Is it possible to be monogamous ? One girl for life?

recyclablebanthas · 2020-10-29T00:07:09+00:00

1

Every time I get into a relationship, there is a big spark at the beginning. But then it dies down, even sex goes from 3 times a day to once a month. And then I crave other women.

There's a lot of data that you're unintentionally leaving out here.

How are you meeting these women typically?
How are you opening them? What are early conversations about typically?
How do you end up in the relationship typically? Why did you choose them vs others you were dating?
Why do you think it is that the sex is waning so drastically from three times a day to once a month?

2

I am 37 so I don't think I can keep this PUA lifestyle forever. I want to settle down with one girl and focus on more important things, and put this whole PUA shit behind me.

When we men calibrate our lives around pick up, it can unintentionally change the way we approach relationships in ways that can funnel and filter the kinds of women we end up with.

To put it another way, a lot of things can "work" in game, what varies is the kind of people that we attract as a result of our techniques and way of doing things.

Without knowing what exactly you're doing as you meet and date women, there is no way to know how you might be filtering the people you meet to end up with the people you end up dating.

But suffice to say, this is not about the notion that men have evolved to spread their seed. There are speculative theories to this effect, but no research supporting this.

3

But then I don't believe that I will not crave other women or being sexually satisfied for life with one girl only. Or maybe I haven't found the right one yet?

Unfortunately, one side effect of getting good at game is that one gets to experience a little of the same issue that celebrities experience: more options than one was used to.

This alone is more than enough to account for the issues you're talking about. Knowing what we know, it's sometimes hard to turn it off.

thatman_101 · 2020-10-14T12:06:03+00:00

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fasikalika · 2020-10-14T14:33:21+00:00

It is.

Married for about 30 years and I’ve never wanted another woman. I love her more every day more than the last.

The big spark you’re referring to is initial infatuation. It’s exciting, it’s fun, but it’s not really practical to be like that all the time. You have to live day to day life. That’s how you establish a relationship, not maintain it.

Sex... yes the rate changes. Sometimes months between times for sex sometimes only hours.

My belief is that my relationship with my wife is built in love for her. Not on sex. I care more about her than the sex. As you’re making up your mind, We went through a couple of years where she had medical problems and sex was off the table. Didn’t even think about anyone else. For us, sex really is a celebration of our feelings for each other. If sex isn’t with her I don’t want it. If tomorrow, I found out that medically she could never have sex again... I wouldn’t leave her, and I would be done with sex. She is that important in my life.

So my thought is that you have to decide who your relationship is with, the woman or the sex.

If you honestly don’t think you can do just one woman... then I suggest either not getting married or... if you go get married, marry someone who is into the swingers lifestyle. You’ll need to ask yourself if you’re ok letting your wife have sex with other men, but it’s what you’re asking of her.

If you think you can put someone into that central part of your life, the sex thing gets to be more special, but less critical.

Yes, I can stay happy with one woman. But the focus of the relationship has to be the woman. Not her body parts.

STD_Tyler · 2020-10-14T07:10:52+00:00

Man that is a good question and something I am struggling with.

I would see multiple women/fwb/fuck buddies (2-8) at a given time and it got to a point where I found it mentally tiring and stressful to the point I couldn't remember what conversations I had with who, trouble keeping up with people's schedules, forgetting birthdays/promises I made, saying the wrong name, sneaking around, lying, and in general: being a shitty person.

You can say I've been living a different lifestyle but similar need. Anyways a few months back, I decided I didn't want to be that person.

My vice would be finding someone "new" regardless of how many relationships I had going on...I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied but I would suggest cooling off for a while, however long that takes, through any means possible-- my way has been not using a phone at all and focusing on my shit/goals (physical, mental, financial, etc).

Good luck.

Bo0mh3adsh0t · 2020-10-14T08:36:02+00:00

I think the way you can look at it is you can have an easy but less fulfilling life or you can have a hard life which can give you everything you want if you put the work in(companion, emotional support, kids etc.)

One of my favourite things I took from a Jordan Peterson lecture is a very simple mantra type saying, “you get to pick your sacrifice but you don’t get to not make one” If all you want in life is to have sex then the sacrifice you’re making is that you will never be able to reliably make any real connections with people. If you want to have a relationship with someone who knows and accepts everything about you then you sacrifice being able to have constant sex and the relatively easy life where you can run from your problems instead of having to compromise on something.

My advise to you would simply be make a decision and stick with it. Also if the frequency has decreased to once a month try having more date nights and try to woo her like when you first started dating. Most people but more effort in at the beginning which is why the sex is more frequent but put in very little effort after a few months and almost no effort in after a few years.

Andrewfairlane · 2020-10-14T08:28:39+00:00

I would like to know. I am struggling with this as well. I get bored around 6 months, start to crave other women but lately I just get bored. My cravings have gone down and am no longer finding excitement in the chase, sex, same woman or a new woman etc because I have been over sexed.

pjwhynot · 2020-10-14T11:57:22+00:00

I would recommend slowing down. Take time to get to know these women intimately without sex. See what happens.

deathray-toaster · 2020-10-14T10:58:44+00:00

I'm no pro man. But you could find someone who's open to have an open relationship. Or date several at a time. But personally i'd rather have just one that appeals to my needs and wants. I think i would still look at other women when i'm out and about. But i would still love the same woman who's hand i'll be holding at that time.

antoniaalexandria · 2020-10-14T10:47:46+00:00

It is absolutely possible but it takes effort. No matter what happens, that spark is there. But if you aren’t fueling it with your efforts, it will die. As a female I can honestly say it’s disappointing how many men stop trying.

nordicdatingmentor · 2020-10-14T12:23:29+00:00

The spark is just a hormone rush and then some. Love is an act of will. The crush-phase will come back in force if you manage to build real intimacy

This is hard if you jumped into a relation with a mismatch

Captain_w00t · 2020-10-14T12:43:00+00:00

It depends by many factors. Not everyone thinks the same way. Beside the stuff about biological needs for males to spread their seed everywhere. Humans are still animals to some extent, but we also have many things that animals don't.

I think that when you meet the "right person", you also lose the need to search for other women. If/when you do, it means that something isn't ok in a way or another.

I used to be like you (big spark at the beginning, then looking for better options later). but I also fallen in love and I've been in LTRs, where I wasn't looking for other girls/women at all, because I was 100% satisfied with what I had.

it's not just about having sex with the same person. sex is important and a fundamental part, but it isn't the only "metric" in a relationship that involves love. when you deeply love someone, you obviously want to have sex with her, you want to spend time doing things with her: making plans, talking, laughing, supporting, etc... that's why I said that you need to meet the right one.

mahl-wahn · 2020-10-14T12:04:04+00:00

Consider finding a girl who is bi, and into having threesomes. make her your primary relationship, and be honest with her if you want to look for other girls to join you two in bed, she’ll be into it and you can have the best of both worlds. You can have the cake and eat it too. Clear and honest communication early is the key. Don’t spring this on her after a long term monogamous relationship is established.

RelapsedSexAddict · 2020-10-14T13:49:24+00:00

I think this all comes down to attitude towards sex. I am fairly young (26) and I was engaged when I was 20. She changed her mind cause she said she was “too young”. I was different in that I had always wanted to be married and have a family early. But after failures in dating in the past and little bit post jilting, I basically decided that it is a waste of time cause none of these girls are serious and it was hard enough to find someone I would go on a second date with.

All that to say I kinda broke myself and went full PUA as well. The types of people, the risks I took, the time I wasted, it was all awful. That being said, I met many beautiful women from all over the world and in the end I don’t regret any of them. Some great experiences but felt very empty.

I gotta say, the sex in a relationship is sooo much better and so at that point, I was craving being in a relationship again. Had a couple short term things with a couple American girls and it was... well..awful. They were short lived, unloving, and a whole bureaucratic endeavor. Started with lots of sex and sometimes just ended abruptly or was used against me or was boring or she ended up cheating. So, I remembered some of the girls I met from various places whilst traveling around and noticed a pattern in the cultural backgrounds of some of the girls I definitely had the best time with and mist enjoyed personality. So I went off and had 2 of the best relationships of my life.... and yes... filled with sex... sex that they crave and initiate often by the way. These relationships were with a Mexican woman and a Russian woman. Both I met by incidence and started flirting with. I didn’t go out looking for a specific nationality or something lol, just was happy to date a foreigner for a change. This made me trust a whole lot again. Bot relationships ended due to relocations. Once by her and the other by me. It was unfortunate but thats the cost of international relationships.

So i guess what I’m trying to say is, perhaps you are right in saying you just haven’t found the right person. But not because of who they are or whether they are attracted to you or the health of your relationship, but rather because of the mindset they have toward sex. Here in the west, we have a very consequential habit of hypersexualizing everything and drowning in social media and other sources telling us what our expectations and sex life should be. It is very very unhealthy for us all.

I get how ya feel even though I’m a bit younger and I honestly think our society is a little broken in so many ways. Of course it is possible to be monogomous to one woman, it’s just becoming harder and harder to find someone we actually would want to be monogomous with. Perhaps a sign of declining times or just an influx of possible options... who can say for certain, but the attitude we take toward relationships and dating has become fairly detrimental for both parties involved.

AllTheFeels_Us · 2020-10-14T14:44:46+00:00

Sounds like you really need to look into ethical non-monogamy. There are definitely women out there who would also like to retain a bit of freedom and independence like you do. It’s the best of both worlds: you get to have all of the intimacy and closeness of a relationship, but still able to have the freedom and independence to pursue desires outside of the confines of that relationship. It takes lots of communication and openness, but because of that it’s actually more honest and open and upfront than monogamous relationships tend to be.

2020-10-14T07:35:12+00:00

Easy for some people, hard for others.

tibles20 · 2020-10-14T08:33:01+00:00

Yes a lot of men can do it

WeakEmu8 · 2020-10-14T12:21:06+00:00

Limerence

Moonman08 · 2020-10-14T12:58:32+00:00

I’m curious, but do you watch porn? If yes, I’d say start by quitting that.

PumpkinFeet · 2020-10-14T15:17:31+00:00

I don't know if you've read 'The Five Love Languages' but it makes the very insightful point that love- or perhaps, infatuation would be better- never lasts. For some it lasts a few months, for others a couple years, but it NEVER lasts forever.

Beyond the point where the spark goes, love becomes a choice- something active, rather than something you feel automatically. You need to consciously and continuously 'choose' to love them, through your words and actions. This is normal, and how it is with everyone.

It's a very short book, well worth the read. The stuff about love languages I found to be less interesting than the above.

doctorduckylucky · 2020-10-14T15:39:33+00:00

Also maybe adjust what kind of relationship you really want. Maybe the one for you is someone who is open to sharing you. Some women don’t care if you sleep with others as long as you are honest and safe. Someone you make feel special and she knows you only share/do certain things with. A true partner. You don’t have kids. You aren’t married. You have the ability to make the rules up as you go. Create a life with someone that works for you.

Freerz · 2020-10-14T16:59:06+00:00

“I want to settle down with one girl and focus on more important things.” Thats your problem right there. Relationships take work and understanding that there won’t always honeymoon phase is important. Once the honeymoon phase is over a lot of us stop putting in effort and acting the way we did to create initial attraction. Doing this means their attraction to you dwindles meaning sex and fun stops, further reducing your attraction to them. The effort never stops my friend. At least if you want to have a happy relationship.

skatlols · 2020-10-14T19:36:10+00:00

Monogamy is a choice.

You asking this question is like asking "can you not do drugs?" or "can you quit doing drugs?"

Yes.

2020-10-14T13:18:59+00:00

Yah, just have an open relationship.

adistanthope · 2020-10-14T12:10:12+00:00

I would suggest that you can have the best of both worlds.

I met my boyfriend years ago. Neither of us were ready to settle done, because we enjoyed meeting new people, having sex with different people, and learning from others. So, without even realizing it, we fell into an open-relationship. We have all that fantastic relationship stuff. We talk a ton, confide in one another, cuddle, enjoy hobbies together, spoil one another, and have a ton of sex (the happily ever after as you called it). BUT.... we also have other partners that can satisfy the need that we have to always have something new. We do not see these partners everyday (maybe once or twice a week), but I get to have my cake and eat it too. I have my person, but also some extra friends on the side for when I get antsy.

We are going on 5 years now. We have found something that fits for us. I think you just need to find your fit.

Kn1ght0 · 2020-10-14T11:40:40+00:00

In my opinion I see monogamy as antithetical to the male condition. We are wired to spread our seed as far and wide as possible (not that we should) as women are wired to seek a high value mate for safety and provision.

Monogamy appeals to most people as its a safety net of "reliable sex" which as you mentioned dies out pretty quick as the flame settles. This comfort is a trap in my opinion.

Monogamy is a relatively new concept for humans in the grand scheme of time and I personally think it causes more problems than its worth as a man. The original idea behind marriage was to create a alliance between families and bride's were often exchanged for resources. Also 3 percent of mammals are monogamous

Egos get out of control inevitably and it turns into a game of "you can't talk to to them" or "what were you doing last night". This unhealthy pressure on top of the natural desire to seek other mates causes so much more problems than one cares to deal with.

In summary I don't think it's healthy or enjoyable to commit to monogamy unless you are having children, ill add to this that in hunter gather times the tribe would look after the child collectively which is rare these days. We live in the modern world where we all have so much more choice with who we date than all our ancestors combined so it would be a shame to deprive ourselves of such great experiences.

renegade453 · 2020-10-14T08:56:24+00:00

Funny enough, if you talk to grandpas and grandmas on the real, most of them always went out banging somebody else at times to then come back home to the SO they belonged to. People my age (30) seem commited to something they know is damn near impossible for most people. Not saying our grandparents did it right in the early days but it is definitely a way to go if you talk openly to your partner about it. Down thr road i could see a shift in how we see a perfect relationship, just like a perfect relationship for my parents was the monogamous way.

2020-10-14T09:38:48+00:00

Just stop having sex for 2-3 months and just date each other. Take her out for dinner. Go out on picnic dates. Fool around. Flirt here and there but never have sex. Subtle touching is okay. You'll notice that you just want to spend time in bed with her but avoid the urge to. After that 2-3 month time period, You'll naturally want to have sex with her. If not, Talk to her and find a solution together. Everything will get better. Just hang in there with you S/O. Good Luck Man.

2020-10-14T06:58:11+00:00

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KamiDess · 2020-10-14T13:07:01+00:00

I'll put you on, get a woman with an actual personality (not common to find) and have her swap hair styles, colors and clothing styles every month. This will satisfy the Coolidge effect(look it up if you don't know what it is) . If you feeling like a king and you are an athlete with alot of money, get a harem. But a loyal harem like a lion.

I find it sad how alot of peoples personalities, both women x and men's are almost carbon copies.

2020-10-14T10:34:22+00:00

There is a specific term for that which is the Coolidge effect .

BridgetheDivide · 2020-10-14T13:50:17+00:00

People who know they have limited options learn to settle lol.

Max-hex · 2020-10-14T11:42:37+00:00

Get yourself a BI girl then do threesomes with her

majesticjohnson13 · 2020-10-14T14:12:48+00:00

My aunt's parents met at 16 and have been together for about 50 years

theforgeproject · 2020-10-14T17:19:32+00:00

You can set the stage however you want. You can have a steady if you come across one that you can tolerate and is willing to be on your program. This of course means you need to be solid in who you are at all times. Then you let her know that you’ll be either fucking some other chicks on the side or you’ll be bringing in another woman from time to time

PayDrum · 2020-10-14T12:48:22+00:00

I personally dont believe so. Biologically, we're not wired to mate for life. We've only decided to do so as a society. Early humans lived in tribes and the women were shared with across all the men as far as I recall.

Although I do believe that there is certain benefit in monogamy that you can't find elsewhere, and that is the security aspect. You can live a safer, lazier and more stable life. Being constantly on the hunt is like being constantly in competition. You need to keep yourself in top notch shape in every aspect all the time, and eventually you wont even be able to compete. This can be exhausting and even impossible for most people so that's why monogamous relationships are still a big part of our society, albeit perhaps a lot lower than before.

In the end, you have to weigh the benefits from both sides. Would you rather keep yourself on the edge for the rest of your life, or choose security.

No_Excitement492 · 2020-10-14T16:48:56+00:00

Men are naturally polygamous and people love novelty with sexual partners. But a lot of people do remain in monogamous relationships. The key is to forget about having a fun sexual life all the time and just be ok with being in a safe comfortable relationship that is a bit boring. That love and passion you feel at the beginning is fleeting and gets replaced with more subtle emotions.

Friend_Melodic · 2020-10-14T10:07:07+00:00

Maybe you need to exhaust your current lifestyle then you won’t want it when a relationship goes from shiny new to normal.

weegee · 2020-10-14T11:44:27+00:00

Before my marriage ended we hadn’t been intimate for 4 years. Sexual attraction fades over time in many relationships.

MillenniumGreed · 2020-10-14T13:07:27+00:00

I believe that it’s definitely possible. We live in a world filled with possibilities. Being able to commit to one person for life definitely doesn’t seem super unlikely. Whether it’s a good fit for everyone, on the other hand, seems like a different question. A lot of people have entered less “mainstream” forms of open relationships, such as polyamory or cuckoldry (whether as the cuckold or the cuckquean). Personally, I enjoy the idea of being a one woman man. You could argue that from a deeper, evolutionary, biological and psychological perspective that monogamy is better suited for us as human beings, due to a reduction (not a complete absence, but a large reduction) in STDs, as well as resources (including time, effort, money, energy) wasted, so that you can focus on other things. A lot of people spend their younger days having a “hoe phase”, where they explore their options, have lots of casual sex, and then settle down. I’m not sure how sustainable or workable that lifestyle is, but the fact that they do it as a means to an end until they find the “safe” option implies to me, at least on some level, they know they want commitment, they just don’t want the hassles attached. So this comes down to the question of, what’s your relationship with commitment like? A relationship is more than just a goal, not like losing weight or getting that job. It’s an ongoing affair that requires day in, day out amounts of effort. And it’s scary because you’re more or less putting your feelings in the hand of someone else (and vice versa). How’s your integrity? Your communication skills? What do you bring to the table, besides just sex? Work on “relationship skills”, focus on self-improvement, and don’t fret too much on finding the “right one”, because that is more of a concept. Not saying that stuff like that doesn’t exist, but it shouldn’t be seen as an idealistic concept that pop culture paints it as. Everyone has flaws and even with the right one, things will be difficult. Like others have said, I’d also recommend therapy.

morchorchorman · 2020-10-14T13:13:32+00:00

Just be a swinger bro.

2020-10-14T13:14:37+00:00

It is if you want it. Otherwise, like at ethical polyamory.

krazibiznitch · 2020-10-14T13:17:23+00:00

I don't think that monogamy should be such a pressed subject. After a few long term relationships and a 15 yr marriage think it's unrealistic to only ever want to touch one other human for life.

mallison945 · 2020-10-14T13:22:21+00:00

60% of marriages worldwide end in divorce. What do you think?

tru3boy · 2020-10-14T13:36:54+00:00

How do I get a new girl to be exclusive with me if she’s already feeling me, without coming on too hard/desperate?

I’ve been single for quite some time now and to be honest my third girlfriend fucked my trust all the way up. (She cheated on me and denied it until it was painfully obvious, then years later she chased me and we only had sex, which became toxic and we eventually left each other)

Ever since then, I’ve been afraid to open up but it doesn’t mean I’m not willing to. I attract women here and there and it’s not a huge issue for me, but I want to settle down without scaring away a potential gf

appmanga · 2020-10-14T13:57:33+00:00

Yes, it possible. Like anything else that's hard, it takes commitment.

thecynicalone26 · 2020-10-14T14:10:03+00:00

I would suggest seeing a therapist who does emotionally focused therapy and attachment based work with both individuals and couples. I am a therapist and I do a fair amount of this kind of work with men. If you’re unsure about therapy, maybe even just read the book “Attached” by Levine & Heller.

reaprofsouls · 2020-10-14T14:20:47+00:00

There are women that are good enough in bed to have sex with forever. It's okay to value sex highly in a relationship but it is going to take continual hard work to keep that spark alive.

My partner and I have been together for two years. The sex over that time has always been kinky, but we constantly mix it up and change the role/dynamic. Her libido is much stronger then mine. She could go 10+ times a week. I definitely can't. I try my best to make her happy.

Don't force the relationships, but try to be open minded to learning about who these women are and how you both may related.

dudism_94 · 2020-10-14T14:30:30+00:00

Sex isn't everything. It is very possible to be monogamous for life!

masterflesh · 2020-10-14T14:45:53+00:00

Look up Frank Abagnale - the answer: absolutely.

Jedimester · 2020-10-14T14:46:50+00:00

Check out the book "Sex At Dawn"

VDKay · 2020-10-14T14:51:30+00:00

Well, even Brad Pitt dumped Angelina. I personally doubt you will ever find someone who you will feel the same kind of spark as if the first time for 1, 5, or 10 years. All successful long-term relationships are successful not because you get lucky or because you find "the right one", but because you (both) put work and effort into it, working around problems such as logistics, disputes, boredom, routine, dead bedrooms, etc.

The PUA resources and tactics are indeed tools you use to build up an interesting, attractive and ultimately, enjoyable lifestyle. The life-style you have now, SHOULD be enjoyable. If you don't enjoy what you are doing, you are just going around in loops hurting yourself.

Being social, having friends, being interesting in conversations, being able to talk to strangers, etc. are not some skills you only learn in order to fuck a bunch of chicks, get a GF and then go back into your mom's basement playing video games all day. This lifestyle is for life. These skills won't only help you get girls. Oh no! They are much more than that! It's how you build your character, it's how you negotiate job offers, it's how to ask for a raise, it's how you don't let other people push you around, it's how you deal with your emotions, it's how you learn to have self-discipline, it;s knowing how to have fun and not take yourself too seriously.

Bottom line: Good girls come and go. In the end, it's yourself who you will definitely grow old together. If you choose to have a monogamous relationship, you are better off than many of your peers who have known maybe only a handful of girls their entire life. You can be more picky. In the end, do what feels most "right", but remember, that whatever you do, don't count on the "spark", count on the "effort" instead: Instead of asking yourself "Will I feel the same way for her 20 years from now?", better ask yourself "Will I be giving her the same amount of effort 20 years from now?"

teamfriendship · 2020-10-14T15:09:41+00:00

Sure! It’s like anything, we just make choices. Just make sure you’re the one making the choice, not her. When your life is set up to fulfill a purpose, sex and companionship have to fit that purpose. The sex becomes less important than the bond you’re building and the work you’re creating. I’m in an open relationship with a girl I feel like I’ll probably marry, but I never choose to pursue other women. I have the choice, but monogamy just seems more natural and rewarding right now. I’ll let you know how I goes in a few decades, but I’m far less worried about my “natural polygamy” than I was. We’re trying to build a tribe. The one thing I may still indulge in is flirting and maybe even a fling here and there while traveling. Haven’t felt any desire to do that though honestly, which is pretty interesting for someone like me who loves Sex at Dawn and doesn’t take the traditional path with anything.

jawgyr · 2020-10-14T15:29:07+00:00

You r obviously hypersexual. In that case you should forget almost certainly about monogamy.

morbid-tales · 2020-10-14T15:30:10+00:00

I think for some people this is easier than for others, especially if they don't have other options. For me, I've always been monogamous but I understand why some people feel they might want multiple partners. But I also feel it defeats the purpose of a relationship. If you are the kind of person who would prefer a polymorous relationship that's okay but don't let it ruin your current relationship if you are happy with it. But if two polomorous people find each other and have an agreed upon relationship like that, I think it's fine. I do think a lifelong monogamous relationship is possible though. If you are in love with someone it should not matter.

wirelezz · 2020-10-14T15:53:39+00:00

You're an honest man and I respect that. I believe this is true concern for women as well, not exclusive to men.

I always say I believe we have phases in our lives. During these phases we may make different kind of decisions and may even act more egoistical. As someone else said, sometimes these phases have a core issue that needs to be resolved and therapy can greatly help.

For example, you may have your "I just can't get enough of women, I want to sleep with as many as I can" and that's fine as long as you're congruent with your actions and act with integrity. There's also a time in which you just don't want to bang everyone, but are rather craving for intimacy and love. We're humans after all. However, there must be a case of either of both examples that you might have to resolve with professional help.

2020-10-14T15:55:25+00:00

I used to have the same problem but feel as though i’ve changed in the past coupled years.

Firstly you have to accept that you’re still going to crave other women and know that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship or with the woman you’re with. You have to be genuinely okay with not satisfying that craving, because life is essentially about choosing what you want to sacrifice.

That being said, finding a woman you actually love and you are actually very attracted to helps a lot. My cravings are way less severe when I know my girlfriend is a smoke show, the sex is great and i’m in love with her. If my girlfriend refuses to do X and Y sexual act then I become resentful and unfulfilled and my loyalty wouldn’t be able to survive. So, I make sure my girlfriends satisfy my every need sexually and if they don’t - I just don’t date them.

It’s a change in mentality that you need to make happen, the change in behaviour comes after.

benerdelyi · 2020-10-14T16:23:01+00:00

There are a few options here:

You simply haven't found someone who is high enough quality and so you get bored.
Internal reason that causes you to avoid commitment.

I would be curious about a few things:

- What was your longest relationship?

- How do they usually end?

nautilano · 2020-10-14T16:37:24+00:00

I'm 23 and I've been loving the same girl for 9 years, so I think it can be possible, or at least I hope so

Nyxto · 2020-10-14T17:57:35+00:00

Just be poly yo.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2020-10-14T18:20:55+00:00

I don't know about "Life" as I am not at the end yet... but I have been monogamous with my partner for over 22 years... I don't want anything else... do I look? Of course, I'm still male... but my partner is the only one for me.

InfiniteChimpWisdom · 2020-10-14T18:41:51+00:00

Mind set seems troubling. Relationships take work and if you’re one foot in one foot out the whole time... it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

I’m 10 years younger than you and been monogamous for a similar amount of time (7 going on 8 years). Never had these thoughts or issues. I’ve always been focused on making myself happy with myself and then incorporating a partner that could be similarly self sufficient. I’ve found that partner. We are very content to die old together.

Fix your mind set.

rpatemi04 · 2020-10-14T19:28:47+00:00

I present you India. Come and see the Indian culture. One wife in One life.

ZinaidaZee · 2020-10-14T19:36:44+00:00

Sex with your whole soul is more fulfilling for me than hookups could ever compare. It’s so much fun having sex with someone you love and put a lot of thought into and you each just get really, really good at turning each other on.

If you’re in a relationship with someone and there’s no spark anymore... this is fun: meet each other at a hotel bar as a character. And then go upstairs and have sex still completely in character—agree not to break until after sex. It’s really hot and you wind up learning a lot about the other person who doesn’t show all of their true self in other everyday situations because they’re ashamed or embarrassed to go really wild. It’s sooo much fun.

Get into it and have your girlfriend dress up in a wig as like a blonde British lady. Or dress as a total and complete slut. Or like a high society French business woman lol

OkCartographer163 · 2020-10-14T19:56:05+00:00

Just a note that from an Anthropological perspective, being “monogamous” isn’t the only way of living. Plenty of diverse coupling patterns have been observed historically throughout the world. Don’t do a monogamous relationship just because you feel you have to. There’s nothing wrong with being a single adult and growing old with your friends and a cat or dog and traveling or collecting cars or whatever makes you happy. If you really want to have a monogamous relationship, then try working with a therapist to discuss any concerns. What you have to look for in someone to hook up with, and the way you need to relate to them is very different than what you need to look for in someone to be in a relationship. Also, relationships are a lot of work. Love is a verb, and relationships evolve over time. A lot of people expect to feel something magically for 15 years straight but that’s not the case. You put work in and define what happiness in that relationship means for the both of you. For some people that means being good friends and supporting each other but having sex once every three weeks. That’s okay. It’s your relationship and yours to define together. Whatever you do, if you do commit to someone and are in a committed relationship, don’t cheat. That’s not fair to the other person or yourself.

Skittlescanner316 · 2020-10-14T21:21:22+00:00

Esther Perel has some excellent books on this very topic.

McWhiters9511 · 2020-10-14T22:38:54+00:00

don't chase sparks. they burn out. look for someone who has the ability to bring u into a better version of yourself and you as well for them.

actinamiosina · 2020-10-14T23:36:52+00:00

well my grandparents have been together for 60 years so yes i think it is possible

skld2assassin · 2020-10-15T00:15:33+00:00

I believe you I’m going to have to go through it to believe it in my soul

fuck_you_dylan · 2020-10-15T00:30:53+00:00

37? You literally are in your peak era

2020-10-15T00:44:35+00:00

It’s definitely possible, but you have to want it bad enough and be willing to put in the work to keep things interesting.

Pfisted · 2020-10-15T05:43:22+00:00

It's all just fabricated bullshit that religious nuts and greeting card companies concocted.

Black-Anvil · 2020-10-15T07:21:43+00:00

Check out Cupid’s poisoned arrow

buzzm7 · 2020-10-17T07:29:02+00:00

Maybe you could be honest with the people you start dating & see how they feel about it. It is highly possible that you’ll find someone you feel so comfortable with that you can tell them you need more & they’ll respond with where do we find it. Communication is key but everyone is different.

jokka1 · 2020-10-17T16:39:50+00:00

you may not be monogamous. thats ok. check out poly if you have not.

Title	Is it possible to be monogamous ? One girl for life?
Author	STD_Tyler
Upvotes	540
Comments	144
Date	October 14, 2020 6:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/javl09/is_it_possible_to_be_monogamous_one_girl_for_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-possible-to-be-monogamous-one-girl-for-life.1503916 https://theredarchive.com/post/1503916

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