I can tell my (50m) story. If you’re thinking of getting married then this could happen to you.

Our first 5 years of marriage were happy ones, and then we started having kids. That’s when the difficulties started. My wife (now ex-wife) was a SAHM mom, but I was very engaged with the kids in the evenings and weekends. I also worked full time and made good money, did most of the cooking, all the bills, most of the dishes and kitchen stuff, yardwork etc. We had cleaners coming every couple of weeks, so neither of us had to do much there except picking up from the children chaos. And for six years we had live-in child care (au pairs). Money was never a stressor because I made plenty and paid all the bills. I wouldn’t say that I did most of the domestic and kid stuff, but definitely a solid third of it. We have always been kind and respectful with each other, and my ex agrees that we co-parent well.

My ex would complain that she was the default parent, but she was the SAHM and not working otherwise. Our sex life was always the weakest point in our relationship, and it got way worse with kids.

I stuck it out through the toddler stage, but our relationship didn’t improve after they were in daycare and school. I was very short on time for exercise and self-care in general. Both of my parents died and she didn’t step up - at all. I got more and more resentful. When our youngest was 6, and a couple of weeks after my father died, she asked for a divorce and I agreed.

Now she still doesn’t have to work, but gets 40% of my salary, has a nice big retirement package courtesy of moi, has a nice place all her own, and we have 50/50 custody so we switch off on being “default parent”. She has oodles of time for reading and hobbies and friends. She refused to take any of our pets so I’m in charge of them too.

Certainly my ex thinks her life is better now. My life is better too: I’m in a budding new relationship with a divorced woman in a similar stage of life, who is gorgeous, smart, interesting, professional, kind, and a way better match with me sexually than my ex ever was. I can manage well on my own, excel in my full time job, be a great dad with 50% custody, and be an excellent partner to my girlfriend.

I keep it respectful and pleasant with my ex, for the sake of our kids. But I think she’s a fundamentally selfish person who minimizes her responsibilities in every way she can, enabled by alimony and child support. I’ve moved on and will have a better life without her.