Relationships are not 50/50

Acaciduh · 2024-02-26T15:13:51+00:00

Egalitarian doesn’t mean it has to be an exact 50/50 split. I’d wager that’s next to impossible in most relationships and tbh trying to calculate exact percentages is just going to lead to adversarial attitudes and resentments.

What it does look like in heathy long lasting relationships is a complimentary split. One person picks up slack in one area, while the other does in a different aspect in the relationship. How that flows is going to vary by couple. And can possibly change during different life milestones.

I’m not sure what having “back up partners” has to do with egalitarian relationships - a person in a “traditional” relationship can also have this. This is just a shitty thing to do by either gender and will probably end the primary relationship because you’re always looking for one foot out the door.

WilliamWyattD · 2024-02-26T16:15:38+00:00

I think most modern relationships do aim at a 50/50 (rough and over time) split in overall EFFORT. Naturally, some people actually contribute more as they have more talent or better luck or a higher paying job or whatever. But it is the effort (generally in time) that matters.

And yes, even in effort, often one partner puts in more. People are just different and fail to live up to ideals all the time. That said, I see no evidence that it is generally the woman who puts in less effort and time than the man. If anything, it may be the other way around these days.

Soul_vaccine · 2024-02-26T15:55:01+00:00

Of course there will be days when you’re doing chores and your partner is chilling. But then, there will be days when You’re one chilling. What’s important is to not let your biases influence you into perceiving yourself as some martyr who does everything. Because likely that’s not true.

EulenWatcher · 2024-02-26T15:42:55+00:00

Egalitarian doesn’t mean to split everything strictly 50/50 as it’s just unrealistic. We can’t split pregnancy or child birth for starters and even much simpler and mundane things cant be split strictly 50/50 just due to people having different jobs, schedules and skills.

Egalitarianism has nothing to do with having back up people. Anyone can have a back up plan whatever their gender is or their preferred relationship dynamic.

My husband and I have an egalitarian marriage. We both work, we have completely shared budget and “mine is yours” attitude. We split chores according to one’s free time. We make and work on our plans together. Sure, it isn’t strict 50/50 - usually I make slightly more money and he’s better at cleaning than I am, but we do our best to leave both of us with enough energy and free time to spend together. We treat each other as equal partners not as a leader and follower. And no, I have zero backups.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-02-26T15:21:45+00:00

It's generally considered equal is both members are content with the 1.) amount of work they're each putting in and 2.) if they're able to accomplish their mutual goals with that amount of effort.

Ie I'm an outgoing person who makes slightly above minimum wage that works directly with high-needs people; my partner is an introverted security programmer who works from home and hates leaving the house.

I call them my "man in a chair" because any time I'm out running around, I know I can text them and ask them to look things up for me, check routes and times; they do my taxes for me and help me apply for financial things. Meanwhile, they call me their "boots on the ground" because I'm much more able to just leave the house and go run errands; I also tend to be the one to meet and screen new friends to bring over and help organize our social lives.

I don't contribute as much money as they do. They don't contribute as much social energy as I do. But because they significantly lessen the financial burden I work under, I have more mental space free to help THEM, and they feel the same way.

TotalTravesty · 2024-02-26T15:16:47+00:00

I think you omitted a word somewhere because I don’t know which SO you’re referring to.

But if this is going the way 99% of these threads go then you’re either hung up on the literal exactness of the term “50/50,” which, let’s be adults and realize that 47/53 in some areas in 53/47 in others is functionally “50/50.” Or you’re projecting a desperation that causes some people to get with partners who clearly don’t like them, which isn’t a problem for people with standards. Get standards.

Sessile-B-DeMille · 2024-02-26T19:55:44+00:00

I really don’t understand why the OP thinks that most women, especially married women with children, have suitors who are just waiting for their chance with her. It’s damned difficult to find a compatible partner and most of us aren’t going to toss our spouses aside unless something serious goes wrong with our relationship.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-02-26T15:13:21+00:00

If your relationship isn’t mostly 50-50, you’re in a shitty relationship.

I make more money than my old lady currently, but she makes her own money and contributes to the bills. We both divvy up household chores. Communication is something we both work on. We have a partnership, which is how it should be.

wtknight · 2024-02-26T15:56:56+00:00

it's usually backup guy nr2 while for most men no one, that's why they love lumping on this idealism

Why can’t men have a backup woman? Most men who are attractive to one woman are going to be attractive to another one. This should especially be the case since, according to men, they are more attractive to other women when they’ve been pre-selected by a woman.

Safinated · 2024-02-26T16:13:05+00:00

This is true only if you consider all relationships and participants identical and interchangeable

Most of us do not

Only-Roll4703 · 2024-02-26T17:03:56+00:00

I thought i was gonna read something along the lines that relationships are not 50/50 since both sides try to always do their best because of love

Nevertheless can't say im surprised

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-02-26T17:09:15+00:00

Healthy relationships should be 100/100 effort, ideally. Not everything is always going to be equal, someone might work longer hours or have a longer commute than the other person, someone might make more money, one person might be dealing with way more stress than the other. People get sick, they deal with trauma and loss, and sometimes one party is going to be doing most of the work for a while. You might have periods of time when it's 60/40 or 70/30, life happens, but if that goes on indefinitely, the relationship will suffer because you can't carry yourself and another person forever, that's just exhausting. You both have to want to make your life AND the life of the other person better, even if at the moment you're going through some shit and you're not at your best.

I'll agree that in a lot of relationships, especially those between young adults, one or both parties don't put in the effort to be a good partner. Sometimes I've been the lackluster partner, but a lot of times the guys were the ones who were half-assing the relationship. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't have tried to be better. A lot of people seem to think that relationships should just function on their own and that you shouldn't really be putting in effort after you've gotten the person to date you. Those people are in for a rude awakening when they get dumped because they thought they didn't need to maintain the relationship after they got it.

ReplacementPasta · 2024-02-26T15:19:12+00:00

This is due to the fact they know there's always a safety-net if it goes south and for most women, it's usually backup guy nr2 while for most men no one, that's why they love lumping on this idealism

If you date someone who has a "backup guy", then yeah, she clearly doesn't care about you that much or respect your relationship so her lack of interest in the relationship is expected.

flipsidetroll · 2024-02-26T17:59:16+00:00

So do you think you and your colleagues are exactly 50/50? How about you and your siblings? How childish are you or anyone to ever think that relationships are 50/50.

What relationships SHOULD be is both parties putting in 100% equal effort. So you are both adults and think in a mature way, it doesn’t matter if housework is unbalanced, because the balance gets made up in other ways.

And dear red pill men, I know that you are completely blinded by cult language and are so programmed now, but when cult leaders repeat things endlessly, like that women always have a plan b with men, it doesn’t make it true. It’s just a way of brainwashing you to believe it by building a new neural network so it becomes part of your brain. Repetition equals brainwashing. We just now know the science behind it. Do you really want to continue to be brainwashed? Think of how easily you will fall for other ideas they push. If everything they say is using emotional ideas, not facts, that shows their agenda. Just like feminists do the same thing.

Geselshaft · 2024-02-26T15:08:43+00:00

None of my relationships have ever been the slightest egalitarian.

I’m always the HNIC.

“Egalitarian” is some blue pill “I’m afraid of girls” position.

Edit: aww. Women don’t like relationships where they’re not a boss babe. Well too bad.

dacution · 2024-02-26T17:51:11+00:00

Relationships work better when there’s a leader and a follower. 50/50 relationships lead to arguments and power struggles. With that said, both men and women can lead a relationship. The idea that the man always has to be head of the household needs to be re-evaluated.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-02-26T17:14:39+00:00

Men and women are not 50/50.

One is valued no matter what, the other is a complete waste of oxygen unless they provide adequately.

So, why would a relationship ever be 50/50? Better question, who’s expecting it to be?

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BatemaninAccounting · 2024-02-26T19:11:08+00:00

Every relationship, including platonic ones, has been pretty close to 50/50 with the exception of older family members where their is an inherent power imbalance for 18ish years of my life. Nothing is perfect 50/50 but frankly 55/45 is pretty damn close enough.

Psyteratops · 2024-02-26T20:30:51+00:00

The focus on relationships being transactional at all is the issue. With love you get what you want or you move on. You communicate where you want change and maybe it happens or maybe it doesn’t but you have to accept relationships on their own terms- they cannot for the most part be put through a rigorous cost benefit analysis. Less brain more heart.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-26T20:50:05+00:00

Good relationships are egalitarian with both people giving 100% of whatever they have and always seeking to grow in what they have and can offer for and to each other. That doesn't always mean both people have a lot to give and there will certainly be seasons where one person's 100% is a lot more than the other person's if you evaluated it like an auditor. This generally isn't an issue so long as there are good reasons for this and it doesn't last forever. Issues arise when one person doesn't feel like they're getting 100% of what the other person has to give.

Show me a relationship which is utterly failing and on the rocks, I will show you one or two people who aren't giving 100%.

YamatoDamashii_ · 2024-02-26T21:01:30+00:00

Equality is a lie. There is no such thing as 50/50 in every relationship there is a power disparity. It may be small like 60/40 or large like 90/10 but the idea of 50/50 is fantasy.

CloudsTasteGeometric · 2024-02-26T21:06:20+00:00

An ideal relationship is one which is 60/40, in which each partner is putting in the 60.

gntlbastard · 2024-02-26T21:37:04+00:00

The most successful relationships are ones where both people understand that there is an imbalance in those things and they chip in more than 50% to correct for the remainder. But of course in todays world, that would be financial abuse of the whamen.

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-02-27T15:03:23+00:00

Well i think most those none 50/50

Or modern relationships.

Where

1 both people work but often 1 side is more pressured to pay more.

2 communication gets worse cause one side does not want an argument every time one side says their opinion about something.

But on general 50/50 does not mean 50/50 in everything.

Like often a man works a lot more hours. And takes in more money.

Even of the partner works too but takes in much less money or has a lot less houres.

50/50 would mean the guy paids more while the woman does more house work. No matter if she works as well.

Cause its who has more time and brings more value.

One brings more money and pays for more bills. Whike the other has more time so takes care of more chores.

50/50 does not mean it has to be 50/50 in everything. Its mostly just who has more time. Gets more house chores. While who has much less time. And more away to work or more long houres does less house work.

Both can have there own individual identity while still bring in value and make the life of there partner easyer both in there own way.

If thats not the case and people dont bring value to there partners life in some way or make it easier. Then you get the extrame 50/50 relationships.

The you dont keep your promises so il only put in value when you do. The love hate relationships. They are crazy black and white. And also often dont last. Cause there is not that you can lean on me i can lean on you deal. No its we meet in the middle. And when you stop giving me value. Il walk out straight away. Where both people basically use each other.

Elliejq88 · 2024-02-27T21:15:11+00:00

" This is due to the fact they know there's always a safety-net if it goes south and for most women, it's usually backup guy nr2 while for most men no one, that's why they love lumping on this idealism"

Why do divorced men get remarried more often than average (and more quickly) than divorced women then?

Intrepid-Rip-2280 · 2024-03-01T05:04:55+00:00

It's... Naive to ask that on a site where a significant portion of audience have seen women only in movies and Eva AI sexting bot.

Title	Relationships are not 50/50
Author	DarayRaven
Upvotes	30
Comments	136
Date	February 26, 2024 3:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b0jnpk/relationships_are_not_5050/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/relationships-are-not-5050.1246486 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246486

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