how to handle gf tantrums [recovered]

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-06-24T01:08:18+00:00

Imo ,you’re involved with an immature child and you should really ask yourself why you have such low standards. No man should put up with that.

East_116 · 2022-06-24T01:15:49+00:00

Run! I put up with the behavior for way too long and it destroyed my relationship. It only gets worse and then expands into other areas

djdante · 2022-06-24T00:59:25+00:00

Hey mate, I'll be the first to jump in here - or maybe not by the time I finish it ;)

There are a few things worth noting here:

1) Throwing tantrums without talking about it isn't a behaviour you should have to be okay with.

2) Her not wanting to talk about an issue immediately is a behaviour that should be okay in a relationship. In fact, I think it's super healthy to sometimes postpone talking about a problem until the strong emotions have passed (if in fact this is what she's doing)

So regarding point 1. It's reasonable to talk to her, and don't be mad with her, she can't help the tantrums - but ask her for a strategy you can both get behind that will avoid these outbursts in future because you aren't okay with these big meltdowns - if something is bothering her you want to be able to discuss it from a healthy space and both grow from it.

That's your boundary - and you're delivering it in a non a-hole way - "how can we together avoid you having melt downs before we've had a chance to discuss the problem because this isn't okay with me in a relationship?"

The suggestion I would put forward is to ask her if she's willing to have an agreement with me that either a) She works at expressing to me she's mad and on the verge of an emotional outburst and we agree to take some space OR b) She's okay with me requesting some space when she has an outburst until we can talk less emotionally

It will be possible that she's not willing to be this mature in any relationship yet - and in which case, you love it or leave it because it won't change without her getting on board.

no_not_this · 2022-06-24T00:56:24+00:00

Wrong sub- r/relationshipadvice

MediterraneanBastard · 2022-06-24T01:20:39+00:00

The way that you handle it is that you don’t. You don’t need to do anything, you don’t need to even be with her, nothing is stopping you from just getting up and leaving, if she can’t give you the same respect that you give her then it’s time to walk it my boy. I’ve been in your shoes and trust me you don’t want to walk on eggshells around her 24/7. It’s not good for your mental health at all.

superboy41 · 2022-06-24T02:08:40+00:00

Tantrums and pouting are things that children do. She's not mature enough for grown-up relationships, she may never be.

palealepint · 2022-06-24T01:33:21+00:00

When she does it. Spank her. Lol

ReorgAtty · 2022-06-24T03:36:58+00:00

When you give something your energy, you breathe life into it. Similarly, you train people how to treat you. Don’t play into it when she acts like this. Tell her once she misunderstood, and that’s it. Ice her out after that. She will learn.

These_Invite · 2022-06-24T06:07:45+00:00

Oh. My. God. I knew a girl just like this, she would have these mental fits, these breakdowns and start yelling at me about every year and a half. And then slowly, over time, she started having them more frequently until 8 years later and every nine days she's having a breakdown, and I threw all my shit in my car and I got the fuck out. I got my own apartment and slept on an air mattress. I'm just letting you know how this story ends. I've already read it, it's full of suicidal thoughts, crying, desperation, financial ruin, pain, suffering, gnashing of teeth, I mean it's a fucking crazy roller coaster of a story. I'm going to tell you you need to put this book down or you're going to fucking regret it dude.

TLDR: is she having breakdowns, yelling and screaming fits, and you're the one apologizing when it's all over? Yeah we got a name for that, it's called domestic violence and it happens to men. You want to know the most emasculating thing in the world? Seeing signs of battered woman syndrome in yourself

creamyturtle · 2022-06-24T11:36:15+00:00

you sound like you're 16 and your gf wears the pants in your relationship. if you cant get her to respect you, then leave

FakeSafeWord · 2022-06-24T12:06:08+00:00

Try to sit down and write out your feelings and try to communicate them to her while trying to be as little accusatory as you can be.

If she can't handle an adult discussion about your relationship then she's not currently ready for one and you should stop wasting your time.

You're only rewarding her bad behavior by not introducing consequences.

Vanhelsing2020 · 2022-06-24T04:20:40+00:00

Most men out here don't understand their value/worth. They'll get with a woman like this and let her disrespect them.

The toothpaste is already out of the tube. You can't put it back in no matter how hard you try.

Bhardwaj-littlesub · 2022-06-24T01:35:07+00:00

Omg , the type that is hard to please with silent treatment & passive aggression. If she's not willing to communicate like an adult and not willing to empathize with you, it's going to get harder to the point where you won't even care about it anymore. If i were you, I'd leave.

Who knows, maybe she likes getting your attention in that way, she might be doing it intentionally.

Your top priority is , Get her to verbally express her emotions appropriately.

Bingo_is_the_man · 2022-06-24T01:16:52+00:00

I think I know you bro. Is this girl “J25”? Already told you what you gotta do

worn_out_welcome · 2022-06-24T02:20:05+00:00

She sounds abusive and dismissive. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this - you don’t deserve it.

Fecalfingersmell83 · 2022-06-24T03:26:11+00:00

Dump her. 4mos in its like this? There's girls that suck eggplant for fun, pamper their men with food and attention, are funny. You think you're gunna like her more in 4 more mos lol run for the hills

I know so many dudes with terrible lives because they knocked girls like this up or married them... not only does that suck.... but they missed out on something good before it ever happened.

Dump. Her. Now.

Disney_Princess137 · 2022-06-24T04:50:21+00:00

These people get worse. If she’s throwing tantrums at 4 months....

Really bro it’s time for you to bounce.

Or if she pulls these stunts you have to straight up break up with her right away. This will be you asserting your dominance and you showing her that you aren’t going to deal with her bullshit antics. This is the only way to handle These people because they get SO MUCH WORSE

Strong-Persimmon-456 · 2022-06-24T03:40:33+00:00

I would discuss this with her. A relationship will not work without communication. If she can’t talk it out like an adult then you don’t need that in your life. Hopefully you can help her grow and you can both be heard and on the same page!

More_Internal_9892 · 2022-06-24T03:51:12+00:00

“Hey I’ve noticed that you have a pattern of not wanting to discuss things after they’ve happened. In order for me to feel comfortable moving forward, these behaviors need to be addressed and a plan of action needs to be set and worked towards for us to continue this. Please let me know when you’re available to talk in person.”

betterme2610 · 2022-06-24T04:48:53+00:00

It’s 4 months. Imagine 4 years. Run

luhvxr · 2022-06-24T04:59:00+00:00

honestly if she’s not willing to talk about it at the very least then break up

Barney_91 · 2022-06-24T06:01:18+00:00

You don’t. Anything else is enabling.

Puzzleheaded_Hat_899 · 2022-06-24T06:51:12+00:00

Fucking narcissist

btrpb · 2022-06-24T07:07:17+00:00

End it. I'm not gonna write a wall of text to explain it. Will she ever get better? No. Will you ever get happier? No.

immatonton · 2022-06-24T07:43:21+00:00

I’m just blurting things out here:

The man is supposed to lead. She does take the power in deciding when or how things are discussed. Women are free to disengage from conversations if they want, but not when they themselves provoked the issue.

Don’t tolerate any disrespect. Have that respect for yourself. A lot of women secretly like to be put in their place. It’s called “brat taming”. They want you to stand up for yourself and correct their attitudes.

All women can have attitudes (men too, to be fair), but it depends on the level of disrespect, how hurtful or ruthless she is with her words, or how irrational the behaviors or “tantrums”.

If she’s getting upset at you without first understanding the situation, it sounds as though she is, yes, immature, with poor emotional control. Add to that, perhaps a little selfish and manipulative?

The short of it is that you deserve to be with people that aren’t headaches. You deserve someone who’s going to be a complement to your life. Add value.

Think, say, and do things in life that bring you a sense of value or satisfaction, this includes the people that you hang out with.

Communication is key in almost any relationship. Arguments can happen, but about reasonable things.

If there are times where very mean, hurtful things are said, or if people always want to shut down and keep everything to themselves… all of the time… then it’s a problem.

Maybe one or both parties need to take a step back and evaluate themselves AND the relationship?

Anyway, like I said, I think you should try to get you someone that’s a little more pleasant and agreeable. Being nice, communicating, and not throwing literal “tantrums” is honestly the bare minimum.

There are lots of girls out there, y’all. Don’t settle for ones that make your life miserable, come on…

Jaydogg412 · 2022-06-24T08:03:36+00:00

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Mrstrawberry209 · 2022-06-24T09:02:22+00:00

You don't handle it. You talk about like adults and if the other party is unwilling to take the responsibility and work things out. I suggest breaking things off.

ksm6149 · 2022-06-24T10:01:24+00:00

The silent treatment is the quickest, easiest, and most efficient way to get ZERO accomplished.

One or both of you needs to say what needs to be said to one another and talk like two mature human adults with your own respective thoughts and feelings.

If she can't handle that, then you deserve someone who can. Otherwise you're both wasting each other's most valuable currency, which is time.

FreemanGordon451 · 2022-06-24T10:10:39+00:00

I was in similar situation with my ex. I left her bc I didn't want handle her tantrums anymore, because I was growing emotionally unstable because of it, but to be honest some things in the relationship were great and I wish things had worked out and she had been a bit less neurotic.

First of all realize it's not your fault.

I'm guessing here since you don't explain too much, but chances are her tantrums are because she's afraid of various things: will you stick around? Do you really love her? Are you talking to girls on her back? Are you giving her enough attention? Etc. Doesn't matter that you are not doing it, she freaks out by herself. The tiniest thing can be used as a reason to falsely accuse you of bullshit

If you want to try to help her or improve things, I propose that you respond by gently and calmly shutting her down, even if you have to be a bit harsher than you normally are, that way she will feel reassured that her tantrum is unjustified. If you respond to her feeling "blame" and hesitation, agreeableness, trying to "be nice", she will feel reinforced in her tantrum.

She needs to feel she's your girl 100%, if she doesn't feel that she will continue to freak out randomly. She needs to feel that your love and the way you see your relationship with her is solid as a rock, as a pillar of stone, so she can grab onto it and feel safe. Imagine she's emotionally like a ship drifting ashore and you must be her anchor.

Even this might do nothing though. Or you might not want to go through this, which is understandable.

Either way, good luck and don't feel blame for doing nothing wrong.

RenAbsolut · 2022-06-24T11:46:57+00:00

Has happened to me. I just told her “quit whining” and then ignored her. At a certain point you stop giving a shit.

SniffMyPeanut · 2022-06-24T12:02:46+00:00

Communication is important. She sounds emotionally immature and her behavior is not safe or okay. She is allowed to have emotions and be upset ...however the way she expresses it is important as well. If they don't want to talk about it, or have tantrums and then act like nothing is wrong its a kind of invalidation and reminds me of a certain type of gaslighting behavior as well that is controlling and manipulative. Now that doesn't mean she might be doing it intentionally, she might just have really unhealthy ways of attaching and expressing emotions or struggle with emotion regulation, which in her case it is NOT your job to fix her or help her , if she is an adult she needs to take accountability and see a professional therapist or coinselor who can help her Communicate in more healthy ways in the relationship.

Otherwise if they keep doing this and do not change their behaviors, as crude as it may sound, i would say choose better. This person sounds covertly controlling. And overtime it can lead to emotional and mental abuse. Ive been there, had to find my worth and say no to their nonsense even if i loved them.

TheGoatLives24 · 2022-06-24T12:19:50+00:00

As a man, our best weapon will always be to walk away. Our self-respect, dignity, and goals come first. And when she comes back (because she will), make sure you make her pay for that (how are you willing to make this up to me?) And if she don't comply then the relationship must die.

cobraCL · 2022-06-24T12:57:57+00:00

Without communication skills, your relationship is destined to fail.

Sorry for the tough love answer but you have to understand the severity of dealing with a person who is more committed to being "right", than actually working as a team for the sake of the relationship.

Draw an ultimatum. Be direct with your girlfriend that her tantrums are literally killing the relationship, and that she has to learn how to speak like an adult or at least know when she is at a threshold of emotional intensity where she would not be able to confront issues until she has regrouped and is calmer.

If you continue this cycle, the end result will be the following: brooding resentment against your gf, you having to walk on eggshells to avoid tantrums and drama, your self esteem suffering from the constant invalidation and disrespect you permit, and never-ending fights because 1 party doesn't allow for mature resolution.

thiswaytoalltheporn · 2022-06-24T13:18:26+00:00

Hello. Everyone. I hope you all are doing great. I have been in a relationship for four months. My girlfriend throws tantrums, most of the time for something she misunderstood. When this happens and it did today she says she prefers not to discuss it.

This is extremely childish behavior. How do parents successfully handle it? How do they fail this "test"?

I don't like it. I feel like she takes the power when she does this, because she is basically choosing when we can and we can't talk. If I respond with the same and not talk back when she comes back then I feel this relationship will not be as enjoyable to me, because so much of it will be spent not talking. Am I in the wrong here? Is there a solution?

I think your understanding of the power shift is correct here. She is controlling you with her tantrum and making the relationship sour.

The answer is dred.

You need to completely ignore her and this behavior (do not sulk, make up later, tell her why if she apologizes etc. That's how you handle adults and she's not acting like one!) and just focus on your own goals and self betterment.

It could take a month of going to the gym for you to see gains but she will almost immediately feel that your attention has moved away from her and her emotional outburst and into improving yourself to the point that other (more mature) women may be interested.

Again, this isn't to "get back at her" that's playing her game still. This is just developing the other options you have and as a result she will see her own actions as the thing that will drive you away.

On the plus side, if she's too immature to even react to this, you end up closer to your goals and more prepared to find a more mature partner.

tlthang · 2022-06-24T00:57:18+00:00

Dafuq this is a get laid sub, not how to get out of relationship sub

Idfsupporter · 2022-06-24T02:00:55+00:00

Tell her to grow up or leave

VorpalPaperclip · 2022-06-24T02:39:49+00:00

Pound sand, find someone that doesn’t lead with drama.

starameski · 2022-06-24T02:46:21+00:00

Sounds like she is a narcissist. Assert your dominance, tell her to grow up or walk out the door

Plenty_Chemistry_990 · 2022-06-24T02:53:41+00:00

I think Frankie Valli said it best: “walk like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man my son. No woman’s worth crawlin’ on the earth, so walk like a man my son”.

cass2769 · 2022-06-24T01:46:13+00:00

Calling it a tantrum is interesting. A tantrum is something a young child has…not a grown up. So it sounds like she is getting upset for reasons you don’t think are good…and then she’s behaving in an immature manner. Is that correct?

When problems occur in relationships some people like to talk them out right away and other people need time to process their feelings. Neither is wrong but it’s important to communicate.

Next time she gets upset, can you ask her directly “do you want to talk about this now or do you need some time?”?

decifal · 2022-06-24T03:09:19+00:00

......Run

coming2grips · 2022-06-24T03:14:20+00:00

You are not wrong, if she won't discuss it when things are good then it will only get worse. Walk away

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-24T03:14:58+00:00

Search for this book online "How to get over the bitch and grow balls they can't resist" PDF.

Beezus333 · 2022-06-24T03:16:02+00:00

Leave that emotional vamp now while you still got decent sense

TheRealMe54321 · 2022-06-24T03:28:03+00:00

Move on, it’s only gonna get worse. Probably borderline or something. Even the best pussy is not worth that immature bullshit.

maxpossimpible · 2022-06-24T08:35:24+00:00

You have to understand why she's doing this.

Usually, this is a sign of very low self-esteem and self-confidence. She lashes out because she wants to elicit a response or feeling from/in you, if you get mad - she has successfully made you mad. Becoming mad shows her that you care for her.

The problem with this is that there really isn't much of a solution except inner laughter. It might subside after a while when she becomes more comfortable in the relationship. Or it might not.

If ever she's mad without having a reason to be mad, the reason is usually due to some type of problem in her. Been with girls that have had PTSD, Depression, Borderline, and Narcissism, and there are fights from time to time with these people. And you just have to understand that it's not them really, it's their illness/syndrome/diagnosis that's doing the yelling.

If you can uncouple yourself from your emotions and understand this on a more clinical level - you can be fine. If not, probably best to find a gf that does not have these types of problems.

Neo-Rio · 2022-06-24T03:03:17+00:00

Wrong sub, but here are the takeaways:

Why are you in this relationship? Repeated access to sex? If so - STOP. This never ends well. There are more and better women out there. Stop wasting your limited time on the planet and go find them.
Don't put up with nonsense from women. Ideally in any relationship, arguments SHOULD be next to non-existent. That is what is NORMAL. Anytime you have a constant stream of arguments with your partner, it's time to find a new one - and for god sake don't marry them!

Remember they are called "Girlfriend" because they are your FRIEND (it's in the name)Any time they stop being a friend to you, they are a parasite that needs to be booted (figuratively, not literally)

If you don't understand what she's going on about and it's making no sense - it's likely manipulative. Be on the lookout for women with proclivities to narcisstic, histrionic, or borderline personality disorders (read about them on the internet). Get out of the relationship! Run! There's no fixing crazy!
Having said all that, much like you and me - women get cranky when they are tired, frustrated and haven't eaten. These can be fixed. What you may not be aware of is how much a woman's menstrual cycle completely screws with their head and makes them insane once a month as they suffer under PMS.

Now - the burden is on HER to communicate this sort of thing and to regulate herself. It's not on you.... BUT as long as you understand that as a potential cause of the outbursts - you can then deal with it maturely in a way she can't.

Samuraibeb0p · 2022-06-24T03:21:49+00:00

Solution: leave her

bandsupjay · 2022-06-24T03:40:29+00:00

So breakup

DeliberatelyInsane · 2022-06-24T01:24:11+00:00

I’m sure there’s a relationship advice sub somewhere. I don’t see how this has anything to do with seduction

TeslaNicole · 2022-06-24T03:41:43+00:00

Ignore her

unsaerme · 2022-06-24T04:48:19+00:00

I'm sure she must have had a really bad breakup before or bad past, if I'm not wrong

Professional_Base117 · 2022-06-24T05:21:44+00:00

So you also dont talk about stuff just bcos you want to feel like you have more power in the relationship? Nice In conclusion,yall both are toxic.

shxbxx · 2022-06-24T08:53:34+00:00

Let her calm down for a while, then go talk to her. Pair it with some non-sexual touches. Ignore comments in the comments section saying she is "immature and mentally ill,disrespectful, unacceptable etc"

If you can't or don't want to deal with your gf's problems, then break up

grindforthegold · 2022-06-24T01:40:09+00:00

lmao idk my ex was crazy

MBMBlackMantis · 2022-06-24T04:43:44+00:00

There's a movie title that comes to mind... "Get Out"

unsaerme · 2022-06-24T04:47:24+00:00

Examples of tantrums please?

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-06-24T05:00:47+00:00

Distinguish what the tantrum is about first.

Is it a tantrum because you are doing things that make you less viable as long term partner. If so, consider it an relational IOI.

That said, you still have to punish the behavior so she doesn't become conditioned to thrown tantrums because they are a convenient and easy way to manipulate you into doing what she wants. She has to emotionally learn that acting poorly, even if justified to some extent, will result in emotional pain in the form of loss for you.

To do this, send her home and stop talking to her until her attitude changes. If you are legitimately in the wrong, correct the issue without making a big deal about it while you're not talking to her.

premedchunsa · 2022-06-24T05:06:59+00:00

Y’all instead of spamming him to leave her, let’s first accept the fact that OP is clearly attached to the girl and wants a solution that allows him to keep her.

Best solution: Let her be while she cools down. Let her reach out to you first. Distract yourself with other things while so you don’t miss her in the meantime.

Sup3rHD · 2022-06-24T06:53:29+00:00

When she do it, dont talk to her for hours.

But i would dumb her

2022-06-24T09:06:06+00:00

Maybe she should go to therapy or something?

Wads125 · 2022-06-24T10:00:21+00:00

Flip it, when she then wants to talk you let her wait till you’re ready

clipedon · 2022-06-24T11:55:20+00:00

Ultimatum-Tell her she either talks to you about it or break up. There’s going to be more tantrums y’all need a way to handle it in a good way. Not talking about it will just make it build up

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-06-24T12:32:05+00:00

You can't expect the Internet to judge these things based only on your biased explanation. Of course everything will seem like her fault.
Break up with her if you're not happy with her. You don't need anyone's permission. Breakups are an important part of the dating process.
If similar problems keep happening with different women, realize that the common denominator is you. You might be unconsciously choosing immature women. Or maybe your communication skills are worse than you realize. Or maybe you're too focused on power dynamics to care about her needs.

wetsock10 · 2022-06-24T12:43:39+00:00

Just know your going to be alright, having the mindset everyone gets mad is alright. Also welcome fear!

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2022-06-24T12:46:56+00:00

Simple answer… I dont! She can grow up and adult, or find the door!!!

VARISSTUPID · 2022-06-24T13:18:59+00:00

Walk away now, unless you’re dating a 15 year old.

2022-06-24T13:32:23+00:00

So she is verbally abusive and refuses to communicate or fix these issues. You need to stand up for yourself. Here are some things you can try:

Yell back when she yells at you so this behavior doesn't end well for her.
Finding a good time to finally start communicating about these issues diplomatically.
Talk her into therapy or couples counseling.
Realize that nobody deserves to be treated like this and ending the relationship.

ShaidarHaran2 · 2022-06-24T13:40:01+00:00

Dump the child, find an adult.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-06-24T14:06:25+00:00

You have 3 options

be her little yes man and doormat, get stepped on whilst she looses respect for you everyday till she bails (been there recently)
Shout even louder, be aggressive and treat her the same she treats you (also been there.. fighting fire with fire is considered abusive in this case)
walk and find someone else because 100% it won’t get better

I know what I’d do next time.

I’d also like to point you to r/bpdlovedones

Invest2prosper · 2022-06-24T14:19:10+00:00

Leave, that’s how! No girl is worth a lifetime of misery. Her immaturity will kill most men. Leave now!

coolwater85 · 2022-06-24T14:24:55+00:00

A general rule of thumb is if there is a reoccurring problem that feels very one-sided and the other partner is not willing to even talk about it, then it's not a healthy relationship, and shouldn't continue.

I was in a relationship that started as FWB, then moved to a committed relationship. There were times that she would throw a tantrum out of thin air for reasons that didn't even make sense. One time in my car after I had just picked her up, she tried to start an argument for something that I don't even remember because it was so meaningless. I calmly pulled the car over to the side of the road, stopped and looked at her and said "This isn't fun anymore. You've been getting mad and yelling at me a lot lately, and I think it's best if we take a break from each other."

Her attitude and demeanor changed immediately. She instantly and quietly said "But I don't want to take a break. I want to be with you."

And I said, "Then you need to stop treating me like this."

And the relationship was so much better from that point forward. Your GF needs to understand that you are both participating in this relationship willingly, and if it's toxic or not even fun anymore, then you both have the right to end it.

Title	how to handle gf tantrums [recovered]
Author	LiamSi00 [recovered]
Upvotes	148
Comments	132
Date	June 24, 2022 12:46 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vjbq20/how_to_handle_gf_tantrums/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-handle-gf-tantrums.1256261 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256261

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