Girl sent me a friend-zone text. How was my response? Would like to know for learning purposes. [recovered]

nachetb · 2022-05-12T17:31:57+00:00

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2022-05-12T17:13:47+00:00

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nevertextgoodnight · 2022-05-12T17:05:02+00:00

I've been seeing your posts and honestly you did pretty well for how you're learning

She said friends and you said no

I'd just work on more nuances in your texting. Less words, less punctuation

But most importantly you're catering too much to her feelings

"Understandable" "no hard feelings" You don't need to wrap things up in a nice guy package

"Ok I'd love to see you again but I'm not interested in just being friends"

Don't be afraid to put a little pressure on her. Make statements and avoid asking questions. Decisive and concise. As you're learning, think before you send a message "how can I say this in one sentence" If you're starting to use commas it's probably getting too wordy

It seems like you've learned a lot in just 2-3 days so hopefully you can get better results going forward

2022-05-12T20:05:53+00:00

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EternalBlaze18 · 2022-05-12T21:36:37+00:00

OP you did fine. If I was a girl who received that text I’d feel grateful that you handled it so well. Most ppl throw out the let’s be friends line to soften the blow anyways

SpookyKG · 2022-05-12T18:23:07+00:00

Your first text - bad. 'I'd love to keep getting to know you more' - no, don't talk about your feelings. If you want to keep getting to know her more, THEN GET TO KNOW HER MORE. 'Yesterday was really fun. Next time is over drinks ;) ' something that moves things forward and isn't like "I <3 u"

She rejected you, prob was going to anyways

Your last text? Actually I think it was pretty great. It wasn't bitter and you moved on. That's fine. Nice job, OP.

kathruins · 2022-05-12T20:02:09+00:00

i would leave out the "no hard feelings" bit. it makes you sound a little inexperienced, bc its something that should go without saying.

wwwflightrn · 2022-05-12T18:42:44+00:00

My typical response to the "I just want to be friends" is this:

"No worries have a great day"

And then I never talk to them again. No point in being friends. The chances of hooking up in those cases is pretty much zero

PatientAssociation62 · 2022-05-12T23:31:57+00:00

Perfect response. You rejected her offer of being "just friends" without being aggressive or butthurt over it. A lot of guys will either accept being "just friends" in hoping she will "come around" or lose their shit and go bananas.

I would have thought to have added "if anything changes you know how to get ahold of me" but I actually like your response better. It shows you are willing to drop her like a hot potato if she doesn't give you what you want. That sub communicates high value and lack of investment/neediness.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-05-12T19:23:59+00:00

That works. For future reference, though, you don't even really have to respond to the friendship request. It's usually hollow anyways. You can politely agree to it knowing that you ain't gonna hear from her again anyways.

Zenis · 2022-05-12T23:53:10+00:00

The only thing I’d take out is “understandable”. Makes it seem like you think not being seen as a potential mate was an expected outcome. If anything, change to “I understand” or just leave it as gotcha.

But either way you’ll never talk to her again so who cares? Keep on rolling dude.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-05-12T19:41:57+00:00

What’s the problem? You handled it perfectly. She’s not interested in a relationship and why would you want to be her friend? Being her “friend” means no sex for you.

Independent-Welder-3 · 2022-05-12T23:35:34+00:00

im stuck in the friendzone with a girl now, not sure what to do about it

Vanhelsing2020 · 2022-05-12T23:51:29+00:00

Good for you OP. Well done

TheMorningJoe · 2022-05-13T04:18:56+00:00

The response was good, you respected her decision while having the self respect not to stay friends.

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-05-13T07:03:21+00:00

Next! You get no punay man. No need to respond just move on. All these people on here saying u should have said this or that don’t understand when a girl says lets be friends she doesn’t care if u disappeared. Move on-

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-05-12T22:40:17+00:00

“I’m not interested in friendship right now, but I appreciate the honesty. Best of luck to you.”

renny811 · 2022-05-12T20:30:12+00:00

This is not a bad text but your frame is all off. Personally it seems like you’re coming off as a nice guy, which isn’t bad but you gotta do it the right way. As long as you maintain a flirty and non-needy vibe you can get away with being a nice guy. We can’t literally tell you what to say but this text reeks of neediness, I would’ve just liked her comment and moved on.

Also for future reference, talk about sex during the convo. Don’t play it safe, and you’ll probably never get this “friendzone” shit again.

FruitCreamSicle · 2022-05-12T19:54:01+00:00

Walking away is the best way to exit the friendzone she’ll either never contact you again or will in a few weeks or a month either way it’s a win win

Sandvicheater · 2022-05-13T04:34:38+00:00

The only friend-zone i will accept from a girl is friends with benefits other than that I bid them a good day.

mystylejay · 2022-05-13T08:25:56+00:00

Dude, your answer is good. But the answer is only half of the game. What you are doing next is what it really matters.

My one role is never tell what I am doing(verbal communication)Just do it. People will perhaps understand(analogical communication)

IF you had a crush on her, and you desperately need to see her, then stop seein her. You would be just hurting yourself.

IF she was just "a" girl and you think you can be good friends, then go for it. Especially if she might help you in hooking other girls;)

IF you are not really interested in friendship, then just give up. Slowly and kindly(analogically)You owe her nothing.

Jdaddyk07 · 2022-05-13T03:24:16+00:00

I honestly think your response was good. It was respectful and confident. Look, that’s what I’d call a “soft ask” - you express your feelings frankly and directly. But leave the decision up to the other party without any pressure.

This works if she’s confident she’s into you.

NOW in my experience, sometimes this is just a smoke screen and they are interested. My current GF told me “I’m not interested in anything, I just want friends” and I said “yah, me too, I’m in the way to your house”

We ended up having sex that night.

What we forget about seduction is that words/body language don’t actually show the same behavior. Someone can say “no I don’t want it” but they actually do. The trick is learning to read the room and know what the woman wants. Also the key to seduction is never letting her feel uncomfortable.

Idk, I don’t like saying “ignore words” but the truth is you need to “ignore words” sometimes.

bigbearog · 2022-05-12T23:41:15+00:00

“mEn OnLy WaNt OnE tHiNg” is the type of reaction I get when I do this. I think it’s perfectly fine though. No need to spend time on someone who isn’t interested when you can spend time building with someone else

motherseffinjones · 2022-05-12T18:55:08+00:00

When I get those messages. I tend to say I’m cool with being friends because friends can still fuck ( I know it’s a long shot but what do you have to lose). It’s worked a few times for me but the success rate is pretty low lol

ghrinz · 2022-05-12T19:12:42+00:00

I’d avoid using love/hate strong adjectives that directly points toward her, if you want any kind of relationship. You don’t wanna be dependent on a woman, but the other way. Be abundant, display abundance.

If she says not looking for relationship, I’d usually say, that’s works out better as I’m also looking to keep things casual until… give your requirements in a LTR.

revente · 2022-05-12T20:16:53+00:00

You did well.

But it seems to me that you should shift your mindset and focus on options that are still open instead obsessing about one that just closed.

Creevy · 2022-05-12T22:03:48+00:00

Great response.

LanterQ1 · 2022-05-12T23:11:39+00:00

Your second text is great

homeslice567 · 2022-05-12T23:19:15+00:00

Good job! Respectful and clear

bllewellyn_1 · 2022-05-13T03:39:31+00:00

Should have said nothing after "gotcha." Go no contact. Move on to the next girl and don't get yourself friendzoned again.

ExtremeTaco1 · 2022-05-13T12:48:34+00:00

You did a good job mate I am also new at this sorta stuff and when I expressed my interest and was met with the “not interested in a relationship” thing I tried to cope with just being friends even though it’s not what I ever wanted to begin with and ultimately she stopped talking to me anyways. Lesson learned on my end it’s always a bit shitty but it definitely helps you learn and grow as a person which is never a bad thing.

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-05-13T13:08:14+00:00

being friend-zoned doesn't mean she won't fuck you, you must be more sexual in your game like tell her ass looks good in those jeans or whatever you think. I fucked around 40 different chicks who friend-zoned me maybe a bit more. The few times i stuck out is because either the girl drank way to much that night or she was just a horrible person and i rather not

ListNo9585 · 2022-05-12T23:22:13+00:00

Block and ghost on to the next one

Count_Giggles · 2022-05-12T23:23:52+00:00

"i have enough friends"

recyclablebanthas · 2022-05-17T02:59:07+00:00

1

Girl sent me a friend-zone text. How was my response? Would like to know for learning purposes.

The important thing to realize about getting "friend-zoned" is that people aren't so much doing it as a tactic, as one person is finding out that their interest is not reciprocated.

It's one person finding out the reality that the other person is just not into them. It's not a game.

2

I made a previous post and was thoroughly critiqued. I’m still a work in progress and am learning about attraction. I shouldn’t have sent the first text I did.

One thing we can't overlook here is that social interactions happen more fully in person. Getting too wrapped up in all the details of text messages is taking your eyes off the ball. It doesn't help you much to focus so much on this.

There's a reason why people say to stick to logistics over text. A few light messages back and forth and then setting up a meet. You shouldn't be trying to "attract" someone over text.

3

ME: yesterday was really fun. I’d love to keep getting to know you more if you’re interested

HER: Hey [my name], I had fun yesterday too! I’m not interested in a relationship but I’d like to continue the friendship.

ME: Gotcha, and understandable. I'm not really interested in that sort of friendship, but I have absolutely no hard feelings towards you!

Let's break this down:

Your initial text here was FINE. Saying you had fun, if you really did, is good.
You didn't need to specify that you wanted to keep getting to know her more. Using the word, "love" was a bit odd also.
All you needed to do was suggest meeting up again on a specific date and time and see her reaction.
Whatever happened on the date, you guys weren't compatible. That's what her text reveals. Your previous text did not "turn her off."

4

You haven't said anything about the date so it's impossible to comment on what you could be doing better.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-05-17T03:03:52+00:00

OP posted about a text exchange that occurred after a date that didn't fly well.

I might be missing something, but no one followed up with him for details about the date to see what he could be doing better.

Instead, the responses and bulk of the threads seem to be based on responding to someone letting them know they aren't interested. And while dealing with rejection is important, there are so many things that could be going wrong during OPs dates and no one shined a light on that.

rhofire · 2022-05-12T16:47:30+00:00

You should have just ignored it. Focus on the other woman who want to date you.

Neo-Rio · 2022-05-13T00:11:02+00:00

Firstly asking to "get to know her more" is a bit cringe. She knows what you want. You know what you want.

She says "I'm not interested in a relationship, but I'd like to continue the friendship"

You say "That's great because I hate relationships, but friends with benefits sounds great. I never fuck my friends over but I'd gladly fuck you over and over and over!"

if she balks at that I'd say "Well if you don't care for my emotional needs, so we're really not friends at all! I suppose you don't mind if I fuck someone else... so Goodbye!"

badboyyy112 · 2022-05-13T06:01:48+00:00

why so nice OP? I would've left on read and deleted the number. Don't bend over backwards to someone who is rude to you. Remember, No more Mr.Nice guy aka be more asshole-ish. Probably the sole reason she lost her attraction for you -- you being too nice.

Fix it or you will have more problems like this in the future. Think about it seriously

tommybruh · 2022-05-12T22:19:54+00:00

Better to left her on read and she will understand

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-05-12T16:48:43+00:00

Your last text was shit too. Generally, you are too explicit and need to focus more on subtext and feelings.

'Cool, let's split a friendly bottle of wine soon'

koolex · 2022-05-12T22:04:28+00:00

I would probably say, "Gotcha, I'm only interested in a romantic relationship so if you ever change your mind let me know"

I would leave the door open if she ever changes her mind

fightingflightllama · 2022-05-13T02:28:10+00:00

Send her a pic of your dick

recyclablebanthas · 2022-05-12T16:49:13+00:00

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Everyman1000 · 2022-05-13T00:01:52+00:00

How do you guys feel about asking her if she can introduce you to any of her cute friends

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-05-13T12:26:50+00:00

Be simple and polite.

Alpha-011 · 2022-05-13T14:05:40+00:00

The reason why you guys are in the friend zone and don't know anything about a woman having no girlfriends then if you have, they will just slip from your hands IS THAT you have lots of self-limiting behaviors/thoughts your ACTIONS are aligned with those false beliefs.

Relationships ARE NOT 50/50 who d'heck told you that boy!??? @JoeBeezy123
your first text was pretty bad BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS NOT THAT (go to number 3)

your text says "oh it was dammnn fun! last night" when in reality she just thought "oh this guy was ok" you gave her too much value (often called "level of compliance" in the PUA community)

[3.] YOUR REAL PROBLEM was that you're want her too much when she was chill. Your LEVEL OF INTEREST should always be LESS THAN HER. You cannot expect prime food in a restaurant when you're only giving dimes, first, she needs time to know you, then the more she shows you reciprocation, then you validate her A LITTLE BIT, not the opposite. (examples: kiss, flirt, premises, dates)

Her text was exactly that and she pulled away and your BEST ANSWER should be "ok NO rushes I'm not seeking anything"
BUT INSTEAD, you rush again and SHOW that you're more interested than her.
A BAD ANSWER from her, in this case, could be "you know I'm feeling this NOT going on" "..working for us" and "and I believe we should not talk"

[4.] YOUR BEST WAY NOW is either give her ONE WEEK and text her OR no contact AT ALL until she replies.

when she replies don't rush into dating, just hear something sincere from her, AND if she says "how are you?" DON'T REPLY. Wait for something MORE between US.
Then at ease with time you invite her to go out again.
don't put Relationship pressure on her
don't show jealousy

[5.] YOU THINK IS ALL F*CKED AND THIS IS THE END but TRUST ME if you start to talk to her and creep her out, tell your emotions then it's more close to the end.

slaybrownbeast · 2022-05-12T19:16:34+00:00

waste of time, either do not reply or reply “k”

n31s0n · 2022-05-12T21:43:57+00:00

In my opinion:

Dont use "gotcha" nor "understandable". You absolutely should not have said what you said. This is how I would have responded:

"Alright, I see you. Till next time"

You dont have to tell her that you are not looking for a friendship. You can just excuse yourself away from her if she hits you up and she will take the hint. And if you do decide to keep seeing her, she may change her mind about you.

But dont be scared of rejection. Accepting rejection and moving on is the key improving yourself.

ZenitPM · 2022-05-12T22:17:24+00:00

You are fine and probably dodged an unknown bullet down the road.

Designer-Stranger155 · 2022-05-12T18:34:28+00:00

It’s good in a way that she wants to be friends with you. I’ve been on dates with woman where they obviously never want to talk to me again.

he_retic · 2022-05-12T20:29:33+00:00

No you have to 1 up them and be sarcastic. If they say they just want to be friends say “oh yeah friends? I’d love to be friends”, just so ur going over the top and making her question whether you’re really genuine or mocking her, that way she’ll keep testing if you’re really just friends or want more

BigBadPiggy999 · 2022-05-12T19:57:53+00:00

lovethehuman · 2022-05-12T23:15:54+00:00

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Ruby0990 · 2022-05-13T01:34:52+00:00

You might want to avoid showing any sort of resentment but also not caring at all. I would change just this part “but I have absolutely no hard feelings towards you” with “but I’m glad we had a nice time together” or something like that. It’s a really ‘balanced’ kind of answer, you’re keeping it vague about how much you were into her even if you wanted more than a friendship. At the same time, you are showing you’re not desperate about it.

theseoulplayer · 2022-05-13T05:17:41+00:00

Ya did good kid. Ya did real good.

Lifedeather · 2022-05-13T07:39:51+00:00

At first I thought you said any type of friendship and I was gonna get mad and rant about the whole stereotype of girls and guys can’t be friends unless sexual, but you said that type of friendship after rereading so it’s all good 👍

Dryingpan101 · 2022-05-13T09:30:23+00:00

I see people to say "it's so shitty to date someone just forba relationship, but sometimes once you get denied and rejected, still trying to be friends is just too painful or awkward. It doesnt mean you hate them or have any hard feelings towards them, it's just hard to remain friends like that with someone you liked

maxpossimpible · 2022-05-13T10:12:20+00:00

You texted her too early.
Why is that "understandable"? You obviously didn't understand it at all, so now you're just trying to save face which actually does the opposite.
You could have been friends and had fun with her, having a girl as a wingman is awesome.

HuckleberrySilly3750 · 2022-05-13T14:45:04+00:00

Pretty good honestly. Good for you respecting yourself

1000miles_if_i_could · 2022-05-13T15:04:16+00:00

Maybe I am overly sensitive here. But OP‘s last text gives a bit passive aggressive vibe to me. I wouldn’t say “that sort of friendship” but just “a friendship”

Sup3rHD · 2022-05-13T15:16:34+00:00

So what

Ghost her and talk to other girls.

yesterday was really fun. I’d love to keep getting to know you more if you’re interested

This is not how to keep attraction

Ragnarok992 · 2022-05-13T18:26:25+00:00

I have seen many girls post something like this on their profile saying that men should always stay as friends because they dont Owe you a relationship blah blah blah

Title	Girl sent me a friend-zone text. How was my response? Would like to know for learning purposes. [recovered]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	428
Comments	203
Date	May 12, 2022 4:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uo5c8t/girl_sent_me_a_friendzone_text_how_was_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girl-sent-me-a-friend-zone-text-how-was-my.1259839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1259839

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