She said lets be friends, I said bye

Ricodontdoit · 2021-05-18T02:30:34+00:00

Move on man. You did good

gammaJinx · 2021-05-18T02:39:20+00:00

Made the right move my guy but honestly if you didn't catch any feelings for her I would have stayed friends. Because pretty girls tend to have pretty friends

dark_rabbit · 2021-05-18T03:00:39+00:00

This was the right move. She’s not into you, don’t second guess anything. Move on and remove her from memory.

If anything, if you ever stood a chance this would help you. But if you cave in as her friend, she knows she gets the admiration from you for free. Value yourself and make others value you.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-05-18T03:57:00+00:00

You did fine. No point in second guessing or worrying about it now. It's not like you owed her anything more.

Also, don't listen to the other posters in here. If you're genuinely interested in being friends, then be friends. Don't be a fake friend just to try and get with her friends. That's disingenuous. Especially when you stop talking to her so much later on.

HumanContract · 2021-05-18T03:09:48+00:00

I had a similar situation. Thought first date went really well but she hit me with a similar line the next day. At first I was salty and didn’t answer but a few days later I was like fuck it, who knows what could end up happening. Fast forward a few months and now we hook up and are casual fwbs. Never know what plot twists could happen my friend.

haminthefryingpan · 2021-05-18T02:44:08+00:00

It’s not a bad thing to add to your friend group. Guarantee you she has hot friends. Also, it’s always good to be seen out with hot chicks.

pooserboy · 2021-05-18T03:10:36+00:00

Some people are saying you could’ve been friends and all that but I think it depends how much you were into her. If you just kinda wanted a f buddy or whatever I think you could’ve just been friends and expanded by maybe meeting some of her friends or something.

But if you wanted to actually date this girl and be something with her I’d say you made the right move since being friends with someone you are romantically attracted to can be very painful for the heart.

Deweyfinnrocks · 2021-05-18T02:49:00+00:00

1st off STOP the alpha beta shit when you grow up and get to the REAL world NOBODY gives a shit about the alpha beta shit I’ve been though a few different jobs and career paths and NONE of them asked me “do you identify as a alpha, beta, or other ?”, plus the ONLY people I know who use the alpha beta titles proudly are nine times out of ten a fuck’n douchebag who’s self absorbed into their own ego to give a shit about anybody/anything else. When you talk to people you want to be polite and mature not stuck up and an asshole, you have the right to be disappointed and she has the right to look for friends or whatever she wants but neither one of you have the right to be an asshole and call each other names etc.

MisterShogunate · 2021-05-18T03:01:02+00:00

Yeah bad thing is that they usually don't actually mean to be friends, it's just a soft rejection and would probably be a shitty friend.

2021-05-18T03:16:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JayElectricity · 2021-05-18T02:51:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jazilli · 2021-05-18T02:37:48+00:00

Correct move. You don't want to be her friend, and if she doesn't want to take romantic interest in you, move on. Simple.

JSxpreme · 2021-05-18T04:10:31+00:00

At least u went out and had fun 🤷🏾 she was probably too boujee for her own good 😂 u gotta find the W in a situation like this 💯

PrinceofMcdonalds · 2021-05-18T04:10:59+00:00

You did the right thing man. Move on I think you deserve better.

Starved-Nutritionist · 2021-05-18T03:49:42+00:00

The answers are weirdly mixed here.

I say “weirdly” because I posted about a similar situation months ago (thread since deleted) and every answer was “move on.” I didn’t have any responses where people said I should’ve accepted the friendship idea.

Like you, I told the girl I wasn’t looking for a friendship, but I added “hit me up if you ever change your mind.”

She did hit me up, but it was more like she just wanted to see how I’m doing. We talked on IG for a few days before I asked if she had changed her mind. She said she hadn’t. She just appreciated my friendship. I told her I still wasn’t interested in being friends, unfollowed her on IG, removed her from my follow list and moved on.

Don’t waste your time. Just my $0.02

El0vution · 2021-05-18T02:46:12+00:00

You made the right move. But you have to ask yourself how you acted on the date that made her form that opinion of you?

appmanga · 2021-05-18T03:32:23+00:00

After one day out? You might have been better off telling her you weren't looking for anything more than just hanging out and you're not sure she's your type anyway, when it comes to that. Two things will happen: a) this will internally piss her off, and she won't want to see you again; b) this will internally piss her off, and she'll want to prove she's "your type".

I don't know how old you are (yes, it matters), but I think you went a little more hardcore than you needed to. Alpha's one thing, Caveman is another.

Crooked-CareBear · 2021-05-18T04:01:15+00:00

Wait so she said she isn't looking for a relationship after the date and not before?

Quiet_Atmosphere_159 · 2021-05-18T03:57:52+00:00

We have one life on this earth. Rejection will become empowering bc it’s one less thing you have to give a shit about. Glad you were upfront.

amfuego · 2021-05-18T02:43:11+00:00

You did the right thing by being honest about what you’re looking for

jgraz22 · 2021-05-18T02:58:32+00:00

Nothing wrong with being clear with your intentions. The alpha thing is where I have problems. We're humans, not wolves in captivity.

Forgiven29 · 2021-05-18T03:17:33+00:00

At the end of the day it's about #1. Fuck being friends, find a hot ass hunny that wants you! #ALFAADVICE #SWEET&SIMPLE

RobFromPhilly · 2021-05-18T03:55:33+00:00

More power to you

MysticalAlchemist · 2021-05-18T04:05:53+00:00

I guess you could have waited a few days before setting up a second date

whomeverIwishtobe · 2021-05-18T04:19:25+00:00

If you were interested in her romantically you most likely messed up on the date by not escalating enough, that’s typically why a girl says that after one date, you didn’t take it to a sexual place so she feels platonic about you.

boogaaboo1 · 2021-05-18T04:50:04+00:00

You did good. Move on don’t settle for something you don’t want.

myqwel · 2021-05-18T04:58:25+00:00

Ya done good kid.

MeteoraRed · 2021-05-18T06:56:35+00:00

You did absolutely right thing mate as per the book ! You polarized women , ie you either date her make her your gf or you move on there is no inbetween, hence you saved time and now you can date more in that time also you retained your dignity and kept her wondering this guy has strong sense of character and doesn't give a fuck, so yeah an Alpha move 👍

No-Negotiation-7468 · 2021-05-18T07:08:52+00:00

Its the best you can do , if someone is genuinely interested they will make their way in. Save your self respect and do not let these attention seekers ruin it , even if you’re a good catch some people will make you feel like you are worthless so leave before you hand them over the ultimate power to degrade your self esteem.

r3d_ti3_guy · 2021-05-18T07:45:44+00:00

I think there is a stark difference between escalating quickly and going with the flow. I believe in a sense you passed the test of being true to yourself but failed at matching her pace.

Rule #1, women want romance and for sex to be the fault of the man. I would have used future opportunities to escalate romantically. If it didn’t go anywhere, then I would have ended the pursuit.

Either way, it was a win win. One power move is not to delete them from social media after a rejection but to withdraw attention. When they reach out, set up a date.

Enwardio · 2021-05-18T08:21:39+00:00

Dude don’t doubt yourself. Even if there’s a part of you that thinks you could be friends the truth is she was a lil flakey to hang out. If your gonna have a girl that’s a friend it’s better to not have a friend who isn’t flakey from the start.

ironmanalex97 · 2021-05-18T08:24:06+00:00

Dude don’t doubt yourself and don’t beat your self up either.

realmtraveller · 2021-05-18T08:56:09+00:00

She can get back to you when she wants more than a friend. This way she might miss you more if she really wants to spend time with you.

nfornear · 2021-05-18T11:39:44+00:00

People are discussing if he made the right or wrong move.

But there is no right or wrong move here (except the guy talking about blowing back's out, that is definitely WRONG lol).

If by saying you are not looking for friends, that was a perfectly right move. It's also perfectly fine to become friends with girls. It can definitely be fun and they might introduce you to some other friends of theirs and it widens your social circle. As long as you dont become friends in the 'hope' that she turns around or something.

STylerMLmusic · 2021-05-18T12:14:38+00:00

Missed out on a friend, but if you're just after more and passing on friends, any reasonably mature human is going to pick up on that.

warrior424 · 2021-05-18T04:11:28+00:00

Yes my friend, I had to do this twice before. Guys are starting to stop settling for less and women will realize that we are done with these games the dynamics of dating needs to be changed by guys not buying into women who just wanna waste our time. Im not looking for a women to just "hang out" im too focused on career and aspirations to be wasting time with these type of women.

hand_cut · 2021-05-18T04:16:02+00:00

You did a great job. Good for you for speaking your truth forward!

rimendoz86 · 2021-05-18T05:12:31+00:00

You did the right thing, your time and attention is valuable.

When you tell someone you have romantic interest in them and they respond with just friends. They are asking they either knowing, or naive to the fact that you be holding them at a higher level. A level which they have no intention of reciprocating.

Use that time and attention to find your person not idolize someone who doesn't feel the same way.

DangerCheck · 2021-05-18T05:47:35+00:00

Good move, king.

megdaydreamz · 2021-05-18T03:22:22+00:00

aLpHaS- there’s your problem

kittennnuh · 2021-05-18T04:15:04+00:00

I mean, there's nothing technically wrong with what you said - it's what you felt after all. but at the same time, I would probably feel a bit hurt if I was the girl who received a text like that. it sort of sends the message that their company / time spent together is only meaningful if it leads to something. i think it's always helpful to be on good terms with others when you can, so just something to consider ~

CleanWholesomePhun · 2021-05-18T03:31:47+00:00

If she HONESTLY isn't someone you'd want to be friends with, then this is the right move. There is literally no point in being "just friends" with someone who you don't want to be friends with.

THAT SAID, if she's actually the type of person you'd enjoy being friends with and you're not struggling with some type of internal attachment to her, then friendship is a great move for all kinds of reasons.

Just be true to yourself without making others feel shitty and you're winning the game.

vbcbandr · 2021-05-18T05:00:30+00:00

If you're only interested in dating her, then it is completely fair to make that known...just be sure not to be rude or come off as upset. Just play it cool, be respectful and move on.

StealthyRobot · 2021-05-18T01:17:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

greatgagan · 2021-05-18T03:46:35+00:00

Appreciate the feedback ! The alpha line is douchey I agree

Zero36 · 2021-05-18T02:31:41+00:00

All I can say is 💪

Itchy-Shake5980 · 2021-05-18T08:20:06+00:00

Sorry, I’m not an Alpha but here it goes! I met a guy on Instagram. This random would dm and compliment my picture here and there. This random lived nearby my city and we had a common friend, that’s how he found me on IG. I would be one of those girls who would reply weeks or months later. So there were times he would unfollow me, and follow me again when I would respond. At that time, I wasn’t looking for anything. One day, he called me on Snapchat video because he said he was bored. I had came home from work, exhausted and thought “who the hell does he think he is calling me around midnight” me tucked in bed lol. I picked up just for the fuck of it. We talked for 3 hrs, how cool friends we could be and I also told him I’m not looking for a relationship. He would be the type of friend I was looking for during that time, who was down to travel, just down to do shit with me. He made me laugh so much. He asked if we could meet up somewhere. I said yes. I was hesitant because I never met anyone online or on social media before I thought it was strange. We ended up meeting each other. After that, we ended up hanging out more. I didn’t expect anything. This was extremely unexpected of us. Long story short...

It’s almost our 5 year anniversary, moved in together 5 months ago Currently, watching Back to The Future (this is seriously my first time watching this, this is probably like his 10th time) with our puppy. I would never thought I’d date a man who quotes movies.

Just saying, you never know what could happen!! My situation was definitely unexpected. Wasn’t looking for anything at all haha!

GhettoProhpet · 2021-05-18T08:49:29+00:00

Guys Don’t be friends with no girl guys normally never benefit from the relationship trust me

recyclablebanthas · 2021-05-18T13:31:11+00:00

1

Recently said fuck it and commented on a chicks insta story in hopes to start something.

Cool that you scored a date out of that, but online is still no substitute for meeting people in real life. It doesn't matter that the pandemic has stifled things int his department. Doesn't change that these things are more effective to suss out in person.

2

A day later I decided to hit her up to set up a second date and get hit with the “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, like we can be friends as I’m not looking for anything else atm..” I thought everything was going so well?? Guess not.

Sometimes things don't line up. Not a reflection on you.

And it's perfectly valid to not be interested in friendship.

3

But my question is that did I do the right thing ? By all means I’m not sticking around to be ‘a friend’. I think anyone in their right mind wouldn’t if they are sexually attracted to someone?

Couple things:

The same skill set used to make friends, involves a number of the same social skills involved in dating someone.
You were right; trying to play some sort of long game to get at her through friendship, was not the way to go. Not healthy for anyone involved.
While it's valid to not want to be friends with her, it's important to be honest with yourself about whether you rejected friendship with her out of spite, in response to the rejection.
Being able to maturely handle friendships with women is a good ability. Involves a lot of the same emotional intelligence needed for the best calibration.
If you legit didn't like her as a person, it's better that nothing happened. Becoming physically intimate with someone you can't stand, can have the effect of wearing away at your self-respect over time.

djgizmo · 2021-05-18T10:31:37+00:00

No need to even respond really, just walk away/don’t respond.

In my experience once you are friend zoned, that doesn’t change unless your rank changes.

sportsdude523 · 2021-05-18T03:13:48+00:00

"ok cool"

i feel your response reflects a little bit of a need to "get back at her", and that says there is insecurity.

something better than hiding insecurity, is ridding the source.

what's the source? the illusion that you want her.

you hav eno fucking idea if you actually want her. between first date to LTR to marriage, etc, yada yada, you can find out a million things you dislike about her that make it a dealer breaker that make her just another person to you, instead of this overly idealized hot sexy woman you want for a romantic relationship. you have no damn idea if you actually want to be with her long term. if you dated her for a year you very-well could end up feeling she's a huge idiot you don't want ot be anywhere near.

the other thing is you can be pedestalling her, so you think "oh i have to be so skillful and good enough", but if you don't get taken by her, you feel "unskilled" and "rejected", therefore it compels you to need to respond that way. to take out the claws from your hands and fangs from your mouth, becasuse you may feel hurt or offended that some mark of dignity that you have "game" has been slighted.

don't follow this line of thinking. it is not abot being skilled enough to "get" a girl (that factors in, you have to be cool and fun to at least some extent; let's face it , you want that in a girl too so a guy needs to reciprocate), it is about two people matching an dbeing a good fit with one another (again, it is not about impressing her; it is about finding out if you both are a match for eachother). it is not about feeling sad that you didn't become something with her because you over romanticize notions of the future with her, you have no idea what the damn future would be like with her and she very well could suck. get rid of those two notions and you are good to go, and naturally, from this mindframe, you don't need any more "did i respond correctly". it literally becomes it doesn't matter.

PizzaProtector · 2021-05-18T03:50:16+00:00

You’re a legend

Agile-Establishment1 · 2021-05-18T03:53:52+00:00

I think she didn’t like you so friendzoned you. You made a very right move. Now block her so that you don’t become her insta stalker

pimpdaddytwo-step · 2021-05-18T04:20:59+00:00

Yeah just wait. She might have her moment and then when she settles down with whatever’s going on in her life, she’ll likely reconsider. Women do this, men do this, just remain cordial when your paths cross again. If that’s not the case, no worries, you didn’t lose anything.

SerjEpic · 2021-05-18T04:22:27+00:00

A girl I talked to told me the same thing, I said let me think about it know full well what my answer would be. We still had a meeting scheduled for the next day, where we talked and had fun for like an hour. In the end, I told her I am not looking for a friend. Kinda toxic, but it did leave an impression. She still tries to reengage every once in a while, but I do not bite for anything more than pleasantries.

MagicGnome97 · 2021-05-18T04:46:34+00:00

nothing wrong with having friends, unless it was impossible for you to see her in that way.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-05-18T05:14:47+00:00

Hmmmmmmm....

My bray....

It depends.

If you touched and her and had a lot of SEXUAL chemistry on date 1 then lmao fuck whatever she says meet up with her again and close.

If you guys just were pals talking then ya byeeee

6elixircommon · 2021-05-18T05:16:30+00:00

If you really like her, you should give her time and ask for a date again, not completely write her off, i know rejection sucks but thats what you have to endure. Afterall, staying with the current ones is better than having to look for another

Ierax29 · 2021-05-18T05:38:53+00:00

harvey_croat · 2021-05-18T05:39:04+00:00

My friend always ask me: What do you want?

In your case you want opposite of what you want so you are no match.

Good decision.

somdevb · 2021-05-18T05:46:14+00:00

Next time, say this. "Nah, I've got enough friends. Don't hesitate to hit me up later. Cheers". That way you don't let yourself be erased from her memory. While at the same time gaining enough respect

Icr711 · 2021-05-18T06:05:03+00:00

Being friends and being friendly are two different things. You did good.

surferrosa1985 · 2021-05-18T06:05:33+00:00

Amen sir

jacktheriffer97 · 2021-05-18T06:26:36+00:00

you're not taking any "super-soldier" serum are you ?

iron_ee · 2021-05-18T06:33:01+00:00

always be friends so you can meet and hook up with their hotter friends

Stone-Cold-Advice · 2021-05-18T07:32:00+00:00

I love it. Honesty and no games. Well done.

clendificent · 2021-05-18T07:37:18+00:00

Based on the heading, I was thinking you were a dick, but if it was only one date - and clearly a date - then nah, you did the right thing. You made your intentions clear from the beginning. She explored them then declined. Salty, but it’s life.

HighRankIndividual · 2021-05-18T07:55:19+00:00

You did very good! 🤝

adnamare · 2021-05-18T07:56:59+00:00

It actually sounds to me like you never really explicitly told her you wanted to be something more than just friends. Sometimes we girls can be clueless too; we're not sure if you're being friendly or...? So we'll treat you like a friend first until you show/tell us that we mean more.

rookieMale · 2021-05-18T07:58:22+00:00

Maybe ita me but "I am after something more" seems like a guy who is not even willing to state outright what he wants

Should be more like

That's alright i respect it. But I got way too many friends already. Anyways it was nice knowing you. Bye

nctx · 2021-05-18T08:01:52+00:00

Never waste time on convincing a girl to like you. If she isn't into you then move on. You will find plenty girls that are 100% into you

dlightfulruinstyrant · 2021-05-18T08:10:23+00:00

You have to respect her honesty. Even though your feelings got hurt.

15458434 · 2021-05-18T08:58:11+00:00

In these cases I say sure we can hangout, but I’m not going to dial down on the flirting and go after getting in your pants. If that’s ok with you, then I’m down to hangout.

AccomplishedLack7705 · 2021-05-18T09:11:31+00:00

Yo be friends!! Ain't nothing wrong with that it's pre selection don't let efforts go to waste like literally friend zone her don't hit on her or anything but take her with you when you go out for preselection use her as your stylist if you need to up grade your style she will put you on game even if you need to network and get into better spots use her guys anyways give more value to guys with girls around them you can't be one dimensional most guys just drop a girl after they say let's be friends which is short minded its all good thing think about it she could have just ghosted but instead she thinks your cool enough to be friends take advantage of that the reason why I say this when I got into promoting and getting into spots a big thing was I would invite all the girls that said "let's be friends" and some pretty fantastic interesting situations came out of that 😆 I mean I love the hunt but gotta be efficient with your efforts

L1ttl3Lun4 · 2021-05-18T09:20:02+00:00

Idk why people are down voting the idea of having female friends? It's healthy to make friends with the opposite sex.

I get attracted/crushes on my male friends all the time, but they pass.

Relationships come and go, but I value my friendships with the utmost respect.

Idk why OP is against having platonic friends...

IcyDeath011 · 2021-05-18T09:56:58+00:00

Lol ur last sentence made me crack up. Srsly u think there are alphas ,gammas,beta ,omega and all that shit?? This is same as a girl who believes in zodiac signs. Grow up bro

realhero83 · 2021-05-18T09:58:45+00:00

Yeah brother, did the right thing. Plenty of patch out there.

r3art · 2021-05-18T10:27:03+00:00

Good work.

Now do absolutely nothing and MAYBE a few months in the future you may like or comment on one of her photos again and try a second time. She will remember you as a guy who had the balls to walk aways. If it doesn't go anywhere again, then block and forget her.

CrypticV3nom · 2021-05-18T10:34:00+00:00

It was a shit test and you failed hero...judge her by her actions, not her words.

Have you even escalated to see if she rejects that? Multiple times? If not, you played yourself, and gave up without trying. Some girls say this to weed out FWB.

If she's out with you you're half way there.

PhoenixBln · 2021-05-18T10:50:01+00:00

if you can't have a relationship with her on a friendly basis, don't do it. you have reacted right.

but try to keep a open mindset when meeting with people at general. maybe they will like you more/find you more attractive over time. that's how good relationships of any kind are, by the way.

to meet someone with the decision to make her your girlfriend or your fuckbuddy is illusional. just be the best version of yourself and be open for anything, that happens. your social life will improve naturally, if that is a priority in life.

but that's your decision.

Grackboundcheck · 2021-05-18T11:17:43+00:00

You did good, but also as some said be friends with her because ''hot girls got hot friend" id say yes but why not utilise the friend zone to your advantage now she friend zoned herself make her do friend things. Rate your Best pictures for social media, outfits, review your text messages to girls obviously don't do that EVERYTIME once in a while

You :hey how is it going.

her : Good, wassup

You : hey lemme solicitate your feminine opinion real quick etc etc

And when she tries to unfriendzone herself refuse it because she’s such a great friend and like a sister.

And you'll ask me why would you do that ?

Well turning the friend zone frame against them, showing them your value and that other women want you, and eventually they’ll try to breakout of it and you can deny them because you got options.

Think about it , if you're into investing there's this thing called FOMO : FEAR OF MISSING OUT

The value of the stock(YOU) is increasing ,what do i do ? Get in now or wait but with the risk of it being too damn expensive (view you as higher value now) for me to get a bit on that stock ? Fuck it let's ask him what he's doing this saturday

The hamster in wheel will be spinning real fast in her head.

Obviously have real options, don't just do that because its how you "get out of the FZ with her"

Make the lemonade with those lemons my dude 🙏👌

12amoore · 2021-05-18T11:46:44+00:00

Good on you sir. You did the right thing, don’t think otherwise!

Simplysalted · 2021-05-18T11:54:43+00:00

Please don't say "Alphas" that shit is cringey as fuck it is 2021

freshmoves91 · 2021-05-18T12:46:25+00:00

Only thing I can say is that hitting her up a day later after a date seems way too soon. To her, it may give off a vibe of desperation on your part. I'd say next time, wait 3-4 days, then hit her up. Gives it enough time to make it seems like you're a busy person and not desperate, while also shouldn't be long enough for her to forget.

splugemonster · 2021-05-18T12:52:43+00:00

No problem expressing your truth. I like to leave the door open, something along the lines of “thats ok it was fun to get to know you, perhaps our paths will cross again in the future” idk i been out of the game for too long maybe im rusty lol

JunkCat69 · 2021-05-18T12:57:17+00:00

Bro I think u did the right thing.Im in the same situation and I think even I should do the same.Thanks man.All the best.

ShauryaAW · 2021-05-18T13:12:48+00:00

You did the right thing mate you just said to her that fuck it or suck it but i ain't going out with you to be a friend big up my G that's why these days i tell woman my intentions prior to second date or make the move on first date if it's a No the atleast you will sleep with peace in your head that you gave your best and one day is all you had cause extending such things get you no good but try what i said above and never waste your time keep killing it in life.

Title	She said lets be friends, I said bye
Author	greatgagan
Upvotes	618
Comments	208
Date	May 18, 2021 1:02 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/nex3ep/she_said_lets_be_friends_i_said_bye/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/she-said-lets-be-friends-i-said-bye.1284227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1284227

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