Kneeling to propose is a humiliation ritual intended to subliminally prep men for the drudgery of married life.

leosandlattes · 2026-01-11T17:56:16+00:00

I don’t want to propose for the simple reason that I enjoy (some) gender roles. Motherhood and making babies and being the main caregiver of that baby is a gender role, and yet most men are not rushing to abolish that either, nor are they searching for a way for men to gestate and birth children.

So in short: I will consider proposing the day men can gestate and birth children.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2026-01-11T18:07:28+00:00

As far as I can tell, a man is free to kneel or not to kneel when he proposes.

Unless I'm missing something, men generally are not shamed or shunned for not kneeling.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-01-11T17:42:57+00:00

Some of you always try to blame women for shit men started. Kneeling to propose came from male traditions, not women engineering some humiliation ritual. Women not proposing comes from the same outdated gender roles. If you don’t like it, don’t do it.

Barneysparky · 2026-01-11T17:34:35+00:00

Being given away by your father is being treated like property.

Corbast7 · 2026-01-11T18:01:01+00:00

If you think being married is drudgery then why even get married, let alone propose? Sounds like you think getting married is already humiliating. Don’t do it then.

In a supposed partnership of equals, why does one party have to ceremonially beg the other ?

To be blunt, some chivalry traditions like that still exist because it’s seen that men inherently benefit more / sacrifice less in a marriage than women do.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-01-11T17:47:08+00:00

You guys believe marriage is bad for men so don’t get married. Nobody is forcing this on you.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2026-01-11T17:41:13+00:00

It’s a holdover from chivalric traditions. But typically the reason you don’t see women proposing is because “if he wanted to he would.”

NiaMiaBia · 2026-01-11T17:46:19+00:00

Are you against kneeling in general, or just kneeling to propose?

Either way, it’s a tradition here in the US. In other parts of the world, men don’t kneel. If you don’t want to kneel, don’t 🤷🏽‍♀️

AngeAware · 2026-01-11T18:06:46+00:00

There are people who feel like an entire restaurant singing "happy birthday" to you is a humiliation ritual. Who are we to tell them it's not? The grown adult can communicate to their friends, loved ones, etc. that they're not comfortable with it and to not tell the wait staff it's their birthday. Then there are people who love that kind of spectacle and being the center of attention. They're not "wrong" either.

Happy_Huckleberry246 · 2026-01-11T18:52:32+00:00

Jesus if you don’t want to kneel then don’t kneel. If you don’t want to propose to someone then don’t. Not everything is some grand feminist conspiracy.

LofiStarforge · 2026-01-11T17:53:57+00:00

It’s fun.

It’s not that deep brother.

No-Comfort1229 · 2026-01-11T17:40:50+00:00

this can only be said by someone who is not capable of love - or simply hasnt been yet. i would not kneel to propose, but i would kneel to declare my love or for a poem. i cant explain it to you.

bluestjuice · 2026-01-11T17:49:53+00:00

Do we actually know much about the origins of this tradition? Genuine question -- it doesn't seem to be a part of the proposal traditions in literature of 1810-1880, or at least not in a few key places I'm bringing to mind. I'm not sure it's all that old.

Kneeling in deference, fealty, devotion, etc. is obviously a very old symbolic gesture, that was being drawn on when the proposal kneeling tradition was popularized.

Somebody go research this plz!

DGenerationMC · 2026-01-11T18:23:17+00:00

I think you're mistaking tradition and a social norm for people lacking the free will to make their own choices, OP.

malpaiss · 2026-01-11T18:35:06+00:00

What a load of crap. My husband didn't kneel when he proposed. I didn't care at all whether he did or didn't. We had traditional Christian marriage vows, where I vowed to obey my husband and in return he vowed to adore me. It's incredibly clear that women are the subservient ones in the eyes of tradition.

Women don't propose because men famously need to feel they have the final day on any relationship decisions otherwise will spend the rest of their lives blaming women for things they consented to (see: 'baby trapping').

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-01-11T18:56:32+00:00

I mean why do we have the tradition of the man asking the woman’s dad for permission? Is she property? Not anymore, but it’s still a pretty common practice.

We have lots of weird traditions around marriage. I think kneeling isn’t as bad or symbolic as having to ask the dad for permission.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-11T19:03:33+00:00

How do I say this delicately....aw fuck it:

If he can't get on his knees once to show his love for me because it's some humiliation ritual, fella has just told me all I need to know about how he thinks of me getting on my knees.

So ok, you got us. I'll go tell my husband I'm done with oral cuz it's so humiliating and meant to subliminally prep me for the drudgery of married life. We can't go back and change the past, but we can ensure a brighter future, right?

Ladies, the men have spoken. They won't be proposing to us because kneeling is drudgery and we won't be blowing them any longer because it's drudgery.

We'll see who blinks first on this. Seriously, you fuckers make up wilder shit every day.

belongtomee · 2026-01-11T19:22:16+00:00

That isn’t humiliating.

What’s humiliating and dehumanizing is changing your last name because you are no longer your father’s property but your husband’s property now.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-11T19:27:29+00:00

Kneeling to propose is a humility ritual intended to acknowledge that women lose more in marriage and childbearing

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-01-11T17:33:20+00:00

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Clear-Search-8373 · 2026-01-11T17:44:24+00:00

The least you can do when you get a bang maid and breeder property in return, for life.

KayRay1994 · 2026-01-11T18:16:29+00:00

I mean…. In lesbian marriages one does kneel as well, and when its lesbians it is always the woman leaning. In gay marriages a man kneels for another man. Kneeling also happens when someone is knighted, as a show of loyalty and so on. At the absolute worst its a meaningless gesture

If you view it as a humiliation ritual, you’re straight up just comically sensitive. Ultimately, its a symbol of commitment and devotion, the whole “its humiliation” thing has only ever been said by overly sensitive (often extremely bitter) men

Fan_Service_3703 · 2026-01-11T17:31:54+00:00

Kneeling to give her oral on the other hand is great.

World-Three · 2026-01-11T19:28:04+00:00

I think it's an issue that points in both directions.

For example. Let's say you want to split bills. Makes sense, you both have jobs, maybe make the same money. But now what makes her feel special?

We don't express ourselves well enough to illustrate other things we do that will make up for the absence of those roles.

If she doesn't cook or clean, regularly have sex with you or contribute to the bills nor take care of children if you have them, why are you with her? You could be friends instead.

So both sides have expectations that when not met, create an atmosphere where doing anything gendered feels like a waste. Typically the immediate rebuttal is that men should do it because they're supposed to want to. But it easily deserves a response of asking why women aren't doing what they used to.

Maybe neither party should feel special and be happy with each other... But as long as the idea exists that one person will do what the others won't, everyone is encouraged to find who will be everything they want, while they continue to be themselves.

I do think that the initial expectation for men to provide creates a fail state that dooms him to lose because... How many women are going to do all of that and not feel used, despite expecting that behavior every day to the point they likely appreciate it less than a man would?

So it's a game we're all welcome to hate, but the healthiest choice is to just snatch the controller and do it anyway.

BetterToIlluminate · 2026-01-11T18:13:49+00:00

Women rarely propose because men are more likely to say no to a woman proposing than vice versa. By the time a man proposes, the women would have said yes months if not years ago… especially in current dating culture with super long relationships pre-marriage and the types of relationships before marriage.

I don’t have any particular devotion to kneeling to propose, which comes from medieval knights and fealty. It’s not a critical point or tenet to me. It makes absolutely no difference on the validity or strength of the marriage.

However, I also don’t think it’s indicative of “humiliation,” especially in the modern era (by modern, I mean not medieval, not just the past 10 years). However, I think it’s fine and sweet most of the time. I assure you that my husband kneeling to propose wasn’t him humiliating himself, or kowtowing to me. I also am nearly 100 percent sure he wouldn’t say that now… and he can correct me if so because he knows my Reddit account…

I also don’t think it’s a “partnership of equals” if you mean score-counting, point-taking “partnerships,” where we act as if men and women aren’t different, and try and make things “50/50” in some inane attempt. If you mean inherent worth and humanity, well, yes.

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2026-01-11T18:42:40+00:00

I proposed, and I knelt. It speaks to a romantic tradition and symbolises that you're not too proud to lower yourself before your partner, that you trust them enough to be vulnerable, just once. If you don't want to kneel, plenty of people do it standing up.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-01-11T19:58:32+00:00

what culture are you from?

MrTTripz · 2026-01-11T20:18:03+00:00

Why is it humiliating?

Creation_Soul · 2026-01-11T20:44:24+00:00

as a married man, if marriage changes your relationship in any fundamental way, you are doing it wrong. If a relationship is good marriage shouldn't change much.

What does change the relationship a lot is having kids.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-01-11T22:39:25+00:00

It could be interpreted that way, especially with modern anti-masculine feminist rhetoric.

But I have an alternative view under the context of men who genuinely love the women that they are proposing to. Context is key. Without it, any story, any situation can be construed to mean some political optic or a narrative with an agenda contrary to both reality and the facts.

Speaking as someone who has genuinely loved a woman and is culturally Catholic (make with that context what you will), the act of kneeling to her is not a "humiliation ritual," it's a humbling one in which I am visibly lowering my guard and submitting to her and asking if she would, out of her own free will, commit to me as I am willing and prepared to commit to her. It is an act of humbling proposal, rather than coercion: thus the act of kneeling. Visually, I am not imposing over her by standing, I am not begging or appealing to her by being on both knees either, being on one knee is a posture which signifies respect and humility because physically one can very easily and quickly get back up.

The act of kneeling when proposing is to make a woman comfortable, to show her the respect we feel for her, and also a show of honor towards her since that is what we are basically offering her in our proposal, that we are willing and able to honor her until death do us part.

sablesalsa · 2026-01-11T23:51:04+00:00

From one of my previous comments:

The only thing I agree with here is the man proposing. I'm getting pregnant, I'm giving birth, I will probably sacrifice career growth in the future for the family. Even most marriage ceremonies are primarily about the woman if we're being honest ("ball and chain" and all that). The man can do this one thing to show his devotion to the relationship. The price doesn't even matter to me as long as the ring itself is chosen with care.*

*as long as it isn't offensively cheap

Ultimately, it's your choice to get married, so just don't do it if you see it that way. You can find someone else who doesn't want marriage.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-01-12T01:00:25+00:00

If we want to be cynical about it, I think it is (or was) more a way to beg a woman to accept the drudgery of married life, if anything. Because it’s not as if anyone is forcing men to propose. Marriage has never been a requirement for a majority of men, while the same can’t be said for women.

Now, in modern society, obviously neither men nor women have to marry or face an immense amount of social pressure to do so. Such traditions as kneeling to propose are just a romanticized holdover from the past, which is fully optional.

2026-01-12T02:26:11+00:00

The tradition comes from knight traditions of kneeling while pledging allegiance and loyalty to a lord. It was done at a time where if the woman said yes she was to obey, submit, and belong to her husband. The kneeling was a way to show the man was so in love that he felt indendurted to his love and that he had the woman’s interest above his own and would use his authority only in her interest. As history has shown, it was mostly bs to convince them to say yes.

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-01-12T02:57:30+00:00

"Getting down on one knee to propose stems from medieval chivalry, where knights would kneel before lords or noblewomen as a sign of deep respect, loyalty, and subservience, later evolving into a romantic gesture of devotion, surrender, and commitment in courtship, a tradition popularized by romantic literature and media over time. "

EugeneCezanne · 2026-01-12T17:25:13+00:00

In a supposed partnership of equals, why does one party have to ceremonially beg the other ?

One doesn't. It's a voluntary social ritual with no formal impact on the outcome. Insofar as it has an informal impact (like, the specific expectations of the individual proposed to), it's really just culture lag and, as you said, theater. Historically, it's rooted in chivalric, medieval custom: kneeling to pledge loyalty and commitment. Whatever knight first had the idea to appropriate it to woo woman must have been something of a genius. It's worth noting that in that era, it wasn't exclusive to marriage proposals, as we view it now.

On another note, aside from certain specific circumstances (a royal audience, a military commander), the subject to whom a knight is inferred to be kneeling is, in fact, God. To kneel during a proclamation or request is to essentially sanctify whatever you're about to say.

Further, while kneeling is humbling, humble =/= humiliated. In fact, it is customary to kneel while literally being exalted: consider that many kings have knelt during their own coronations.

On yet another note, the act of kneeling is also inseparable from that of standing up again, that is, of ascending to a higher level. The symbolism is essentially that of transformation. Thus, the tradition of instructing a newly minted knight to ultimately "Rise, Sir ____," in place of their original name or title. Surely this could be replaced in modern culture by simply standing to propose, then jumping onto the nearest table. But this is typically discouraged by restaurant management.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2026-01-14T11:37:52+00:00

Kneeling is respect. The man kneels when he proposes. The woman kneels when she performs fellatio.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2026-01-11T22:51:42+00:00

Maybe.

I think it men are more willing to accept it if the wife is someone worth the "drudgery". I proposed to my wife because I knew, if marriage was due to be a ball and chain, at least it was a ball and chain with someone whose somewhat tolerable.

Problem with a lot of these rituals is that the average woman is a self serving asswipe. I've literally had people telling me that gender roles are sexist. Only to have a bunch of women in this thread claim they actually kinda like gender roles. Its why so many dudes dont want to even attempt to offer that kind of commitment.

ponoskozla · 2026-01-11T18:31:25+00:00

It didn't originate as that but the part about women's opinion is unfortunately true. There have been viral videos on tiktok of women proposing to their men recently. Women in the comments actively humiliated and shamed the men, while also saying things like "Never getting on my knees for no man", "You'll never see me doing this shit for a MAN in my lifetime" and receiving tens of thousands of likes on such takes.

They like to keep certain traditional gender roles that put them in a position of power, and men essentially in a position of vulnerability/at women's mercy, so pretty much every situation where a man has to ask for something and a woman has to decline/accept.

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2026-01-11T18:39:09+00:00

This reminds of a previous question about men courting women: Whenever a man puts a woman up on a pedestal above himself, it creates the potential for a power imbalance. This also relates the fact most societies are hypergamous.

There are of course also biases in family law which contribute to this as well.

Title	Kneeling to propose is a humiliation ritual intended to subliminally prep men for the drudgery of married life.
Author	australiadenier
Upvotes	0
Comments	104
Date	January 11, 2026 3:53 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qa2rva/kneeling_to_propose_is_a_humiliation_ritual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/kneeling-to-propose-is-a-humiliation-ritual.1570927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570927

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