Men overestimate how "easy" it is for women to date. It is much harder than they think.

ohheyhi99 · 2021-12-26T16:54:17+00:00

On one hand, I agree with you that men aren’t flocking to all women the way some men think IRL. Have you tried dating apps too?

One the other hand, if you were a man saying you couldn’t date because no one approaches you, a lot of the men and women on here would tell you something like “Stop being a pussy and approach someone. You might get rejected, but you need to keep going.”

Edit: Dating isn’t easy for most people, so I don’t blame you for feeling burnt out.

stats135 · 2021-12-26T17:02:00+00:00

However where I live, young men rarely approach.

Our society is increasingly hostile to men who approach in real life. A lot of that has moved online. Make a profile on any one of the dating apps and your problem is solved. It really is that easy.

Even-Kiwi-9164 · 2021-12-26T17:14:30+00:00

Men no longer approach because of how women have collectively changed the culture.

Not all women are going to overreact or react poorly, but as a man there is a chance that I can just go up to a girl to say hi that I don't know and it end poorly despite being (normal/non-threatening):

She goes to management of where ever you are at and you get kicked out.
She whips out her phone and starts recording you saying this creep won't leave me alone.
She starts to yell and starts making a scene.

(Yes there are creeps) but back in the day if a guy approached respectfully a women would try and handled the situation (Oh sorry I'm busy, Sorry I have boyfriend) but this young generation is so neurotic, women can't deal with a personal encounter they didn't ask for.

So I get it, but as a collective it is what women have asked for and we have to live with it since it is what's best for everyone (if it's going to distress certain people) that men do not approach anymore (outside of social circles and bars). So I don't really like seeing complaining about how men don't approach anymore because it isn't our faults.

Devourer_of_felines · 2021-12-26T17:12:17+00:00

So how many men in your age bracket have you approached?

dysonRing · 2021-12-26T16:58:14+00:00

Approacher vs approached dilemma, I still think you have it easier you could do OLD. That said I would still rather be the approacher than the one approached.

NockerJoe · 2021-12-26T17:06:15+00:00

Sucks for you, but thats the male reaction to the reality we live in. Regardless of intent we've had about a decade of sex negative feminism as a mainstream cultural force and theres become an idea that real life approaches carry risks. However true that actually is, doesn't really matter so much as the fact that to a lot of awkward young men don't want to risk whatever they have an impression is at risk by approaching a stranger for what the general consensus agrees will probably be a no.

A lot of younger women are reporting similar so its not just you. Its just again, every action has a reaction. Nobody is going to put themselves out there if they think that instead of a "no" they could wind up with a trip to human resources or get a reputation at their hangout spot or whatever.

If you want to date your best bet is to just nut up and do the asking yourself. It sucks, but thats the same risk you're expecting other people to take on your behalf.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2021-12-26T16:58:02+00:00

I think the hardest part of it is sifting through the ones you’re not into and finding the one you are.

dlee25093 · 2021-12-26T17:23:50+00:00

This proves the whole point you could….idk start a conversation.

WeRAllOnThisBlessedD · 2021-12-26T17:30:26+00:00

Men don’t want to approach anymore because they don’t want their faces plastered all over Instagram with #creep next to it. They don’t want a reputation at the local bar scene as the creep who bothers women who are just out to have fun with their girlfriends. Just about every single guy has got an awkward look from a girl he’s approached, and after a while you just say fuck it and quit.

Don’t like it? Too bad. This is the reality feminism has wrought on society.

blaze_eternal · 2021-12-26T17:13:46+00:00

You're saying you're an attractive woman who does not approach men, but somehow you still feel you're struggling to date? Until you actually make a move on someone, I don't know that I believe you've really tried.

We guys aren't always gonna be able to read innuendo or signals that you'd like us to approach. Plus we'll often assume, based on experience, that almost all highly attractive women are either already in relationships or not interested.

I encourage you to try approaching guys for a change. There are many ways to directly communicate interest without coming off as "easy", if thats your concern. And if after 90 days you still can't find anyone decent to date, then you might be able to say there's a legitimate issue.

daddysgotanew · 2021-12-26T17:29:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Thick-Afternoon9508 · 2021-12-26T16:58:18+00:00

Don't give up! Plenty of men still like to date. Do you live in Europe? Cause I will gladly take you out on a date haha. Maybe not tomorrow or the week after cause my country is in lockdown. But coming spring/summer should be doable.

hydro908 · 2021-12-26T17:39:27+00:00

You need to lower your standards, you can download an app and have a date in 1 hour if your an average girl

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-12-26T17:43:09+00:00

Only party girl Stacy gets approached constantly the way men here seem to think women get approached. And even so, dating isn’t really easy for anyone because it’s a lot more than approach/being approached, or matches and messages on dating apps. You have to find someone compatible.

Iron-Giant1999 · 2021-12-26T17:18:33+00:00

I can’t say I feel sorry for you, just get on tinder and say hey.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2021-12-26T17:36:38+00:00

I always see men say, all a women has to do is be attractive and look friendly and they will have men flocking

I will admit that some guys say this and it isn't true. Modern day is less acceptance or guys cold approaching girls.

I get told I'm attractive by older men and women. However where I live, young men rarely approach.

This is why guys say most women have it easier. You are waiting for the guy to approach you, and though your are struggling with it you still seem to get a few takers. Guys who do the same thing with probably be single for their whole life. If you try approaching guys, I'm sure you will find the them to be more welcoming.

Note: men say its easier for women to date because in general men have to do all of the approaching and then prove that they are worth the girls time to her.

ludvigflotra · 2021-12-26T17:45:16+00:00

I opened my last relationship and we used an app called feeld where you each have an account that others can match with. In the app you can see how many have liked you. My girlfriend received over 200 likes whereas I got a total of.... 14

drew8311 · 2021-12-26T17:55:15+00:00

This is the simplest CMV ever. You say men rarely approach you, most men NEVER get approached by women so you are already having more success than men. Sounds easy to me.

oflbtbs · 2021-12-26T18:07:52+00:00

"young men rarely approach". How horrible lol. You know how many times a young woman has approached? I can count on one hand how many times that happened to me age 18-30. I've been approached more often by gay men than women. Try going on Tinder or Plenty of Fish. I'm sure you'll be inundated with likes and messages.

-passepar2t- · 2021-12-26T18:22:39+00:00

This is satire, right?

justanother-eboy · 2021-12-26T17:27:45+00:00

If you’re attractive and set up dating apps you’ll see why women have it easier at least online lol

relaxandrule31 · 2021-12-26T17:23:59+00:00

women's dating experience is more like shopping and job recruitment whereas for men it's more like tryouts and open house interviewing for employment

AnonRb6 · 2021-12-26T17:36:50+00:00

I think its hard for ugly girls thats for certain compared to pretty girls.

But comparing how easy it is for an average girl vs average guy, HUGE difference in success.

There is plenty of videos showing how hard it is for both genders, I suggest you look them up.

I have first seen some of my girl-friends messages on tinder and insta, very average looking girls but in a single week they had 10+ guys texting them, I was honestly gobsmacked, and only after seeking out TRP did I understand how it worked/was possible.

Meanwhile I have guy friends that struggle to maintain the attention of a SINGLE girl in a months time...

Reading all your comments im not surprised you haven't found success since you didn't actually put yourself out there in the first place.

Thats like a guy that spends all his time in his room on a computer complaining how he can't get a gf, like as if one will show up to his door magically...

TodTheRod01 · 2021-12-26T17:47:43+00:00

Men approach less and less in person in western countries...but largely women/feminism are to blame.

With the whole MeToo thing, guys have to be extra vigilant/careful what they say and do around women...as we've seen...a guy can literally not do anything wrong but if a woman implies/says he did...its almost game over.
Modern women want traditional men, but arent traditional themselves.
Have you ever read any of those QnA type things where women get asked when/where is a good place to hit on them/approach....nowadays most women list more places they dont want to be approached...and that changes from day to day...1 day she might want to and another nope...not to mention how savage plenty of women are in their rejections.

On the other hand technology has made it easier for men to approach many women (numbers game) with less fear of rejection and embarassment

Jacke766565 · 2021-12-26T18:01:11+00:00

That's terrible! Looks like you will have to what all men do - approach someone, except you're pretty much guaranteed you will succeed

Classic_Touch · 2021-12-26T18:03:10+00:00

This 100%.

Iron-Giant1999 · 2021-12-26T19:08:42+00:00

I’m so glad this shitpost got removed

Sweetlikecream · 2021-12-26T17:32:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2021-12-26T17:12:29+00:00

You're a feminist and SJW. Dating isn't hard because you're a woman, dating is hard because the choices you've made about how to live your life make them hard because they are unattractive.

Hard_Thruster · 2021-12-26T17:03:28+00:00

Most guys don't approach in person, OLD is how they "approach".

In OLD obviously women will have more matches but that doesn't mean it is "easier" for women because women have to deal with the problem of figuring out whether a guy is interested in more than just sex. Which is a problem most men won't come close to.

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-12-26T16:52:21+00:00

Men want sex first and foremost. In that sense it's super easy for women.

CimZim · 2021-12-26T17:23:39+00:00

In my experience it is incredibly easy to get dates, but unless you're the type to have sex very quickly, you'll almost never keep a man around. Even if you do the approaching, the paying, the planning, are interested in the things he wants to talk about, are kind and nice, and keep your body fit and healthy...he's still going to peace out 99% of the time. It's like finding a diamond in the rough.

I would never prevent other men and women from enjoying ONS or hookups, I'm glad they find excitement and pleasure in it. It's good for them and it wouldn't be fair to eliminate something that makes a lot of people happy. But it certainly makes things significantly harder for women not into that.

Meowrarri8787 · 2021-12-26T17:36:02+00:00

The men saying this can’t get dates or keep a girl so I wouldn’t pay attention to their expertise as it’s not ideal

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Kentucky_Supreme · 2021-12-26T17:45:58+00:00

Men almost can't approach you because if you don't like it, that would make him a "creep, weirdo, psycho, douchebag, etc. Etc.".

But I don't see what's stopping you from approaching guys that you find interesting. Have you ever heard a guy complain about a woman that tried to talk to him? Is it borderline harassment? Is she a "creep"? Notice how ridiculous it seems to simply ask those questions. That proves that women have way more social freedom and are also significantly less likely to be rejected since guys aren't nearly as selective. You're playing on easy mode.

Don't want to approach?

Make a profile in a dating app or two. Watch your inbox explode and then take your pick. Ignore and ghost anyone you want and if a guy calls you out on it, then "he's" the small dick incel loser. Notice how you can do no wrong in the process. Like I said, easy mode. Lol.

BMTEJ · 2021-12-26T17:56:10+00:00

Spend time on r/dating and r/dating_advice , and you'll see why this belief is so prevalent.

It's because all the fucking people here use OLD! I absolutely loath reading these posts because no one tries to meet irl anymore. You can't even suggest that a guy actually approach because then they start making all these excuses exclaiming why they can't until you start breaking down how to approach and what situations to place yourself in, and even then the excuses start pouring out about how they are in a small town (at this point I'm convinced 90% of Reddit men live in small towns).

Your best bet if you want to start dating right away is using Hinge or Bumble (you can't make the excuse of the men not starting a convo if you're the one starting it).

Other than that, quit acting like men have to approach you. I've had girls approach me in the gym or comment on my IG that indicated their interest, so I invited them out and we had a date.

People really think getting a date irl is a man approaching a woman and her saying yes at first sight. That's bullshit. It *can* be having a conversation with someone you meet, or it could be someone you see regularly, and then throwing in some flirting to test the waters. If the flirting is reciprocated then either party should extend an invitation to meet up and hang out or at least get some contact info.

You as a woman do not have to approach a man and say, "You're attractive, let's grab a coffee," but you can initiate a conversation or just ask the guy a few questions about the environment or something he's doing to get him talking then be playful to give him the queues you are open to him, so that he can follow with, "Let's go out some time, here's my number."

This can be done in the gym, starbucks, bar, dance class, martial arts classes, etc... The problem is no one practices just talking to people.

I gave a pin to a girl at Starbucks for her hat and she gave me her number a week later and we met that weekend. Shared a squat rack with the gym girl and she started asking me questions about the exercises I was doing and we exchanged numbers. Was sitting in a club doing nothing except people watching and some girl who was third wheeling with another couple came and struck up a convo (that didn't go anywhere, but it was a lot better than nothing). Went out with some friends and met a birthday girl, ended up back at her place (not dating, but I was leaving in a week and feel generally disgusted after ONS').

Every time I go into a certain restaurant near me, there's a girl who works there that constantly eyes me and asks me questions consistently (sometimes the same ones just to have a conversation). I know without a doubt she's interested because of that, at this point it's just on me to ask her out.

All the above required some form of signaling from the girl (except the Starbucks example) because for guys, we don't know what women would be interested and which would not be. Are there times when guys should just approach? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, control what you can by learning to properly signal the guys that you're interested, so they can approach.

1master_dom · 2021-12-26T18:05:07+00:00

If you claim you’re good looking and don’t get approached, it’s simply because you don’t look as friendly and approachable as you think you do.

A quick skim through your profile shows you borderline have contempt for most people.

It’s not too far fetched to assume this shows up subconsciously.

Pretty and bitchy (appearing) women are avoided like the plague. No man wants his day ruined by a woman who looks like she’s got murder on her mind.

daddysgotanew · 2021-12-26T18:06:22+00:00

Women’s only limitation in dating is their inability to lower their standards to a realistic level and be happy with it. When you have a bunch of 3’s that want 9’s and won’t settle for anything less, there’s going to be problems

Marketing_Baboon · 2021-12-26T18:21:27+00:00

So dating is hard for you because men don’t approach? That’s it? Fucking lol dude. Jesus.

BecretAlbatross · 2021-12-26T18:22:45+00:00

I think you're just proving men's point in some ways. You could literally just approach and only like 15% of guys might reject you/not call you back. I know that this isn't what turns most women on, but the point is, if you make even a SLIVER of effort, you can get way better results than even the most attractive men could.

Monchi_21 · 2021-12-26T18:23:49+00:00

Have y’all seen the TikTok trend of girls recording them self of girls trying to talk to them? One was at her job and the other was like a co worker who kept laughing like the joker to make the girl laugh.

Yeah their “game sucked” but if ur no attractive it doesn’t matter your going to be made fun of later on and the guy is never going to know lol.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-12-26T18:25:41+00:00

Men who are 23 are dating 18-20. I know I was. So, up your range to 30 and your prospects will likely increase.

KickAss2021 · 2021-12-26T18:26:20+00:00

I agree on this aspect that women have every right to complain about stalking and assault. Every boy from a young age should be taught how to deal with rejection peacefully, but you always have people who will never get it or listen.

I absolutely tell young men that I mentor to make their intentions clear and concise and when she rejects you, which will happen more times than not, say "Thank you!! "Have a good day!" Move on and don't look back.

On your overall point I slightly disagree, men approach, it's you (the selector) who decides based on height, looks, posture, attitude, behavior, charisma, confidence, etc.

As a selector you have veto power, and have a selection option. From the guy's perspective where you have to decipher body language, gauge indication of interests and attraction cues. On top of that you have to ensure you actually finds you securely attractive, not just a guy who she sees as a friend that she can grow to like.

You can't negotiate attraction. It's either yes or no, it's either you're in or out.

Tomi Lahren is a good example. She's rude and crude with plastic surgery, but she was open and honest and got a divorced guy.

throwaway042994 · 2021-12-26T18:35:37+00:00

I get told I'm attractive by older men and women

being told this from older men and women actually means "you may not be as pretty as the pretty girls, but you're not hideous so I think you need to hear this"

attractive girls don't really need to hear they're attractive from anyone, it's like all they ever hear.

ChadThundagaCock · 2021-12-26T18:40:30+00:00

Then why don’t you approach them? Oh, because feminism is BS, that’s why

j3wbacca996 · 2021-12-26T18:47:47+00:00

this shit is always funny to me, women are getting exactly what they said they wanted and they hate it lmaooo

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-12-26T18:50:27+00:00

You want to be passive and let things happen magically.

I kind of call bullshit on your OLD experience; the women I know who quit OLD do so because they get too much attention of the wrong kind, not because they get none at all. Which means the task is to sort between the legit and the none legit, which can be daunting, and so most women resort to judging solely based on pictures, to speed up the process. And then wonder how it could have gone wrong.

I have seen women struggle (especially if they are unable to deal with OLD), but overall the reason I maintain it's easier for women is because I've seen exes replace me at the drop of a hat. I had literally not finished returning all their stuff and they had someone new, where it would now take me years to find someone.

Non-pro tips: Tinder sucks, but some other ones are feasible. I think PoF is not a good second choice. OkCupid used to be ok but seems to have taken a slide.

TheEndTrend · 2021-12-26T18:53:15+00:00

/u/sweetLikeCream, roughly where do you live? I assume in a rural area in the US.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-12-26T18:54:40+00:00

No woe is me.

UnfurtletDawn · 2021-12-26T18:55:35+00:00

There is difference between dating and hooking up.

Also you can try the approach.

szclimber · 2021-12-26T19:00:35+00:00

Nonsense. I've seen the different experiences my female and male friends have. Not even close.

Z0mbs · 2021-12-26T19:00:50+00:00

And then you have my friend, who broke up with her boyfriend on Monday and on Friday she gets in a new relationship lmao.

AtaCome7821 · 2021-12-26T19:25:01+00:00

I highly doubt you want someone to change your view, as an attractive woman your "dating struggles" aren't that, what they really are is a person of sub par character who just wants to be right all the time, how do I know all of this? Well, what tf is a hot woman doing on Reddit trying to debate men she would never date irl? These people wouldn't be specs on your radar and you care enough about what they say so you can post a rebuttal to their narrative, even though said narrative holds up as the truth.

ohhhheyyyythrowawy · 2021-12-26T17:25:45+00:00

It has been very hard for me in my early 20s trying to date my own age because a lot of men that age either want to just be single and mess around, or they are just to clumsy and immature for a relationship. Maybe there are some young men who are serious about a relationship but those ones are usually already taken or don’t stay single long. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed around late 20s-30s men are much more mature and looking to settle down.

Title	Men overestimate how "easy" it is for women to date. It is much harder than they think.
Author	Sweetlikecream
Upvotes	12
Comments	234
Date	December 26, 2021 4:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rp0m6u/men_overestimate_how_easy_it_is_for_women_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-overestimate-how-easy-it-is-for-women-to-date.1090570 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090570

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