When men say they’re sexually frustrated, they usually mean that no partner is available at all, and masturbation isn’t a satisfying substitute. It often leaves men feeling more empty or depressed afterward, which is why the frustration builds. For women, however, the idea of being “sexually frustrated” is often about not finding a partner who meets their standards, not a total lack of sexual opportunity. In that case, masturbation feels like a more acceptable outlet, and the frustration comes from quality rather than total scarcity. That would mean men and women are actually describing two completely different experiences with the same phrase.

The counterargument is that men and women really do mean the same thing, they both feel unsatisfied by their lack of sexual connection, but women simply have much higher standards than men. Where men might consider “basic hygiene and disease-free” a minimum bar, women often want more before they’d even consider someone.

So the question is: are men and women using “sexual frustration” to describe two fundamentally different conditions, or does it mean the same thing but women are simply more selective? Either way, it might help if we had different words to describe these experiences, because the gap in meaning can lead to confusion when people talk about it.