"Don't fuck a man on the first date because he will ghost you" is terrible advice. And here is why.

blueberrypie02 · 2023-03-08T23:51:30+00:00

It’s actually good advice in practice. Because some dude that’s only interested to hook-up will give up if he doesn’t get what he wants in the majority of cases.

If the point of your post would have been to say this is not a foolproof method because sometimes there is a dude desperate enough to just fake interest until he gets laid-yeah sure. But no vetting method is 100% foolproof. Basically your CMV can be summed up as ‘don’t use a condom, there’s a 2% chance it won’t protect you from pregnancy’.

Laniekea · 2023-03-09T00:00:35+00:00

I disagree.

The purpose of not having sex with someone on the first date is to weed out all of people that are just looking for a one night stand.

Most people won't go In 10 dates with you just because they want to hook up once and then ditch you.

Nobody's claiming that it means that the relationship is going to work out. But it does cut out a lot of people who are not coming into it with the same mindset.

wtknight · 2023-03-09T00:24:02+00:00

If a man is shitty enough to ghost you after fucking you for the first time, he will do it no matter if it's the 1st or the 10th date. Withholding sex from him is just a way of delaying the inevitable.

This isn't true. I've seen men on here say things like "if she doesn't put out by the third date, then I'm gone". Men will especially not stick around multiple dates waiting for sex if they are paying the full amount for those dates, too.

WYenginerdWY · 2023-03-09T00:13:39+00:00

Withholding sex from him is just a way of delaying the inevitable.

So yesterday it's "if your body count is more than two, you're trash" and today it's "you better fuck him on date one or you're withholding".

You could just write "woman sexuality bad", it would be shorter.

Waiting is a fantastic strategy that deliberately weeds out red pill men that are taught to go for the lay right away. Anything that weeds out redpillers is a win.

IWillKeepYourSecret · 2023-03-09T01:07:03+00:00

If a man is shitty enough to ghost you after fucking you for the first time, he will do it no matter if it's the 1st or the 10th date.

This is the point, though. If a guy is enough of a dickhead to ghost someone after sleeping with them, then he'll likely also be the kind of dickhead who disappears when he realizes it's not getting any anytime soon.

It's a cost-reward kind of thing. The cost is time, the reward is sex. The general consensus is that as a woman, it is important to wait with having sex so you can weed out the bad ones. If a guy moves on to the next one after a week, then that's how much you are worth to him if you didn't reward him with sex.

Now, I absolutely hate this stuff. As a woman, I am put in the position of having to make men wait. As for the men I've been with, none of them had been able to keep up with my libido.

Playing games is not my thing. I'm of the opinion that if both people are down, then that's all that matter. However, this sub is littered with judgement surrounding body count, and many people outside of Reddit share a similar mindset. My mother told me to not just jump in the bed with anyone, even if I wanted to.

I knew a guy for a couple of months and after sleeping with him, he publicly shamed me for it on Instagram. Of the rotten apples, he's definitely one. However, there have been enough guys in my circles that were nice to look at, and after getting to know them more and more, showed me a horrible side. A few of my boyfriend's old friends are like this. They call women "chickens", call them whores for having sex, call them whores for not having sex- I don't really get it. Thing is, it took me a while to realize they had this way of thinking.

And that's what the waiting period is sort of for. It's easy to not be a dick for a day or two, but give it some time and they'll take off their mask. Either they leave or they give you enough reason to leave.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-08T23:38:39+00:00

The fear isn't being ghosted so much as being used for sex and ghosted. Being ghosted by someone you just had a conversation with hurts a lot less than being ghosted by someone you had sex with. And someone who only wants sex will probably ghost anyway rather than stick around.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-03-09T00:31:50+00:00

It's excellent advice, really. Getting to know someone before having sex with them is better than playing Russian roulette with your vag. "If the man is good, he will stay." Yeah, and how are you going to know that? By not hopping into bed with him at the first opportunity and getting to know him first.

"Don't wait" is just dumb advice given by men who want to fuck without putting in any effort.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-03-09T00:13:43+00:00

Because if you have the bad luck of crossing paths with a man who wants to pump-and-dump you, he will do it as soon as he gets what he wants... no matter how soon or late he got it.

I mean, I doubt a guy that's just looking for an easy lay is going to stick around for several dates to get said lay if it isn't particularly easy. And sure, a shitty determined dude will take his time and ghost after he finally got sex, but not hooking up on the first date will weed out the impatient assholes at least. Just because it won't weed out every asshole doesn't mean you shouldn't get rid of some, if not most of them.

Telling women to delay the first hookup the longer they can maybe an well-intentioned advice, but in reality it's a huge roll of dice. If the man is good, he will stay. If he isn't, he will ghost.

How does your advice go with the ''you should have vetted him better'' advice that often gets thrown around these parts when a woman complains about dudes ghosting after getting laid? It's our fault if we get hurt but we also shouldn't try doing anything to mitigate the possibility of getting hurt? I'm not saying that you're making this claim, it's just weird to me that anything a woman does is somehow the wrong decision.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-03-09T00:49:30+00:00

A man who wants to pump and dump will not wait that long for sex, he will ghost and move on to his next potential victim; so yes waiting is a great strategy men just don’t like it.

iamsobasic · 2023-03-09T00:45:56+00:00

Lol what? It absolutely will help weed out the bottom of the barrel scavengers if a woman doesn’t have sex on the first date.

If a dude sticks around for 4-5 dates then he’s most likely looking for more than a single lay.

However, i think after 5+ dates holding out for additional dates won’t make much of a difference. Sex on the 6th date vs waiting for the 10th date will not really weed out anymore assholes. If some guy is really going for the long con, and he’s had the patience for 6 dates without sex, he’ll be patient for 12 dates if that’s what it takes for him to “pump and dump” a woman.

At that point holding out for the purpose of vetting produces diminishing returns.

TL;DR - if you really like a guy after 5 or 6 dates and wanna have sex, just do it. Waiting beyond that makes little difference. However, sex on the first date is generally not a good idea if you’re looking for something serious.

MorganSeer · 2023-03-09T01:35:13+00:00

Wrong. If you wait, it gives time for any red flags to come out.

TempoIndigo · 2023-03-09T00:22:10+00:00

Nah bro, as soon as you put up even a slight barrier, potentially scumbag numbers drop like flies. It wont deter the absolute worst but it will filter out a lot of the negative people who arent as committed to duping someone

Safinated · 2023-03-08T23:59:35+00:00

The shittier the man, the less he will wait. A man who actually enjoys your company as opposed to access to your body will enjoy your company as opposed to access to your body. Logical, no?

In any case, I used to approach, initiate and give it up, and I sure as heck learned my lesson. Most women are actually learning from their experiences, isn’t that good? We can be taught! We can choose better!

FightMeCthullu · 2023-03-09T05:15:24+00:00

Here’s my issue with this line of thinking -

Women are criticised in this subreddit all the time for having casual sex, or too much sex. If we sleep with guys on the first date and they ghost, that’s not relationship sex that is CASUAL and we get criticised for it. So shouldn’t you be happy when women decide to hold off on sex for a little while?

It confuses me when the messaging is THAT contradictory. I am a firm believer in people doing what they want with sex provided it is legal, safe, consensual and ethical (everyone is of age, no SA, no animals, no cheating etc). Apart from that go wild.

The messaging I see on this subreddit from RP aligned folks ranges from ‘high body count is disgusting’ to ‘why won’t you sleep with us on the first date/how do I get casual sex please’.

If you WANT a low n-count partner you should support when women take steps to limit their opportunities to raise their n-count. It gives you a bigger pool to fish in.

If you WANT casual sex, you should support women having it and not care about n-counts so much.

If you WANT both it seems hypocritical.

This is why I say ‘as long as it’s legal, ethical, consensual and safe have fun’ because it’s not my business how often people are fucking as long as no one is getting hurt. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

northernlights190 · 2023-03-08T23:36:33+00:00

Except that a good chunk of men who only want a quick hook-up don’t stick around if they don’t get it immediately. They move on to other prospects, and don’t continue for even another date or two. Some will, maybe especially if they don’t have other options, but the majority don’t.

There’s always a risk of the guy bailing after sex if you wait, but giving yourself even just a bit more time cuts that risk quite dramatically. Plus, when it’s an OLD date and he’s still basically a stranger, it’s just a smart thing to do. You don’t actually know this person.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-03-09T00:35:55+00:00

I thought we were supposed to delay and decline sex to protect our n-count though.

bluemooncookiedough · 2023-03-09T01:19:00+00:00

It's not just about how long a guy would be willing to commit to lying about his intentions. Waiting gives you more time together for you to vet each other and see if a long term relationship would even be possible. Someone that is worried about getting used for a one night stand probably doesn't want to sleep with people who would not be compatible relationship wise.

DiamondLilyD · 2023-03-08T23:33:31+00:00

So if I refuse to have sex before marriage, he's going to wait for years, marry me, then dump me?

NakedStreets · 2023-03-08T23:41:45+00:00

a man who wants to pump-and-dump you, he will do it as soon as he gets what he wants... no matter how soon or late he got it.

In your imagination, a guy who wants to pump-and-dump would date someone for weeks just to ghost after having sex once?

Instead of just moving on to other prospects?

Barneysparky · 2023-03-09T00:07:13+00:00

I've been on a lot of first dates in my life. I have never had a guy with whom we connected and had a great time push for sex. Ever.

The blah dates where it was pretty obvious there was no connection on either side about 50% have tried for sex.

But don't take my word for it, instead listen to the guys here who claim to be "spinning plates", and how they talk about their dates.

You say delay the inevitable like sex is something women have to do, not something they want to do with someone they want to have sex with.

solstice-sky · 2023-03-09T02:24:01+00:00

Women have the lived experience of dating guys who "really like them" for one or two dates, then completely vanish when they realize it's not an easy lay.

It's better to wait because the mask always drops and sometimes it's as soon as after one or two dates. Guys can put up a charade but they aren't actually trying to waste that much time. Sure, one guy might go for the long con but it's better to wait and weed out the ones who will fake interest but not for long (the large majority).

Scary_Preparation_66 · 2023-03-08T23:33:01+00:00

You gotta ghost him first. Those are the rules.

daddysgotanew · 2023-03-09T16:02:10+00:00

I don’t even mess with women that don’t fuck on the first date anymore really. I did it in my younger years and it never got me anywhere except disrespected so screw that. You want me to wait? You’re not attracted enough. That’s ok, and it’s your right, but I’m going to move on.

CombinationUsed7938 · 2023-03-09T13:55:31+00:00

If a man is shitty enough to ghost you after fucking you for the first time, he will do it no matter if it's the 1st or the 10th date. Withholding sex from him is just a way of delaying the inevitable.

If a man is shitty enough to ghost you after fucking you, then he probably won't be willing to go on a lot of dates with you without sex. Going on several dates before fucking is quite a good test.

gofigure62 · 2023-03-09T14:19:41+00:00

People who value social connection and want partners that can exercise self control aren't going to hop into bed after a first, second, or 3rd meeting. Some adults also care about their sexual health and someone who wants to fuck within the first 5 minutes of knowing someone, more than likely lacks any maturity to engage in safe sex practices, and they are less likely to care about their sexual health status. Responsible people typically get tested together, learn about the sexual boundaries of their partners, and establish saftey.

Just as a heroin addict can't or won't wait until they get home to shoot up, emotionally stunted people with little self control fuck strangers immediately.

People who have sex immediately are different than people who want to cultivate a long term relationship with a responsible person that has self control. Someone who NEEDS to fuck on the first date has a sex addiction, lacks maturity, is emotionally unstable, and or they have zero impulse control. All markers for a poor choice in partnership.

shadowrangerfs · 2023-03-09T15:08:42+00:00

That's not why they tell women not to fuck on the first date. They way I always heard it was, "He'll think you're a slut if you fuck on the first date because if you fuck him in the first date, he'll assume that you fuck EVERY GUY on the first date.

MistyMaisel · 2023-03-09T02:02:40+00:00

Ladies, here's even better advice, not only don't sleep with him on the first date, don't sleep with him until you're in a committed and exclusive publicish relationship. And if he's shitty and leaves you quickly after he gets sex, blast his name to kingdom come everywhere you get the chance. And make sure you express derision about such men regularly around men as a part of the vetting process. Anyone who makes excuses for fuckbois is a fuckboi.

The3rdGodKing · 2023-03-08T23:37:38+00:00

You shouldn't fuck a man on the first date because there is always the risk of pregnancy, in general abstinence should be practiced but if not obviously use a condom.

QuestCompassCampfire · 2023-03-09T00:05:30+00:00

Women should stop sleeping with people on the first date.

10throwawayantsy · 2023-03-09T01:48:07+00:00

It's shitty advice because the men who will penalize you for it are low quality, typically.

therealcosmicnebula · 2023-03-08T23:49:42+00:00

"Dont fuck a man on the first date because he's a stranger, could be a rapist, could have an STD and sleeping with a person you don't know is a risky behavior."

It's not that hard.

People these days are so trifling.

If you're a man or woman and you sleep with someone quickly or engage in casual sex, you're a dirty person.

I'm not talking morally. I'm talking physically filthy.

You easily expose yourself to potentially disease ridden people.

And people go around bragging about that.

But the same mother fuckers won't eat cookies made by a person who has cats because they're worried about cleanliness. 🤡

When they're generally unclean.

In conclusion, ya nasty.

Swordfromthecement · 2023-03-09T02:34:10+00:00

I agree.

Have sex if you want to have sex. Don’t if you don’t. Don’t expect people to stick around if your values don’t align.

Aggressive_Grand_897 · 2023-03-09T06:10:36+00:00

This is only good advice if you’re fucking a guy in your league. If you’re a 7 and fucking a Chad, nothing is going to make him commit to you

2023-03-08T23:46:02+00:00

Ew fucking on the first date

neetykeeno · 2023-03-09T13:14:53+00:00

Nah. You learn a whole lot about how men hide their bullshit by putting him through ten dates of hiding his bullshit. If you're going to have sex then be dumped well you want to have learned something.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2023-03-09T14:09:33+00:00

Its a good advice because this way the guy will not get sex, which is a good thing.

shrimp_dicks · 2023-03-09T00:51:09+00:00

Y'all have "friends" in your phone that have been have been waiting years for a chance to fuck, but you think a bored guy won't wait a couple of weeks for some pussy lmao

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LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-03-11T16:05:27+00:00

It's not fool proof but it's not terrible advice.

Alone-Art-3575 · 2023-03-13T04:24:06+00:00

Well that's what guys do...

Title	"Don't fuck a man on the first date because he will ghost you" is terrible advice. And here is why.
Author	AntiSocialPartygoer
Upvotes	0
Comments	140
Date	March 8, 2023 11:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11mbxxm/dont_fuck_a_man_on_the_first_date_because_he_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dont-fuck-a-man-on-the-first-date-because-he-will.1173110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173110

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