CMV: requiring women to make the first move with "choosing signals" is just more emotional labor

FredWest_2 · 2025-07-03T17:52:09+00:00

Nah, I totally disagree.

A woman sitting there like a cabbage is a total turnoff. I'd have interpreted that as disinterest. Need a bit of push and pull.

bumblyjack · 2025-07-03T18:02:18+00:00

Call me what you will, but I have no interest in a one-sided relationship like that.

"Forcing women to take the lead by initiating things via choosing signals is just abdicating responsibility..."

I have no responsibility to like you. If you want me to like you, try being likable.

JonMyMon · 2025-07-03T17:52:49+00:00

You would need to define emotional labor if you want us to take this post seriously.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-07-03T18:03:33+00:00

Maybe i don't understand you, but i think that people should show that they like each other or not. The guy maybe confident but why would he want a next date with someone who doesn't like him? What for?

marthasheen · 2025-07-03T17:57:23+00:00

Forcing men to take the lead by initiating things by approaching is just abdicating responsibility and putting more emotional labor burden on men.

also emotional labour is just a bullshit term women invented to paly the victim. if you arent happy in your relationship fucking leave dont whine about how its unfair

JonMyMon · 2025-07-03T18:04:10+00:00

It seems like there's a lot of women who want a guy to be obsessed with them almost instantly. If that's your expectation, you run the risk of selecting for bullshitters and sociopaths who will love bomb you for sex. So many people these days don't want to wait for something real to develop. It's either a fairytale at first sight, or nothing.

GrouchNslouch777 · 2025-07-03T18:11:52+00:00

What basic social behavior will women bitch about as emotional labor next?

The real emotional labor = listening to women complain about nonsense

WanabeInflatable · 2025-07-03T17:58:38+00:00

Such women are bullets to dodge. If they play games and insist that men need women more then vice versa - such women will turn your life into hell. Just pass.

Also repeting BS about emotional labor. Yet another red flag

FrodoCraggins · 2025-07-03T17:58:51+00:00

This woman and anyone agreeing with her are simply perpetuating toxic masculinity and encouraging harassment of other women. She's too lazy to communicate clearly, and she obviously encourages men to constantly harass women by 'shooting their shot' with women who are clearly disinterested. She wants Johnny Bravo or Pepe Le Pew, not an actual real life man who listens to women.

Ruztomski · 2025-07-03T18:20:26+00:00

This isn't about emotional labor. In a dating context, showing some interest if you're actually interested is respectful and decent and functional. But if a woman can't do that I wouldn't want her to get the vapors or anything.

flipsidetroll · 2025-07-03T18:21:15+00:00

Vomit! Emotional labour is such bullshit. And if you expect a guy to do it, then you can too. OR you pick a guy who does it, and men that don’t want to, can find a woman who will. Or who will meet them half way. It has fuck all to do with this mythical concept called emotional labour.

Amiskon2 · 2025-07-03T18:12:06+00:00

Even if it is emotional labor... so what? The guy may do it first, she may do it first.

Why do men have to put all the initial inertia? Most women reject the idea of traditional dating on most aspects, so why is this an exception?

thedarkracer · 2025-07-03T18:27:59+00:00

So you don't want to do anything but want the guy to do everything for a date? Talk about efforts. You know english, right? Use it to express, it isn't hard.

Commercial-Engineer3 · 2025-07-03T20:31:22+00:00

TLDR; "Ugh.... it's too much work to move my mouth to smile. Just man up.....slave."

Steakman1 · 2025-07-03T20:47:35+00:00

Not sure what exactly she means by “showing she likes him back.” People will usually have natural reactions and responses when they are liking the person they are on a date with such as smiling a lot, laughing at jokes, being touchy, etc. if a woman isn’t doing anything like that, or isn’t reciprocating any flirtiness, then I’m not sure how I can even enjoy a date with her. And I would assume she’s not interested. Things like this are generally pretty effortless if you actually like the person and aren’t socially underdeveloped. So I’m not sure why anyone would have a complaint about feeling the “need” to do it.

I’m assuming I’m just not understanding something here.

Quantum_Supremacist · 2025-07-04T00:02:19+00:00

If you don't want to give much then don't expect much.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-07-03T19:12:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bluestjuice · 2025-07-03T19:40:43+00:00

At a certain point this is wildly overblown. Everyone finds it in their own interest both to make insinuations of interest to people they find attractive, to ask directly when they think it might be reciprocated or at least received well, and to avoid asking directly when they think it will not be received well or reciprocated. Everyone is trying to save face, all the time.

TL;DR — it’s not that deep.

Odd_Quit_8905 · 2025-07-03T18:37:47+00:00

TAX PODCAST EQUIPMENT PLEASE.

If you don’t display interest, then no one will stick around. Simple as. Yeah men should have the initiative, but if you input absolutely nothing, then a self respecting man will leave.

Your preference is respectable, but I don’t see choosing signals as ‘emotional labour’, after all isn’t it a labour of (idealistically) love?

tacticaltossaway · 2025-07-03T19:08:16+00:00

Would you prefer to do no emotional labor?

MrTTripz · 2025-07-03T20:11:01+00:00

Why is it men’s responsibility to make the first move?

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-07-03T21:04:19+00:00

Somethings are going to require emotional labor. I don't know if u have ever gotten to choose a man but it is a thrilling powerful feeling and if u abdicate on that experience you'll miss out on a great experience.

Good idea to choose from guys that already like u though.

brassbuffalo · 2025-07-03T21:51:24+00:00

In my experience the only people obsessed with a woman who hasn't shown interest in them are creepy nutjobs and socially awkward orbiters. Being obsessed with a woman who isn't showing interest sounds like what a desperate loner would do.

I can't imagine how insufferable you must be to classify things like basic human interaction as emotional labor.

meisterkraus · 2025-07-04T00:20:46+00:00

So she wants a creepy stalker. Got it.

Blue__Ronin · 2025-07-04T01:03:19+00:00

if your too emotionally weak to take initiative within a relationship: then i prolly dont want you

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torytho · 2025-07-03T18:36:26+00:00

I dunno. It’s just so easy nowadays for tinder-ships to dissolve from lack of effort on both sides. I think if anyone is particularly motivated, it’s helpful to make that known. Playing games worked in the past. Today it seems like lost opportunities 🙁

Direct_Onion_8917 · 2025-07-03T18:40:26+00:00

I'm trying to envision this playing out. You guys go out on a date and then it ends.. then he says nothing? He doesn't ask if you want to meet up again?

AllelWasHere · 2025-07-03T19:05:39+00:00

Men and women will generally put up with words and mistakes up to a point, but if your actions don't come through you're going to be tossed out.

Idk if it's possible to point to one gender putting up with it more than the other, but I would guess men do simply because I think they have a stronger urge to fix things and see them through to the end

tonyghow · 2025-07-03T19:55:15+00:00

Of course, who wouldn’t want someone they find attractive to be obsessed with them without having to reciprocate, AND who proactively plans exciting and unique activities. It’s like experiencing your birthday for every date.

Besides the obvious entitlement and laziness of that concept, the problem is that women want the obsession to come from only confident, attractive, attentive, ambitious, emotionally mature men. But that is extremely rare, especially for the average woman.

It’s going to be very difficult to ween off women from the free (obsessive) attention from undesirable desperate simps and love bombing assholes only wanting sex.

My suggestion is to use your words when you like a man that you see as worthy.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-07-03T20:30:52+00:00

This is already based on a false premise that women even have to do more emotional labor especially in the start of a relationship, they do not, they just believe what little they are required to do is more.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2025-07-04T07:28:27+00:00

Being "obsessed" with someone you barely met and show no signs of enjoying your company is not a normal behavior. If that woman wants to date psycho, that's a good way to start.

I don't get that emotional labor burden things, why are you making it sounds like this is hard to do or unpleasant. You are having a good date, you like him and he likes you back, everything that follow should be pleasant and effortless. Why would you want to conceal that you want to see him again? what's the point?

I have an hard time understanding why some people treat dating like a competition against your date.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-07-04T09:21:51+00:00

So... if I understand correctly, nothing less than God himself (who can read what's on your mind and who knows what you want better than you do) will ever stand a chance with these modern women.

Got it...

CerealExprmntz · 2025-07-04T11:54:42+00:00

You can't be that lazy, come on. "Choosing signals" are the bare minimum. They require no effort.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-07-04T13:18:44+00:00

WDYT

I think nobody cares. Half of women are just as autistic as the men they rag on, and are incapable of simplest displays of affection, which results in no date chemistry whatsoever even if she's into him. No amount of him "obsessing with her" is going to fix that.

pogacartadej · 2025-07-04T19:17:58+00:00

only women would expect men to date women who don't like them.

PopeGenghisVI · 2025-07-05T10:32:49+00:00

More emotional labor? Can someone actually explain what emotional labor is without referencing Cosmo, horoscopes, feminist sources...? Emotional labor?

Get over it, girls, if you want him, you know at the first glance, if his face doesn't look good to you, reject. If you want him, tell him.

Tell him directly.

Look him straight in the eye, or go on Tinder if you can't do anything else.

Say to him:"I want you."

2025-07-05T16:11:06+00:00

So is requiring men to do it

Women want everything for nothing

No doubt there are some nonzero amount of women who deserve that, but if you have to ask you can't afford it

Title	CMV: requiring women to make the first move with "choosing signals" is just more emotional labor
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	108
Date	July 3, 2025 5:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lqw1w7/cmv_requiring_women_to_make_the_first_move_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-requiring-women-to-make-the-first-move-with.1556272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556272

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