Bluepill solution to a deadbedroom can work but it's not optimal for a man.

leosandlattes · 2026-06-01T13:39:18+00:00

The chores is not really about the chores, and that isn't really flat advice for men in dead bedrooms. It's advice given when people ask/investigate and find out his wife also works a job, and she also does the majority of domestic labor and childcare. It is exceedingly difficult to feel sexy and want sex if you're ran ragged and smell like baby spit up.

Interestingly, red pill also says not to go to level 12 of dread (cheating). That it is the absolutely last resort and you should only engage if you are ready to be divorced anyway. So at that point... just divorce lol.

Zoya_The_Destroyah · 2026-06-01T13:28:37+00:00

The biggest flaw in your argument is that therapy, household chores, and communicating with the woman you chose to marry are not a waste of time, even if things don’t go the way you want them to.

SnooCats37 · 2026-06-01T14:03:47+00:00

Don’t think it’s optimal to be in a marriage if you’re only interested in the sex. You don’t even care if it’s consensual

baller696969balls · 2026-06-01T13:39:44+00:00

So for bluepill it’s more like “what can I do to care for the woman I love but still support myself?”, and for redpill it’s “how long can I hide my motives from the woman I love (doubt) until I’m so pent up that I cheat or leave?”

Lemon_gecko · 2026-06-01T13:33:35+00:00

I mean you do you. I'm not pro or against both advices. The issue is we're talking usually about 40+ men, who in their mass are not really attractive. Like men like to complain that there are no options as soon as they are 17, but all of their advice to each other is to negate options they have and find another. Your lies are cracking (at least one here lies). But you do you. There are advantages in self improvement, there are advantages in building connection. There isn't universal advice.

kmb218 · 2026-06-01T13:25:07+00:00

Would you say women should cheat with Chads as well in the case of a dead bedroom?

toasterchild · 2026-06-01T13:24:41+00:00

Lots of people who attend therapy learn skills that help them in future relationships even if the one they are currently in is too far gone to be saved.

Even if all they learn is how to set some boundaries or argue more effectively that can be life changing.

Beneficial_Oil_5089 · 2026-06-01T13:23:22+00:00

Just get divorced oh my god so much word vomit to try and justify horrible behavior—aka red pill in an nutshell

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-06-01T13:45:30+00:00

>a woman who is not worth it at that point.

So hypothetically, if you have a wife who just had your child, and as a result there is a dip in your sex life, she’s no longer worth it to you because she isn’t giving you sex?

GroundbreakingAlps78 · 2026-06-01T14:09:58+00:00

It’s so sad! Funny thing is, knowing that my husband appreciates me for more than just sex makes me love having sex with him.

Solondthewookiee · 2026-06-01T13:49:29+00:00

Optimal by what metric?

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-06-01T13:38:44+00:00

If the only thing worth it to a man in a relationship is sex then he should skip the relationship entirely and just go pay for a prostitute. That would be the most “optimal” solution.

MasterOfMoments · 2026-06-01T13:41:40+00:00

This argument assumes that therapy, communication, and self-improvement within a relationship produce no value unless they directly increase sex. In reality, learning to communicate better, resolve conflict, and assess whether a relationship is viable are transferable skills that benefit a man regardless of whether the marriage survives.

It also creates a false choice between relationship work and personal development, when many men can improve their fitness, confidence, and social skills while simultaneously addressing problems in their marriage.

GroundbreakingAlps78 · 2026-06-01T14:04:25+00:00

It seems that the Bluepill goal is more than just “maximizing sex”. Perhaps they also value emotional connection, trust, family, and even the idea of growing old with someone? As such, the “optimal” route would be to invest in these things and not sex alone.

frustratedAFRN · 2026-06-01T13:34:48+00:00

Trying to salvage a relationship with your wife is "not worth it" because she isn't having sex with you as frequently as you'd like?

Jesus Christ. The absolute best thing you can do for a woman is divorce her if that's how you treat her. Absolute derangement.

Fondacey · 2026-06-01T13:26:34+00:00

Redpill advice seems to be, "get a divorce and start over"

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-06-01T14:00:28+00:00

If that seems more optimal to you, then it seems you don’t have strong feelings for your wife. Being in any relationship takes work. Cultivating an existing relationship is less work than starting over. If the relationship isn’t worth saving. Just leave. If you actually love your wife and sex is the only thing that you’re missing then figuring out how to have a better sex life with your wife seems like the optimal solution. It all depends on how much you love your wife, your sex life, and yourself.

Edit to add. If your solution to a dead bedroom relationship is to withdraw and be selfish. I can see why you’re in a dead bedroom

Otjahe · 2026-06-01T14:09:04+00:00

I don’t understand how you’d even find yourself in a sexless marriage to begin with. Of course people’s hormones and sexlust can fluctuate for different reasons, but generally speaking, if your partner isn’t excited to get physical with you, there’s something wrong. Either the person isn’t attracted to you because they simply lost interest, or you’re actively screwing things up which makes them less horny for you.

But cheating and manipulating people using "game" is horrible advice, if of course you care about being a morally good person.

It seems a lot of guys severely lack empathy when it comes to this, they view sex as something they must get always. At the same time they’ll be overweight, stinky, hairy, bad at fucking, doesn’t make her orgasm, no passionate or romantic baseline, etc.

bondepart · 2026-06-01T14:32:38+00:00

> A bluepill man invest time on things like therapy, he has nothing to show for it if bluepill advice doesn't work.

Therapy is about improving your mental health. If you don’t think that’s a benefit in and of itself then you have bigger problems than a dead bedroom.

Kaleidoscopetide · 2026-06-01T17:12:35+00:00

When people get married, they make a promise to each other not to leave in order to have more sex. If you think that’s a bum deal, don’t get married.

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-06-01T14:23:03+00:00

If the only reason you want a relationship with a women including marriage is for sex, and to you, a woman’s only value is the sex she gives you,

Why not just stay single and use prostitutes? It’s a lot cheaper for you and doesn’t waste everyone’s time

Acrobatic-Monk9735 · 2026-06-01T15:17:29+00:00

Most of the men in the dead bedrooms subreddit are problematic and terrible. I read their post history and understand why their bedrooms are dead. They usually will save their marriage by being less diabolical husbands.

DietTyrone · 2026-06-01T14:32:48+00:00

Gonna have to disagree with you on this one bud. I can't cosign advising people to cheat. Doing chores and going to marriage counseling are things both individuals should be doing in a marriage. I hate using the term "bare minimum" but in this case it really is the bare minimum you can do to try to fix things with the person you're married to.

Now, on the flip side, I believe it's fine to date or sleep around once your separated even if the divorce isn't finalized yet, because sometimes that can take a while even if both individuals mutually agreed to split up.

ValeWho · 2026-06-01T14:29:56+00:00

If communicating with your partner and making sure she feels good is such a chores for you then yeah just divorce her. She's better off without you

ThatBitchA · 2026-06-01T15:17:47+00:00

So a woman is only worth it if she's having sex with you?

You marry a women solely because she has sex with you?

If that's the case, yes, please leave this woman. She deserves far better than a man who is only with her because of his desire for sex. JFC.

Y'all need to stop talking about things you don't understand. No wonder y'all struggle with dating. You think you're experts on women, men, relationships and you're not.

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Axis_Control · 2026-06-01T13:57:28+00:00

Dead bedrooms rarely change unless it was purely medical in nature and they should honestly just leave. (I'm bluepill)

growframe · 2026-06-01T16:36:03+00:00

I don't see why you need to any of the things you've mentioned before getting divorced.

2xdrgn · 2026-06-01T13:57:54+00:00

In my experience, once the female ‘checks out’ of the relationship, or when she doesn’t try at all to make things work, putting all the responsibility on the male, or even when she becomes unacceptably disrespectful- it’s not worth continuing on the man’s side. This makes things pretty simple though; the woman either ‘acts right’ or doesn’t, and when you see that sign of disrespect and/or indifference that you cannot accept, just close the relationship down like a business that no longer makes a profit.

Therapy is, in my opinion, just a way to gaslight men into thinking and acting like women... perhaps just part of the fantasy that men need to say sorry and that women can do no wrong. I would simply reject it and never go. I’d prefer to keep my own opinions and wisdoms.

Suddenfury · 2026-06-01T13:54:28+00:00

I agree that the bluepill solutions doesn't really work. By i think it can be good to go through the motions. It will give you a good perspective when you realize it's not about the chores (But come on, don't be a slob, own your house) and it's unlikely there is anything severely wrong with you.
Most people will only learn from seeing it themselves. Sure, you will lose a few years, but the lesson is valuable.

chobolicious88 · 2026-06-01T14:18:29+00:00

I agree that bluepill is somewhat delusional, and pretty much most of dating relationships is a subconscious tug of war where if youre reactive as a man, youve already lost.
She maximizes her own needs, guys should as well. The one who cares less wins - rotate them lol. Hate it but its the truth.

Modernity basically shows up its all about maximizing leverage, and main leverage men have is actually - leaving, and having honeymoons with new people.

uglysaladisugly · 2026-06-01T15:15:25+00:00

Yeah that is because the so called "blue pill" advice assumes that the guy has other incentives to be with his wife than sex and thus, keeping the relationship has value in his eyes. Otherwise indeed, just divorce.

Logos1789 · 2026-06-01T15:30:06+00:00

Dead bedrooms aren’t fixable for the overwhelming majority of couples.

If you didn’t start the relationship from the point of being literally irresistible to the woman, it’s not worth it.

The moment you start communicating about wanting to have sex more frequently, you’ve already lost as a man.

Title	Bluepill solution to a deadbedroom can work but it's not optimal for a man.
Author	afromanisgonnadoya
Upvotes	0
Comments	286
Date	June 1, 2026 1:20 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tts1hm/bluepill_solution_to_a_deadbedroom_can_work_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bluepill-solution-to-a-deadbedroom-can-work-but.1581819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581819

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