Ladies, Separation and Infidelity More Common When Wife is a Patient, link in comments

outside-perception · 2020-06-27T22:17:03+00:00

Men: "we're the real romantics"

Also men: leaves when wife gets breast cancer

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-06-27T22:06:22+00:00

This makes me sad. A woman is more likely to stay in a relationship with a sick man, whereas a man is less likely to stay in that same situation. I try not to paint all men with the same brush, but when I see stats like these, or stats that suggest men have lower empathy than women, show more narcissistic and antisocial traits, are more likely to cheat, and are more likely to lie, I see a pattern. Our society is teaching men that they are entitled and deserve everything.

DejaBlue_Chump · 2020-06-28T00:39:30+00:00

This is one of the main reasons why I have quit dating. I realized that if I did become ill, I'd be much better off if I focus on maintaining good health insurance and nurturing my friendships with other women.

paperbagskirt · 2020-06-27T21:42:32+00:00

It’s pathetic.

Also, when their wives die they replace them ASAP. My FIL was on dating websites and had a girlfriend within 6 months of my MIL’s death, after 50 years of marriage. No big deal, just find a new one!

DallasOMalley · 2020-06-28T00:59:37+00:00

And if they stay, there's a fair chance they'll cope terribly and resent their partner.

I went through a significant, debilitating health event during my last serious relationship, and got a bad diagnosis as well. My boyfriend at the time hung around being relatively useless. He didn't leave, but wasn't very supportive or helpful. When it became obvious I could not constantly be the active, attractive, attentive girlfriend he was used to, he checked out.

Later in the relationship, he had a tantrum, snarling that "so much of the relationship had been about" me. That's when I realized he resented me deeply for the impact my illness had on me and us.

For perspective, during this health event and recovery from it, I experienced a wide variety of physical malfunctions that limited my ability to carry out basic activities, took medications that made me vomit almost daily, and went through a ton of physical therapy. However, I continued working full-time through all of this (yep, even with the vomiting), did not rely heavily on him for assistance, and rarely complained. I was basically coping like a champ, and yet he had the audacity to whine and resent me.

Queen_Anne_Boleyn · 2020-06-28T00:42:16+00:00

My mom ended up having a full masectomy in 1985. My dad (HVM) knew my mom liked Sunflowers and they didn't have any in the gift shop. He was not familiar with St Louis where the surgery was done as we live 3 hours away, and he wanted to be there when she got out of surgery, so he ended up picking dandelions in the park across the street for her. They took care of and loved each other until he passed away in 1999

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-06-27T22:59:19+00:00

This is just so sad.

It is hard not to be floored by the way misogyny and men's general selfishness requires women to be tougher in every single facet of life, just to SURVIVE. We have to be spiritually, mentally, and physically more fit and prepared to either do life alone, or to possibly undergo absolute gut punches like being left by our life partners while ill.

Sometimes I wish we were penguins or something, they bond for life and journey to the ocean together.

EDIT: deleted extra word.

giftofnocondemnation · 2020-06-27T21:43:43+00:00

Men view us like an appliance. When we do what they bought us for, we are good to have around. When we stop functioning like we used to, they throw us out. They have no emotional attachment, like a woman does. We have empathy and feelings. When we love a man, we would push him around in his wheelchair if we had to. The only way a man could ever do that, is if he had some sick paraplegic fetish.

buttofdog · 2020-06-27T22:44:47+00:00

You know what? That's actually one of the saddest things. How can anyone be that heartless to leave their life-companion when they need them the most? And the phenomenon of males abandoning their families when some problems arise is too common.

feminologie_ · 2020-06-28T04:00:48+00:00

Oh my God. I worked in a hospital and we had a boomer patient who was the biggest POS I'd ever seen. He was recovering from a major surgery and his mistress had visited him, but we all thought she was his wife. He admitted she was his girlfriend. Then he started talking about how his actual wife lived in a nursing home because she had gotten really sick (I think it was cancer?) and kind of declined health wise.

This scrote had refused to take care of her when she discharged from the hospital because she needed help using the bathroom and he couldn't handle it. So he sent her to a nursing home to get better. Meanwhile he starts sleeping around with a sidechick and HE gets sick (because his lifestyle was shit and he was an alcoholic, also karma) and requires a huge surgery. And he literally told me that his mistress was so amazing because she was going to "take care of him" while he recovered. Omg. I wanted so badly to scream YOU HYPOCRITICAL, INCONSIDERATE, UNCARING PIECE OF TRASH.

Men don't give two flaming shits if their wife becomes seriously ill. They don't have the empathy to take care of a sick woman because they can't get sex out of her or maid services so they feel it's a wasted investment. When their wife gets sick, men are already lining up their next woman. They see us as literal objects to use and replace when they become dysfunctional.

Meanwhile women will bend over backwards to take care of their sick husbands. I've met so many women who are loyal to their disabled husbands or spent months helping them recover from a major illness. I've met women who manage all of their husband's health concerns, take him to doctor appointments, stay overnight in the hospital to be with him, etc. Women are empathic and compassionate while men are literally incapable of feeling even a fraction of that empathy and compassion towards us. What a messed up world.

FilibusterQueen · 2020-06-28T04:18:57+00:00

I’ve spent countless hours driving my ex to medical appointments and paying for medical bills. I got insecticide in my eyes once and was nervous to drive because my vision was affected and asked him to come with me (he doesn’t drive), he bitched about it the whole way.

Breaking up with him was one of the best decisions I made.

abundant_redundancie · 2020-06-27T21:38:40+00:00

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm

lemon_hearts · 2020-06-28T03:07:49+00:00

Good Christ. Thank god I'm a lesbian.

Anne-Lister · 2020-06-28T08:54:24+00:00

When my Aunt left the hospital after an operation she had this very specific list saying: full bed rest for 3 days, then light dusting but no standing for more than 15 minutes... all the way through to no vacuuming for a full month.

I was horrified at the sexism of it until she explained that loads of men will expect their wives to get straight back to chores, so a doctors list forbidding activities is the only way they get left alone.

Myplummms · 2020-06-28T04:35:43+00:00

What happened to “in sickness and in health”? LVM are degenerate.

tw231116 · 2020-06-28T07:47:23+00:00

This actually makes me feel lucky that I already have disabilities. My fiancé knows what he's getting into. My heart breaks for any woman who has to go through this.

diorgasm · 2020-06-28T13:04:39+00:00

I had lymphoma while I was pregnant , I didn’t know what was wrong , I would cough until I would throw up, rapid heartbeat that felt like an anxiety attack , etc ... my ex would be annoyed by my vulnerability and even refused to take me to the hospital bc he said that I’m “fine”. No, actually I had a 6 inch tumor wrapped around my heart and trachea so fuck you

SarcasmSlide · 2020-06-28T15:33:07+00:00

I’m newly widowed (3 months). There are a multitude of men in my grief support groups who immediately held tryouts for the new one. I’ll never forget the guy in his late 50’s who lost his wife to cancer after decades of marriage and remarried in less than 3 months. My own grandfather lost his wife after 66 years of marriage. He sent all her clothing and belongings to Goodwill within the week and hasn’t spoken about her since.

This is why, just like my NA meetings, I now attend women-only grief support. Which is harder to find than you’d imagine. They don’t love the same way we do and they don’t grieve the same way, either. The appliance analogy mentioned by another poster here is spot-on.

shakethat_milkshake · 2020-06-28T08:13:45+00:00

Newt Gingrich has entered the chat.

Conscious_Mango_7261 · 2020-06-28T09:17:39+00:00

Whenever I got badly hurt the nurse discharging me made it a point to tell me IN FRONT OF the man I used to think I would spend my life with that I could NOT do housework at all. No vacuuming, no dishes, nothing. It was less than 24 hours before he was complaining about it. Then when I had surgery for said injury I asked him not drink that night and the next night just in case I had to go back to the hospital. He drank anyways. Then when I was recovering from my surgery he ended up losing his shit and screaming at me for not doing enough around the house. It was at that point that I realised that if I ever get a permanent life altering injury or illness that I couldn’t depend on him.

2020-06-28T19:44:18+00:00

Years ago I got creeped onto by an old guy in a class I was doing, he was looking for sympathy because his wife was in hospital having just had a miscarriage (but of course poor him, so stressful 🙄). Sometimes I'm sure men equate sex with comfort and literally try to use it as a cure all for everything.

I actually reported him and it was me they sent for counseling! Can you believe it!? What's worse the councilors reaction was "well what do you expect you're an attractive girl", he then took himself off my case and assigned me a different counselor because he said he couldn't help himself, smh. At least the course organisers threw the creep out but I lost my place there because I missed too many days trying to avoid him.

mrs1001nights · 2020-06-28T06:46:29+00:00

This is happening to my grandmother right now. She’s been ill for a while and has just been diagnosed with dementia. My grandfather (mother’s step-dad, 10 years her junior) has become unhinged, manipulative, verbally abusive, and has pushed the rest of the family away. A man will be married to you for half your life and turn sour so quickly once you become an inconvenience to him.

RadarFemef · 2020-06-28T05:29:17+00:00

[removed]

abundant_redundancie · 2020-06-28T03:42:03+00:00

[removed]

Title	Ladies, Separation and Infidelity More Common When Wife is a Patient, link in comments
Author	abundant_redundancie
Upvotes	752
Comments	102
Date	June 27, 2020 9:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hh22xu/ladies_separation_and_infidelity_more_common_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-separation-and-infidelity-more-common-when.700621 https://theredarchive.com/post/700621

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