The friendzone doesn't exist - Many relationships start between friends

Lovers691 · 2023-07-10T18:16:15+00:00

The friend zone exists, it is just when you have unrequited love for someone or that person strings you along. As for the many relationships start between friends a lot of women on Reddit and social media say they don’t like it when a male friend sees them a potential mate although I will say it only applies if he doesn’t meet her looks requirements or she is already taken.

Smoogs2 · 2023-07-10T18:08:12+00:00

Friendzone exists, but it's defined as a creepy loser who hits on a woman and expects that she will eventually fall in love with him.

In my friend group, some of the women publicly consider the male friends "friend-zoned" and no one is a creepy loser.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-07-10T18:25:35+00:00

Title - “Friend zone doesn’t exist”

Second paragraph - “friend zone exists”

Sounds like you changed your own view mate.

MistyMaisel · 2023-07-10T19:16:12+00:00

I think a lot of this is just people who've never really done relationships trying to describe them from the outside. There's lots of shades of grey, but generally there is:

TOTALLY PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP (2 people who just want friendship)
UNREQUITED LOVE (1 person wants romance, the other doesn't)
ROMANTIC LOVE (2 people who want romance)
PEOPLE WHO ARE FLIRTING/ SITUATIONSHIPS/ TBA (2 people who are figuring out where they stand)
PEOPLE WHO WOULD ROMANCE EXCEPT REASONS (2 people who could see themselves together, but outside forces prevent this currently).

Remember, there's more than just this, but no, most people aren't friends and then lovers. It happens extremely rarely. Most of the time, you're seeing a situation 5 that is taking its damn sweet time becoming more or less.

keebydee · 2023-07-10T19:36:53+00:00

I really think that female fall in love more frequently with their male friends, the oneitis is far more present in women than men

Absolutely not true. At least in my experience. All my life and no exaggeration, I have never seen a women have a crush on one of their male friends. It was ALWAYS a guy in my friend group crushing on the girl and never the reverse. The girls never liked them back. Still happens in my life. Same old story. I'm so convinced that women just do not like their friends because I've never seen it. Never happened to me either of course.

Exposure_Time · 2023-07-10T18:43:38+00:00

This is why the friendzone exists. Guys given hope that they can eventually get their friend to fall for them if they wait long enough. Being told it’s natural and normal. They hear the story like this one about friends falling in love thinking it can happen to them.

Rach1943 · 2023-07-10T19:52:04+00:00

The difference between friendzone and not friendzone is physical attraction.

Pilling_it · 2023-07-10T19:55:14+00:00

The friendzone does exist. But it only exists because men let themselves be put in. Like fuckzone for women.

Friends to lovers is a trope, and also a thing. But there's a nuance to it : the guy gotta be at least a maybe for the woman. There is friend, and then there is "friend".

I've been in both of these situations, and I can tell you this is two entirely different worlds.

Also you have to let your interest known quick, once you're registered in her mind as non sexual, you're better off looking for someone else as the effort needed to put in to be in sexual again is almost never worth it.

baiser_vole · 2023-07-10T18:13:35+00:00

It exists. It CAN disappear when one person goes through a glow up (doesn't have to be visual necessarily) or something significant, but it is there to stay normally.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-07-10T18:41:04+00:00

So the real question is can friends fall in love? Sure, I’ve seen it happen a few times.

Each time, with the exception of one, the result was the woman either cheating/divorcing.

The one where they are still together, she definitely was way more into him from the get go.

There’s a lesson in there.

wtknight · 2023-07-10T18:44:59+00:00

The friendzone is often real because most women don’t just gain attraction for friends who they’ve never been attracted to. This doesn’t mean that it never happens, though.

modidlee · 2023-07-10T18:48:46+00:00

Never experienced this. In all my relationships it was apparent from the first meeting that both of us wanted to be more. The girl I’m seeing now said something the other day like “I’m so glad we met and became friends.” I laughed and said yeah we met and became “friends” that were screwing each other a week later. Both of us knew where it was going from the moment we met. That’s usually how it works. Not two people being friends for years then gradually growing attracted to each other.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-10T20:19:23+00:00

'Friendzone' is simply a new name for unrequited love, which is something that has existed for as long as human beings have. It is lamented upon in virtually all the great literature of the past, in almost all of the world's languages. It has never been something easy or painless to handle. It's just that in our modern era of entitlement, most people here fail to realize that just because you fell for someone, the other person is not obligated to fall for you. This goes for both men and women.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-10T20:39:31+00:00

Friendzone does exist and generally speaking women are friendzoning guys way more than men friendzoning girls. And I am not talking about those so called "losers who think are entitled to love", I am talking about men who genuinely have feelings for a woman but a woman doesn't feel the same but yet, she keeps him around foe other purposes. Generally speaking, women friendzone men because they are aware of their feelings and they want to keep them around to use those feelings to their advantage to obtain certain things.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-07-10T21:55:45+00:00

There is a difference between just being in the same "larger group of friends", where you know each other and would constantly hang out together

You would likely call the people there" friends"

And some guy spending tons of time "one on one" with one single female friend and doing activities with her, having multiple phone calls and whatever...

Opening_Tell9388 · 2023-07-10T18:09:29+00:00

Yes, friendzones exist. As you have just described in your second paragraph.

I have definitely had homegirls who caught feelings for me but I was just honest if I didn't feel the same. It happens to everyone. Friendzone is like unrequited love where the rejected person stays friends with hopes of things changing down the lines. It's perhaps insincere. Though I would say definitely real.

quantumpencil · 2023-07-10T18:17:08+00:00

Actual friends become lovers all the time. All my relationships were like this. Actual friends means the girl actually likes being around you as well and seeks out your company for its own sake -- but didn't feel immediate attraction to you (and generally you also don't feel strong immediate attraction). In such a situation it's quite common that as you get closer and know each other better and have fun together, feelings might develop. Doesn't always happen of course but it's pretty common.

When a lot of people are talking about being "friends" what they mean is you simp and she tolerates it for either manipulative reasons or because she's just too nice and you're not getting the message. In these cases, there isn't really a friendship in the first place. The guy is useful to the girl or she's tolerating him because of their broader friend circle or something, but there's not any real mutual affection/desire to spend time together.

Slyfer_Seven · 2023-07-10T18:18:14+00:00

The friend zone is real.

When one person wants to be more than friends, but the other does not, and likely will never, that's the friend zone.

The person hangs on hoping the other will eventually want to progress their relationship, but often times it is clear this is never going to happen. That person is not content just being a friend indefinitely, yet they are too timid to rock the boat and say something or move on.

It's an all around unhealthy relationship

toasterchild · 2023-07-10T18:21:16+00:00

I think it exists but it's something you do to yourself, not something the other sex does to you. If your feelings aren't returned don't keep hanging around hoping the other person will change their mind.

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-07-10T19:01:59+00:00

Being "friends" is different from being "friend-zoned."

If you're actual friends, you both don't know where you stand on the idea of things potentially becoming romantic, but in the friend-zone, it's clear that the other person will never be anything more than that, unless that friend is being used and made to think that they can become more than friends by doing things for the one who friend-zoned them.

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2023-07-10T19:17:50+00:00

You’re grouping friend as if it’s on an absolute scale.

There’s “friend” as in mutual friend group I know them and they are cool people it seems but I don’t know EVERY THING about them and their life. —- this is more of acquaintances than anything else

There is “friend” as you genuinely like their company and who they are and like to go to gatherings with them but don’t find them attractive.

Lastly there is “friend” and im attracted to him but waiting for him to cross the line and ask me out or I ask them out on a date.

Mind you, you can cross these “friend” parameters at any time if anything happens (attractiveness, social standing, events happen within friend group, etc)

kukkle1111 · 2023-07-10T19:21:03+00:00

is the friendzone even real?

In theory, it shouldn’t be.

If you like a girl and at any point she refers to you as “bro,” cut all contact immediately, you’ve already lost.

A lot of men do not do this for reasons I do not understand.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-07-10T18:18:19+00:00

the "friendzone" definitelyexists for individuals and is just a jokey way of expressing how MEN experience being considered a friend by a girl they like, i dont know why people take it like some law of nature, its a joke from the TV show friends and a chris rock comedy special

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-07-10T19:58:57+00:00

It does. Of course it does.

In general I think it's always the man's "fault" (more on that below). The only time I think a woman does anything wrong is when she is aware of his true feeling and extracts boyfriend favors from him. Not sure how often this happens. Probably not the majority of cases but I don't know. So it's basically all on the man.

Women often can tell when a guy desires her as more than just friends, but I can't really blame her for merely just returning friendship and not taking advantage of him. Still, she knows he's in the friend-zone.

Friendzone exists, but it's defined as a creepy loser who hits on a woman and expects that she will eventually fall in love with him.

Ok. So I think we agree that the friend-zoned guy is a loser. How did he get this way? Was he born like this? Does he understand the things that women are actually attracted to and instead chooses to not do those things and try to sneak into a relationship by feigning friendship? Is he intentionally a creepy loser?

Of course not. For one reason or another he doesn't know how to initially attract women. He picked up from various sources that women are attracted to kindness, friendliness, and "treating her like a human being". He doesn't know that those aren't sexy at all to women, they are merely prerequisites for an LTR but that gets him nowhere if he leads with them and doesn't offer anything to actually attract her.

My point is I have sympathy for these guys. I used to be one. They're not trying to be creepy losers. They're trying to follow the advice they've been given the best that they can. They obviously exist and they're in an endless cycle of frustration. Be kind and pull him aside and tell him what women really want.

bluestjuice · 2023-07-10T20:15:45+00:00

Having discussed this exhaustively with my real friend circle at one point a few years back, we concluded that unrequited love is tragical, but the friendzone is cringe.

The reasoning: unrequited love keeps the lack of romantic feeling in the part of the beloved party as an unhappy happenstance. The unrequited lover suffers, but it is an outcome of unlucky fate. The friendzone establishes blame or at least responsibility for the lover’s suffering in the person of the beloved; not loving, or even purposely stringing the lover along, is something they are doing to them.

I think a major factor in this is whether you consider loving someone romantically or platonically to be the default position. Classic thought holds that one cannot force love to emerge where it does not arise of its own volition, so the beloved is blameless if love does not appear. The friendzone thought process seems to think that the beloved is making an active decision not to love where otherwise they would have loved; therefore they are to blame.

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-10T19:51:49+00:00

The friendzone doesn't exist if a man makes it painfully clear that he is a sexual being who likes to fuck women.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-07-10T20:38:48+00:00

The friendzone isn't real. People place themselves in it after being rejected in hopes that they will be able to change someone's mind.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-07-10T20:14:21+00:00

There is no friendzone. Two people are friends regardless if one has developed a one-sided attraction or not. The person who attempts to change the terms of the relationship is solely responsible for frustration or angst.

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BlueMountainDace · 2023-07-10T20:09:35+00:00

It’s kind of like squares and rectangles. All people put on the friendzone were friends, but all friends aren’t out in the friendzone.

It exists. I’ve been in it. You can get out of it with enough time apart. It happens for good and bad reasons. I’ve also friendzone women.

Tricky_Dog1465 · 2023-07-10T22:02:44+00:00

I don't see anything as a zone. I have friends, and I have an old man. The guy friends I have, have been my friends for years. Most are in relationships. I've haven't felt that I needed to worry about a friend trying to get in my pants in 15 years. I got rid of any guy friends that thought I was an object for them. That isn't a friend.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2023-07-10T22:19:26+00:00

Tbh I don’t believe in being “friends” to a woman I am attracted to. I state my interest upfront and ask if she would like to date . That will gauge interest. If she’s not interested I take my ball and go home.

Guys who end up in the friendzone lack boundaries and try to negotiate their time and attraction.

DapperDan1929 · 2023-07-10T23:35:41+00:00

The only time it’s a “friendzone” is when you’re interested in the other person. Otherwise, it’s just a legitimate friendship and that’s not even on your radar.

Title	The friendzone doesn't exist - Many relationships start between friends
Author	Secure1Ad1991
Upvotes	0
Comments	95
Date	July 10, 2023 6:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14w1f7b/the_friendzone_doesnt_exist_many_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-friendzone-doesnt-exist-many-relationships.1224811 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224811

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