Women, why do so many of you keep telling men that appproaching you is wrong and annoying?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-10-06T20:29:58+00:00

Some women think any and all approaches are annoying, some have no problem with them anywhere, and others prefer being approached at bars, clubs, parties, etc. but would mind being approached at a grocery store or while they're studying at the library, for example. Personally, I don't like it when people disrupt my day just to hit on me, didn't like it as a teen, didn't like it in my mid 20s, don't like it now. However, I'm not every woman and plenty of women are fine with being approached.

Approaching strangers runs the risk of them ignoring you, them not being interested, or them telling you to fuck off. You could also end up talking to someone who enjoyed the interaction, depends on who you're lucky to get that day.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-10-06T20:09:57+00:00

Because some women don’t like it. Others do. The women who don’t like it are more vocal about it. That’s basically it

baiser_vole · 2023-10-06T21:12:19+00:00

It is not wrong as long as you take rejection well, but the likelihood of you getting a yes is not very high.

I have never entertained a cold approach even when the guy was above my looks bar. I don't like to invest my time into a stranger who I know nothing about and knows nothing about me, and I don't expect to be compatible with the person at all.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-07T04:20:06+00:00

It is largely annoying, I'm sorry if that truth hits you somewhere that hurts, but maybe here's some factors that may help you:

It has nothing to do with how attractive you are or aren't. I'm not less annoyed by a hot dude doing it.
I am not talking about men in my social circles asking me out. I'm almost exclusively saying this about cold approaches. Feel free to talk to women at parties (still read the room, but yeah) or women you're acquainted with or friends with or that your friends know.
Your existence isn't inferior. That's your demons talking. Your existence is strange. Your existence is uncomfortable. Your existence is uncalled for. You are not inferior. I'd have to evaluate you at all to be able to determine your "feriority". I'm not doing that. I'm reacting to life's random encounter generator with something between annoyance and hostility. Has nothing to do with you or where you stand. If any other man was doing it, he'd be getting the same thin lips and slanty exhausted eyes.
It isn't an insult. Your presence isn't an insult, it's an imposition. And understanding that is fundamental to all relationships with strangers. You're being impolite. If you want any chance of success, you have to realize you're fighting out of a pretty cornery corner.
I don't want men who I have no connection to feel like it's open season on me. I have a life and things to do. And I despise having that imposed upon for something which poses me no benefit and only threats and conundrums. If men understood this in a real way, not in a lip service way, I think that would improve their dating problems more significantly than if random women had to pretend they love it when guys interrupt them to force an awkward conversation based on thinking I'm fuckable. Especially when they spend so much time bragging about how most women are fuckable. So I can't even feel special about the cold approach. I'm getting literally nothing from this interaction.

And I think men think we're entitled like we can't just be cool once in awhile, even with how much we've demonized approaching, I still deal with it probably once a week or more. It would be off the hook if we said "no no, I love being awkwardly interrupted by some twit I don't know in my daily life so he can practice trying to flirt".

The only way I could envision us dropping this line is if men agreed to raise their bar from "would I like to fuck her" to "does she seem like LTR material". Otherwise, absolutely not.

kamalaophelia · 2023-10-06T20:11:17+00:00

I was approached a lot by guys, and often that was okay. Like saying “hey I know that anime on your shirt, what do you think of…” or making casual small talk. Small talk that could develop somewhere. I wasn’t just a walking piece of fuck meat to them… then there were guys who made their sexual interest clear before even knowing my name. Annoying me to take off my headphones or ignoring that I was reading a book etc. those guys? Me and my friends all hate.

We don’t hate being approached as humans. We hate being approached as a hole to stuck your dick into. And sadly, too many guys think it is flattering, because they’d love to be approached like that.

(And yes if you are very hot that approach can work. But then she might see you as nothing but a glorified meat dildo either. But for that hotness and/or the aura of “I give multiple orgasms” must be at play, which… few guys have. I am an inly long term relationship person so that approach would NEVER work on me)

Oli_love90 · 2023-10-06T20:04:36+00:00

I’m guess you’re seeing this mainly on the internet? I think we have to remember you’re seeing a variety of thoughts from thousands, millions of people. If you see 20 videos of women not liking approaches, you’ll find 20 more saying they’re fine with it. There’s no collective “don’t approach us” decision agreed upon by all women at “2023 women decide what they all want” forum.

Irl little to no women will tell you a simple approach is wrong and annoying. At most you’ll be told which approaches are not okay but never to not approach at all. The fear that women will see you as “inferior” is very real but likely a result of your own fear of rejection, not what would actually happen every time you try.

OP did you ask the women in your life how they felt? Did they tell you not to approach?

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-10-06T20:06:09+00:00

We drill “stranger danger” into kids but when adults are wary of strangers, it’s considered weird.

Acaciduh · 2023-10-06T20:20:09+00:00

Cold approaches rarely work. As we’ve said a million times warm approaches are better - in places where women are there to mingle and generally receptive to approaches - bars, clubs, house parties, etc. Even better meeting through your social sphere or a shared hobby. I don’t understand how half of you have made it to adulthood without being able to read social cues. Girl smiles at you at a bar - approach. Girl running with headphones in with resting bitch face - probably a waste of time.

I as a women when being hit on will just say no thanks I’m taken and the dude will take it politely and move on. A handful of times they’ve been total douchebags and a few actually scary. If you’re not the ladder no one is tarring and feathering you for asking for a number.

Puzzleheaded-Cow9480 · 2023-10-07T02:58:22+00:00

I very much dislike being approached in stores, malls, and gas stations when im wearing a wedding ring and have my 2 kids with me. It immediately feels dangerous and i go into protect my kiddos mode. I hardly ever go out without my children and without fail, i get hit on every time by some random man. When im out by myself, i dont mind as much but when i say "im happily married" and the dude says something like "thats fine with me" then keeps trying, that gets annoying really fast. I dont care if guys try to shoot their shot but damn not around my kids and once ive rejected the advance, please just move on.

pterry-dactl · 2023-10-07T08:51:06+00:00

Because it is.

Go on holiday to some parts of the balkans, middle east and Africa. Having strangers relentlessly approach you to sell shit you don't want or trying to gett into your knickers is irritating at best and scary at worst. It's like that because it's socially acceptable and normalised.

When I go to a social gathering or any context to socialise, I'm in the head space to talk to new people and socialise.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-10-06T20:43:03+00:00

We aren’t saying that you should never approach and talk to women. Most of us are merely pointing that there is a time and place for such a thing, and that cold approaching complete strangers at places not intended for socializing is often not going to be received well. Most women do not want their day interrupted while grocery shopping or walking down the street to entertain a stranger, and it can also be stressful and nerve-wracking because we don‘t want to feel put in the spot.

Many women in this sub, including myself, have pointed out that we would be far more receptive to, and comfortable with, warm approaches at places and events where socializing is meant to happen. This is why it’s advised to seek out hobbies and to focus on making friends in order to build your social circles. If I‘m at a friend‘s cookout where people are mingling and chatting, I‘m far more likely to be receptive to someone coming up to me and starting a conversation.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-06T23:14:58+00:00

If he’s cold approaching in non social venues, it has nothing to do with his “inferior existence” and everything to do with his cheap, shallow interest.

It doesn’t matter if some rando finds a woman attractive because so do 25 other randos. It doesn’t matter if getting up the nerve to approach “takes a lot out of him” because he put someone on the spot with no invitation. There isn’t anything special about a man accosting a woman with phony compliments or fake requests for help, because the same man will do that to 99 other women.

But people expect to mingle and chat with strangers in social venues and in those spaces there is a good chance men will have something in common with those people. A good reason for small talk. But it’s still much much easier to meet strangers who might like the attention if a man has a friend or two, because social proof is a real thing which makes people seem more trustworthy and likable.

Safinated · 2023-10-06T20:02:05+00:00

Because it is annoying, and also only based on looks. All my relationships came from social groups

AngeCruelle · 2023-10-06T20:42:44+00:00

I used to think that all approaches were wrong and annoying until A. I was approached by my ex who did so in a respectful and non-aggressive way and B. I lived abroad and realized that I hate being approached by American men, not all men

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-10-07T03:07:01+00:00

"you break our whole interaction right from the start"

Trust me...if you approach on city public transport the interaction starts already broken. This has always been the case outside of a few exceptions like two groups of young people who meet going into town to party. Only those very rare men with both enough looks and social skills to mend the interaction in half a sentence can get away with it. If you're regularly having those interactions end with frosty hostility that ain't you kid.

Public transport approaches are broken. Not talking about this fact doesn't change a thing except have you go through hours of frosty ego-withering response before you work it out yourself.

bikerider6969 · 2023-10-07T04:00:37+00:00

It's a reddit thing not an irl thing, just like many things said by women on this sub. That said, women generally don't like it when unattractive men approach them, but they have 0 issue 95% of the time when an attractive man does, even if they do end up rejecting him.

nicoleberry16 · 2023-10-07T16:26:42+00:00

Umm because it is? Why should we lie instead of telling the truth, it DOES make us feel uncomfortable and unsafe if the guy in question isn't attractive and not getting the hint. And I feel most women here can relate to this.

Aggravating_Camp_327 · 2023-10-06T23:20:17+00:00

Because most men cannot read the room and do not recognize subtle rejection. In my life I’ve had one cold approach that was successfully executed on both the social cues and rejection front. I will always reject a cold approach as it’s purely looks based which is gross from the get go

Dstar538888 · 2023-10-07T05:58:13+00:00

Because some of you men are very creepy and strange…

Blue_Butterflyyy24 · 2023-10-07T02:54:46+00:00

Not all approaches are wrong and annoying. Probably they just can't detect women who are emotionally available for it. Most of us women can say that they were being approached wrongly or annoyingly if: They were with someone else (friends, classmates, family), some hated being teased of; they were eating or reading (personal space is necessary for some of us); and they were approached with "I am bored, talk to me" or "I am handsome, talk to me" manner (we feel uncomfortable with that).

orangecloverbud · 2023-10-07T05:27:09+00:00

There are 4 billion indiviual women in the world, hope this helps x

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-10-07T10:13:56+00:00

Because humans remember negative experiences more than neutral experiences. And often the annoying or scary approaches outnumber neutral ones. With positive ones even rarer.

But the truth is that there is no rules if you're a socially aware person.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2023-10-06T22:01:53+00:00

Because it makes me feel awkward. It detroyed my „me time” couple of times.

I never flirted on my life, I don’t invite men to talk to me, I’m married. So I will nit act nice when they bother me and destroy my alone time or stop me when I walk somwhere.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-10-06T21:20:03+00:00

If a man approaches me l will tell him to fuck off. I have no issues telling him to fuck off. I'm not flirting, staring, giving signals, or doing anything but going about my business. I'm not single and I don't give a shit about your feelings. You're interrupting my day because you find me attractive and I don't have time to waste on you.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-10-06T20:05:52+00:00

I don't get approached that often anymore since I became a recluse so IDGAF if guys do it or don't. Just do it.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-10-06T20:41:11+00:00

I dont and never have. stop reading and listening to women. go read the red pill and talk to men. both being a man and succeeding at picking up women requires pushing their boundaries, full stop. women crying about approaches is a shit test and probably just unexpressable racism

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ornamentalwallpaper · 2023-10-06T23:17:46+00:00

Why do you care? When you strangers what time it is or for a cigarette, or location of the nearest subway station (#europe) you do not care if they start barking at you like rabid dogs just because you made a simple request. What are we going to do next, listen to homeless people shouting at nobody and punching air?

This is approximately where a random girl should stand if she makes you feel inferior - somewhere between a stranger who tells you what time it is and a homeless guy.

If you don't do any weird shit, if you approach people in an appropriate setting and if you can read the room I don't think it should become your problem. If there is a hyperbolic reaction to your advances, just move on: your job is to ask, and any disproportionate response is an evidence of a girl's poor upbringing - this person's opinion of you should be discounted automatically. That's what I think. A girl who was raised well will never try to make you feel inferior simply for approaching, she will cushion the rejection, and she will never ever tell you "THE TRUTH1!!" that some men on this sub pretend they want (they don't)

Moon-on-my-mind · 2023-10-07T00:57:44+00:00

Personally, i always felt safer if I'm the one doing the approach. I was always very uncomfortable if a guy, no matter how he looked like, approached me. Maybe i should feel like it's a compliment, but fear is all that i feel in those moments. Probably many other women feel the same? I mean we are all individuals too, with different preferences just like you.

begayallday · 2023-10-07T01:05:51+00:00

I may be totally annoyed by it sometimes, but I genuinely don’t fault any guy for trying. My only asks are that he is mindful of the setting (like maybe don’t approach a woman at night when she is alone and there aren’t a lot of people around or when she’s waiting for the bus and can’t really just leave) and to take no for an answer. If she says no, walk away. If she says no in a rude or aggressive manner, still just walk away. If she says no but is really nice about it, then respond in kind and then walk away.

banned4tellindtruth · 2023-10-07T04:00:33+00:00

Society's hostility to men approaching women is reason #642 that birthrates are below replacement.

Not the reason, but just one among many.

2023-10-07T06:41:30+00:00

I think some part of this has to do with dating apps. Even very unattractive women can get dozens of matches on these apps in a day. Because matching is so easy, I don't think there is the utility of them being approached like there would have been before social media and dating apps.

Prior to these apps, there was no way to meet women other than in person in some context. Now women can do that on their phones and not have to interact with anyone they don't want too. I think it is a foolish strategy on their part because dating apps only highlight looks of someone and reduce many of the aspects that make men unique that they would be able to get if approached in person.

PrecisionHat · 2023-10-07T16:09:38+00:00

I don't think we, as men, should even be asking this question, really. Approach women whenever it feels right and don't worry about how they feel about it until the approach has occurred. She will let you know, with varying degrees of subtlety, if you should stick around or say, "so long". That's as much as you need to think about it, despite all this talk and debate about cold approaches and everything. I don't know where we all got this idea that we need to predetermine a woman's reaction to our attention. It's their responsibility to manage that, not ours.

Now, some important considerations: 1. Don't be creepy. When I say this, I understand that some women are going to label us that way regardless of whether or not we deserve it (these ones aren't worth even thinking about, once you learn that's how they are). But I'm talking about you assessing your own behaviour during an approach and honestly thinking about if it's genuine and appropriate. And try to be aware of the times and places where you really should never approach - don't make her take out her earbuds to talk to you, don't interrupt her while she's at the gym, don't hit on her at work (the only times you can bend these conditions are when she has given you CLEAR signals; if you doubt, err on the side of not being a dick). 2. Understand that you will be rejected, likely often. It can be hard, but you just need to learn to deal with it and not let it drag you down or affect you emotionally. 3. If you are rejected, even if it's extremely and unnecessarily rude, DO NOT respond with rudeness. Say, "I'm sorry to have bothered you" and walk away. Now, you don't need to sit there and listen to her lambast you, if she's one of those terrible women who look at even a genuine, polite approach as some kind of affront; cut her off, say "I'm sorry to have bothered you" and walk away. Be the bigger person.

basedmama21 · 2023-10-07T17:56:12+00:00

They’re attracting men that they’re not attracted to. And they are disgruntled over it.

It is kind of like having a car for sale and listing a price on it. Only to have people come up and ask if you will take half that price.

So these women need to do better to get what they want, idc lol

alieshaxmarie · 2023-10-10T07:36:12+00:00

Approaching itself isn’t wrong but a lot of the time, it’s not just approaching them in a friendly manner. It’s the approaching woman and getting aggressive or being persistent when they want to end the conversation or reject you, it’s approaching us when it’s obviously not the best time to do so (being alone at night, not being sober, etc) Its the fact that so many men are expecting something out of it. for example, this summer i had an older man stop me while i was out for a walk to tell me how gorgeous i am, which whatever, made me uncomfortable because i’m underage but it was fine. Once i said thank you and started walking away, he continued to follow me even though he was originally going the opposite way. he kept asking if that’s all he’s gonna get and that he should get more because he complimented me. It was the entitlement and aggressiveness.

Title	Women, why do so many of you keep telling men that appproaching you is wrong and annoying?
Author	Felizem_velair_
Upvotes	17
Comments	138
Date	October 6, 2023 7:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/171lzsy/women_why_do_so_many_of_you_keep_telling_men_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-why-do-so-many-of-you-keep-telling-men-that.1234229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234229

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