How To Deal With Rejection Sensitivity When It Comes To Dating?

wtknight · 2022-09-10T15:15:12+00:00

Removed. No advice posts.

plumtastic · 2022-09-10T01:12:58+00:00

This sounds like rejection/abandonment trauma from childhood. Also you may have the anxious attachment style. Being rejected isn't ever going to be pleasant but being as affected as you describe indicates you need therapy and to learn to give yourself the validation and self love that might not be coming from others. Ignore those that say 'just get over it' they're completely ignorant about matters of mental health.

BensonInFL · 2022-09-10T01:16:10+00:00

Getting rejected by women has always been this incredibly painful experience for me

Normally, I would tell you that the issue is that you are putting girls on a pedestal, you think that they are better than you, and you are seeking validation from them which is very unhealthy....and I would provide you with some coping mechanisms... however..

I feel this intense feeling of sadness, defeat, anger, it causes me to lose all self esteem for myself and to call myself ugly and unlovable, and I stop eating and sleeping as much, after I get rejected by a woman

This level of intensity is off of the scale, and I'm not saying this lightly or sarcastically.. but you should seek professional therapy, I don't foresee this getting better on its own.. imagine if you actually advanced with a girl and kissed her or had sex with her and then she broke up with you... if you feel this way now about rejection, I'm concerned that after more severe rejection you will harm yourself or others.

-B

Nihi1986 · 2022-09-10T01:18:59+00:00

Spent many years fearinf rejection, first time I got rejected I think I was 15 or 16, had had a traumatic experiencie and really liked the girl, it was really depressing. Last time I got rejected (already in my 30's) I think I didn't even notice, like I just subconsciously thought 'ok. Anyway, what should I get for dinner? I don't want to cook🤔'.

My advice to anyone struggling with rejection: be humble. I know it hurts a lot when you feel too lonely and inadequate, even more when you have real feelings for that girl, but be humble and understand that's not the moment or the person. Don't overthink it.

Some women rejected me and some accepted me, and I wish they were many instead of 'some'. You lose nothing, sometimes get lucky and at worst you are learning and saving time.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-10T04:50:00+00:00

Then improve your odds of being accepted.

Work out.

Look better.

Etc.

Are you doing those things?

jasonology09 · 2022-09-10T04:50:30+00:00

I used to feel the same way. Maybe not quite to the same degree as you, but I get where you're coming from. What worked for me was just to stop having expectations, and just let the chips fall where they may. If I text a woman, I do it knowing that I may never get a response. If I do, great. If not, whatever. Move on to the next. The key is to only invest as much energy/emotion as you feel you're getting back.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-09-10T03:40:31+00:00

Question: do you find that you're sensitive to rejection in other social situations as well, or is dating the primary and/or only one?

HazyMemory7 · 2022-09-10T07:41:51+00:00

By developing an outcome independent mindset. You do this by:

Self improvement. Success and competence breed confidence. When you are jacked and dressed well suddenly its a hell of a lot easier be confident.
Talking to a lot of girls. Putting yourself in what may be an uncomfortable situation (i.e. asking a girl out when you are anxious and fearful of rejection) This will make you stop getting hung up on being rejected by a particular girl. There is zero doubt in mind that you pedestalize girls and think that particular girls are some one of a kind special snowflake. You have to get out of that mindset. Women are not the prize, and neither are men. A woman has to prove her worth to you just as much as you have to prove your worth to her.

People have a tendency to attribute things that happen to themselves. Sometimes when a girl rejects you after a date, perhaps a date that went well, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. A woman's emotional state fluctuates quite a bit. I've had women that were sexting me the day prior ghost me. And I honestly couldn't care less. Neither should you. Ghosting happens to every guy. Getting left on read could merely be because she was already vibing with someone else. Only a very small percentage of women are worth dating seriously. So who cares.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-09-10T00:59:26+00:00

Last thing you need is a girlfriend if you fall into crippling insecurity because any individual woman won’t date you

Z-KNHO · 2022-09-10T01:39:38+00:00

Same man. I feel. I’ve never even tried out of that fear. I’ve seen my friends go through it and I’ve become really cynical of women overall though still try to be cordial.

Maybe arranged marriage will carry for me, but even that has issues.

A lot of people say just get desensitized to it, but that takes away the genuine feeling you have for a girl, which isn’t really healthy for relationships and married life later on. I don’t think I can really have feelings for a girl who I consider just another fish in the sea.

HealthyUmpire564 · 2022-09-10T03:00:37+00:00

By succeeding. That is the only way. If you continue to fail then it will continue to hurt. That is the only way to prove those feelings that you are unlovable wrong, because if you do not succeed then those feelings are correct.

Upper_Combination375 · 2022-09-10T03:05:52+00:00

This reminds me of when I was applying to internships back in college - I received loads of rejections. It hurt like a bitch and took a serious toll on my self-esteem. I would think about it for months, unable to get over these rejections, but I eventually got a good internship. From there, I got a great job offer, and now I'm making six figures.

My advice: Don't take everything so personally, focus on other things (not just girls), and never become too emotionally invested into a single opportunity. I started sending dozens of job applications with the expectation that 90% of them would be rejected - and I was okay with that. I was only applying to the best jobs because I know I deserve the best, but not everyone can see my talent on just a piece of paper. In the end, you only need one acceptance.

Treat dating like more of a game - most girls may reject you, but they're the ones missing out on a good guy. You should also be talking to multiple girls at the same time and doing activates that you enjoy and that will help you down the road. If you get rejected by one, you may not even realize it because you're preoccupied with so many other things and talking to other girls.

Good luck, king.

AreOut · 2022-09-10T07:19:42+00:00

There is really no other way but to embrace TRP.

gastongang · 2022-09-10T07:22:23+00:00

become misogynistic, if you genuinely look down on women you won't care if they reject you

ok in all seriousness, focus on yourself and build self confidence

ClaraBow01 · 2022-09-10T08:18:56+00:00

I would take the high road. If they aren’t interested in you, that’s their loss. It might not have anything to do with you. I politely rejected a guy recently because I am not at a point where I want to date yet. That girl who called you ugly is a bully and I’d say you dodged a bullet. It is not the end of the world and you are worth more than some people’s shallow opinions. You seem like a good guy, but just lack confidence. I would recommend visiting a counselor at least once, because you aren’t unlovable. Thinking like that will just become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

YasuotheChosenOne · 2022-09-10T01:19:05+00:00

Just keep eating rejections till you go numb. Women rejecting you are doing you a favor. They’re saving you from wasting time on uninterested women.

SwaySh0t · 2022-09-10T01:18:49+00:00

You have oneitis you likely think the few girls you approach will be the one—this comes off as extremely needy to women and they can easily sniff it out the desperation. You need to put yourself out there more and approach 10 women a night and become outcome independent and build an abundance mentality. Learn to have fun and be selfish and stop giving a fuck.

YtBlue · 2022-09-10T01:54:35+00:00

You get over it by doing it. That's it. It hurts everyone intensely when you first start doing it.

dicklaurent97 · 2022-09-10T01:09:31+00:00

get the fuck over it

that's how

operapeach · 2022-09-10T02:29:59+00:00

You are going to hurt women who try to break up with you or reject you for sex. Get help.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-10T01:19:55+00:00

Why are you here and not r/dating_advice?

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EaglePill · 2022-09-10T01:06:05+00:00

The only effective way to overcome a fear is to expose yourself to it more often (more than every few months at least). You have to train yourself somehow to try your luck with women on a regular basis and by doing so desensitize yourself to the feeling of getting rejected. Over time you realize that there's no point investing so much in any single outcome because there are plenty of available women out there who don't know your history of rejection. Which means every interaction is a fresh start. Of course that does require you to be a bit strategic about not asking out every woman in a class size of 30 people for instance.

Think of the reverse situation: the first time you experience an awesome feeling connected to a positive outcome (like buying a new phone) is always the most satisfying. Over time that feeling dulls because you become acclimated to the highs. There's no reason to believe it's somehow different with the lows.

calwaterops · 2022-09-10T04:25:02+00:00

Seek professional help. Rejection is part of the game. Develop the skin. Have fun with it. Be proud you’re putting yourself out there where you can be rejected. A lot of guys don’t even risk it. If it’s affecting you taht bad though, then there’s some underlying issues you need to address first.

Edit: I highly recommended “Models” by Mark Manson.

bunnakay · 2022-09-10T05:30:52+00:00

You have serious attachment issues. You should be getting professional help.

neetykeeno · 2022-09-10T08:00:19+00:00

Why don't you try asking out a few girls you are less invested in? If they refuse it is probably they've got some other guy they are set on and that's ok. If they accept just take them out somewhere cheep and cheerful and try to have platonic fun. It will be good for you, I think, to experience rejection outside of a situation of actual loss

ThrowRAmtf · 2022-09-10T11:48:20+00:00

think in this way: a woman who rejects you is a woman who saves you from more serious damages: cheating, arguments, and, God forbid, divorce.

After a lot of experience I have come to the conclusion that the hundreds of girls who have rejected me between 15 and 23 (when I first had a "yes") did actually teach me something: the game is not worth your time.

When the right moment come a girl will know at your door.

And, if not, it's for the better of you

Spirited-Strain919 · 2022-09-10T12:51:34+00:00

I hate when people use the word ugly. I only use that word to describe someone’s character. Since beauty is subjective, so is “ugliness.” I wouldn’t even know what constitutes ugliness today? I can understand saying someone isn’t your preference but to call someone ugly seems a little off. Did she actually say you were ugly or did she tell you she wasn’t attracted to you. There is a huge difference.

JumboJetz · 2022-09-10T13:31:17+00:00

I rip the bandaid off. If she rejects me I ghost her - it at least makes me feel life I’ve retained my dignity and not becoming a story of “that loser guy who keeps messaging me”.

East-Ground1486 · 2022-09-10T13:53:18+00:00

First of all I have to say f all those people in this thread who say you need you need serious help and therapy. I am alot like you. Rejection also makes me feel depressed for months. Theres a good chance you might have rejection sensitive dysphoria which is a condition related to people who suffer from ADHD. Here is my advice: You say you are ugly, well you can make improvements that make you less ugly(dye your hair pink, get some more colorful clothes again I would suggest pink and go look in the women section for some clothes, lose some weight if you are overweight, put on some muscle etc.). Lastly I would say put some thought in what kind of women you make a move on. I would suggest go after women who are more humble and likeable and you know do not have a large ego. Many women get off on leading a guy on and rejecting them, makes them feel big. Rejection IS personal and it is normal that it makes you feel bad for a long time.

vogel777 · 2022-09-10T14:13:37+00:00

Everybody is sensitive to rejection, do what everyone else does and just suck it up, that’s life.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2022-09-10T14:41:03+00:00

Ypu need to be single and get therapy, eat well, build a career and lift.

Title	How To Deal With Rejection Sensitivity When It Comes To Dating?
Author	KingOnixTheThird
Upvotes	29
Comments	64
Date	September 10, 2022 12:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xabo37/how_to_deal_with_rejection_sensitivity_when_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-deal-with-rejection-sensitivity-when-it.1131579 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131579

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