Unpopular hot take: Most men are totally okay with waiting to have sex, but we're under pressure to make moves or else we'll be friendzoned.

Andress1 · 2022-10-22T16:24:37+00:00

I waited 3 months to have sex with my ex gf and then the sex was infrequent and nothing special.

I wouldn't mind waiting for sex again but I'm not gonna commit to dating only her until we've had sex.

hniles910 · 2022-10-22T18:00:15+00:00

bruh you guys are getting dates ??

PureFlames · 2022-10-22T17:15:49+00:00

I have noticed this aswell, ive also had many female friends told me they would have had sex with me when they first met me but wouldnt now since it would be “weird”

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-10-22T15:57:21+00:00

For established adults, the third date is a pretty good benchmark. If you're not comfortable with each other by then, there are probably some red flags floating around.

But it's certainly not a firm rule. Whatever your approach to sex, though, you still need to get some physicality going on. Kiss, cuddle, hold hands, whatever. If there isn't any romantic contact, then yeah, you're in the friend zone.

maxpossimpible · 2022-10-22T16:59:10+00:00

[deleted]

dheidjdedidbe · 2022-10-22T17:44:48+00:00

If there is no genuine desire to be sexual from the start, then why even bother? The pressure you feel is good as long as it comes from genuine desire of intimacy and not from the need to fit into some imagined social norm. If you feel that outside pressure is the main reason you want to be sexual with a girl, then something is off and both of you are wasting time on each other.

Perfect_War5446 · 2022-10-22T18:18:38+00:00

Dang you made a really good point. Women complain that men try to rush into things too quickly, but then let them down if they don’t make a move. Kind of funny tbh

norwegiandoggo · 2022-10-22T17:19:44+00:00

Very often, the girls who tell you that they want to wait several months aren't interested. Nothing to do with waiting leads to friendszone. Girls who don't like you make excuses and make you wait. The fact that they don't like you leads to the friendszone. She even said it "until there's a strong emotional connection" translation : she doesn't feel much for you. She doesn't like you that much. She's thinking time might change that but that's wishful thinking. These are typically girls who are closer to the aromantic or asexual part of the spectrum. Don't expect a great sex-life with these types of girls. Many of them only have sex because they feel like they should, or because they're afraid of losing a guy if they don't. Girls who really enjoy sex and really like you don't make you wait months for it.

edjohn88 · 2022-10-22T15:55:41+00:00

A couple of months of waiting? No way. Don't be a simp.

If it goes beyond the fourth date then it's probably not happening. Date other women.

2022-10-22T17:33:19+00:00

Yeah, no. I’m not interested in waiting 2 months or more.

blowingcandles69 · 2022-10-22T19:52:00+00:00

It's also because a lot women will fuck other dudes so we refuse to wait.

creativedave73 · 2022-10-23T00:12:23+00:00

I think women want to feel attraction and feel sexual desire on a date. They often say things like that because the guys they go out with don't cause them to feel attraction and sexual desire.

When you go out next time, I want you to turn on your sexual desire for the woman you're with up to 11. You are going to consciously desire her sexually. You are going to look into her eyes when she's talking and think to yourself, "She is so damn sexy and I want to fuck her right now." Look at her sexually, think about having sex with her. Kissing her.

Your behavior will naturally turn sexual. The way you touch her and talk to her. She'll sense that and be attracted to you and desire you. You are sending her the feelings that she'll feel towards you.

It might be a while until you have a date. In the meantime, practice desiring your female co-workers, even the older, unattractive women. You'll be surprised how much fun work becomes, how their behavior changes towards you. They want to do things for you, give you things. The difficult co-worker softens towards you. You actually find yourself liking co-workers you hated.

Men don't realize how much power we have. I'm just discovering that myself.

Obviously, some women will still say no. And no means no. Some women have deep religious or moral beliefs. They'll recognize those feelings that you're giving them, but their deep beliefs and values keep them from acting on them. But, most women will willingly act on their feelings and emotions.

GeorgeKaplanIsReal · 2022-10-22T18:18:57+00:00

I definitely mind waiting. With that said I want her to want it too and if she doesn’t that’s ok, I’m gonna move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.

koolex · 2022-10-22T20:13:20+00:00

I think what you're saying is more true of touching and kissing but not so much for sex. Women won't usually friendzone you for not leading things to sex by the 3rd date, but they would if you haven't kissed by the 3rd date.

Women are usually pretty patient about getting to sex in my experience as long as you're having fun dates and breaking the kiss barrier, but it also depends on how dtf she is. If its super obviously dtf and you don't pick up on it then maybe you'll get friendzoned, but thats not the norm.

lowerbackpain2208 · 2022-10-22T17:27:15+00:00

I can relate

Perciprius · 2022-10-23T08:29:54+00:00

This kind of shit makes me NOT want to date.

Fucking hell

caesarfecit · 2022-10-22T20:29:05+00:00

Here's a hot take.

Guys get friend zoned when they show too much approval-seeking behavior.

Why this?

Because women want a man who doesn't need to be forgiven.

And I don't mean be some badass outlaw biker. Just be a guy who's self-esteem isn't shaken by her. Like that one episode of Community with Britta's carnie ex named Blade.

That's why women shit test. If a girl you barely know can manipulate you that easily, you care too much.

Now do women take this too far and selfishly seek to turn guys into orbiters? Yes, a few of them do. The same way some guys ruthlessly string along girls for easy sex or an empty relationship where she does all the work.

But what puts the scent of blood in the water is needing her validation. The kind of guy she fantasizes about doesn't need that from her. She needs it from him.

2022-10-22T18:07:30+00:00

Nothing wrong with building a friendship first.... often better relationships follow.

risethirtynine · 2022-10-22T17:27:30+00:00

Couple of months of ignoring your own needs and adjusting your reality to live in her frame? Not exactly a recipe for longevity there either

Atriev · 2022-10-22T18:37:35+00:00

It makes things way easier if you just have sex first.

xiosy · 2022-10-22T16:47:37+00:00

The only reason people want to loose their virginity is because they feel pressured by their friends who make fun of them and that’s just sad I would even say sex is a bit overrated

jphilipre · 2022-10-22T22:26:31+00:00

Context matters. And communication also matters.

I didn’t sleep with my fiancée until we’d been going for 6 weeks, but we were both around 50 and working things out together. It was awesome to cut through the bullshit and be upfront.

2022-10-23T04:56:27+00:00

I agree 100%. Why does all the pressure have to be on the guy to make moves? I personally think it is VERY attractive when a woman makes the first move or at least tries to escalate a little. What is wrong with meeting in the middle a little?

AtDaLastMinute · 2022-10-23T05:47:28+00:00

She's going to do it whenever she wants with whoever she wants. It's a numbers game. Don't stop dating until SHE tells you she wants to be exclusive.... And even then don't stop talking to other women. Abundance is key.

burncushlikewood · 2022-10-22T21:44:56+00:00

Nah I completely disagree, I knew people in high school that would wait months for sex, I think if you have good game you can close in 3-10 hours!

boxinsideme · 2022-10-23T03:22:46+00:00

If I go on a first date with a woman and she's beautiful and convo flows well, and she tells me she doesn't have sex till there's a strong emotional connection / a couple of months of dating, I'm totally okay with waiting. I think most guys are.

The problem is we're under SO much pressure to make moves on dates, because if we don't, we typically get friendzoned rather quickly.

The problem is when you are not the one maintaining the control and dynamic of the situation. You should always be making moves on dates. If she says she wants to wait on sex and you are okay with that, you should be absolutely making moves to create tension. Build up such strong tension between you and her that she regrets those words a month later when she is absolutely taken in lust with you and dying to have sex with you while you continue to tease her and make her super horny and make her wait. Sexual tension should definitely be present in this situation.

HamsterSashimi · 2022-10-22T17:12:22+00:00

We just can't get a win

Throwawaytoearth · 2022-10-22T16:26:05+00:00

I’m so confused, which are you advocating for? To have sex at the 3rd date? To have it after some months??? Regardless I’ve slept with some women after the 3rd date, but yeah things should happen sooner than later. There are also women out there who genuinely like to wait. But, despite all this, at the end of the day she will sleep with people at varying times

disignore · 2022-10-22T20:02:30+00:00

hmmmm, yes and no. sometimes one just hornys and sometimes one not

I think the whole sex has become like stupid. Not the act of doing or being in a dry spell. But the whole issue of people, like we all put it in a pedestal and the we were promised i was as easy as a swiping to get it. If you ask me it is sex, a part of having fun but not the ultimate goal.

lana_del_reymysterio · 2022-10-22T21:29:46+00:00

Also, every single day on the dating subs I read stories from people writing in of "How can I let this guy I've been dating down gently," then after I read it I realize they went on 4 dates without sex happening, so her attraction is now gone even though she seems to be oblivious to it herself.

Correlation doesn't mean causation.

I interpret that example as that they went on 4 dates without sex happening because they were not ultimately attracted to the guy not because the guy failed to make a move

acethecreatorOF · 2022-10-22T22:57:42+00:00

It has NEVER worked in my favor to wait with a girl that I like more than just being a hole. It’s a crazy bit of irony. I want to build a connection with them but they never really hook unless I’m doing my wild boy shit aka taking her out to a bar to get blasted and then going back home to fuck.

brattcatt420 · 2022-10-23T03:17:00+00:00

Every relationship and person is different. If you can't communicate your intimate preferences and general pace you both want by the 3rd date, yeah it's probably not working out.

Making moves doesn't have to be sex it can be at your own pace... but if you cant communicate your expectations or desires and leave a girl wondering, they're probably going to move on or put you on the back burner. Girls want to be wanted.

Thing is, I've never actively pursued someone for a relationship that I wanted to friend zone. I friend zone 'guy' friends, not romantic interests. My point being, everyone's different!

ChaotixEDM · 2022-10-23T05:43:18+00:00

Disagree with that thought process. I never push for sex when hanging out with a new chick and it usually just builds sexual anticipation.

gymfreak08 · 2022-10-23T07:42:08+00:00

Not true at all, My ex and I has sex way leter into the relationship, and the sex was yoo good. We did all the kinky stuff I wanted to do, yes Anal too!

modidlee · 2022-10-23T16:54:03+00:00

This may come across as misogynistic, but you really need to stop listening to what women say when it comes to “getting women.” Any woman trying to wait months for sex just isn’t attracted to you.

Beefcake210 · 2022-10-22T23:58:49+00:00

From personal experience, I think you should try to make a move on the girl on the first date. If she likes you, she will let you have sex with her. If she says no on the first date that’s ok.

On the 2nd date try to make a move and see where it goes. If she sleeps with you, great. If she says no or gives you an excuse then she is genuinely not attracted and interested in you.

DarkSun18 · 2022-10-22T20:22:57+00:00

I would never have sex by date 3, I need to know the guy isn't seeing any other women, ew.

ciurana · 2022-10-22T22:19:35+00:00

This makes sense — that’s the reason why you do NOT serialize dating. Have 2-5 girls in different stages of connection, and enjoy sex with them as they get to that stage with you. It will give you mor variety and comparison points, so that you can choose to engage long term with the one who best fits you.

I don’t mind waiting for sex with any particular one, but learned a while ago to not date serially. That leads to neediness and frustration.

That was the strategy I followed until I settled with the girl that’s now my wife. A total 10 (inside and out), fantastic sex life, and compatible tastes, values, and objectives. I would’ve probably never had found her had I pursued the serial dating strategy. We waited close to 3 months and several dates before we had sex, and I continued to see other women after we did (and she knows), until we reached a point where we both realized being together was the best next step for both.

It wasn’t an overnight decision either. I stopped seeing other women over a 9 month period.

So — I agree with the waiting with any particular woman, but don’t make the mistake of serializing them. Experience as many as you can. Enjoy your time with them. Learn about them and about yourself. Don’t rush with any of them. Once you have a couple going your confidence will grow, you’ll become more attractive, you won’t have dry spells, and you’ll be in the position to be choosy instead of the other way around. Cheers!

LucyInThewhiSky · 2022-10-22T22:44:37+00:00

The thing is, usually a woman waits to have sex because she wants to get to know the guy first, and also because of the pressures to not sleep with a man on the first date (we’re told our value lies in our “body count”) even if she’s attracted to what she sees on a first date. We have to walk a thin line between being too easy or too prudent, but eventually if we decide to have sex, we’re still judged for it. It’s a very old fashioned way of thinking, but unfortunately a lot of younger men are still thinking this way. You don’t really know someone after the first couple dates (hell, if it’s OLD you’re getting a curated profile in person that hopes to say the right things get laid), but after a couple dates she can tell if she isn’t feeling it going in that direction/not the right connection. Don’t just kiss her because you have hopes to get laid in the future, try to make a real connection.

elltay64 · 2022-10-23T00:47:43+00:00

This whole thread is giving incel vibes.

2022-10-22T23:19:26+00:00

That’s your way of thinking, you create your reality based on what you believe in. If I’m looking for something serious, sex on the third date is too early and disrespectful. It’s the crossing of physical boundaries before other boundaries have been healthily set up and established. Friendzoning only happens when you aren’t keeping the seduction strategies going. In other words, when you aren’t making the effort. It’s Short term thinking vs long term thinking. I’m a long term thinker, hence I admire people who play the long game, that means they are dedicated and don’t think only about their instant gratification/satisfaction.

Granny_Killa · 2022-10-23T04:06:01+00:00

I honestly can't imagine wanting to wait that long even if the girl seemed otherwise great, as I want a partner who enjoys sex and doesn't see it as some gateway thing I have to work for. Because if I'm working away 'proving' myself and finally getting that as a reward, and she doesn't even want it except to keep me on the hook? Frame lost and over before you had a chance.

Nah, I'll stick with the girls where we actually want to rip each other's clothes off.

But yeah, if you want to get a 'sexual' girl you're going to have to be a sexual person, within dates 1-2 at the very latest. Just the way it is.

Griffithead · 2022-10-23T08:21:54+00:00

There's other shit to do besides sex though.

Kissing, touch, oral.

And not just some lame goodnight kiss shit. Be spontaneous, make a move.

Same goes for the lame Netflix make out.

Be strong, make her feel wanted.

2022-10-22T18:39:01+00:00

fuck that, first date or she's smashing someone else🥳

2022-10-22T19:04:49+00:00

i guess im not like most men, if im really into someone and shes into me, why tf wait 🙄

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-10-22T20:43:06+00:00

If you aren't trying to smash by the 2nd date, you're doing it wrong.

KingOfNeptune · 2022-10-22T20:35:42+00:00

Of course. This is true for most dating norms and many non-dating norms in society. Men get blamed for responding to demands and market pressures that women create.

ugohome · 2022-10-23T03:19:24+00:00

What is this incel crap

Defc0n5_89 · 2022-10-22T22:00:14+00:00

Very true

Puzzled_Nail_1962 · 2022-10-22T21:09:12+00:00

I think you have to differentiate a bit. You can have sexual tension and escalate in a way without having sex and you should do that always, whether the girl wants to wait or not.

The Friendzone or the "How can I let this guy I've been dating down gently" only happens if you have none of that. This doesn't have too much to do with time or the amount of dates, more whether you showed intent or not.

You could go on 10 dates without her even thinking of friendzoning you or go there after just one.

Heavy-Ad6689 · 2022-10-22T21:25:17+00:00

Not even sex, at least kissing or making out after third date

somatt · 2022-10-22T21:51:00+00:00

A couple of months is pretty long but other than that agree with OP.

_travel_dreams · 2022-10-22T22:51:44+00:00

Not unpopular or a hot take… I agree completely hahaha

Pretty much why I acted immediately with my current fwb / situationship haha

2022-10-23T00:05:16+00:00

I'm never totally okay with waiting. Sex is dope. If there's passion and it flows well, but she has some arbitrary waiting period, I'm not okay. I might wait because it's hot chemistry, but I'd much rather not.

below298 · 2022-10-23T06:58:15+00:00

Sounds very true, or other men will lie to have sex and the woman will fall for it.

Happens everyday.

2022-10-23T09:43:56+00:00

Yeah, usually women aren’t the ones to make the moves anyway in regards to anything in dating.

The only times I ever see women make a move is when they are really really into that one guy they had a crush for a really long time where their fantasies just erupt and they cannot control it.

Otherwise women are usually too scared to initiate or due to societal expectations, they just let the man do the work, and that’s just the reality of the game.

Men have to approach, men have to flirt, men have to pay dates, we as men have to make moves. It’s always been this way and will never change.

This is just the game, we either accept it to be a part of it or we are outside of it.

Also with the point of waiting, most men usually are keen to wait because they have drained or sex has been scarce for them they think this is their only chance. In reality most of the time (unless this is religiously motivated, or the girl is all about serious relationships, again rare) women inherently already know if they will have sex with you or not, like men know if they’ll have sex with someone or not.

No point in waiting, if you aren’t getting what you want, get it from someone else.

flying_balloon_ · 2022-10-23T12:11:55+00:00

I think that if you approach the subject in a mature way, things can get settled and youll know if that person is open to jump into it right away or wait

Actually as a woman I dont mind talking about it firsthand. Id also like to add that having some guys being super over sexual from the beginning migh5 makr us question the intensions, thinking they only want sex and only a physical activity

Bottom line: find the pefect balance - each person and couple has a different one

Slowmexicano · 2022-10-23T12:37:05+00:00

Back when I was dating sex on second date was common. If she agrees to date then she already considered the possibility. First date just to see if there is a spark. If she is enthusiastic about second date suggest coming over for dinner and drinks or ending night someone’s place. Unfortunately the man’s role is to be aggressive but it’s the game we play.

show-me-the-numbers · 2022-10-23T12:41:53+00:00

Yessir, you speak the truth.

monkey36937 · 2022-10-23T13:30:32+00:00

Guys are okay with a lot of things, but the one thing they don't like is paying more than the other guy. Like why does he have to wait 3 months while the other guy only waited 2 weeks. Why does he have to take you to a 5* restaurant while the other guy took you to McDonald.

ikeepon · 2022-10-23T14:42:21+00:00

I think the key is to be open to waiting while still escalating. I’m fine with no sex (intercourse) by the third date so long as I’m rounding the bases. This means we make out, touch, etc., and that there’s progression - with each date there’s more intimacy than the previous one, in general. If this happens you won’t get friendzoned, in my experience. Now, if there’s zero intimacy by the third date, I’m gone. I don’t mind waiting but if there’s no intimacy then she’s looking for a friend or is way too slow for my taste.

Shadowboxxin · 2022-10-23T14:58:03+00:00

A couple months might be pushing it, but perfectly okay with a month or so

Online_Identity · 2022-10-23T15:27:58+00:00

Whenever I wait and don’t pressure things because I wanna play it cool, the girls always come back with “I thought you were gay.” smh. Then when I push it a lil more it’s “I’m not ready.”

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2022-10-23T17:24:32+00:00

Months???

Do people really wait for months to have sex? Who can really hold out that long?

MudProfit · 2022-10-23T17:32:12+00:00

Everyone's different but this isn't me. I'm a sex-first-get-to-know-you-in-between-breaks type. I only wait because I don't want to make girls uncomfortable or be on the receiving end of a sexual harrassment charge

Title	Unpopular hot take: Most men are totally okay with waiting to have sex, but we're under pressure to make moves or else we'll be friendzoned.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1188
Comments	182
Date	October 22, 2022 3:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/yar1yy/unpopular_hot_take_most_men_are_totally_okay_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/unpopular-hot-take-most-men-are-totally-okay-with.1247935 https://theredarchive.com/post/1247935

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