Going your own way (for both genders) is by far the best option

Peeloin · 2025-05-06T19:15:13+00:00

I mean I have been doing this and I will say I'd rather be myself and alone, then pretend to be someone else in a relationship.

RayAP19 · 2025-05-06T19:25:50+00:00

This is the definition of "Easier said than done."

Direct_Onion_8917 · 2025-05-06T19:45:17+00:00

We live in a unique time where there is little social obligation to date and little economic utility in having children. The tail end of your first paragraph kind of describes the situation I have been in previously and the second paragraph describes what I am trying to do now. I think people will start accepting their fate sooner and "self improvement to achieve what our parents and grandparents achieved with little effort" will start to die

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2025-05-06T20:05:12+00:00

I think being able to have “normal” relationships with men/women is definitely a big part of being a psychologically and socially well adjusted member of society.

Slow-Narwhal486 · 2025-05-06T21:24:34+00:00

I mean I think self improvement that’s motivated by simply wanting to be better for yourself is much better than self improvement motivated by getting laid…but whatever gets people off their asses is good I guess. I just think people should put just as much energy into improving their minds as they do their bodies.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think learning to be happy (or at least content) while single is a crucial step before getting into a long term relationship. We also all have healing we need to do, and I personally think it’s much easier to do so when you’re single.

DumbWordsmith · 2025-05-06T21:20:02+00:00

I want to live alone but do so in a community with people who have intact families. I'm a bit selfish. And though I'm a libertarian, I'd be fine with rewarding healthy, intact families through tax credits and cuts, as those people (as rare as they are) a big reason why our society functions so well IMO.

I don't want to be in a culture where a significant chunk of the future generation are being raised by single moms (with absent fathers) who have "relationships" with one dumbass to the next. I don't want to encounter a bunch of drugged up, miserable people, as I know most people aren't like me and can't handle solitude in a healthy manner.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-05-07T06:57:10+00:00

It's a tough personal call to make. Some people may just be built such that they will never be attractive to anyone of the opposite gender that they themselves could be attracted to. But this is pretty rare. For most people, some reasonable muddling through is best. You can probably rein in your own attraction standards somewhat--I'm talking about truly changing them, but just by a bit. You can also probably improve your own attractiveness somewhat. Hopefully, the combination plus some work at dating gets you there. If you can get there, go there, because life is a long time to be without a partner.

On a social level, I reject all calls for the genders to go their own way at scale because this is basically a call for civilizational suicide.

abaxeron · 2025-05-07T08:30:24+00:00

DISCLAIMER: This is not about intentionally isolating yourself and avoiding the opposite sex at all cost to a discriminatory degree

So, "status quo but even cuckier". Women keep voting to force men to provide them with goods, services, security, and lifestyle, to have the privilege to invade men's spaces, and to give absolutely nothing in return ("not a smile, not a glance, not a nod, not attention, not conversation, not even the time of day", in their own words), but now men believe that it's not only completely fair, but good, actually.

No. Men need full freedom of association. I "cannot change the entire world to suit me"; I can acknowledge that the entire world is currently changed out of its natural state to suit people other than me, and say out loud that it's wrong.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-05-07T10:36:04+00:00

This is a good point. Community societies have their advantage because they provide certain guarantees, but if you have the misfortune of being born in the wrong community, you're doomed. But nowadays it's way easier to live alone and doing your own stuff

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-06T21:16:14+00:00

Most people can’t or won’t, and will complain either way

Available-Level-6280 · 2025-05-06T23:26:13+00:00

I think this is probably the only way we can live in true harmony with each other. I'm living a pretty peaceful life. I won't lie, I have been romanticizing companionship lately, but it wouldn't be practical for me to actually get into a real relationship with someone for different reasons. I know im an outlier, but maybe people like me are just not built for relationships.

Low libido, lack of interest and energy in doing the whole dating thing. I'm a homebody who likes cats and video games, and I don't really enjoy going out. I should find a fellow introvert and have a roommate kind of deal. I just like to feel comfortable, and I like the idea of cuddling and snuggling under a fuzzy blanket with my best friend, and doing random fun things together. I like casual fun not formal things or wearing formal attire.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-05-07T11:42:11+00:00

100% agree! Both genders need to decenter each other and forge their own individual paths.

It took me nearly 40 years to come to this realisation. Coming out as aromantic and autistic did help a lot.

DGenerationMC · 2025-05-07T21:21:36+00:00

PINK LADY FOR THE WIN!

DellOptiplex7080 · 2025-05-07T00:01:29+00:00

No it isn't, clearly. Because none of you will shut up about it. Completely atomized, lonely generation but content in your misery rather than slough off your learned helplessness.

Mick427 · 2025-05-06T20:18:39+00:00

I remember when MGTOW just started gaining traction 15 years ago and everyone was saying how it wouldn't gain ground.

Today most men seem to have adopted the philosophy in one way or another.

Eater0fChildren · 2025-05-06T19:19:44+00:00

I don't understand why so many on this sub pretend that people don't have needs. For me, it ended up being worth it to pursue several years of self-improvement so I could finally attract women. Telling yourself you don't care about others' opinions doesn't make you happy, having an attractive loving girlfriend does. There are tangible markers of success in the world such as health, wealth, and successful relationships and it's rational to want to pursue them.

It's the 21st century and 99% of us don't have "small close knit communities and friend groups", especially as we get older. Most men either build a family or they don't and have nothing at all. Hobbies and passions are fleeting and mean very little to most people in the grand scheme of things.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-05-06T19:52:28+00:00

A world where we’re all atomised, self-optimising hyper-individuals who never have any obligations to others and live our lives purely for the pursuit of our own satisfaction?

Hell. You are describing Hell.

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Manifestival1 · 2025-05-06T19:36:31+00:00

People have far more similarities than differences. Proper self improvement isn't obsessive, isn't done for external validation and doesn't result in misery. There's a difference between self improvement and trying to improve aspects of yourself to make you more appealing to potential partners. If you're into self improvement regardless of your relationship status then the heavy leaning toward pandering to external validation would be an issue you'd be working on! At least if you're spending time improving yourself and your life (on your terms), a byproduct will be that you'll be the best version of you, possible, by the time you get into a relationship - but also won't be as miserable if that never happens.

Jetpine9 · 2025-05-06T21:16:56+00:00

My pushback would be that relationships actually are worth it, even the fucked up ones. ~As long as we aren't talking seriously messed up (lets be reasonable people). The problem? People trying to make every person and relationship fit in a box and be like some kind of perfect dream fantasy. The realities on the ground are: most people who don't pair up easily and naturally fairly early on probably have some sort of issues. I'm putting that mildly. Doesn't mean they are bad people or not worth dating though, if you stop to honestly self access and realize you are far from perfect either.

People actually have a lot to offer each other still, but there's this weird fantasy that everything is supposed to be picture perfect, like it was the 1950s again, but with cooler clothes.

DragoniteNine · 2025-05-06T21:24:43+00:00

For a select few, this is more of a personal choice as opposed to being a forced choice.

AidsVictim · 2025-05-06T22:10:57+00:00

By they I only mean an acceptance that others will either like you or not and that being yourself to a certain, healthy degree, while expecting nothing from the world is the least challenging or problematic path for people of all genders and walks of life.

Least challenging or "problematic" is not the same as "best" or "happiest". And it's certainly not true that anyone (or almost anyone) "Going their own way" expects nothing from the world; they have substantial expectations with living standards that can only be fulfilled as part of community where labour is semi compelled or at least having capital is. There's simply enough abundance for now that it's very easy to eschew any real social obligations but that exists only in a temporary state; the inevitable end of such things is infertility, poverty, and finally societal death as more and more people tend towards absolute individualization. Usually the unspoken assumption in this line of thinking is that economic and social obligations are completely or mostly separable things; but this is a misunderstanding of society and a temporary illusion. Ultimately all wealth is derived from human labour and the "production" of new humans.

There's a balance between internal and external inputs on development and desires. Too much of the former tends towards over individualization that's communally harmful (and therefore ultimately harmful to the individual as well) too much of the latter tends towards anxious stressed individuals struggling to meet too many high standards.

Regardless of all that though is the question of whether GTOW really makes people happier and it's not apparent to me that's universally true; it's seems fairly dependent on the individual whether they really get better (they're happier) outcomes or not.

AnxiousPeggingSlut · 2025-05-07T15:17:30+00:00

The thing I’ve found that’s most attractive to people is simply carving out your own individuality and finding yourself.

The most common hard-hitting complaint I hear from women about men these days? It’s not money or physical attractiveness. It’s “I don’t even know who the fuck you are.”

Because so many people don’t even know themselves.

Resurrect incomplete childhood hobbies, try new things, travel, search for jobs you don’t hate even if they pay less, etc.

The best relationships aren’t made from passing a job interview. They’re made from having a perpetual sleepover with your best friend.

I’d simplify this by asking one’s self - how would I appeal to people if I were looking for a best friend instead?

It’s an easier jumping off point than simply “be a Lone Ranger” imo

Equivalent-Pie-7148 · 2025-05-07T21:18:49+00:00

All great advice, but no matter how fulfilling I make my life for my own self, there are still moments where I am left with no other option than paying a prostitute just to cry into her arms.

RedPillDad · 2025-05-10T17:43:56+00:00

Going your own way tends to be easier for men. Women are more inclined to be collectivists rather than individualists. They're more drawn to the protection and security of a tribe and are reluctant to wander off alone.

im_rarely_wrong · 2025-05-06T20:06:32+00:00

I like how traditions suppressed women's sexuality for centuries, then the sexual revolution happened and all hell broke loose. Everyone is stunned with how much different societies become when biology is the driving factor. I mean look at this post, "beauty standards", the poor girl thinks broad shoulders on men and wide hips on women are made up beauty standards by the illuminati,, that's just biology, we are wired to find those things attractive, nobody is inventing beauty standards. We are just experiencing how mammals are in their purest form. Most males are ruled out of procreation, females will procreate with the remaining top tier males, and that's how it's always been. Arranged marriages and male dominated societies just made it look like monogamy works, but in free societies where everyone can choose whoever they wanna mate with, polygamy rules, and it's okay to be frustrated, but we'll get used to it soon enough.

treadmarks · 2025-05-06T22:06:50+00:00

This is so obviously wrong. Most people want a loving relationship and a family. And you're saying most people are better off alone forever? Like what?

I agree that it's better to focus on things you enjoy rather than trying to chase down the opposite sex, especially in today's world of delusional expectations and broken people everywhere. But it's not ideal.

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-05-07T02:56:16+00:00

Women "going their own way" is just becoming uber sloots, not celibates.

Few_School2680 · 2025-05-06T19:38:48+00:00

single individuals reported lower emotional well-being than partnered individuals (Adamczyk et al., 2014)

Data from both qualitative and quantitative methods revealed that romantic relationships have significant and lasting impact of an individual’s development. Both boys and girls reported a positive change in the quality of life, which included positive feelings of happiness and reducing negative states such as anger and sadness (Gala, J., & Kapadia, S. 2013)

Those are just a couple, but It is well documented via academic literature that healthy relationships have a plethora of positive benefits both socially and related to the health of individuals over their lifespan.

I’m my opinion most people who claim to have gtow were actually sent their own way

Jake0024 · 2025-05-06T19:41:17+00:00

What if I like getting laid?

Ego73 · 2025-05-06T21:57:41+00:00

You see, men can't do that without being alled misogynists. Double standards are rampant.

bzl33 · 2025-05-06T19:56:59+00:00

the urge people have in today's society to say nihilistic nonsense is crazy to me. sometimes I wonder if it's bots rather than being trying to rationalize isolation.

Because there is no healthy person who believes that "accepting" isolation is good.

Title	Going your own way (for both genders) is by far the best option
Author	AnonPinkLady
Upvotes	31
Comments	150
Date	May 6, 2025 7:10 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kgcwmr/going_your_own_way_for_both_genders_is_by_far_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/going-your-own-way-for-both-genders-is-by-far-the.1551604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551604

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