ex with him. I don’t take it too well.

Today she befriends in Instagram with a guy she had slept a few times in the past, even though we had agreed to leave all that behind.

Do you think I over reacted to these events? We have had other discussions regarding guys from her past.

[–]CharityStreamTA 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]throwaway_BaSiL 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The Instagram thing? Maybe, as long as she doesn't talk to him. You can be friends with anyone on social media, it doesn't necessarily mean it matters that much. But it can matter, and if you think you have any reasons to be worried, then there's nothing wrong with that.

But the cheating? And if she mentioned it like "oh, I cheated on my ex with this guy, no big deal", then quite a red flag.

Happened with my ex and I really should have spotted this flag earlier on. We were at a party with our colleagues from uni, playing never have I ever, and suddenly I found out she had cheated before. I took her outside to talk about it since I thought it was a pretty important detail.

She mentioned it was one boyfriend in highschool she had been with for a few months. She got bored of him and thought the relationship was pretty much over from her point of view, so she cheated on him at a party. They broke up later.

The attitude someone has towards other people cheating also talks about their own.

Fast forward a few months, her best friend (female), cheats on her boyfriend. They had been together since highschool, around 3 years, and he had gone to college abroad. They had been in a long distance relationship for around 4 months at that point. She went partying in a club one night and found a guy there. Of course, the next day she comes to her best friend (my ex) for advice. My ex advises her to never tell her boyfriend she cheated on him, saying something along the lines of "it's not his business, and in the end you will only hurt him if you tell him". Of course I was pretty shocked to hear that, I tried talking to her about it, but to no avail. Eventually I just shrugged it off.

Some more months later, I go home to my parents to spend some time with my mother for her birthday (she has had some pretty serious health problems the past year and it was very important to me). My ex goes to a conference in her field of study. She sends me photos from time to time, but in the photos she is always next to the same guy. I ask her about him, she says he's just fun, that I shouldn't worry about it.

I come back from my parents a week later, she starts acting shitty with me. I find that that they are talking a lot. I told her it bothered me, she said it was nothing. I didn't really believe her but I got covered up in uni work so I didn't get much time to think about it. A few weeks later, she stops talking to him, but starts talking to a colleague of mine, who I considered to be a friend.

Eventually she does enough shitty things to me, which I'm not going to bother mentioning, that I decide to break up with her. I ask her about what really happened with those guys, and she told me things did actually happen, but that it wasn't cheating since she was already bored of me, and that somehow it was my fault that it bothered me?

Nevertheless, I'm so glad I got that person out of my life. Unfortunately we still see each other at uni almost every day, and she started having things with colleagues of mine, but at that point I stopped caring.

[–]MadBigote 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Penguin_Cafe1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like you are being needlessly controlling and possessive, glad you broke up with her so she doesn't have to deal with that.

[–]MadBigote 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]flyingscotsman1001 points 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Right, he’s controlling because he’s uncomfortable with his gf being friends with people who’ve fucked her? R u being serious mate?

[–]MadBigote 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]willmaster123-1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

The instagram thing doesn't really mean anything, a lot of people just follow anyone that they know in general, not just friends. Unless you mean 'befriend' like she actually talked to him and befriended him, but that's different. That would be suspect behavior.

Sleeping around in college is one thing, but she cheated on her ex? Yes, that is a big deal. I would be pretty upset, maybe not 110% a deal breaker depending on how long ago it was and how different she is now (I'm 39 now, so if a girl tells me she cheated on her when she was like 22 I wouldnt care too much). And obviously there are situations which could change my views a tiny bit. Like if she cheated on her ex but the ex was a horribly abusive guy or some shit. But overall? Just in general? Finding out a history of cheating is a big deal.

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Lol gential herpes is not oral herpes. And you claim theres more to it that stds but go on to describe pretty much only stds. I get tested for EVERYTHING, regularly. Im also a guy so im pretty sure im not going to get hpv related cervical cancer anytime soon. 'Psychological effects' ? Whats the psychological effect of bustin a nut? Aside from feeling good? Theres also a thing called protection which has worked pretty well for me so far. Ive lost count of how many partners - i have zero children and zero stds and ive been fucking for 20 years. Sex is normal. Its a wonderful, beautiful, natural thing. It's a necessity. It's so good for your mental and physical health. Youve just over complicated it and allowed your sex ed teachers to train you how to mind fuck yourself. Be careful and enjoy it....it's not that hard

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That would be the logical thing but most often than not incels also jave "pretty high standards" for how women should behave (not in practical tho). They hate women especially for sleeping around with "trashy guys" and not going for them "the nice ones". Which is honestly what this post reeks off. Its perfectly fine for having a preference that your partner didnt have a lot of sexual partners before you (i dont really know wht that matters but whatever). Its different to see whats happening here which is a lot of people calling women sluts because they've slept around lile thats inherently a bad thing. Not preferring something and shaming people for doing it are very different things. And incels most ofyen than not because of thwir vitriol against women cling on to these labels to make themselves feel better "i dont want sluts anyway" type of thinking. Thats why a lot of them wish they could go back to a time where man had more power over women and where they couldnt reject thwir advances so easily.

I dont know if people on this sub are on the younger side or more Conservative leaning but i rarely meet 20+ year old people who give a shit if the person theyre in love with has slept with other guys or not, only if they think its a fidelity issue (which would be a different problem)

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[–]47Breezo1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

you just compared a sexually active wan to a drug addict lmaooooo what

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In my case, a whore represents to me something similar to what represents a meth addict, i just can't trust people like this, and not only in the love aspect but in the daily life as well. I think unpredictable it's re word to refer these people.

I think you're conflating nymphomaniacs, who are addicted to sex, and regular promiscuous women. It's one thing to have a lot of partners and sleep around every weekend, and quite another to NEED dick in you 24/7. If we're dealing with an addict, sure, I could understand your unwillingness to trust them.

But if we're dealing with someone who just really likes sex, and has a few partners every month or, what's the harm here? Surely you don't think such a person would steal your cash to buy a taxi to the nearest bar to get laid.

So what's the actual harm? Why would it be morally wrong to choose a partner who has had a lot of partners?

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[–]IvanSolana1 points 6 years ago [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link

As someone who has struggled with retroactive jealousy, I disagree with both sides. The subject is way more complicated than that.

[–]Sebast_Food 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

Here, here.

That shit is no joke. I fell for a single mom that had a significantly higher fuck-count than me (including mfm threesomes) and learning all of this just made my head go in very weird directions.

It took me waaay to long (and waaay to much terrible terrible porn therapy) to learn that it was a macho ego thing, hurting my fragile and toxic masculinity, leaving my pride in full hemorrhage and that, ultimately, it wasn't worth it.

I was slut-shaming the woman i love and was faithful to me for things she did in the past that form part of the fabric that makes her who she is today.
If it were me having a high sex-count with threesomes and shit i would feel like "da man", and that is just a warped and hipocritical way of looking at life.

But, man, retroactive jealousy is no joke, and not an easy obstacle to overcome. But i firmly believe i'm a more confident person now because of it.

[–]IvanSolana1 points 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

This happens to both men and women, and it isn't always about past sexual experiences. Making it about toxic masculinity is a destructive way to look at it and detracts from the actual problem. Avoid blaming yourself or others; the hypocrisy you mention is merely a symptom of a larger issue.

The condition itself may stem from a combination of factors which could include genetic predisposition, untreated psychological trauma from childhood or from past relationships, and a tendency towards obsessive-compulsive cognitive behaviour.

[–]Sebast_Food 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]dongpal1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

If it were me having a high sex-count with threesomes and shit i would feel like "da man", and that is just a warped and hipocritical way of looking at life.

It is not because it is hard to get sex as a man and easy to get sex as a woman. Having lot of sex proves that you must have some really good values.

[–]Sebast_Food 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LeeKay2030 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]IvanSolana2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

As I've mentioned in another response:

The condition itself may stem from a combination of factors which could include genetic predisposition, untreated psychological trauma from childhood or from past relationships, and a tendency towards obsessive-compulsive cognitive behaviour.

I'd recommend anyone in an otherwise clearly healthy relationship with someone they really love to not give up. Although it may at times feel impossible to get over, it is curable. If left unresolved, retroactive jealousy will likely follow them into any relationship they have, even with partners with next to no sexual or romantic past. It may leave on its own given enough time, but they should consider seeking competent professional help if necessary. A commonly brought up option is cognitive behavioral therapy.

That said, don't forget that you are free to choose who you want and who you don't want as your partner for any reason whatsoever. You should be your own first priority.

[–]Sebast_Food2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

u/Yolandiiii's warning about taking with a grain of salt things strangers say online is great advice. Especially with serious issues like these.

u/IvanSolana reccomends seeking professional help as this could be something that stems from a myriad of possibilities. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is usually the reccomended approach. It helps you build healthier thinking patterns, which are the opposite of things like jealousy that make you have intrusive thougts and whatnot.

That said... Tips i can offer are:

Learn to recognize when your thoughts are negative and conducive to a downward spiral. If your identify the sprouting of a problem, you can root it out before it blooms.

When you feel an intrusive thought emerging, counter-act with something that will make you think positive and constructivly, but it has to be in a proactive way, like journalling, making lists of pro's, describing what you're grateful for, etc. Passive distractions won't help (TV, games...).

If you're having a bad day because of this, it's OK to talk about it with your partner, especially if she's caught on that something's up, but remember, your insecurities are your own battle, don't lay the responsability on her, and try to stay relaxed and assertive.

It's not her fault. She did nothing wrong.
Your not weak or broken, either.
Give this whole process the time it needs for you to heal.

You got this.

[–]LeeKay2031 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Procet0 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Dude I'm on the same boat, I'm in a relationship with a single mom, we have a great relationship and we love each other very much, and I get along really well with her son and her family, but going through her cellphone and her old posts from Twitter/Facebook I found that she had a lot of male friends who she occasionally had casual sex with...

When we started dating I kinda knew that she had this past, but I didn't care that much, but now that we are living together and after searching on her cellphone and her social networks it is messing with my head.

After some research I concluded that I have this "retroactive jealousy", the worst part is that she still used to talk with those friends few weeks ago, until one day I got really mad and told her how I was really uncomfortable with this whole situation, she decided to block all of them for the good of our relationship.

After some talk we concluded the obvious, that I need therapy, but unfortunately I won't be able to start until the end of the quarantine.

I feel better after talking to her about it, but I still find myself randomly think about her past and I suffer because of it, out of nowhere bad thoughts comes to my head and I get sad for the rest of the day, this whole situation is no joke indeed, I'm suffering a lot because of this "retroactive jealousy" shit, I don't for know how long I can still handle it before I lose my mind.

[–]Sebast_Food1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Hey man, don't sweat it. It's a big lump of shit, for sure, but it can be overcome.

Those 'intrusive thoughts' that haunt you and fuck up your day are the first thing you should confront, because that's when the healing begins.
I used to ruminate all day when that nasty shit popped-up in my head without so much as a previous related thought.
Distract yourself as soon as you're aware. Journaling helped me. Making lists of pro's, and describing what you're greatful for, and so on. It counterbalances the negative thinking. Repetion creates habit, and soon they'll come less often and less strong.

Stop voluntarily digging around her past. That's nasty. It' doesn't help you, and it's an invasion of her space. Especially that cellphone part, sheesh, that's a red flag action right there man. Don't do that shit.

My wife was still buddies with her past sexual partners and, fuck, why the hell not? It's not like they're gonna sneak of and go at it as soon as the wind changes or anything, and if you think they will, well then there's a deeper trust issue too that needs to be attended. It's not comfortable, but it's not a bad thing to have friends, even if they do have a sexual past together.

We give sex too much importance sometimes. It's a visceral and primordial feeling this jealousy shit. It sure helped when we were tribesmen, so we could ensure who was our kid and whatnot, but nowadays it's useless, especially for us: WE VOLUNTARILY BECAME DADS OF SOMEONE ELSE'S KID. We're above that shit, man. We're the new standard. We should act like it.

Talking about it is great!
But don't wait to get mad so you have enough fake courage to do so. An assertive and relaxed approach is waaay more productive, albeit harder to do. But you're a real man, not a chad bro fuckboy. Practice makes perfect.
But don't do it too often or be a ballbuster about it, it oozes insecurity and that is 0% attractive. She's done nothing wrong, and you're insecurities are your own. She can help, but don't make her carry the full weight.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is what they recommend for these things. It helps making more constructive thinking patterns. It's pretty much the shit.

You got this, man.

[–]Procet1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]Knight_of_Inari 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]IvanSolana2 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

My other responses on this thread sum up my take on this pretty well:

This happens to both men and women, and it isn't always about past sexual experiences.

The condition itself may stem from a combination of factors which could include genetic predisposition, untreated psychological trauma from childhood or from past relationships, and a tendency towards obsessive-compulsive cognitive behaviour.

I'd recommend anyone in an otherwise clearly healthy relationship with someone they really love to not give up. Although it may at times feel impossible to get over, it is curable. If left unresolved, retroactive jealousy will likely follow them into any relationship they have, even with partners with next to no sexual or romantic past. It may leave on its own given enough time, but they should consider seeking competent professional help if necessary. A commonly brought up option is cognitive behavioral therapy.

That said, don't forget that you are free to choose who you want and who you don't want as your partner for any reason whatsoever. You should be your own first priority.

[–]IssaMeWario 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DaxterJunior1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean, her life, her choices. But, why would I date someone who rejected me because she wanted to "find herself"? Like, now that you have your fun you are ready to date men like me? Hell no, good luck finding a simp.

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[–]Mindful941 points 6 years ago [recovered] (16 children) | Copy Link

As far as perception i think the fact that men actually have to have charisma to get laid is a huge factor. Woman can come home with a guy every night of the week if they want.

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[–]bojogocoro1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yes. Because men never dump women.

It's hilarious how a lot of the time when redditors encounter someone talking about something they don't like about reality, they just pretend not to understand the basic premise of quantity. It can be a really effective trolling method, you could have totally enraged me with the sheer frustration of having to argue with someone dishonest and disingenuous enough to be like "well I don't like what you're saying so for the rest of this conversation I won't be able to remember how to count, or that there is even a such thing as counting. Good luck convincing me there's a statistical reality in the world I live in when I won't even admit there are numbers other than 0 or 1." If you were trying to annoy me with your trolling, the choice in tactic was excellent, but the execution was poor so you got very little emotional effect. To use the words of your kind, "try harder"

And even if women exclusively dump men, why would you want a relationship with someone who isn't into you?

Because I'm a human male of relatively normal hormonal health. What kind of question is that? You don't know what it's like to be attracted to someone or what it's like to romantically bond with someone? Or like, those feelings are so weak for you that your attraction gets killed as soon as you find out someone doesn't like you back and your romantic feelings for a partner become instantly meaningless the moment you realize theirs have faded? If you've lived your life with such weak feelings, how am I the first person you've encountered to explain this shit? Seems like this is just as disingenuous of a question as your first one, you just tried a little harder with it. 3/10, decent troll.

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Woah Jesus Christ what is going on in this miserable thread.

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That's like saying women aren't strong enough to handle that the man they love is on a terrorist watch list, or the sex offender register.

It's not about strength, it's about self-respect.

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[–]GhostTheEternal1 points 6 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

I'm comparing red flags to red flags. Having a "previous sexual partner" isn't the same thing as having trains run on you and sugaring for old men, which is the type of shit "men aren't strong enough to handle". That's some whore shit.

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[–]Penguin_Cafe1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Are you fucking retarded? You guys need a serious reality check. Literally almost every woman in America has had multiple sexual partners by the time they get married, it's literally unavoidable. No wonder most of you incels turn out to be pedophilic sickos with a mentality like that, Jesus. Good luck finding an adult woman who hasn't had sex before dumbass.

[–]GhostTheEternal1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

multiple sexual partners by the time they get married, it's literally unavoidable

Literally unavoidable, lol, and you say I'M retarded.

Good luck finding an adult woman who hasn't had sex before dumbass.

That's not the standard. Men are fine with the woman they love having sex before. Men have problems with women who have trains run on them, like I already said and you're too stupid to comprehend. I guess having a train run on you is literally unavoidable for whores like you.

[–]Penguin_Cafe1 points 6 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol I guess you could call me a whore, I've had 10 sexual partners. Although I am dude so I don't know where that falls on the slut spectrum for you, does that count as having a train run on me if it's over the course of 8 years?

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[–]hapigilpr0 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Maybe.

I believe most problems societally come from the failure of that society to properly educate or support people in need. That might lead to people having babies they aren't prepared for and making more problems for the society, so you might have a point.

'You reap what you sow' is assuming that sex is bad and that the sex that people have is unprotected and irresponsible. I think that sex can be fun, especially if enjoyed responsibly.

To say that a woman is a slut or whore or whatever just makes sex a scary and unapproachable thing, leading to people having less sex because women are stigmatized about sex, and people having less safe sex because nobody wants to talk about it.

I want to have more fun sex with more people safely, so I stand by my statement of this dude in the tweet, along with the other dude sharing it are both dicks.

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[–]Kigichi1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Ah yes, because condoms don’t exist.

You also do realize that sex takes two people, right? Men are responsible for spreading STD’s just as much as women are.

And even if people are having sex and not in a relationship...so? There’s no rule saying that people have to date and settle down. I’m NEVER going to get into a serious relationship or married because I don’t want to deal with the mess that is maintaining a relationship with someone. (I’m also aro/ace so for me sex is just a bit of fun and a way to feel good with no deeper feelings attached) There’s nothing wrong with that.

I could sleep with a different man or woman every day and it wouldn’t be an issue. Why? Because I feel like it and by the end of the day anyone that wants to shame me for finding my pleasure in multiple partners isn’t worth giving the time of the day to.

Trust me on this. Those men that complain and hold a woman’s partner count against them? Not someone most people want a relationship with. It’s none of your business and doesn’t effect your life at all. If you’re so upset that a woman is getting laid by multiple people that just reeks of jealously and insecurity; which once again, is a you problem.

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Her statement carries the implication that she's had sex with a lot of guys, which is whatever.

But being preachy about how it shouldn't bother potential suitors, going so far as to call them "not strong enough" is both intelligent and cringey.

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I dont need to argue against someones opinion. But my opinion is that the topic is pretty retarded.

I was making fun of the number because you wanted to use it as an example while it's probably in the top 99.5% percentile and the average american has 7 sexual partners in his lifetime(not implying you're american but I saw an american study).

I probably wouldnt be with someone that had a hundred partners, but not because the number itself but because I believe someone that does this has a personality that would clash with mine.

But the number of people you had sex with usually doesnt define yourself. I've had sex with more than a handful of people through my 20s but that doesnt define me. Some of those women I probably wouldnt have fucked in retrospect but 20yr old me had a different view. Also relationships sometimes just dont work out, so you just split after a few months. Sometimes you're also not looking for a permanent thing and are fine with things fizzling out (esp when you're like 23 and you know you're only staying at this place for 1-2 years)

I'd honestly think it be a little bit weird to not have had 3-4 partners by 30 if you live a normal life. (Sure some people find "the one" with 18 or whatever but that's usually not the case).

Also I don't get this whole obsession with virgins, fucking a virgin usually sucks.

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[–]SirHoggardBrapington1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yeah I usually only comment garbage tier bait, this website is the only place I can unleash the juvenile shit floating around that has no place in real life.

The post is garbage though, we know nothing about the context or anything, it's just some dude calling some girl a cumdumpster.

And about the weakness, just look at what kind of people this sub draws, the influx of people from places like shortcels is undeniable. This sub was about stuff like women being treated equal in court matters or getting punched after angering someone because they thought girls wont see those hands. Now most is just "woman bad haha".

There certainly are enough weak or insecure people here, wishing for virgin gfs, calling people that already had sex damaged goods or being scared that they're going to get cucked in their potential marriage to some person they dont even met yet by a fictional person.

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The virgin requirement is absurd, I agree. But you can't be arguing that, let's say, 100 sexual partners is an objectively and inherently good thing, right? Again, for both males and females. Like I said, people should be free to do whatever they want. But being in a relationship sets a higher bar for scrutiny.

Most women don't want to date womanizers or 'players'. That's what a high count can indicate. Same thing for men. Most will not want to date a woman who has a twerking video and an onlyfans link as the first thing you see when you load up her Twitter page.

A lot of people value monogamy. And a high number of previous partners overshadows that. We're not talking incels or prudes. Literally the average. So why is it so bad that men and women may use the number of previous sexual partners as a metric to determine compatibility?

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There's a lot of reasons behind this, but it would be easiest to go over the two bigger intertwined reasons.

First, genetics. It's always been more beneficial for the species for women to be more choosey about their partners. Society may have evolved, but our brains are still the same as they were when we were living in caves.

Second, and largely based on the first point, The praise men receive is from men who don't want to date them and the choosey women who do. Meanwhile, women have the opposite reaction because an unchoosey woman has always been a hindrance to the species.

Essentially both of these can be summarized simply as:

You don't praise someone for beating a game on easy mode, that's not an accomplishment.
You do praise someone for beating a game on hard mode, that is an accomplishment.

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Guys celebrate other guys as 'chick magnets' but I cant imagine many girls celebrating guys for having sex with a lot of women... same as women dont celebrate other women as 'dick magnets' or whatever. Woman dont celebrate having sex with multiple men because it's not a challenge to do so.

A girl could sleep with a new guy every day if they were so inclined, but probably feel it would be meaningless etc. I dont think i personally know any guys who could sleep with a new girl every single day even if they wanted to.

What I'm trying to get across is generally speaking, we think about sex with new people in vastly different ways.

One last thing to note would be that 'slut shaming' is mostly a woman vs woman thing. It's rare any of my guy friends tell me about any 'sluts' but if they do its damn sure a good thing!

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It really is. That post reeks of a desperate dude that is mad that "Stacy chose chad" and somehow this sub seems to think that it was a PPD.

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She never said ANYTHING about how many partners she had. Goddamn. I've had people pissed I slept with ONE person before them. They had slept with 5-10. What's reasonable to you? What's open for business? Where do you know she is on the scale to judge that?

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You’re not actually saying anything here then. If your point is preferences, then yeah, obviously everyone gets how preferences work. I like blondes. You might like tall people. What people take issue with is how that “preference” is misplaced. It’s not really a “preference”. It’s a judgement.

For one, it’s typically only used as a measure of judgement against women. “Womanizer” is seen as a compliment for men, but we don’t have a positive word for a woman who sleeps around. Men generally get praise for dating around and women are way more often shamed for it. That’s my primary point when I say no one believes you when you say this holds true regardless of gender. Because it doesn’t and never really has. It’s just misogyny dressed as “oh but it’s just a preference!” And that’s what’s gross about it, and that’s why people get upset about it.

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Ok I swear I was gonna go to bed but I got the notification lol.

Yes, obviously with context. But I bet if I said “she’s a real flurbengurder” with a sultry tone and raised eyebrows you’d probably gather what that word means, even if it’s 100% fake. That’s how context and intonation works so yeah, dude. Doesn’t add to the validity of your point.

Last and final point - a P R E V I O U S L Y promiscuous partner does NOT ensure promiscuity in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If you cannot take someone at face value when they say “I will not sleep around while I am dating you,” then there is a breakdown in trust on YOUR side. Especially if you can’t even agree on where the line for “promiscuous” is! End of it. I assume you’ll respond, so I’ll let you have the last word. But I won’t respond afterwards. Goodnight!

*edited word order for clarity

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I'm not going to call this PPD because it's largely true. Most dudes would be proud to have fucked 100 women but likely would call a chick a slut or cum dump if she had fucked 50 dudes by the same age. From my perspective unless you're a top tier guy, involved in the sex scene, pay for hookers, travel...then you will likely end up with women who have had more partners than you have. It might not be fair but as a rule women have easier access to sexual partners than men.

I can say from conversations with men and women that guys freak out when a women has slept with a lot of dudes. I remember when I was in college there was a chick called 40 (she had apparently fucked 40 dudes before day 1 of freshman year). One guy at college who fucked her broke down in tears when he found out he was well past the 40th dude for her. In addition to her being his first or second, he couldn't understand how she could actually like him if she had fucked that many guys. It's probably hard to believe but women are just as capable of having joyful non-committal sex than men. Obviously women pay a different social price for it which is why a lot women lie or try to convert casual sex partners.

A couple of dudes have talked about marrying or being with women who fucked a lot of dudes and it being boring. I feel for you but there's a reason. She fucked those dudes because she wanted to. She got with you because she needed to for survival not for sex. IMO there's no reason to be pissed at a woman with a prolific sexual history unless she constantly brags about it, decides to make you jump through hoops for sex or decides she can't do certain sexual things with you.

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Title	Someone was definitely denied
Author	theOG-Larrymenta
Upvotes	8411
Comments	1003
Date	April 1, 2020 4:11 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PussyPassDenied
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/pussypassdenied/comments/fssdqy/someone_was_definitely_denied/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PussyPassDenied/someone-was-definitely-denied.855821 https://theredarchive.com/post/855821

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