How would you know if your partner was cheating?

ComfortableJeans · 2024-01-27T06:27:54+00:00

You won't, really. Not often anyway. Often, people will say that "You should have vetted better." But anyone could be doing anything while you can't see them, and anyone could be lying about anything. They could be really good at hiding what they really are.

If someone wants to hide their real selves and their real activites from you, they can, very easily. With a long, long time of knowing someone, you might be able to piece lies together or see through some things, but even then, it's not as though there aren't hundreds of thousands of married people cheating and getting away with it all the time. And each of their partners think they know everything about them.

Really, it just comes down to hoping that the person you trust won't hurt you like that.

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-27T07:23:56+00:00

You trust. There's no way to know for sure and whatever you do, a person with real dedication to cheating will cheat anyway. You can vet for a person you can realistically trust and you can be mindful about early signs - change in their mood, less affections, them being secretive about where they were or who with, them guarding their phone etc.

My husband and I very rarely separate for more than just our working hours and I work from home. We both have full access to our phones, emails, online accounts etc...not because we check them, but because we don't really have anything to hide. I know he can check up my phone if he wants, but I don't think he's ever really done it and vice versa.

thedarkracer · 2024-01-27T06:40:12+00:00

Detective skills lol.

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2024-01-27T08:18:49+00:00

Cheaters are sloppy as fuck a lot of times. Here's some ways I've personally seen people catch their cheating partner-

They popped positive for an STD while being in what they thought was a monogamous relationship.
Mutual friend found dating profile of cheating partner and sent her screen shots.
My friend found a pair of panties that def weren't hers stuffed in her boyfriend's mattress.
Other friend found eye lash extension in boyfriends bathroom that def wasn't hers (affair partners often like to leave little fun clues like that for main girlfriend to find it seems).
Affair partner just decided to show up to their house one night to tell his girlfriend to break them up cuz they wanted to be the main partner I guess.
Dude got hickies all over his neck from affair partner he failed to hide and it was obvious.
Went through partners phone to find messages, usually the most common way.

RAZBUNARE761 · 2024-01-27T09:14:31+00:00

You have to vet better to decrease the chance of it happening and use common sense. In general if your feeling something is wrong, then it is. And be unforgiven. If it happens once it happens again.

Dont fall for the lies and tears either. If they cheat, unless alcohol is involved its almost never instantly. But prolonged contact with a guy trough sm/work/hobby etc.

Thats why you need to vet better, dont date high body count, masculine, argumentative party girls with slut friends/gay friends or male friends and she wont be puttingherself in situations that can lead to cheating (girls night out/girls trip) or getting comfortable talking to guys to the point it leads to her cheating.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-01-27T09:36:10+00:00

if you have a strong trusting relationship

The key is doubt. It doesn’t even have to be cheating. At even the hint of doubt, trust is compromised. Doubt kills relationships.

froderenfelemus · 2024-01-27T09:39:00+00:00

I probably wouldn’t tbh.

Some partners either completely pull back, and others start lovebombing to make up for their guilt. So I guess if their behavior changes suddenly?

Gitsumrestmf · 2024-01-27T11:04:36+00:00

I actually don't think there's such a thing as a perfect liar. And it's even harder to hide something from people close to you. You'd see changes in her behaviour and attitude towards you. You'd know something not right.

Perhaps I’m just skeptical or anxious about what my partner could do while away.

Let go of this fear, my dude. Even if she did cheat, it wouldn't be your fault. Nothing justifies it, no decent person would cheat.

Life goes on, with or without her. She has the privilege of being a part of your life. If she chooses to leave, that's her loss. You move on.

therealsamaita · 2024-01-27T06:37:27+00:00

She starts being disrespectful , denying you intimacy,always argumentative and also accusing you of cheating of starting to look for signs or evidence ofnyou cheating

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-01-27T07:10:07+00:00

He started avoiding me, being on his phone all the time, blows off plans, tell me he was going out with his mates then when I asked he “ended” up just going out with this 1 girl

McTitty3000 · 2024-01-27T07:46:21+00:00

There's no 1,000% positive way of knowing, sure I've heard instances of people making it blatantly obvious, I remember one time a few years ago, somebody I knew caught her husband cheating because he left his Facebook open on their computer, messages and everything lol, as far as me personally how I look at it we're both grown, I'm not going to keep tabs on you like I'm your father or anything like that, if you want to go outside of those boundaries that we've set, that's on you just hope I don't catch you haha

chalkandapples · 2024-01-27T08:06:29+00:00

You can't know for sure. But unless someone has given me reason to believe they are untrustworthy, I usually believe them.

-snickerss- · 2024-01-27T09:39:25+00:00

Change in behaviour and the way she treats me.

hlt5678309 · 2024-01-27T14:21:23+00:00

You can feel it in your gut

thetruthishere_ · 2024-01-28T04:28:00+00:00

Lots of times there are signs, its a change in behavior even if its subtle.

People cheat or not.

Ive never cheated and never will as its just not who I am. Im not going to do things to someone I would never want done to myself. Cringe.

If I ever feel the need to cheat something is very wrong with my relationship.

h1shman · 2024-01-27T06:26:40+00:00

Only cheated on once in my teens and the signs were painfully obvious looking back. I really don’t think most people hide it well from that experience and watching other similar situations.

MikeArrow · 2024-01-27T06:53:04+00:00

This doesn't really count for the purposes of the question, but I'll bring it up anyway. A few weeks after I started dating my first girlfriend, she went on a weekend trip with a bunch of her friends (an assorted bunch of males and females in the 20-21 age range).

She came back from the trip and asked to meet me in the city. I got to the train station and she came up to me crying because she had kissed one of the guys there after they all got drunk. I just kind of shrugged and said "well you're not going to do it again, are you?", she said no and I believed her. I pulled her into a hug and we laughed in relief.

As far as I know, nothing even close to that happened in the rest of the relationship and I feel like if it had, I'd know about it because she was so visibly distressed and worried about it during that moment before I hugged her.

BootyMessiah · 2024-01-27T08:31:31+00:00

Here are the things I consider to be just as bad as cheating. If she is doing more than one of these things, she is cheating, has cheated or will cheat:

Repeatedly doing anything I would normally “pull back on her” or “put her in time out” for doing the first or second time she did so (Constantly having to “check” her, comparing me to other men, showing up to my home or work unannounced, going through my phone without my permission, ditching me, walking out on me)
Telling me she “wants space” or wants to take a break
Asking for an open relationship
Excessive lying
Sex is less frequent or occasional
Calling me out my name in public or in front of other people
Going on highly eventful “girls' night outs” or girls’ trips without me, without inviting me, or without my permission
Having straight guy friends or entertaining straight guys IRL or via social media. Being on dating apps.
Having thirst traps or consistent photo posting/clear vanity
Having private/hidden stories on social media
Talking about me negatively, calling me names, talking about my problems or failures, and talking about her issues with me to anyone other than me or her therapist. If she has to ask someone for advice about me, and it isn’t regarding something positive, I’m breaking up with her
Attacking me physically (women who do this are most likely cheating & breaking the other rules behind my back)

YouHateTheMost · 2024-01-27T12:12:14+00:00

If you’re lucky, you’ll get overt signs of it, like pregnancy tests a week after, vague descriptions of their free time there, chats from that period of time that weren’t deleted. If you’re unlucky, you may never find out. It depends on what kinda partner you got, how good or bad of a liar he or she is.

If you want to get the signs of possible cheating ASAP, you’d want your partner to be the expressive kind, the kind that prefers to overshare rather than keep to him/herself. The other question is, however, if you are into this kind of people.

Vintal51 · 2024-01-28T19:54:04+00:00

As long as you don't know it can't hurt you. And if you know you can do something about it.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-01-27T07:50:23+00:00

Almost all my LTRs ended with them cheating on me. The only signs I saw initially was emotional distancing and sex was starting to decrease.

You won't know for sure unless you sneak their phone

apresonly · 2024-01-27T19:29:27+00:00

if the vibe is off, i'd look for evidence

search history, call history, location, deleted photos, etc

you trying to get tips on what to hide?

if it was me, i'd be happy to facetime my partner at night and have my location on or whatever made him feel comfy bc his comfort is a priority.

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parkonta · 2024-01-27T08:30:53+00:00

You don't. You date someone who you feel is trustworthy and unless they give you a reason to believe they're cheating, you trust them.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2024-01-27T09:49:25+00:00

There is a way to know for sure, just hire a private investigator. 100% legal too

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-27T11:01:56+00:00

If your relationship is otherwise going badly then this kind of thing could flag up as a reason for suspicion. Personally I'm just with someone who's an awful liar so he couldn't keep that a secret.

AceOfSpadesGymBro4 · 2024-01-27T12:43:18+00:00

If all of a sudden they appeared much happier and perkier and started using words or phrases they haven't used before.

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-01-27T13:07:02+00:00

What people don't get is theres cheating and then theres them trying to sabotage the relationship to be with this new person which also involves cheating but theres different behaviors to look for.

My general advice is to take a backseat and extend more freedom and alone time out to someone especially a woman and see exactly what she does with it. Most women do not try to keep up two fronts. Its exhausting to them because they already have societal pressures of keeping up an image and will create resentment. If its someone already in the picture. They could be disguised as someone else in the phone or as a new friend they're getting closer to. Overusage of snapchat is also a decent indicator.

It only becomes hard to identify cheating if the person was always in the picture. So before you use the first strategy you need to become addicting for her just to spend time with and you'll become at least privy to the new person they're cheating with. With a man its really his sex drive in my opinion. Even voracious men only have but so much in the tank. Men cheat for more, women cheat for better unless its a specific exception.

Take it from me a professional at being cheated on. They will set things up in a way where you become the villan for asking too many questions. So never ask big questions, just small talk about what they generally did. Liars compensate for small details by admitting something embarrassing .

MistyMaisel · 2024-01-27T13:35:19+00:00

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'd have to plan and arrange my partner cheating on me even if he was away on holiday or visiting family. He still just wouldn't have the time or organizational skills for that.

Of course the obvious answer is you can never really know for sure. But have faith.

Ylduts · 2024-01-27T13:45:51+00:00

All women can cheat. That’s why boundaries are necessary. Filter first and foremost, but women need protection from bad decisions.

ssshreddder0112358 · 2024-01-27T13:58:00+00:00

cheating is a personality trait and depends on someones value system and world view. women cheat not because you do something wrong, its because they enter relationships to opportunistically chase short term feelings and benefits, and dont actually make a practical choice to make a relationship work. they will always cheat no matter what cause you are going to get old.

ask a woman what she is looking for in a man / relationship, and if her initial answer is not to have a family and build a life, shes is going to cheat. if she is describing anything than involves feelings, she is going to cheat no matter what because feelings come and go, and if for her the purpose of relationship is feelings based, those feelings will always go away, so she is guaranteed to cheat and or leave.

also look at her life. if she has many friends and is very social, spends money on clothing, wants to be around new people often, etc, those women all cheat because they are obviously leaving a life based on short term gratification.

someone needs to be practical and show delayed gratification and impulse control and show practical decision making in all aspects of life, than you can be fairly certain they are not going to cheat.

you need to identify the personality type of cheaters to recognize them.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-01-27T15:12:02+00:00

I’ve never been cheated on, but from the guys I know who have been, it’s the same story:

she starts to belittle/nag/show disdain for you openly, can be in front of others.
obviously sex dries up/quality changes drastically for some reason.
she takes on a new interest out of nowhere that none of her friends have.
hoe friends

One or any combo of the above.

BlackHeart89 · 2024-01-27T17:15:22+00:00

Sadly, you won't really KNOW. Unless you find proof or you witness it. There will be signs but often times an investigation will prove nothing bad is going on.

SupposedlySapiens · 2024-01-27T17:20:21+00:00

Honestly, trust your gut. If you know your partner, you’ll know when something isn’t quite right. There were a couple times in a past relationship where I suspected cheating based off nothing except my gut instinct, but I didn’t confront her as I had no evidence. Years later I found out my gut had been correct.

Trust your gut.

bifewova234 · 2024-01-27T17:56:30+00:00

I suppose there are probably data from apps on the phones that always seem to track where you are. That would be a low hanging fruit. Like, ask them about the trip and such and then compare what they told you to what the location data indicates. Getting access to those data may be problematic. If you had any reason to suspect it you could hire a private investigator in the location where they traveled to.

SeveralAcorns · 2024-01-27T21:39:14+00:00

I don't care about what my partner does if it doesn't affect me or the relationship negatively. I am also not neurotic, so i don't even think about that.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-01-28T03:55:47+00:00

They try to steer you away from that part of your life and keep life heavily compartmentalized. Someone who is fucking around while he visits family is probably going to want to keep you from forming stronger ties with his family. Someone who is fucking around on work trips is probably not going to be keen on you inviting work colleagues round for dinner. And when you start gently pushing they are way more pressed about it all than one would expect.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2024-01-29T14:08:06+00:00

Check the phone

chillywilly3142 · 2024-01-29T18:26:27+00:00

I once knew because the exGF was legit giving me semi sloppy seconds

Women think men can’t feel a difference because they are battling the idea that sex permanently changes a woman’s vagina

It doesn’t but it certainly changes short term and women that go longer between sex sessions are typically tighter

The penis is much larger than a finger and much more sensitive

Also, girthier penises will note changes more easily because vaginas feel tighter anyways (it isn’t swimming around in there)

This crazy ex lived 45 minutes away and went from sex a few times a week with me to daily between me and her ex BF she was cheating with

Women feel different the second time in a day versus a week with out etc

She suddenly felt slightly freshly F-Ed all the time

And yes I am smart enough to know that this also varies with cycle and her comfort and arousal…I know enough to take that all into account

Women actually tell me here this isn’t a thing, as if they are such experts that they even know what a man feels with his penis inside them

It’s part of them controlling the narrative

Last time I brought this up, a woman said I was ignorant

When I explained it she said “oh, I thought you were saying it permanently changes them based upon partner count”

Which shows women don’t respect men enough in this regard to even read and comprehend what we are saying

Even the texture of a woman’s vagina is different for several hours after sex (as does tightness)

Any guy that doesn’t know that hasn’t had much sex or is so small that it’s like a hot dog in a hall way even if he’s with a petite virgin

Title	How would you know if your partner was cheating?
Author	oddkidmatt
Upvotes	12
Comments	93
Date	January 27, 2024 6:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ac45yf/how_would_you_know_if_your_partner_was_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-know-if-your-partner-was-cheating.1243900 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243900

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