The primary way to fix a good portion of dating issues in the next 30 years is to increase public transportation, third spaces, decrease cost of production and increase wages.

OffTheRedSand · 2025-11-10T07:04:22+00:00

i see your point and somewhat agree to it, but this will help the normies more, rather than the struggling men who can't get a date if their life depended on it.

replying to your title, the issue is not with third places, these places already exist, but men still either don't approach there or don't go there to build real connections and let them form narutally.

some dudes will just go to these parties, gatherings, or whatever and either not vibe or after one or two bad interactions go home to field report their experiences to other struggling men.

it's almost always mental, as much as society tried some people can't socialize or become to radicalized for it to work. so these people will have to work on themselves, mentally.

but your point still do somewhat stand for people who are a bit socially awkward and could use a leg up that'll be helpful in their journey.

NiaNia-Data · 2025-11-10T06:27:01+00:00

I like what you have to say, but I will disagree on one point.

the general trend is that society is getting more urbanized. If you will look across the pacific to japan and S. Korea, whom are incredibly urbanized with strong public transport, they too are in a dating crisis.

Other than that, everything else is true.

bzl33 · 2025-11-10T06:55:58+00:00

I don't understand why Internet people obsess over these third spaces. plenty of them exist today.

people are struggling to adapt to where things are going, then yearning for a time that didn't even exist. a lot of nights you'd go to bars, clubs, or even more chill social events, nothing major would happen. I highly doubt the Internet people who complain about third spaces could deal with this. The "solution" is to find a group of likeminded friends of both genders. How you do this doesn't matter, but prioritize making those connections when you are <22.

Motosport_Titan · 2025-11-10T06:41:30+00:00

No because the most pressing issues are the ones you’re disregarding in the first paragraph, men and women aren’t on the same wave length when it comes to politics and dividing responsibilities in a relationship, no amount of third space is fixing that.

The solution to the “money issue” to choose economic policies that decrease the cost of production? It’s not that simple and honestly it seems to be partially written by AI if not fully.

Adject_Ive · 2025-11-10T10:46:16+00:00

Women don't want "good". Hell our lives are comparable to mediveal kings with our comfortable beds, tasty food and general security. What women want is "better". It doesn't matter how good the general situation is, if a man can't provide better, or literally be look better, then they wont be with that man. No matter how much society improves women will always want the ones at the top

Vaudeville_Clown · 2025-11-10T07:09:06+00:00

I like it. What you suggest doesn't do everything but this is something I think should be political reality. Not that politics can fix all of it, but it's at least something.

I'm going to add a few things. - Therapy outreach. Maybe ads with images of peoole glued to their phones. "Life passes you by. Get Help (contact information"

House share arrangements should become the norm. I did that thing for decades. It brings social life to your door. Even for those who tend to hole up in their room anyway, it's a definite improvement. It also makes economic sense. People can move out of their parents place and be independent.
City planning. I used to scoff at things like this, consider it a waste of tax payers money, but sometimes it works. In the town centre were I live, they installed a fake lawn in the square, and there's a bunch of funky benches and stuff. It feels a little like walking on a carpet, like stepping into a living room. And damnit, it's crazy but it actually has an effect on people, making them loosen up. Strangers talking to each other etc.

I think every thing we can think of seems silly in isolation, but if it were a hundred different things done all at once..?

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-11-10T06:40:40+00:00

This is a very women-centric view on socialization. Guys don't have any trouble socializing with other guys. I go to both indoor and outdoor gyms (both within walking distance) and there are local powerlifting and calisthenics communities etc. I also know that there are local tabletop gaming communities, sports groups etc. The problem is - there are very few women (or none at all) in these groups.

So no, the problem is not guys being anti-social, the problem is women completely shunning activities that guys are interested in. What you are suggesting is encouraging guys to socialize in a way that is palatable to women, aka pointless gossiping and dancing in a club to entertain women who have no hobbies or interests of their own.

This won't fix anything other than making guys even more miserable since she will still go on a dating app and swipe on a 6'3 Chad after she is done being entertained by her legion of simps.

This was not a problem in the 90s and early 2000s, women were a lot more willing to seriously engage with various activities and hobbies.

reddit_is_geh · 2025-11-10T08:34:05+00:00

Go watch "Birth Gap" - The unravel the issue with the birth gap. It's got nothing to due to with the intuitive things like income and stuff.

It's entirely to do with the window for starting a family has broadened so much, that it's just hard to find a partner at the same stage in life as you are. They use a good analogy:

Imagine your town has a single bar for singles. It's only open on Saturdays from 5 to midnight. So all the singles in town go during those hours, and are basically able to meet everyone, and find a person who's a good match for you because you're hitting so many nodes during those hours. Since everyone in town is showing up during those hours, you get to know everyone really well.

But then once the bar changes hours from 5 to midnight only on Saturdays, to open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, suddenly you're meeting far less people. Most people you will never even meet as everyone is coming at different times. The bar is far less dense with people coming and going random days and hours, that you only get to view a few people, making it hard to know to actually find someone with the same values and place in life as you because you're hitting so few nodes, much less finding the "optimal" person for you, as it seems like every time you go there are a few more new people who show up to vet out. You're just hitting less and less nodes, over a longer spread out space.

The answer is obviously yes, more third places... But every developed country has failed to figure out how to do this. We just end up with less dense, more spread out third places... We don't get a really popular "Moose Lodge" with tons of members, but instead, 5 different versions because everyone wants more options, and those 5 versions are just so much more watered down. And this is why Christians do so well hooking up. They all share the same space, at the same time, and same values.

caption291 · 2025-11-10T09:58:14+00:00

Humanity was much poorer than it is today for most of it's history and these problems weren't as significant. Even today, the richest countries are the ones where this problem is the worse.

A lack of money is not the issue. It's not the third spaces themselves that are missing, it's external factors forcing(or at least incentivizing) people to interact with others even when they don't want to and the biggest enemy of that is stuff like HR culture and feminism not poverty or a physical lack of third spaces.

DankuTwo · 2025-11-10T09:25:58+00:00

OMFG, yet another American OBSESSED with “third spaces”…..

In Europe we have everything you’re asking for: great public transportation, endless “third spaces”, way more time off….and yet our birth rate is substantially lower than America’s.

Try again….. (and please stop being the typical, sheltered American ignorant of the wider world!)

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-11-10T07:19:00+00:00

Public transit is largely hated outside of Reddit because it is slow, and fixed route networks are inefficient when compared to cars except in high density cities which most people prefer not to live in. Vehicle speeds are slower, there are more stops, and there are the quality of life issues around things like homeless living on transit, the smells, the crime, and overcrowding.

It's diminishing returns - it only makes money when it's overcrowded, but it's miserable when it's overcrowded, so it can only make money either by being heavily subsidized (including by people who don't want or need to use it), by charging luxury prices, or by being so crowded as to be such a miserable experience that people who can opt out do so.

It works in Europe because people live and work in the same neighborhoods, for the most part.

Furthermore, it's not a great way to meet people as most women do not want to be hit on while commuting to or from places in a sardine can.

The rest of your post is just more socialist tripe pitching more government intervention as the solution to everything.

If you are looking for things the government can do to do to fix dating, the list is as follows:

Ban loot box game mechanics in gaming. This is gambling, not gaming.
Ban sports betting again.
Ban foreign ownership of all US real estate. They can lease for 99 years, but they can never hold a deed. Doesn't matter whether it's a foreign company or a foreign national. Only US citizens and businesses can own US real estate.
Bar single family homes from being bought by institutional investors.
Landlord "expenses" on single family homes are only tax-deductible on ONE rental property that is zoned SFH (for individual / non-institutional investors)
Implement a set of regulations around dating app pricing structures to disincentivize swiping and boosts and other gimmicks that have little to do with matching.
Greater socialization as part of high school for public schools or any schools that receive public funding (including extracurriculars and social events outside of classroom hours)
Greater institutionalization of the mentally il, particularly those involved in sex offense crimes and violent crime.

These are free market reforms that work within the existing system, not socialist bullshit that's just gonna make everyone poor and miserable like socialism always does.

TheBroke1234 · 2025-11-10T09:24:19+00:00

This post gets posted at least once or twice a week, but I will say this version of it is particularly economically illiterate. Its not really billionaires ruining everything, its mostly middle class middle age to old nimbys on both the right and left who don't like change or construction near them, and then a handful of younger left leaning environmentalists who don't want any new things to be built because it might kill some worms. Maybe there's some real estate billionaires who also don't want things built, but then on the other side there's real estate developer billionaires who wish they could build more urban real estate.

I don't know if you realize but you can accomplish a lot of this on your own. I am assuming you are in the US because you are complaining that public transit isn't good enough. A lot of college towns and certain neighborhoods in big cities have fantastic public transit, lots of bars nearby, and "third spaces." I personally made the move out to Seattle a few years ago, got a bunch of roommates, found a job, started at community college, started riding my ebike everywhere. There's no reason why most young people can't do the same. If you sit around and wait for urban development and "third spaces" to come to whatever suburban place you live in, hate to say it but you are gonna be waiting a looonnnggg time. And its a self-fullfilling prophecy, if more young people start going to urban areas and going out, the urban areas will get better.

The reason a lot of bars and clubs and "third spaces" are going away is because people aren't going to them anymore. So they go out of business. That's it. There's no grand conspiracy here, Video games have just become more attractive to young people than going out, so they aren't spending money going out, so bars go out of business. Video game companies and Doordash however are raking in billions.

AutoModerator · 2025-11-10T06:06:40+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-11-10T06:06:40+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-11-10T09:21:59+00:00

There is alao the thing that we need to also reduce the online stuff. Make it so that people have to actually go out and interact with other people to do stuff. Due to covid, online services evolved to such a degree that you can survive without needing to take a step outside home and due to isolation our social skills deteriorated and thus we prefer to use the online service as it is more effort and stress to do those things irl.

Like, social media. You don't have to put in effort to dress and move to a place and activelly interact with people. Social media allows you to interact with people while you are lying on couch in your underwear. You feel like you have interacted with people, so you feel that you have filled your social needs, but thise interactions are shallow and you are yearning for something deeper. Social media is the "empty callories" of socialisation. It can make you feel full, but it does not give you the nutrients that you need.

Mission-Jicama-8747 · 2025-11-10T11:39:56+00:00

Lol no, the basic problem is women have left reality in expectations and share no common vision for the future.

ta06012022 · 2025-11-10T13:24:45+00:00

I’ll start be disagreeing on one point. I don’t think there are major “dating issues” to fix, at least in the US. That being said, many of your suggestions could help address social isolation, which may have the effect of providing additional dating opportunities to some.

But your suggestions are only going to help those who take advantage of the opportunities provided to them.

I thought college was the easiest time to date. A large college campus/town has many of the things you’re advocating (walkable, free public transportation, bars, parties, social spaces, etc.), which make it easy to meet people. Even though it’s easy, many people don’t take advantage of the opportunities. I think the same would be true if those conditions existed more broadly.

Axis_Control · 2025-11-10T14:15:52+00:00

Decrease in alcohol consumption is a good thing so is avoiding bars and clubs. Honestly.

Unless you are going there to not drink which I doubt many do.

I doubt doing those things you say will fix anything.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-11-10T14:48:27+00:00

Not sure how you are going to "fix the apps" because for women they are online Hypergamy & Validation Machines - if you are a Hottie With a Body or a Cutie with a Booty, living in Kansas City, or Detroit, your dating pool isn't local anymore. It's: The Earth. You have guys in your DMs from LA, NYC, Vegas, Dubai, etc. Instead of marrying cardiologist or lawyer locally, which may have previously been the best way to leverage your beauty into economic security, now you're on yachts - although than can come with costs.

Even from the guys' side, it's a lot more time effective to use apps - you can pick and choose and if you get rejected, it isn't in front of a bunch of other people. I don't use apps, but I went out to wing for a buddy of mine and when we got to the club I told him, "Hmm. I don't remember swiping right on most of these women."

As we get older, when it comes to dating, the odds are good but the goods are pretty odd.

But this is also where the government needs to twist the arm of big businesses and force them to cough up.

LOL. You are aware that that's not how capitalism works, right? You aren't going to be able to outlaw AI and they certainly aren't going to get rid of robot workers in other countries, even if we banned them in the West. Ultimately, your idea would require a planned economy with wage/price controls and historically that doesn't work out well.

You are right that guys need jobs. I say guys here because hypergamy requires a man (at least a non-Chad) to be economically competitive. So aside from AI, you will also need to fix immigration. If you were an American who did what you were supposed to do, went into STEM, studied hard, didn't treat university like a non-stop open bar, and you were told you would be able to have a comfortable middle class life. What you find instead is your wages are undercut by up to 40% by H1Bs who are basically indentured servants who are at the mercy of their employers (that's how it works in the USA, not sure about EU.) So it sux in the other direction also.

One thing we can do is alter our housing design to create more interaction. See this video. There was another I like but couldn't find that had two subdivisions side by side, one in which it was more like a "village" an another that wasn't. The former had houses that faced the street, more green space, different types of housing mixed in, etc. If I can locate it I will add it.

A couple of notes:

Bars, clubs, and other social spots will become just another place instead of constant situations where a woman will have to be pressured into talking to several potential suitors

So, I think everyone knows that that sort of interaction takes place - or used to - at bars and clubs, and you always have the option of not going, if you don't want men hitting on you. That said, I think the current complaint is that men aren't hitting on women enough. In any case, any venue that serves alcohol (a social lubricant) and doesn't segregate patrons (tables at a restaurant) is going to be seen as a venue for meeting and greeting potential lovers/partners/hookups.

in turn, men will have more opportunities to talk to women, learn what they like, and better adapt themselves in a changing world.

If they want to learn. A buddy of mine had a similar birth family situation to me - last born child with all sisters. I learned - two of my sisters actually took me aside when I was like 13 and explained to me how the world works - and he was (and mostly still is) clueless when it comes to the fairer sex.

Extroverts already know that you can meet girls everywhere; it's the introverts that need help (no shade, it just is how it is.)

GKilat · 2025-11-10T15:43:28+00:00

The fix is to teach the younger generation self control and restraint. The whole problem is the result of men wanting relationships and them not getting it causes problems and suffering because they expected getting what they want when they want. The same applies to women that are used to demanding things and either getting it or punish someone for not getting it for them. This is a much simpler solution and falls on the responsibility of the parents.

The reason why the government is trying to step in and control our lives like censorship is because of behavior of younger generation that could have been avoided with better parenthood. The result is even less effective parenthood from younger generation which worsens the behavior of succeeding generations which lead to problem like this. The proposed solution of the OP does not fix the deeper problem between men and women which is behavior.

redpaul72 · 2025-11-10T22:00:10+00:00

Urbanization and public transport alone clearly don't solve dating issues as seen in East Asia. The core problem might be cultural attitudes toward relationships and personal connection that these structural changes don't address.

ilikecats18851 · 2025-11-14T23:46:48+00:00

This might be the stupidest post I've seen on this subreddit in a year. Congrats

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-11-10T08:00:58+00:00

We achieve it politically but not voting for business men to be in charge

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-11-10T08:57:22+00:00

Collectivist nonsense.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-11-10T10:03:34+00:00

LOL always love listening to these nonsensical socialist diatribes from gen Zers.

There are plenty of third spaces, public libraries, parks, hell you can sit in most cafe's for free. Its just that most of you dont fucking use them, hence why they're closing left and right. And your talk of public transportation is also nonsensical. I'm in Europe. You legit dont think its expensive and overcrowded here too? Public transportation works so much easier here in Europe because the landmass is smaller, if the US government did start taking public transportation and started aggressively seizing land on which to build said infrastructure, most of you would start crying about eminent domain.

Also just LOL at billionaires and businesses ruining urban development, the modern american urban landscape was largely devised in the post war period (where government intervention was at its peak) and the result of public policy and federal oversight, much of which was racist and designed (through redlining) to limit african americans access to better infrastructure.

Seriously it irritates the fuck out of me when American post this faux socialist crap. Most of your dating woes are largely self inflicted. The only fault that can be properly attributed to billionaires is the proliferation of social media. Outside of that much of it is due to you incessant and widespread narcissism. There are more options than ever now actually. Plenty of bars dont charge entry, plenty of gyms cost around $30, if you legit want to socialise, you can. I mean you literally wrote this

The solution to this is to choose economic/commerce policies that decrease the costs of production mechanisms (robots, tools, etc), physical materials, and luxury goods.

Why on earth should luxury goods see a fall in production costs?? They're...luxury. Thats the point. Maybe if more people stopped wasting they're time thinking they should be entitled to shit they cant afford and invested their money instead of pissing it away on shite they buy through Klarna their financial situations wouldn't be as dire as they are.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-11-10T11:38:27+00:00

decrease cost of production and increase wages.

Please learn basic economics. You can't have higher wages with an surplus in labour without losing jobs, this is what happens everytime some group of idiots with blue hair go and complain about "minimal wages", they get their increase and most of the jobs are cut.

You can't also have lower production costs when employers have to cover for a list of responsibilities and benefits, this is how china get to produce dirty cheap.

Title	The primary way to fix a good portion of dating issues in the next 30 years is to increase public transportation, third spaces, decrease cost of production and increase wages.
Author	Jon_Boopin
Upvotes	79
Comments	126
Date	November 10, 2025 6:06 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ot68rs/the_primary_way_to_fix_a_good_portion_of_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-primary-way-to-fix-a-good-portion-of-dating.1566181 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566181

Comments