How would you like someone to show interest in you? What would help you feel appreciated vs used?

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-01-25T14:37:30+00:00

The male fantasy is a naked woman who shows up at his door already horny and ready for sex. Reality: a woman will signal that she is interested by looking at him, smilingly hovering around him, etc.

The female fantasy is a man who confidently and powerfully expresses his interest in her and sweeps her off her feet. Reality: men beat around the bush, act unsure of themselves and take forever to ask out the girl they fancy.

I think both sexes can use a little nudging to get them closer to each other and be more proactive.

abaxeron · 2023-01-25T14:29:52+00:00

How would you like someone to show interest in you?

there is at least one other woman that you have sex with,

I'd like someone not to show interest in me if I have an intimate relationship with another person, thank you very much.

LaloTwins · 2023-01-25T15:06:47+00:00

Specifically when sex is not yet an option.

Depends why it's not an option

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-01-25T18:13:31+00:00

If me and her haven't had sex by hangout 3 I pretty much bounce.

It doesn't matter that I'm seeing someone else I have sex with, all that matters is that whenever I'm with this person I'm sinking more and more of my time in without getting what I want.

Life's too short.

xzpw · 2023-01-25T14:40:56+00:00

This makes literally no sense.

I’d prefer she uses her words like a real fucking adult and not some childish insecure teenager who thinks they’ll be burned at the stake in the town square if they say anything.

“I like you and would like to have sex with you but I would like to wait (until X conditions are met).” You don’t really need to overthink it. I’ve had women do this to me before but usually only after confrontation about why they’re being so coy. At that point I make up my mind and decide if it’s worth it or not.

despisedlove2 · 2023-01-25T18:25:38+00:00

I think that seeing person A and having sex with person B speaks very poorly of a person. He or she is telling both A and B that he or she isn't to be trusted.

I don't care if "not being exclusive" is widely accepted in certain countries. Unless all your dates end with coffee in a public place, and you aren't sleeping with anyone, this is dishonorable conduct whether or not person A/B know about it.

CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2023-01-25T14:29:47+00:00

All I can go on is words here. If she keys me know she isn't asexual and just wants to wait, fine. Especially if she's cool with me getting satisfied elsewhere. This scenario just sounds so foreign; are there guys who are getting everything else you mentioned without sex? Cause in your hypothetical, I'd stay; if this was an actual relationship, I'd be thinking I'm getting strung along and in my experience when a guy starts feeling that it's been going on for longer than he thinks so yeah this wouldn't last, which would suck cause I thought she was really into me.

RahLyt · 2023-01-25T15:03:54+00:00

Can making out be an option? If there's 0 intimacy but she's cooking for me, it sounds like a big con. Like she sees me as a project boyfriend that she's not attracted to.

Barely-moral · 2023-01-25T14:41:39+00:00

How would you like someone to show interest in you? What would help you feel appreciated vs used?

Short answer is sex and other physical/verbal displays of affection and desire. The way most women feel when they know a man values them as a sex object first and everything else comes in a distant second or third place is the way I and many men feel when a woman values a man for comfort/security/being a good father first.

Specifically when sex is not yet an option.

Ok. Physical and verbal displays of affection/desire. Even those will feel hollow given enough time. Also, I will not wait a second more than anyone else in her past.

Let’s say you’ve been seeing someone you think things are getting serious.

Then I set up a timeline and if the timeline is not met then I am out.

While you aren’t exclusive: mostly because of the sex issue, you enjoy spending time with the other person.

I don't do non exclusive. If I think it is serious exclusivity was already there.

Intimacy is there in other, non-intrusive forms, and the person makes time for you in their life. They cook lunch once a week, will often bring you dinner. They actively plan on spending time with you and when you do it’s fun, exciting and just feels good. The two of you have good conversations, have a fair amount of common interest and Just overall enjoy one another.

That easily reads as she valuing me for comfort/security and not as a sex object. So I am already in my way to feeling used instead of valued in a way I care to be valued.

You do see other people, there is at least one other woman that you have sex with, but it does not stop you from showing attention and spending time with this main person you’re seeing. In fact you’ve often stayed over at this persons house over going to a woman who would have sex.

I don't see myself in this position. The second woman is showing to be able to value me in the way I want to be valued. Why am I staying with the first one?

So, how can someone show that they are interested if sex can’t be an option yet?

Exclusivity. Physical and verbal displays of affection/desire. Not making me wait more than she made others wait in her past.

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CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2023-01-25T14:43:30+00:00

Then yeah, context provided that sounds like a good thing you got going. Hope it works out for you, and as a guy, thank you for the communication you've provided to your man to reassure him.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-01-25T16:30:25+00:00

I like forward women

ManWazo · 2023-01-25T17:22:15+00:00

So, how can someone show that they are interested if sex can’t be an option yet?

They are interested in what? Sexless monogamy? No thx but I'll takr the free lunches.

OptimistInHell · 2023-01-25T20:21:42+00:00

I wouldn't trust them either way, it may take them. But there'd always be some part of me that wouldn't trust them until some time has passed. This is assuming some random case with the comical profile this place has in mind. In reality, which is very far removed from these sort of subs, its a case by case basis.

GodEmperorOfIncels · 2023-01-25T22:40:07+00:00

"if sex can’t be an option yet?"

It is or isn't, sex will always be the end goal. They either accept that fact or move on, maybe the next man can entertain her ignorance and get better results.

nonameboredman · 2023-01-25T22:41:21+00:00

how can someone show that they are interested if sex can’t be an option yet?

Is kissing allowed? It happened a few times that right in the middle of my sentence she'd just kiss me. I could burn the whole world for that feeling. That's probably my favorite.

But if we're talking strictly no physical, I love it when she's following along with me when the sexual tension in the discussion is so thick that you can feel it on your skin. It'd just be us talking, well at least in the first four dimensions; but when that kind of atmosphere occurs we're certainly having sex in another dimension without actually having sex. Gotta be my second favorite.

Nihi1986 · 2023-01-25T23:02:34+00:00

I get the title but not the example...so, basically it's a man who has sex with other people instead of this woman whatever the reason...that will prove he's a man with options but might also backfire.

Anyway, what he has to do is telling her or at least do it subtly and she how she reacts.

As for the question, women make it very apparent as long as they really like you, and if she doesn't really lile you she's using you.

TheScabSlayerTRP · 2023-01-25T23:24:07+00:00

Respect. The greatest attractor that a person can show another is respect. This works between both genders and when a women actually respects your time that is the most important thing.

M3taBuster · 2023-01-26T01:03:03+00:00

Intimacy is there in other, non-intrusive forms, and the person makes time for you in their life. They cook lunch once a week, will often bring you dinner. They actively plan on spending time with you and when you do it’s fun, exciting and just feels good. The two of you have good conversations, have a fair amount of common interest and Just overall enjoy one another.

This sounds like more than enough to make me feel appreciated. And if a woman who I was interested in did these things for me, I would want to be exclusive with her, even if she didn't want to have sex yet.

If this is a real scenario, and you are the woman in it, the problem isn't that you're not doing enough. He's just not interested in you. If he was, he wouldn't be seeing or having sex with another woman, even if you refuse to have sex with him. And why would you even want to be with a man who is banging other women? I don't say this to be mean, but rather as hopefully a wake-up call for you: please have some self-respect.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-01-26T01:19:40+00:00

Spend quakity time with me..Don't be on your phone actually engage in the activity

Endlessly_ · 2023-01-26T05:14:37+00:00

Here’s the list of shit that works on me: - Initiate non-sexual physical contact. The more intimate the better. - If you’re active on social media and you publicly tag me in shit, even if it’s just dumb memes or inside jokes I’m going to smile my ass off. - Make effort to hang out with me. - Random acts of caretaking. While we were just friends, my current partner started feeding me fries while I was driving her home and I damn near proposed on the side of the road.

kindParodox · 2023-01-26T06:11:35+00:00

Perhaps as a homosexual man this might be a bit different, but a simple interest and non sexual intimate comfort comes from just sitting and watching something with my partner or making each other coffee. It's nice.

jverveslayer · 2023-01-26T13:40:33+00:00

In general, the things you mentioned would definitely make me feel appreciated. Things like genuine, specific compliments/statements of appreciation, or something like cooking for me are rare for me to receive when dating someone new. But sex is very common.

I never really have girls who don't want to have sex, but are also really into me and do things like you describe. Cooking for me would definitely stand out to me

SoleMatesC4S · 2023-01-27T18:35:41+00:00

There's a woman I like right now. I'm not sure if she's into me, but if she is, the way she's going about it is definitely working. It's just little things, like complimenting stuff I do out of the blue, or repeatedly making reference to "accidentally" playing footsie under the table. Being touchy-feely when she doesn't need to be. Shit like that. Whether she's into me or not, I enjoy the dynamic.
Unfortunately, practically speaking, how she feels isn't clear and I've been burned often enough that I don't really want to take the plunge, because odds are I'm wrong and she's just weird and I'm some kind of incel for thinking otherwise or something. You know how it goes.
On the other hand, I have been directly, assertively asked out or otherwise propositioned and while I appreciate the effort, since it's so super effing rare, the women who've done it have all - every last one of them - had some kind of mental issue, so at this point I consider being approached a red flag. It's a shame, though, because I'm a firm believer in women taking the initiative if they want to rather than sitting around and whining.

Title	How would you like someone to show interest in you? What would help you feel appreciated vs used?
Author	anonymous-platypus1
Upvotes	22
Comments	141
Date	January 25, 2023 2:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10kzq6v/how_would_you_like_someone_to_show_interest_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-like-someone-to-show-interest-in-you.1150292 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150292

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