My sister is a toxic feminist and I have reached my breaking point. No idea what to do.

RunawayGrain · 2023-07-20T19:46:15+00:00

As I see it the balls in her court. She can work out something that doesn't demean you, or just accept that she values you being around less than stewing in her hate. It's no skin off you not wanting to be around someone who's treating you that way.

Alarming_Draw · 2023-07-20T20:40:04+00:00

Grew up with 2 sisters, both feminists.

Both cheated on all their male partners.

One even physically BEAT her male partner.

And many worse things I wont even go into here.

Also had a feminist mother. Also cheated on everyone. Filled me with lies about men as a kid.

Had to cut them all out of my life. It hurt for a long while. But my life is better, I like myself now, and I am doing things in my life I never dreamed of.

Futureman999 · 2023-07-20T19:49:21+00:00

Imagine if she went on and on about how bad black and brown people are, because they "do all that crime" and make her "feel unsafe"

She almost certainly believes it's not OK to lump all PoCs into the same category as criminals just because one robbed her 8 years ago, but saying all those things about all men is OK smh

Current_Finding_4066 · 2023-07-20T20:06:23+00:00

The only reason you have not already kicked her out of your life is that she is your sis. I do not know what to tell you. But it is up to her to lose a man-hating attitude.

Both-Ad-9225 · 2023-07-20T20:15:36+00:00

She hates men? You're a man , hence she hates you. Tell her you don't feel comfortable around her and walk away , nc after that.

dangerbird0994 · 2023-07-20T20:00:47+00:00

Just remove all hardcore feminists from your life and watch it drastically improve.

randyoftheinternet · 2023-07-20T21:11:47+00:00

Stop talking to her, move out of the space when she starts ranting again

WhereProgressIsMade · 2023-07-20T21:43:47+00:00

I (45M) have two sisters. One is pretty liberal and the other is a bit of a trad con. Our mom stays out of anything controversial. Our dad though has started to lose his filter as he's gotten older and will get going on something and not read the room anymore that he's stirring up the pot. The trad con sister will just leave when he gets going criticizing Trump. I can see my liberal sister getting her feathers ruffled when he gets going on criticizing democrats. So it's been fun times lately at family gatherings.

We've had our verbal "fights". Maybe not quite as bad as yours. I've let myself get riled up on something and been sharp.

My sisters and I have kind of figured out what each other's buttons are and without ever talking about seem to have come to agreement to not bring up those subjects. We've figured out when dad gets going, 2 of the 3 of us will just find a way to excuse ourselves and go to another room to talk to someone else. So at least family gathers are pretty peaceful now.

Sometimes a quick wit to throw in a little humor can diffuse things before they get going.

I hope you can figure something out to keep things more cordial.

there are no good men out there to date anymore

I'm sure you know this already, but they're out there; they just tend to avoid women who act like your sister. In my dating years, I'd go to different singles mixers. A lot of women I mentally crossed off my list before I ever talked to them simply because I overheard them talking to someone else and I could already tell they had a bad attitude, were dropping feminist talking points, or making comments like "men are pigs". I can't be the only guy that does this.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-07-20T19:58:07+00:00

Honestly just stop talking to her. Cut her out of your life. It gets easier each time you do it.

lewandisney69 · 2023-07-20T22:04:17+00:00

She said there are no good men left, that no man wants to work on themselves.

And then you told her she should go to therapy (to work on herself) and she storms off.

Lmao.

Cut her off dude. I know it’s hard but that’s too much unnecessary bull sh*t you don’t need that.

Strong-Menu-1852 · 2023-07-21T00:27:42+00:00

Just go no contact and tell her "I don't want you in my life until you stop hating me and other men due to your past trauma."

SupWitCorona · 2023-07-21T01:31:16+00:00

Your mom not saying anything translates to me “I know your sister is wrong but I’m not going to say anything”. If you want to test it out replace a lot of what she says and switch “men” with “women” and see how your mom reacts.

Frird2008 · 2023-07-20T20:10:57+00:00

Unfortunately, the only way were ganna stop these feminists is if we stop communicating with them, period. Stop offering them services they claim they don't need men to perform. Stop being of benefit to them. It sucks & it'll be unfair but it's the only way we'll do it without forming a cybermilitary of our own to go after the elites.

Professional-You2968 · 2023-07-20T20:13:40+00:00

Yep, that what feminists are. I am sorry that it is in your family.

Ivanhunterjo1991 · 2023-07-20T20:55:05+00:00

Cut her out of your life

No-Knowledge-8867 · 2023-07-20T22:18:56+00:00

It's fine to cut her out, but tell her why you're doing it and what your expectations are if she wants to come back into your life.

le_flapjack · 2023-07-20T21:00:48+00:00

Call her a Cunt and disown her.

lumpynose · 2023-07-21T01:42:30+00:00

There's a saying, "you can choose your friends but not your family" but that doesn't mean you have to suffer willingly from a family member.

BurnAfterEating420 · 2023-07-20T23:27:41+00:00

Any time we drink together she gets argumentative, angry, and just unenjoyable to be around. It’s bad enough when she is sober.

I see an obvious solution here. does anyone else see it?

Buddhalove11 · 2023-07-21T05:29:18+00:00

So is mine. I have absolutely nothing to do with her. Zero contact. Talked to her twice in last 15 years she screwed it up with her toxic hate both times. I have a zero tolerance policy for that shit.

Qantourisc · 2023-07-21T06:13:48+00:00

Tell her that she has to treat you with respect or she will not be able to have contact with you.

Boundaries are in order here.

And do this over text or record, cause of smear campaigns.

ChromeWeasel · 2023-07-21T02:38:59+00:00

All you can do in the long run is live your best life for you. My toxic sister ended up getting divorced twice and she's now a 50 year old childless blue haired cat lady. I'm happily married with 2 great kids and great career. She has voluntarily removed herself from my life because she cannot handle seeing the difference her own choices have made versus mine.

Live your best life for yourself and try not to let toxic people bring you down. That's universal advice whether it's your sister or friends or coworkers or anyone else.

ahympcasah · 2023-07-20T22:54:23+00:00

You have an insecure, emotionally unintelligent and combative sister. Stop hanging out with her

End-Gynocentrism · 2023-07-20T20:33:53+00:00

Do a r/menkampf on her.

Every time she says something sexist, pick a random ethnicity and insert it into your response using the exact same phrase but with the different subject of the statement. i.e. Her man-hating statement becomes a, I dunno, japanese-hating statement or something. The subject of your response doesn't matter because the sentence is going to be nonsense.

The problem with narcissists, millennials, feminists and other self-absorbed low-lives is that they can't learn new things unless they "discover" them for themselves. That's the only trick they've learned. Everything a Millennial, or a Gen-Z or a feminist "thinks" is the result of her googling the words of a smarter person who already put that thing on the internet, and then appropriating it as if it was her own thought. Really, it's just institutionalized plagiarism.

No other person's experiences or information have value to her because she is a self-absorbed waste of oxygen, and the way they validate this theft is because they don't understand that the internet is made of the thoughts of other people. They think they're drilling for oil in a natural resource.

If you want her to change, you will have to trick her self-absorbed ass into being a better person. Make her parse your equally nonsensical statements. See if something happens.

Or do what I would do and just shut her out until she pulls her head out of her ass.

UnableGuitar1164 · 2023-07-20T23:29:47+00:00

Just cut off contact with her.

mypreciousssssssss · 2023-07-20T23:55:05+00:00

Yes, it's acceptable to cut toxic people out of your life, no matter the DNA in common.

Njaulv · 2023-07-21T01:19:10+00:00

From what you said here, you need to cut her out. Toxic people are not worth spending the very small time we have to live on this planet on. All they do is add stress and bullshit. Neither of which is worth your time. No contact is how I would approach this.

Manic_mogwai · 2023-07-21T02:26:45+00:00

I wouldn’t cut her out completely.

Write her a heartfelt letter, try to compare and contrast what she says with the reverse situation and ask how she feels about it.

I get that you’re frustrated, make it clear that she’s responsible for her own alienation, lay out why you think so.

If you both cannot find common ground amicably, then perhaps going your separate way is your only recourse.

Try though, if you value her as your sister. We all make mistakes, even being led astray from time to time. That doesn’t mean we can’t change, and time, well it has a funny way of helping us learn.

desertmermaid92 · 2023-07-21T02:53:04+00:00

Any time we drink together she gets argumentative, angry, and just unenjoyable to be around. It’s bad enough when she is sober.

It sounds like you shouldn’t drink together if she’s guaranteed to get like this. That’s if you want to be around her at all at this point.

Maybe if you take a step back from the relationship, she’ll do some introspection. Either way, it’s upto you if you want to be subjected to this.

It’s always acceptable to have self preservation and shield yourself from hatefulness.

KrazyJazz · 2023-07-21T02:57:30+00:00

Is it acceptable to be done with my sister and to cut her out?

Yes it is. Definitely.

She is a toxic and angry person...

That's why it is acceptable. She's your sister, not your problem.

upsidedownbackwards · 2023-07-21T03:47:48+00:00

I had to have the "then let me get this scary white male out of your life" talk with two friends several years ago and yup, cut them out of my life.

One of them went on the "white men bad rapists" tirade on social media and I responded with "my friends are white men, my brothers are white men, my dad is a white man, I'm a white man. None of us have raped anyone. Why are you calling men rapists?" and she doubled down. Sucks because we had a lot of fun over the years. But that shit was making me hate myself.

designerutah · 2023-07-21T03:56:34+00:00

If it were me, I would give her shit about it like you used to do as kids.

“Sis, I love you, and I want to hear about your life and be part of it, but only with respect on both sides. Complain all you want about specific guys you date. But when you start generalizing to all men and ratchet up the man hate it just sounds stupid. You're basically hating all men. It's hate speech. I don't want to hear it. I'll bet the men in your work don't want to hear it either but they may be too polite to say it. Or maybe HR supports the man hate. But that attitude makes you sound bigoted and not too bright. You haven’t dated or been betrayed by “all men” so stop exaggerating. It's not a good look for you. Call me back when you've had an attitude adjustment.”

Maybe too harsh for your family. For mine, this is soft ball.

Ronniebbb · 2023-07-21T05:23:03+00:00

It is okay to cut out anyone who is toxic. Family or not. Blood family or chosen family as well. She has her own issues to deal with but you do not need to put up with her abuse and toxicity.

If anyone asks, you don't need to go into details, just say you are taking space as you need it for your own health. And say nothing more. I've learned the hard way, many ppl do not accept cutting out family.

p3ngwin · 2023-07-21T05:23:46+00:00

She hasn’t had a boyfriend since the bad one, and refuses to look inwards and admit that her sh\t stinks..*

Yep, projection is a helluva drug.

... all men suck and no one wants to work on themselves.

There it is again ...

rm-rd · 2023-07-21T06:51:14+00:00

Ever since a very toxic and abusive relationship of hers ended about eight years ago, she has hated men ... She hasn’t had a boyfriend since the bad one

I think you were right about her needing therapy.

Not a shrink, but someone needs to draw a Venn diagram for her of "stuff you can control" and "stuff that will make your life better", and suggest she do stuff in the overlapping bits.

Eyeofthesoda · 2023-07-21T07:42:35+00:00

well you’re a man and she hates men, so she directly told you that she hates you.

i would never keep someone in my life who told me they hated me

jack_avram · 2023-07-21T08:40:51+00:00

Same problem with some making tirades about racism / sexual orientation / conditions / other characteristics or conditions - yet complete prejudice towards certain groups in such tirades, deflecting from the subject onto blame and implicit bias of others.

The extreme polarization as conventional wisdom is the real issue - stakeholders investing a great deal in narratives for a return of investment and expansion of legal influence. Hoi polloi quite unaware of the psychological marionette strings (perception management, psyops, etc) rippling injected concepts amongst the societal seismographs indeed analyzed through all of the communication technologies today. Algorithms and AI honing messages to further exploit the vulnerabilities in responses.

As for your sister, it will take breaking out of this "misandrist-feminist" mental enslavement (not wholly about female empowerment but a complacent focus of prejudice towards men - reduce power of others rather than build one's own - common bully tactic and frankly lazy). Did you two have a healthier more real family connection in youth? If so, see if you can reach that part of her again. Something more authentic than the current political chaos - more personal. This hyper fixation on misandrist-feminist politics is depersonalizing for relationships. Feminist alone would need to focus primarily on developing women but that's not the case.

InterestingStation70 · 2023-07-21T13:04:45+00:00

"Seriously? You need to look up what sexism is. You don't even know what being sexist means. We live in a Patriarchy!"

SEXISM (according to American Heritage Dictionary) sĕk′sĭz″əm noun 1) Discrimination based on gender, especially discrimination against women. 2) The belief that one gender is superior to the other, especially that men are superior to women. 3) The belief that people of one sex or gender are inherently superior to people of the other sex or gender. -The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.

Sexism (according to Feminists/SJWS) noun 1) Men treating women as inferior. 2) Women treating women as inferior. 3) Men doing anything that doesn't specifically help women. 4) Men doing things specifically to help women, but for reason Feminist women dislike. 6) Men doing things specifically to help women, but not in a way Feminist women want them to. Special Note: Women who disagree with Feminist women don't always count as women. For example, Feminist women treating non-feminist women as inferior doesn't count as sexism under this definition.

I find it infuriating the number of times that feminists/SJWs will cite the dictionary definition of feminism as "proof" that they're not misandrists, they just want equality between men and women. Then they turn around and say that the English language is descriptive, not prescriptive. So they cite definitions as evidence right up until those definitions don't support their case (then they claim that the definition is sexist). 🙄🙄🙄 I also find it annoying how they try to REDEFINE words to specifically not apply to themselves. In this case they redefine sexism from "Discrimination based on gender" to "Discrimination based on gender [except against men]". They say that people can't be sexist against men because of "the Patriarchy". And all the examples of people discriminating against men based on gender? "That's prejudice, not sexism." When you finally get them to admit that many things are discriminated against men they also blame that on "the Patriarchy". 🙄🙄🙄 Lastly, I'm told that we live under "the Patriarchy." Feminists proof of that? Sexism exists. The proof that sexism exists most chief by feminists? That we live under "the Patriarchy". 🙄🙄🙄

grngatsby · 2023-07-21T15:13:58+00:00

All of this is projection from the trauma of her break up that is still yet to heal. Believe it or not, her shitty behaviour is not because of you but rather from the pain she still feels from that break up, so she is projecting all that pain onto men as a class of people. Her peace will only come once she looks inwards and takes responsibility for her emotions and works on herself to heal that trauma. That’s much harder and takes longer to do. It’s much easier to blame men. The insidious part of that is the longer she externalizes blame onto “men,” the deeper the hole she digs for herself making it that much harder to climb out of it. All you can do is keep strong boundaries between you and her and support her during her journey if she is willing to walk down that road

Ivyiel_focken_doz · 2023-07-22T10:00:07+00:00

She sounds like a man-hater, not a feminist, same goes for everyone with similar experiences in the comments. You’ve dealt/You’re dealing with a man-hater/radical feminist, not a feminist who genuinely believes in equality.

Ill-Truck-8077 · 2023-07-20T21:20:35+00:00

Go off on her twice as hard and rebuke every single thing she is claiming is the truth. Tell her you are a man and that her beyond repulsive misandrous and sexist remarks are offensive, dangerous, and defamatory.

Inform her of the unfair and unequal realities that men face in every aspect of modern life, from dating to the legal system and how her insensitivity and rhetoric are not allowing for progress and a true egalitarian society.

Ask her if she would be OK with a man spouting hatred for women, even if the man had every traumatic reason to deeply distrust the opposite sex.

And just reply: I don't hold left wing views so that others think "I am a great guy". You are either projecting or maybe that's your problem, you want men to put on a show for you, which will attract low-life, desperate, manipulative weasels into your life.

tmpTomball · 2023-07-21T02:12:37+00:00

Is it acceptable to be done with my sister and to cut her out? She is a toxic and angry person, and clearly has some negative feelings towards me as a man.

No it's not acceptable.

But neither do have to go out and pound drinks with her knowing that is how she gets. I'd simply calmly redirect

Toxic Sister "Hey brother, lets get some drinks"

No thanks. I'm gonna hit the gym. Wanna come?

Toxic Sister "Why not, we always go drinking on Saturday"

Last time we went drinking you called me a worthless waste of space?

Toxic Sister "I've never called you that?!?!"

You said all men were toxic, and a complete waste of space. That includes Dad and me.

I mean there are just a ton of better ways to deal with it than to start calling out your sisters misandry. People recoil from labels and get defensive. Just reminder her that slinging insults to you and your Dad stick to both you and your Dad.

Siblings are for life, and I'll walk over broken glass for my Brother and Sister. And they've done some real shit things throughout the years. My Brother just recently apologized for something he did 50 years ago. He literally cried as he confessed. I mean shit... he was 5 years old and he carried that stuff all this time.

Be the kind of Man your Sister claims doesn't exits.

Spare_Guesso · 2023-07-20T20:35:21+00:00

She's getting it from somewhere, probably hangs out in some radfem forum or somewhere.

I have 2 sisters in their 40s with husbands and kids and they never mention feminism at all, that's because their time is occupied and they don't have time to be brainwashed with online feminism all day.

And tbh, if she doesn't change she'll be single at 40 too, and then she'll be even worse and it will just downward spiral from there.

Session-Special · 2023-07-20T21:07:22+00:00

This has a huge amount of dynamic to it.

one its your sister
by being silent your mother is silently agreeing to your sister.
You do not mention any other males in your family. So you might be limiting your contact with your family. . .

in short this is incredibly tough. I would contact your mother and ask her if she agreed with your sister? Be neutral in the approach let her know that in her silence she is agreeing with your sister. Then here is the hard part - judge your mother by her actions not her words. If she still is silent about or around your sister. You have your answer mom is a feminist. You will have to deal with this in your own way.

About your sister, write a letter and send it. Stating as such you wish to limit your exposure to her misandrist expressing's. That you remember her childhood and that it was a cherished experience in some ways. As such you can no longer be around her while she is expressing her open man hating views. That you hope she will open her point of view. Until she does the only way you want contact will be via a letter. No text, no call, no social - only mail. If its ugly you will send it back, if its neutral you may keep it, and if its about you being a good brother hey you will keep. Be honest and let her know that is what you are going to do. Then let her know you still love her, and hope with time she will love you as a brother again.

why? When people actually write something down they pause, they review, and in some ways it will make them think about what they are trying to say.

Most will pew pew this and say oh what a fud its 2023. Okay then take a pen write some really vile stuff down, and now try to erase it. Oh can't do it - now you have to focus, you have to think before you write.

Why would I suggest this? My mother was a man hating feminist. When she had brain cancer her fangs would show. Of all the brothers I was the only one that would keep her in check. Why - because if I said something she knew I meant it. Because I wrote to her and took the time to focus.

hiyupjh · 2023-07-20T23:59:12+00:00

I wouldn't cut her out for this. I would simply tell her the truth. Tell her you love her but your not going to sit by and talk about how horrible you are because you were born with a penis.

Then you can say last time i pointed out that all you said was hate speech about people with penises. When i asked you to stop. You simply jumped at me with baseless claims and insults. This is not acceptable.

Or you could sit her and your mother down and tell them you want them in your life but if they choose to hate you for who you were born as they are choosing to not be apart of your life anymore. Then finish with i hope you choose to be apart of my life.

But to be honest this just seems like someone who is hurting deeply and is scared to trust again. They need love and support. Your only goong to change her mind if you come at her slowly over time with love.

DTreatz · 2023-07-21T07:35:16+00:00

Have her watch Norah Vincent Interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP_dd6LU&ab_channel=ChandraSekharF

Have her read Norah's book Self-Made Man

Have her read Helen Smith's Marriage on Strike and watch the youtube interviews

Have her watch Karen Straughan on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@girlwriteswhat/featured

Have her watch Alexander Grace: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeY3vg1r0KrvuyPOi7T39eA/videos

etc.

We're in a post-red pilled society, at this point, we can chalk it up to willful ignorance.

She is always making comments about how men are sexist, how there are no good men out there to date anymore, that none of them have the emotional maturity to date her, etc. She hasn’t had a boyfriend since the bad one, and refuses to look inwards and admit that her sh*t stinks.

Typical story, chased 'Chad' all her best years, and is not 30, post wall, talking shit about men because her bad decisions chasing the top/bottom 20%, now where have I heard that before 🤔

But fact of the matter is shes hit the wall anyway, and she's part of the r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen club now, and her opinions are as empty as her future, nothing awaits her but cats and boxed wine at worst, or at best desperate simps who she doesn't want.

Cut her off, your life will be better without that stress.

LiquidDreamtime · 2023-07-20T21:17:02+00:00

She might be willing to read The Will to Change by Bell Hooks.

Any feminist interested in wholesale societal change must recognize the need for men to participate in said change. It would behoove her, as a straight woman and as a sister, to put in some work to better understand and empathize with men

Original_Dankster · 2023-07-20T21:29:28+00:00

You act like you are just this great person because you have some leftist views

If what she's saying is true, you deserve all the shit she is shoveling at you.

First off, having leftist views doesn't make you a better person whatsoever. In fact I'd say the opposite.

Second, Leftism created this monster. If you're a leftist and butthurt at feminism, you're either a hypocrite or an idiot. Either way, enjoy your karma I guess.

AdComprehensive1312 · 2023-07-20T20:20:44+00:00

She may change, 30 is still pretty young. Try having a rational conversation with her if you can and lay out your case.

cy_narrator · 2023-07-21T02:32:46+00:00

She is going through a terrible time, you should support her without being angry.

Ask about her(your) father. Ask if she thinks you are the same.

Everyone at some point in their life thinks "Everyone of that gender is bad" it should not be taken as an attack or insult towards that gender quickly.

rabel111 · 2023-07-20T21:27:22+00:00

Sometimes you just have to tell people to stop being a misery-gut. But that doesn't work with feminists, as they just pass off any criticism as misogyny.

Next time she makes a sexist statement, just remind her how lucky she is that no men are interested in her.

ALiteralAngryMoose · 2023-07-20T21:49:14+00:00

It would be irresponsible on your part to not cut her off. She wants to nurture the hate in her heart, let her, just not in touch with you.

AndyBrown65 · 2023-07-20T23:49:34+00:00

OK, so a few things to unpack, but essentially she is the classic fem-cel.

She is drowning in her own bile and hatred. She has had a bad experience with the opposite sex. So what? We all have. However, her sick, twisted mind had enabled her to swim in a "lake of hate" because her selfish ego has been hurt.

Marketing is the opposite of the truth. We see in others what we don't see in ourselves.

If she is saying "men are sexist", "no good men out there", "none of them have the emotional maturity", then this is just a mirror on herself.

Before working out the best advice some extra background information would be helpful:

You haven't mentioned your father so is it fair to say he is out of the picture? Did she grow up without attention? or did she receive too much?
Childhood abuse. I am assuming she didn't have any abuse growing up, or else that is anther layer of the onion.
Job. I would be intrigued as to what your sister does. Is she in private enterprise, or government? Is she in a "traditional role" or is she a "strong independent woman battling in a man's world"?
Her breakup 8 years ago. What made it so toxic? Was there physical violence? Was the guy much older? Was there drugs involved?
Has she been formally diagnosed with any major mental health condition? eg Bi-Polar, BPD, anxiety

It's obvious that deep down you care for your sister as any older brother would. Having a younger sister with mental health issues is difficult, but you need to understand that these are her issues and not yours. Only she can resolve those mental health issues. When we have a bad experience in our life it can affect us in many ways, and relationships can generate a certain PTSD which your sister has and which she has permitted to control her life.

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2023-07-21T03:16:12+00:00

Why is she acting so needy for a man? She should just go her own way and work on herself.

No man is gonna give her happiness, so she has to try something else with her life. That's all on her.

Downtown_Can8186 · 2023-07-21T03:27:00+00:00

Wait 20 years, then marry a 22 year old hottie. She'll be lonely and have lost opportunity for a man of any type, good or otherwise. Then tell her: "now you know where the good men were."

Century22nd · 2023-07-21T03:31:02+00:00

Sadly she is the same woman that probably was not interested in the guys that were nice to her and ignored them. Now that the guy she did like hurst her she only sees herself as a victim, but the poor nice guys she was not into before are also just as hurt as she is.

As_Easy_As_ABC · 2023-07-21T05:14:55+00:00

Well you can do what I do. My sister is a raging bitch. I avoid her as much as possible. Just as well, since most of our encounters don't end well.

If I were in your position, and my sister spouted hurtful shit at me, I wouldn't argue, I would simply say to her "I'm tired of all your ignorant bullshit. Leave me the fuck alone." and leave.

Two can play at that hurtful shit game. Put the verbal screws to her. You won't have to cut her out. If she can't handle it, she will leave you alone of her own accord.

And what the hell are you doing drinking with her? Glutton for punishment?

Tulupe · 2023-07-20T20:39:18+00:00

Don’t cut her out for this, everyone goes thru hard times etc, just avoid talking about this with her and move on.

Are you really going to throw away family for petty stuff like this ?

This is nothing, we go thru much much bigger issues with family members and we don’t cut them out.

Dont listen to people in this sub, they arn’t thinking about the nuances of your relationship with your sister of even the nuances of her as a human being that goes beyond feminism or whatever.

ConflictedRebl · 2023-07-20T22:40:42+00:00

Be nice and show her that she is wrong. You need to be the grown up. 🙄 i know it’s repulsive but you could have a tremendous impact on how she views the world and she could end up being a hardcore activist for mens rights.

GuyanaJimmieJones · 2023-07-21T03:57:44+00:00

No, it’s not OK to cut her off. For all her warts, she is your sister. Give things some time to cool off and reach out.

dibberdott · 2023-07-20T22:46:19+00:00

First off, preserve your relationship with your sister, the (Argument) is not worth, take her shit do not engage, change the subject, how about them Bears? What ever it takes. Second if you are cornered and can't get out just tell her that you two are not equal and show her your paper you can print of your signing up for Selective Service. Tell her you are expendable and you are glad you will go and fight and die instead of her. Because you love her. Martyrdom is a hard argument to fight. This has ended several conversations some even with my daughters and female relatives.

The_Equalitarian · 2023-07-20T20:39:50+00:00

I mean, if you told her repeatbly how toxic her behaivour is and she's still unwilling to change, then yes, cut her out of your life

LordOafsAlot · 2023-07-20T21:26:48+00:00

It's not your problem, stop trying to help. Stop all but the most basic contact with her and if she eventually asks why you can choose to tell her not.

You can lead a person to a library but you can't make them read... If she wishes to be ignorant that is on her.

MusicFinal · 2023-07-20T21:52:16+00:00

She's toxic, put distance between you all. If you have to be in her presence and she starts that bs, debate her back with basic common sense and critical-thinking, and send her ass home in tears.

hdani12 · 2023-07-20T22:04:17+00:00

More than acceptable bro. If she is insulting all men she is insulting you. You don’t need that shit. I’m sorry this is happening. Toxic siblings fucking suck.

AbysmalDescent · 2023-07-20T22:28:53+00:00

There's not too much you can do and any attempts to reason with her will likely result in hostility or distancing. It's like dealing with someone who fell into religious extremism. If you want to maintain the relation, you can just try to avoid the subject entirely or politely change the topic any time she has a sexist episode. If you want to keep trying to reason with her, there's a good chance she will just because more abusive, emotional and exclude you from her life, and that's assuming she doesn't do anything more extreme like becoming physically abusive or socially destructive towards you.

readndrun · 2023-07-20T23:56:36+00:00

I’ve cut off my brother and kicked him out of my life for his toxicity and general anger, it’s only fair that I would do the same if I had a sister.

oscat92 · 2023-07-21T01:14:56+00:00

I've been through some of the worst parts of my life courtesy of my girlfriend of 8 years sister. My GFs mum attempted suicide 2 years ago which was incredibly traumatic for everyone involved. The "sister" (hard feminist, has a buzz cut because she feels it's "empowering"(god I hate that word)) tried to blame it all on my girlfriend, and handed me a load of abuse to boot.

It's been difficult, but a lot of old demons have arisen. Neither of us have spoken to the so called sister for over a year, and we've never been better. My GFs sister is a full on man hater, I've never sunk to her level, which I know irritates her to the core, all she wants is a fight. I can be a right dick in life, but I would never give her the satisfaction of acting aggressive how she thinks all men are.

We refuse to speak to her, and have declined to go to their brother's wedding as neither of us can be in the same room as her. It's been awkward of course, but we're sticking to our guns and have simply had enough of being spoken to like we're the worst smelling pieces of crap on a shoe.

Anyway, enough of my shit, I could write a book on the one we call Voldemort. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you have to be part of their life. Think about yourself and the people that matter to you. I won't deny it was not an easy decision, but we wrote her out of our lives, and it was the best thing we've ever done.

matrixislife · 2023-07-21T02:03:04+00:00

There's no reason to have to accept abuse from her. She's 30 years old, more than old enough to know how to behave and how not to.

PubicFigure · 2023-07-21T02:05:40+00:00

This is both men and women issue... with enough bad shit and bad experiences one has a tendency to embrace the victim mentality to the point they become so bitter it destroys their life (and those around), I wouldn't rule out substance abuse. Your suggested therapy is the best you could have done. Perhaps cut her off but be prepared to welcome back into your life when she works on herself. Maybe your mum can be a bit of a proxy since she's the mother (and not a man!). Trying to help your sister out here.

coming2grips · 2023-07-21T02:11:41+00:00

Grey walls

shit-zen-giggles · 2023-07-21T02:28:06+00:00

Is it acceptable to be done with my sister and to cut her out?

yes, it is sad, but definitely acceptable. You don't owe her to be a punching bag.

TheCryptoKeeperHodl · 2023-07-21T03:21:59+00:00

I wouldn’t cut family off for any permanent amount of time, maybe a 6 month to a year break and see from there.

ShogunOfNY · 2023-07-21T03:34:26+00:00

no...addition by subtraction as she definitely needs a time out...she can come back when she learns to behave

average_texas_guy · 2023-07-21T04:17:57+00:00

It sucks because she's family but sometimes you need to remove toxicity from your life. I don't talk to many of my relatives because of their behavior and I don't even think about it anymore.

Untimely_manners · 2023-07-21T05:15:05+00:00

It's acceptable if she is treating you poorly and won't change. She def has issues because of her past relationship and if she thinks all men suck because of her experiences, it's because that is the type of man she is seeking out and all she sees, so now grouping all men as the same. She is stuck in a trap and doesnt know it and will need therapy to break her out of her cycle.

Wolfwithaheart · 2023-07-21T05:22:51+00:00

as I see it, she is completley in the wrong becuase its simple, she doesnt care about the golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated, there are shitty people mon both sides thats what shes refusing to except, tell her your not ok with her lashing out at you and nither should she

Masscraze · 2023-07-21T06:30:31+00:00

Read carefully! Sometimes the person needs a shock, when they are disoriented and lost. She should understand something important and as a brother it is your responsibility to control your emotions for helping her making the right decision. SUDDEN ABSENCE. A sudden and perfect one. I mean, zero contact. You need to do this before she totally sinks in dark waters of emotionally numbness. Cut her out online and in real world and give her some time to live on it. Can be a couple of months to a year. Wait and hope that she comes back to life sooner. I wish the best happens for you and her.

This_curious_person · 2023-07-21T06:46:59+00:00

she doesn’t sound like a feminist more like someone that uses the term as a scapegoat for something else ex her past abusive relationship. She does need therapy and really it is sad. But yeah i personally wouldn’t cut her off i just wouldn’t spend so much time around her especially drinking and take things she says with little grain of salt .

NullIsUndefined · 2023-07-21T06:48:56+00:00

Disown her. There is no requirement to spend time with your family of origin. If people are negatively affecting you in your life its best to move on. It allows for time to meet people who will be positive in your life.

Like imagine if you have a loving girlfriend or wife who respects you and has no issues with men. Will your sister get along with her? Most likely she will negatively impact your relationship with your gf/wife. Though, a big leap and spectacultion I admit. But consider how it's affecting your life and do what's in your best interest

adam-l · 2023-07-21T06:59:25+00:00

Is it acceptable to be done with my sister and to cut her out?

Yes, it's perfectly acceptable.

Sadly, that's what has to be done with some relatives with personality disorders. In fact, in some cases psychiatrists actually prescribe it to their relatives.

tripu · 2023-07-21T07:01:31+00:00

I wouldn't give up. Family relationships are very important for well-being long-term. I don't know about you, but most people don't have their parents alive, AND several siblings, AND several cousins around. So it's important to keep at least some good connection.

I would swallow my pride and try to find better situations to engage. Use psychology: don't put blame on her for what's wrong with her life, show empathy, and work from there.

jaypb182 · 2023-07-21T07:04:26+00:00

Is it acceptable to be done with my sister and to cut her out?

This is up to you, I don't think anyone here is in the place to tell you. I personally would. I've cut family members out of my life because of similar things.

I don't think she will change because everything in society reinforces her toxic views and caters to her so she really has no incentive to realize that she's in the wrong.

Angryasfk · 2023-07-21T07:18:13+00:00

I agree with the other commenters that you can’t keep someone in your life who hates you indefinitely. Is she aware of how you feel, or is she so wrapped up in her own sense of victimhood that it’s impossible for her to see this?

Have you pointed out that she’s attacking you personally with the “all men” stuff? That’s the real s#it test. I can understand why someone is put off after a very toxic relationship: although feminists are not very understanding of guys who’ve been in toxic relationships are they. I think she’d be better off examining what attracted to that guy in the first place, and if she was somehow attracted to the things that made him toxic. It may help her to get involved with decent guys for a change. But that kind of attitude is going to drive away any quality guy, so whose she going to be attracting. Hmm.

If you haven’t already lay it on the line for her. Tell her that she’s actually attacking you personally, and ask how she feels about guys who’ve been screwed over by their ex’s hating on all women. I get the impression you’re not quite ready to write her off, so I think you really have to put her to the question. If she reacts badly you’ve got your answer, and avoid her.

Upbeat-Bar692 · 2023-07-21T07:19:45+00:00

Listen bro he’s the thing. You said your sister is in her 30s right ? Well when they hit the wall they stop getting as much male attention as they used to in their prime, furthermore they are ran through and their value has decreased, subsequently this causes them to be miserable, spiteful, and a hateful person. Accountability is kryptonite for feminists so she would rather blame it on men instead of taking accountability for her own decisions. That’s why all these career women die alone unfulfilled, because they were lied to by feminism. It’s gonna be devastating when all these women turn 35-40, with no eggs, no husband, no family, no male attention, and their looks are gone. There’s gonna be millions of them, and they are gonna be miserable, and it seems like your sister is one of them. Try this, ask her if we really live in a Patriarchy why do men do 66% more time for the same crimes as women? Why do men have to sign up for selective service (the draft) and women don’t? Why do women get in the military, police force & fire department with lower test scores than the men? The truth is none of these feminists want equality, they only want it when it benefits them. I know feminists & leftists don’t like facts so these questions will probably just trigger her since they collapse her whole world view that she’s been indoctrinated with through leftist/feminist propaganda.

Sirhugh66 · 2023-07-21T08:03:24+00:00

Just tell her to go make you a sammich. My point is don't take fanatics seriously. Laugh at them, it pisses them off sooooooo much.

plumberack · 2023-07-21T09:17:29+00:00

Reality will hit hard at 35. I don't think you can do anything. At this age, people have to learn and change themselves. If she wants to be remain miserable, consequences of her misery which has so far haven't arrived yet will pile up and hit together at 35.

Rhbgrb · 2023-07-21T09:34:23+00:00

Should have cut her off awhile ago.

finlefree · 2023-07-21T09:42:12+00:00

You absolutely are not wrong for cutting her out. People that can continuously judge others and yet never look at themselves, are toxic and I have no need for people like that in my life. I don't want to take on the negative traits of others. Do what you need to do for you. You hear so much about toxic masculinity but not nearly enough about toxic femininity. And TF is just as real as TM.

trolsor · 2023-07-21T10:20:58+00:00

She is just not in peace with herself and her own existance . She is herself not happy . Resentfull and illogical .

You can not expect a meaningfull relationship with someone when they can not even deal with themselves .

Does not seem possible to set up a nurturing relationship with her . I am sorry .

But this is not about you . It is about her

None uf us are perfect . We all have shortcomings . Some people choose to detach from themselves and choose to blame outside sources and conditions .. can be because of lack of insight could be because of they find it easier to blame than work on things and show effort .. can be both ..

All the way … there is no good for you in this . And you can not help it .

BlueberryGuyCz · 2023-07-21T10:28:15+00:00

Its the same with guys with the "all women are hoes who dont want a good man" so they avoid dating

She's free to remain alone, when it comes to both boyfriends and family, if she has these views. You are absolutely right to stay away from toxic people no matter where their hatred comes from

Jack_Burtons_Semi · 2023-07-21T10:38:54+00:00

Do you live at home with your sister? I mean, if you have your own place it’s pretty easily avoidable. Misery loves company.

HamletsRazor · 2023-07-21T11:01:48+00:00

I have a sister who is a hardcore liberal. I'm a pretty solid conservative. We love each other to death, and I would walk through fire for her. That's because we recognize that we have opposing political beliefs, but we are both respectful of each other when they come up, even though we disagree. It's never personal.

Being family isn't free license to be an asshole.

faxekondiboi · 2023-07-21T11:16:48+00:00

Is that you Morten? :p

Thin_Ad6035 · 2023-07-21T12:01:55+00:00

Its simple actually. Do you like meeting up with her? Are in a good mood when talking with her. You cant wait to meet her again? if your answer is no then stop the contact. She drags herself down and takes you with her.

creepyfart4u · 2023-07-21T12:34:36+00:00

If everybody else is the asshole….

Then you need to look inward.

It’s not your fault she’s an ass, I have a brother that’s useless and is married to a toxic woman. I just “grey-rock” then it makes my life easier.

ASexualSloth · 2023-07-21T12:34:43+00:00

He is always making comments about how women are sexist, how there are no good women out there to date anymore, that none of them have the emotional maturity to date him, etc. He hasn’t had a girlfriend since the bad one, and refuses to look inwards and admit that his sh*t stinks.

Flipped the genders. If it sounds like cutting off a man that behaves this way is good, it's likely the same for a woman.

She's family. You may have to love her, but you don't have to like her, or even associate with her. Definitely don't have to drink with her.

Desrt333 · 2023-07-21T13:00:05+00:00

There’s a great study out there that polled liberal and conservative women regarding cheating.

When asked if it was ever ok for women to cheat, 71% of conservative women said no, however only 31% of liberal women said no.

How did we get here?

Komdodge · 2023-07-21T13:40:59+00:00

Embrace your masculinity not care the nonsense

VanillaFudge_1 · 2023-07-21T13:52:54+00:00

Perfectly acceptable to be done. However, is there something you want to say before you walk away? Think about that and do it; once you’ve done that you have zero reason to look back.

djc_tech · 2023-07-21T14:13:31+00:00

Cut off the relationship and get her cat food and cat toys for her birthday...because that's what she'll end up with for the rest of her life...

Hopefully men will be smart enough to leave her alone.

AkatsukiGaara · 2023-07-21T14:15:46+00:00

Its never acceptable to cut her out in the case that she changes her ways. Family is everything. However, ur free to distance yourself if u wish and maintain kinship to the extent of a "hi" and "bye' and "wassup" if need be.

NeoNotNeo · 2023-07-21T14:43:43+00:00

Yes. Acceptable and recommended. You’ll be much happier. I see radical feminists no different than racist.

kuzism · 2023-07-21T14:52:34+00:00

My sister didn't talk to me from 2016 to 2020, as if I'm the reason Hillary lost.

asurethingpal · 2023-07-21T16:11:04+00:00

So she had some bad experiences with men and then decided that she hated all me and outwardly communicates this message any way she can with as many people as she can and eventually found a group of other women with similar viewpoints?

OCDbeaver · 2023-07-21T16:52:22+00:00

Tell her to make a guys dating profile with an average looking pic and see what happens. If she thinks dating as a girl is hard then try doing it as a guy.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-07-21T17:11:26+00:00

Yup Balls Are in her pants 🩲 cut it loose ✂️ 🧵

Anih1list · 2023-07-21T17:27:12+00:00

“You act like you are just this great person because you have some leftist views” is just so funny. Feminist separatism is literally the mirror image of MGTOW, and has always aligned closely with TERF and far-right elements. I’d be extremely interested to hear what she thinks of trans men and women.

Snoo-75532 · 2023-07-21T18:58:49+00:00

I require everyone to speak to me like an adult or they lose the privilege of speaking to me. I treat everyone with respect and positivity, and I expect the same in return.

redguy_zed · 2023-07-21T19:55:09+00:00

Stand up for yourself.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-22T00:04:48+00:00

Just cut ties with her if she is becoming too much. I have a sister as well, older sister, 35 years old, she cheated on her husband 5 or 6 years ago blaming him for not doing enough for her. Ever since she had been trying to find her "perfect man" but she always found faults in every man. She also had a toxic relationship with a "chad" and after he used her and dumped her, she became a straight up misandrist, not even hiding it anymore. I avlid subjects as these with her though cause I know we get to argue. You should try and avoid these subjects too, if she brings it up, just don't talk and ignore her.

omega_dawg93 · 2023-07-22T03:50:05+00:00

3 things:

just because she's your sister, it doesn't mean you have to put-up with her shit. AAMOF, you should be the guy giving her the 100% truth about her behavior, attitude, and demeanor.
about the guy who was toxic to her... think about this: as toxic as (she said) he was, it would actually FIX HER if the guy came back. hate isn't the opposite of love... indifference is. if she didn't STILL have energy for the guy, she wouldn't care about how things ended & she would have moved on by now.
some women are perpetual victims... they can do no wrong in ANY situation and NOTHING is their fault. i.e., they can't perform self analysis, self criticism, etc. in more words, she's just your average every day, female, ego-driven, narcissist. in her head, this gives her the RIGHT to be a total bitch.

Wlufy · 2023-07-22T16:54:01+00:00

Do you live together? If you do, move out. And go no contact with her. And avoid any family gathering for near future.

anonymeaime · 2023-07-23T01:10:51+00:00

I understand. I have a divorced feminist abusive man-hating mother, systematically kept me away from my father for 15 years. I left her and my sister when I was 18, never looked back. Now I am 34, sister is 31.

I've recently met my father, he helped me a lot, (he feels very guilty for "leaving his children" keeps trying to explain he couldn't have done anything, showing me the court documents, old photographs, etc)

Recently sister came to visit and argued that my mother is a victim and tried making me feel guilty about leaving them.

Your sister needs to learn to respect you or you cut her out of your real life.

Title	My sister is a toxic feminist and I have reached my breaking point. No idea what to do.
Author	Nameless_Nurse
Upvotes	695
Comments	190
Date	July 20, 2023 7:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1550y2t/my_sister_is_a_toxic_feminist_and_i_have_reached/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-sister-is-a-toxic-feminist-and-i-have-reached.1225927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225927

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