Why do guys hate when women withhold sex if she likes the guy, when guys do the same thing to women as well?

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-10-04T11:27:11+00:00

Men and women aren’t the same and generally cannot be approached the same.

Men aren’t bringing up sex generally, because they don’t want to scare a girl they like off, but they usually aren’t “withholding” anything if you made a move on them. They usually aren’t worried about scaring off a girl they just want for sex.

Women withhold sex to “test” a guy. Guys dislike that because, from our perspective, you’re making us wait and put in the work for something you’ve just been giving away to dudes who weren’t worth a damn to you.

The motivations are entirely different, coming from two different sides of the field.

tonyghow · 2023-10-04T11:53:44+00:00

It’s not the same.

Can you imagine if a man wined and dined an annoying masculine bitchy woman as soon as he met her, gave her flowers, sent her cards, supported her emotional needs, pillow talked about future plans of building a family, then ghosted her a couple weeks later.

But with you, a marriage minded, wifey material woman, who wants a real relationship, and can actually make him happy… he would slowly give you signs of commitment and romantic gestures, making you work for and wait 6 to 8 months for what you really want out of him.

Wouldn’t you be frustrated that you aren’t treated like the obnoxious unpleasant woman? “What does she have that I don’t?”

That would be an equivalency.

Windmill_flowers · 2023-10-04T05:38:40+00:00

There's a difference between not giving her sex right away and not scaring her away with being sexually forward too soon.

I could be wrong, but I get the sense that most guys would be thrilled if the woman they really liked was also sexually interested in them. I think guys tend to hold off on being sexually aggressive because that is a risky strategy early on. They escalate at the fastest pace that is still slow enough to not scare her away

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-10-04T11:43:52+00:00

No. Women value relationships. Men value sex based on generations of evolution, so why would men be ok with; “Its ok, billy. I fucked him same night I matched him on tinder because I dont really like him. I just really found him attractive and had to have his seed in me as fast as possible. You are the one I really like and I didn’t want to scare you off by fucking you too soon“

It just doesnt make sense based on what we know about women’s mating strategies

Also, a guy withholding sex from a girl has nothing to do with whether he likes her or not. More times than not if a woman is withholding sex from a man, it is because she is not really feeling him. “No spark” is the universal code phrase women give out when they are not attracted to a guy

neinhaltchad · 2023-10-04T07:40:12+00:00

This is easy.

First guys don’t “do the same thing”

Average man simply can’t play the “I’m just looking for casual” card with women because women will openly show their disgust to an average man for daring to expect Chad treatment when he is not.

For an average man to get sex, he simply must do the “this could be serious, I really like you” dance for women to not feel like a slut for giving it up for a man who she sees as unworthy or casual sex.

The whole “just tell her you want casual and maybe she’ll be down! TeeHee” doesn’t work. It’s just a self serving fake out women use to try to get sub-Chad men to out themselves.

Only hot men can “be honest” and have any hope of this working.

You’ll find that Chad will often just say “hey girl, I’m not looking for anything serious” and still have the girl stick around to fuck that same night.

That woman will then turn around and tell men “see! You can just be honest. I really respected Chad for that.”

No, Becky, you just thought he was hot enough to break your “3 month rule” for.

You wouldn’t “respect” Billy if he said he just wanted to fuck. You’d call him a creep and make some twitter posts about what sex obsessed pigs men are.

LoopyPro · 2023-10-04T11:23:05+00:00

But if a guy really likes a particular woman, he will not tell her he wants sex right away, because he won't want her to get the wrong idea

If the woman would initiate sex in that situation he would not decline that offer.

Women are the gatekeepers of the bedroom in all situations, therefore the comparison is invalid.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-10-04T20:20:15+00:00

I think the conundrum now is that "the rabbit is out of the hat" in terms of what women say and actually do. She fucks Chad, Pookie, Tyrone on the first date and then makes you wait a month or 2 then your the sucker. Spending money on a woman that wouldn't've even give you a chance in the first place.

Controversial but as a man I withhold sex as long as possible and I think more guys should do as well. Dont take her out on expensive dates, see if she likes just spending time with you because your fun to be around. I

Over_North8884 · 2023-10-04T08:32:48+00:00

When a guy holds off on sex, it's because he fears creeping the girl out.

When a girl holds off on sex, it's because he's not attractive enough.

Either way, it's about her, not him. There's no inconsistency. If a girl a guy is serious about indicates she wants sex, he'll instantly oblige.

bottleblank · 2023-10-04T12:43:21+00:00

I'm perfectly consistent, thanks.

I'm not out there throwing sausages down every alleyway I find, I don't want casual sex, I want a relationship, I've always wanted a relationship, and the overall view is far more important to me than the sex is.

So there's no hypocrisy in me saying I'd like to take it slow, I don't have a string of women who have been desperate to empty my balls and I've let them do that, only to then deprive the next woman of the same pleasure, should she want that.

Which, incidentally, she might not. We're told that women are offended that men just want to use them for sex and that the reason some women don't like to do that immediately is because they want to find out if the guy is interested in something more and is right for them. Fine. Suits me, that's what I want in a woman too.

But it can't simultaneously be true, as a generalisation, that women don't find casual or even quick relationship sex to be an interest or a goal (as many here state quite strongly) but also that they're upset that a guy doesn't try to stuff their crotch 5 minutes after they meet (which would have to be the case for your argument to hold much water).

Better-Leather-4849 · 2023-10-04T06:55:50+00:00

Because men want early sex. That's a reward to them.

If what you're claiming is even true, the men are holding off on sex to reward the women.

When a woman holds off on sex with a man, the man feels like he's being punished and short changed, especially if the woman would give it up easier to a man that she sees as lesser.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-10-04T07:31:06+00:00

Guys do not withhold sex because they are not the gatekeepers of sex, women are. And the reason why guys are mad at this is because women usually do not apply the same rules for all guys. They give sex right away for the bad boy while the nice guy has to wait months. So basically they reward the bad guys but punish the good guys, which seems very stupid.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-10-04T11:19:16+00:00

don't most guys do the same thing?

No, they don't.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-10-04T07:09:17+00:00

Because a lot of the guys don’t think of woman as people who thinking about her love life in terms of when she wants ti be serious or not

They think of them as fuck objects that can’t control their “female nature” so when they fuck a guy straight away, it’s cause she was soo instantly attracted him, she couldn’t control herself. When she makes a guy wait, it’s cause she’s not that attracted to him but thinks she can use him for “resources” and maybe occasionally sex

So these guys believe if she’s making you wait for sex, she’s either trying to use you or just not really into you

PrecisionHat · 2023-10-04T21:12:24+00:00

Ummm I'll tell you why your basic premise is wrong. The vast majority of men would not refuse to sleep with a willing woman they like and want to date.

I have never ever heard of a man being the one who determines when sex first happens in a new relationship. That shit really only happens in movies. Dumb ones.

2023-10-04T07:46:16+00:00

I think it boils down to a guys competitive nature and sense of unfairness. The idea that she must’ve been more attracted to someone else. If it’s someone I see as suitable for a relationship I’d rather take a little time to get to know her. It’s actually somewhat flattering regardless of her past for her to want to seem a little more pure because she might not do that for someone who she sees as having no future with.

Asatmaya · 2023-10-04T05:39:22+00:00

if a guy really likes a particular woman, he will not tell her he wants sex right away, because he won't want her to get the wrong idea, so he will hold off on sex as well, and just date for a few dates at least.

Yea, this absolutely goes both ways, and maybe with slightly different motivations, but at the same time...

Why do guys hate...

Who cares about those guys? Fuck those guys! There is no requirement for anyone to have sex with anyone else, ever, and if sex is all you are looking for, why are you going on dates instead of just picking women up at bars?

And if you are so out of control that not getting laid on the first date is a problem for you, you need to seek professional help.

ROBYoutube · 2023-10-04T05:46:38+00:00

People who concern themselves with who / when / how much other people fuck are without exception cripplingly insecure and very often extremely sexually unsuccessful.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-10-04T11:44:28+00:00

Theres an stereotype that all men are horndogs who only want to fuck all women they see, so when a guy is not sexually aggresive with a woman since minute one, he is showing her he considers her more than just a lay, is not witholding sex since generally speaking women dont want to sleep with men right away (thats the general consensus), you cant withold something from someone when that person doesnt wants it anyways

From women on the other hand, is pretty expected they wont sleep with a guy at the first date cuz they need time to get to know him n stuff, women have generally been observed as being more restricted and need more time to trust the person for that to happen, it is kinda the norm for women to take things slow.

Now this wouldnt be a problem if a woman is honest and upfront about it ie "i usually sleep early with my dates but with you i want to take things slow" no guy would have an issue with that since they can choose to consent or not.

But thats not what happens, what happens is that women who tend to be quite unrestricted suddenly become closed and modest in the hopes that they will give the impression of being more modest, wholesome, selective, they are basically being deceptive and it is obvious why guys arent okay with this.

So thats where the disconnect is, men who do it arent being deceptive, women who do it are the majority of times.

Personally i dont sleep around nor consider some women relationship material while others ons stuff, i only care about relationship material, i take it slow with all women, i want a woman who is the same, not one who sleeps with some early while she takes it slow with me cuz tee hee*

purplish_possum · 2023-10-04T14:55:32+00:00

won't want her to get the wrong idea, so he will hold off on sex as well,

In high school perhaps. Not in adult life.

bsmith440 · 2023-10-04T09:40:57+00:00

This has always been one of the points of contention I have with RP philosophy. It's a catch 22. If a woman puts out early, she is low value (I agree with that point), but she is also low value because she doesn't put out early for YOU. It's a completely stupid premise.

My wife does not have a high body count. When we seriously started talking, we decided we wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. That was completely fine with me. I don't understand why RP guys expect women to be respectable AND put out early.

HolidayWhile · 2023-10-04T05:37:56+00:00

Thinking with their little head instead of their big head.

sweetbrown89 · 2023-10-04T10:34:52+00:00

Men see having early sex as a reward and having sex later as a punishment

They see attractive men get sex quickly and think that they’re not worth it if they’re not getting sex faster

Which in reality, usually the opposite is true

Most women I know, myself included, will have sex with attractive men who we have no interest in anything more than sex

But sex is the goal for men, so it doesn’t matter how undateable that guy is…he got sex early

Men will have sex with women quickly and then view them as undateable — but don’t see how that could be applied to themselves

Men who get sex early usually have nothing going for them other than being an attractive dildo…and it seems that most men aspire to this because sex is the goal

This only reinforces the idea that men don’t really want relationships (don’t listen to what men say, watch what they do) — they use relationships as a vehicle to access sex

Stop_Maximum · 2023-10-04T11:48:12+00:00

So, there's this whole deal with long-term and short-term relationships, right? In long-term relationships, people might not rush into sex, not because they're not into it, but because it's not a top priority at the moment. Short-term is all about keeping it short and sweet, no time wasted. Long-term, on the other hand, gives you more time to explore and do stuff together, at least that's the idea. If you're looking for a long-term thing, it shouldn't revolve solely around sex. Of course, it's up to the individuals, but usually, you're in it for more than just the physical stuff.

Now, when it comes to friends with benefits, that's pretty straightforward - it's mainly about satisfying your physical desires, no strings attached. But sometimes, feelings can sneak in, and that's a whole different story.

When you really like someone, you might want to take it slow. And both guys and girls might expect the other person to make the first move when it comes to sex, but it doesn't always happen because there's often more emotional weight involved. That's my two cents!

Safinated · 2023-10-04T07:12:45+00:00

Because they want everything their way. Other people don’t matter

AutoModerator · 2023-10-04T05:28:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-04T20:32:40+00:00

Lmao, my fiance said "let me hit that" before our first date. Too many guys are too scared of being forward ime. You may actually be surprised.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-10-05T00:53:07+00:00

In this context it's because it's manipulative. It's one thing to just not want to have sex and another if you're withholding it. I've never been in this situation but it also doesn't make sense to me. If you're worried the guy is going to leave you just because you have sex, but then continue to have sex with other people..what's the purpose? I mean even in the case they did leave you after having sex it's the same result

Financial_Window_990 · 2023-10-05T20:02:11+00:00

Because men AREN'T holding out on having aex with women they like. Not being as pushy about it isn't the same as holding out. They're not denying the woman sexual satisfaction.

Popular_Way793 · 2023-12-16T13:11:05+00:00

I’m what you can call a chad and can confirm if a woman likes you too much she will hold sex from you. It’s because she wants a relationship and doesn’t want to be viewed as a 304. I usually let women know upfront through txt I don’t want anything serious or I Just set my fb profile to IN A RELATIONSHIP and i don’t have any issues at all I actually get more sex saying I’m in a relationship lol

Title	Why do guys hate when women withhold sex if she likes the guy, when guys do the same thing to women as well?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	11
Comments	183
Date	October 4, 2023 5:28 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16zera1/why_do_guys_hate_when_women_withhold_sex_if_she/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-guys-hate-when-women-withhold-sex-if-she.1233966 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233966

Comments