Self improvement is the correct approach, but after self improvement, meeting women is still a big challenge

SlickPiccolo · 2026-02-27T23:10:50+00:00

Back in the late 90’s and early 00’s, you would’ve had a unique advantage if you knew how to navigate the online world of chat rooms, instant messaging etc. I feel like this has now completely inverted and you’ll have a unique advantage if you know how to navigate the offline, face-to-face real world.

TheRedPillRipper · 2026-02-27T23:17:34+00:00

it is already arguably correctly perceived as creepy to attend these primarily to make ~~romantic~~ connections

If the interest is genuine, then the connections will follow. Romantic and otherwise. Whilst I’m always a proponent for being direct with intent, socialising in general is about broadening not only depth but breadth of connection. So any event where people gather of a purpose other than ‘dating’ should be the focus. From there, one picks up cues and information as to how best to proceed.

Dating is a numbers game. Focus first on the numbers, and eventually those numbers will whittle down to one. It is that simple.

Will564339 · 2026-02-28T00:03:46+00:00

I think part of the problem is that when you're DESPERATE for a date or a relationship or finding a woman, it automatically has a way of making you shoot yourself in the foot.

Like with the hobby class example you mentioned. If you're going there primarily to try to meet women to date, then yeah, it's creepy and disingenuous.

I think what guys tend to miss about all of this stuff is that they get so laser focused on finding romance that they don't focus on social skills and networking and connections. And they don't value those connections for the sake of them BY THEMSELVES.

So I think it's better to change your mindset to focus on just valuing people, both men and women, for the experience itself. You can not only have fun and meet people, but you can learn and practice social skills too. And the more you learn to do that, especially to value women who you have no interest in dating, then it's more likely to lead to opportunities. Maybe you meet a woman who's married but has a single friend. If she thinks you're cool, maybe she could introduce you.

But you're not doing it FOR that reason. That's just the potential added bonus. But the more you try things again and again, and the more you work on being a fun, caring person, the more likely you are to eventually have something good happen.

There's no guarantee. There never will be. It's all based on probabilities and chance and luck. But you CAN increase your odds. If you never do anything, your odds stay as low as they can be. That's why you just go out and do those things for the sake of meeting people, making friends, having fun, and becoming a more complete person.

Creative_cacti · 2026-02-27T22:58:18+00:00

JFC not this type of thread again.

Women's attraction is about making them FEEL a certain way, versus a checklist.

Ever see a women rattle off her checklist, only to see her date someone missing a ton of stuff off that checklist?

now, there are things that overlap in the "venn diagram" between the "self improvement circle" and "attracting women circle", but it's far less than what people think. and it requires a catalyst - which is what you speak of....and to my next point...

the lack of intermingling in third spaces is a huge HUGE issue for men who don't have acess to single women in their local environment where interactions are "socially acceptable".

I think its funny - I probably run into more single women that I have EVER run into in my entire life, yet probably zero words are ever exchanged.

I go to a gym that is full of women - alot of which are single - but no one talks

I walk in the park everyday, FULL of women, probably single. everyone has headphones on.

on the street, at the coffee shop, even at the fucking BAR everyone is all isolated

instead, all these single women are on apps swiping. its actually quite hilarious.

Top-Spring9697 · 2026-02-27T23:12:53+00:00

It's as simple as following Rules 1 & 2.

Everywhere is a pickup bar when you're Chad.

You didn't need me to tell you that, though.

pie-mart · 2026-02-28T01:16:22+00:00

Self improvement should be a seperate idea from getting women. You should want a life you want to live. With or without a romantic pr sexual partner/s.

That being said, it does make you more appealing, but that doesn't mean you will get a partner.

But thats the point of self improvement. You do it for yourself. So, if you don't end up with a partner, at least you have a fulfilling life

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-02-28T05:06:44+00:00

cold approach at a park or a coffee shop is more frowned upon in our current social climate.

You know that if you visit the place often enough and maybe do a small interaction, like just saying "hi" you start to become a familiar face and then when you approach later it is a more warmer approach?

In many cities, there just aren't as many spaces which are conducive to meet women.

Mixed gender events and clubs. But you have to actually be interested in the event/club instead of going there because there are women there. You also need to spend some time socialising there is general in order to warm up to people before asking them out on a date and if they reject you - continue to going to the event/club because you actually enjoy it.

And for the live of... if one rejects you - don't immediatelly turn to another person to ask them out. It feels like you are treating the other person judt as a number.

Also, don't dismiss connections with other people, even older ones as they might know someone who is single and looking and thus they can introduce you if they deem you their type.

anewleaf1234 · 2026-02-27T23:01:38+00:00

Trivia nights, writing groups, meet ups, volunteer events. Comm. Theature are all great ways to meet people and have been used by myself or my friend groups.

But make sure that you are going to something to do that something.

If you go to a writing group and you actually have no interest in writing, people will see through you.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-02-28T00:59:35+00:00

Why is that surprising, considering the libido disparity ?

BlessdRTheFreaks · 2026-02-27T22:50:58+00:00

Use meet up! There are hundreds and hundreds of activities for you to meet people every day. And all of those spaces you listed (yes, even work) are okay to meet women if you possess the skills to navigate it gracefully. Some people can make anything work, some people can make nothing work. Learning those skills is up to you. A good carpenter doesn't blame his tools, he understands he needs to possess the requisite skills to make them work. You have your whole life (or at least until you get old and grey) to figure out how to do that. Let experience be your guide, become brave enough to start gaining experience. Little by little at first, encountering your fears one at a time until you become its master.

If you're in your head about whether or not people think you're creepy, you've already lost. Decide that you're the most attractive and interesting person in the room, that you are the sun the rest of the room revolves around, and it becomes true. Try not to think about yourself at all, stay engaged in what others are doing so you can be attuned to the experience and not in your head about what you're thinking and feeling.

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WanabeInflatable · 2026-02-28T08:11:31+00:00

When you improve your life you find something else that is important to you except chasing women. Less desperate and needy. And if they are not interested, you don't need to chase them, you always have other ways to spend your time.

Thus self improvement is not just making you more attractive, most importantly it improves your single life.

wtknight · 2026-02-28T15:16:11+00:00

If a man self-improves, then women will naturally express interest as long as that man is not seeming too desperate and making himself seem unattractive that way. Just putting a good profile on a dating app, or better (since dating apps are gender skewed), having a social life of some kind, will mean that women will start giving off indicators of interest to the men who are attractive to them. I don't think that things will continue to be as difficult for that man as they were when he had no real attractive qualities about him and he just existed as an NPC to most women.

EugeneCezanne · 2026-02-28T20:11:09+00:00

The workplace is off limits

It depends on the workplace. According to surveys, around half of adults have, at some point, dated a coworker, and around 10% of new couples meet at work.

cold approach at a park or a coffee shop is more frowned upon in our current social climate

So, do it anyway. If you're chill and polite, most women will respond with the same, even if it's just to politely decline.

I have never witnessed a man cold approach a woman he does not previously know, and I likely will never will.

That strikes me as odd. I mean, go to any decent (meaning, "popular with women") bar and you'll see it a dozen times a night.

For better or worse, nightlife is THE place for meeting women. Being a regular presence in just a handful of decent scenes will dramatically increase the average man's access to available women.

tHiShiTiStooPID · 2026-03-01T12:04:02+00:00

I’m annoying even myself right now with this soap box shit, but I couldn’t let this one go.

There is no “after self-improvement.” It is a life long journey in which you commit to being better, in some way, no matter how small, every day. The thing that makes self-improvement transformational is that commitment and the mindset that results, because it changes the way you perceive yourself, teaches you the value of failure, redefines success, enhances your ability to adapt to crisis, teaches you that you, and only you, are responsible for the circumstances in your life (genuine ownership and accountability). Accepting that cold hard fact and living it every day is how you unlock a level of power in your life that only a tiny percentage of humanity ever experience. The end to excuses. The recognition that every success or failure in your life is 1000% your fault. Living that truth, over time, changes something in you that permanently alters how others perceive you. It’s the transition from being an NPC to a player character.

Sure, there are other benefits over time. Enhancements to your appearance, cognitive abilities, emotional maturity etc., but the actual value is recognizing that it never stops until you die, and if you let it slip you can end up falling back into the single greatest delusion shared by humanity, that you are powerless and that you’re not to blame for all of it. A perpetual victims mindset that drives you to look for excuses for why the failures in your life aren’t your fault. To live passively and let things happen TO you vs. living actively and making things happen FOR you.

My apologies. I know that wasn’t the point of your post, I’m trying to be better but I just couldn’t avoid saying something. Have a great day.

Bikerbats · 2026-02-27T23:01:28+00:00

Meeting people is this sub's number one problem, not self-improvement. Even though this sub hates this suggestion, bars have been the go-to place to meet up for 100s of years, and it ain't changed yet.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-02-28T02:02:50+00:00

So I used to be a dating app photographer for men. And I have to say, after that whole period of my life, combined with what I saw on dating apps as a woman who was at one point on dating apps looking, that an astounding number of men THINK that they are putting in efforts into their dating app profile, THINK that they are trying to get good photos, but are actually putting in 10% of the effort that is needed to actually get photos that look decent. The standard for effort is extremely low, so low that men who think that if they spend half an hour selecting photos that are already in their phone, and another half hour thinking about how to answer the written prompts, that this should be enough to attract women. That is not enough effort, you will not attract women this way.

PandaTaco90 · 2026-02-27T23:00:21+00:00

Meeting women is easier than it’s ever been, especially with the amount of guys these days that dont even approach anymore.

ThatBitchA · 2026-02-28T02:41:01+00:00

It is as simple as talk to women.

It's also as simple as stop expecting every woman you speak with to be romantically available and/or interested.

Y'all seem to expect to go to some hobby and fall in love with the first woman you speak with. That's not how it works.

It's about making friends, doing things for your own enjoyment, and opportunities happen naturally.

Y'all keep trying to force things to happen.

Title	Self improvement is the correct approach, but after self improvement, meeting women is still a big challenge
Author	Equivalent_Use_5024
Upvotes	30
Comments	144
Date	February 27, 2026 10:46 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rglhu9/self_improvement_is_the_correct_approach_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/self-improvement-is-the-correct-approach-but-after.1574398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574398

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