Why do women fake orgasms or lie about men concerning quality of sex?

Texastentialism · 2019-03-28T13:59:26+00:00

I find that hard to believe in a world where women nag and criticize their men routinely on other subjects. Women in 2019 are incredibly vocal about everything they dont like. Why the reticence here?

These women are a loud minority. Most women are pathological people-pleasers. Especially young women, and especially when it comes to their boyfriends.

As was discussed at length in that sex thread a couple weeks ago, practically every woman has a story about asking a guy to do something or stop doing something in bed and having him get butthurt, get mad or just straight-up argue with you about what you like. Eventually you learn you have to be delicate when approaching these topics.

It's especially dicey with a new partner. Women don't want to hurt the feelings of this guy they barely know and kinda like, and they don't want to come across as some overly-forward, demanding slut. So they just feign enjoyment of whatever he does. Then if they end up in a relationship with him, it's not like they can suddenly say they don't like the thing that "got them off" before, so they have to keep up with the charade.

On top of all of that, women are indirect communicators and we often make the mistake of assuming men are too. So when we're contorting our bodies a certain way to get the angle right, or moving his hand away and rubbing our clit ourselves because he wasn't doing it right, or whatever, we think we are telling him what to do to get us off. And to be honest a lot of guys are able to pick up on those clues and change their technique in light of them. But a lot of guys don't interpret it that way, and the woman walks away thinking "Ugh, I told him what to do and he didn't do it!" and it's just frustrating all around.

Sprach_McGrachan · 2019-03-28T13:42:39+00:00

Men think they want to know, but they don’t.

CatchPhraze · 2019-03-28T13:45:46+00:00

It's a bit of girl game. Men have notoriously fragile egos. If you ever want sex again, you don't stop him mid-act and go "You suck at this, do it this way" you wait till a day or two, go up all flirty and ask "Can we try X tonight?" No bruised ego, dude gets an idea of what you want. Having "the talk" in the middle of "the act" isn't really practical and it's a mood killer. I'm not going to lie or put on a show, but I'm not going to start critiquing on the spot either.

There is also more similarity then difference between expecting an SO to trust you, and expecting them to take your feelings into consideration when they want to express something.

exit_sandman · 2019-03-28T14:01:52+00:00

men want a show. women don't need a show to get off.

i can enjoy sex without needing to orgasm personally, but if i tell ANY BOYFRIEND that i didn't orgasm. omg its the biggest deal. men will come to all sorts of conclusions:

she's damaged.
its because she's thinking of another dude
maybe i am a bad lay
maybe she has a bad history with sex.

so forth. they won't take "i'm fine" for an answer. so women, to massage a male ego, fake it so he'll get over having to have some stupid sex show, and she can enjoy intimacy with her man again without feeling bad that she didn't cum. sometimes you just don't cum. IT HAPPENS.

Electra_Cute · 2019-03-28T14:27:16+00:00

Men have fragile egos.

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T15:12:37+00:00

The effort to be direct isn't worth the drama it can potentially cause. Early on I'm not invested enough for a sex therapy communication project. It's not every woman's dream to talk everything to death. Cut him loose and let him find the faker of his dreams with his ego intact.

belletaco · 2019-03-28T14:08:55+00:00

a lot of women don't value their orgasms.

wekacuck · 2019-03-28T15:32:16+00:00

My question is: why? Is it just to preserve male ego? I find that hard to believe in a world where women nag and criticize their men routinely on other subjects. Women in 2019 are incredibly vocal about everything they dont like. Why the reticence here?

When I was young and dating and getting all my info about how to have sex from books and the radio and the internet in the 90's (sexuality.org RIP) there was always mountains upon mountains of advice telling men how to explicitly tell women that you never ever want them to fake an orgasm with you and reassure them that you'd rather be patient and get things right eventually.

I don't know how it is today but back then many women supposedly didn't even know how to get off and have an orgasm through masturbation. There was even the pernicious claim that something like 30% of women just cannot orgasm through any method at all (supposedly wrong? dunno). So we were told women would fake just because they did not want you to think there was something wrong or "broken" about them. A lot of women (used to?) also get messages that masturbation was sinful so they just never even explored their own bodies (supposedly?). You'll occasionally see stores of older women in sexover30 who divorce... and get their first vibrator and... discover they're perfectly capable but never even had an orgasm in their entire lives... or when a new partner helps them through that. It's heartbreaking. Anyway. There are literally books upon books teaching women how to learn to orgasm (see the r/sex wiki). So the faking can also be about that.

It seems to be a tightrope: you need to convey that a woman's orgasm is important to you and something you care about, but you also need to not force it.

yasee · 2019-03-28T15:17:01+00:00

Is it just to preserve male ego?

you got it. you can break this down further into a) not wanting to hurt his feelings and b) not wanting to deal with conflict

Women in 2019 are incredibly vocal about everything they dont like

some women may be more comfortable airing general grievances to a general audience (particularly online, where they can enjoy full or partial anonymity) but I think it's a mistake to assume this reflects their willingness to confront this stuff on a meat-world interpersonal level

LifterofThings · 2019-03-28T16:08:09+00:00

My question is: why? Is it just to preserve male ego?

Yes. Women make a big show of being bad bitches who don't take no shit, but don't believe the hype. Most of them actually recognize that men are fellow humans that they don't actually want to crush -- particularly if they like that man enough to fuck him. There may also be an element of fear too -- some men don't take rejection or criticism very well.

whichbladeN · 2019-03-28T14:01:43+00:00

Because an orgasm after the man has came is usually less satisfying ultimately.

I've never lied about an orgasm, but I've had ruined orgasms that I played off like they were complete. Because I'm not going to go another round and it wasn't his fault it was ruined AND I would still have a refractory period that I wouldn't want to wait for.

hoere_des_heeren · 2019-03-28T14:50:47+00:00

Because they can and for males it's harder to fake an orgasm obviously.

Outside of orgasms males lie just as much about the quality of sex.

I mean there was a topic on this very sub a while back which revealed just how many cannot handle the idea that the best sex others are having is not with them... that's just not statistically likely if they had a more than one prior sexual partner that you're going to be the best but people really want to believe that it seems.

exit_sandman · 2019-03-28T15:11:57+00:00

My question is: why? Is it just to preserve male ego? I find that hard to believe in a world where women nag and criticize their men routinely on other subjects. Women in 2019 are incredibly vocal about everything they dont like. Why the reticence here?

Because these are two different groups of women you're talking about.

Those who constantly nag and criticize their men don't fake orgasms, in fact, it's doubtful they sleep with their men in the first place.

kandyapplez · 2019-03-28T15:15:53+00:00

men want female orgasms to be easy, but they aren't. its easier to just pretend and get it over with.

CainPrice · 2019-03-28T13:46:42+00:00

The sexual experience is different for women than it is for men. For men, the orgasm is the goal. Sex is okay on its own, but the orgasm feels miles better than the rest of the sex. If you don't have an orgasm, the sex really kind of sucks. Women enjoy the act of being penetrated even without an orgasm. A woman could just masturbate or use a vibrator on her clit if she wanted an orgasm, but sometimes, when a woman is really horny, she just plain needs to be penetrated. And while women can sometimes orgasm from that, the sex itself is enjoyable even without the orgasm.

But eventually, things get sensitive and sore down there and continuing to be touched downstairs is just going to hurt. She needs sex to stop. She can tell her husband of 10 years that she's getting sore and he'll be fine with it. But her boyfriend of 2 months? Or some guy she's hooking up with tonight that she just met? It's faster and easier to just act like she's done so he'll stop without having to get into a lengthy explanation.

azngirl7689 · 2019-03-28T17:12:33+00:00

Because men get really butthurt if you don’t. We’re talking Chernobyl level meltdowns.

_Tumbleweed- · 2019-03-28T14:43:40+00:00

Men need a show to get off.

He won’t enjoy it if he thinks you’re not enjoying it.

As soon as I say something like “oh yeah baby, I just came from taking your big fat dick”, it’s over for him. Sometimes I want it to be over lol.

ilptrandom · 2019-03-28T13:58:01+00:00

Not one for casual sex myself, and one of the many reasons is I never want to fake sexual response, which seems all too common in women who have sex with men they don't know well. You can imagine it can't you? I mean imagine you've gone home to some guy's place and he turns out that when out of public view he is rough and cruel and violent and a little psychotic. You're kind of in danger there... you could die in that bedroom and be wrapped up in a rug and thrown off a bridge. No-one there to help you. . So what do you do? One option is make sure he falls asleep as soon as possible, by getting him off fast, and then sneaking away.

If you can't imagine that because your mind does not extend to empathy for women, imagine you've organised on craigslist or gumtree or similar to go see a guitar for sale at $70 (negotiable) and you get there and the guitar is crap and turns out is it $70 firm and the house is full off gangsters with prison tattoos and OMG is that one shooting up right there in the living room in front of a stranger and they block the door when you get up to leave without making the deal. You'd buy the fucking guitar and not only that you'd smile about it and thank them for the deal.

Million-Suns · 2019-03-28T15:19:44+00:00

I'd rather she does not fake and lie. That way we can talk about we can learn together how to reach the orgasm. It's a construction site in progress.

They lie to preserve the fragile ego of men? BS. Because if I found out that she faked all along , that's when my ego would be bruised.

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T17:26:42+00:00

Because most men nowadays are insecure as fuck. And since women hate male insecurity (more accurately, are greatly turned off by it), they'd rather lie than trigger that shit by even implying the dude isn't so hot in bed

JoltinJoe92 · 2019-03-28T19:14:11+00:00

I don’t understand, how can you not tell a woman is having/just had an orgasm? You can feel it and see it.

Nu_Guy · 2019-03-28T19:49:19+00:00

I saw a woman on r/sex I believe, say that she faked orgasms because her SO wanted her to orgasm every time, and even if she said "no its ok you get off" he would insist that he will just try harder and he guarantees she will get off. So she would fake it to appease him and get it over with.

That opened my eyes because I was just like that guy, and looking back I had at least 1 or 2 fakes given to me for that reason.

If she is gonna let you get off while she's not 100% in the mood, just go ahead and get off. It was just hard to relate because if I could have multiple orgasms, that would be my goal 100% of the time.

rhyth7 · 2019-03-28T20:18:11+00:00

I feel like women lie because the things that help us get off men really do not want to do and they aren't really penis focused so men aren't interested. More kissing, more mood setting, more slow and sensual touching, just a more immersive and full body and mind engaging experience.

Engineeringirl11 · 2019-03-28T20:57:40+00:00

Let me try and put it this way. Say you’re dating a girl and she likes cooking you food. Now in the beginning say you do like her food maybe you even love it. But it isn’t perfect and sometimes she’s just really off on some dishes. Now, you really like this girl and you want to make her happy so in the beginning you act very impressed by her food and maybe even ask for seconds because you want to make her happy. Now imagine over time, you realize you don’t like the food as much but she loves her food and when she asks what you think you don’t have the heart to tell her you didn’t like it.

Now, while you might be the type of person to speak up consider the fact that not everyone is going to have the heart to tell their SO that they don’t like their cooking or to be more realistic that their cooking didn’t blow their mind. Because that is my best description of the female orgasm lie. Just because they didn’t come doesn’t mean they didn’t like the food it just means it didn’t blow their mind. At some point in a relationship, you’re desire to criticize your SO exceeds your desire to feel good.

I don’t have a solution to the problem but it’s a different way of looking at the problem. it’s not really an issue for me and my SO but what works for me won’t work for every other women.

meomeowmeoww · 2019-03-28T22:49:39+00:00

Do they not trust their partners to respond well?

Its got NOTHING to do with trust its how men react through lived experiences. When women say this they have already TRIED to tell them, but were either ignored or sulked at and this is not even one man, its a common trend.

And then they pretend like you never told them because I don't know but it looks like they are just blanking out and the world doesn't even exist when they're being given tips.

Is it not immediately apparent how counterproductive lying about this issue is?

I have considered lying because he was so intent on me cumming WITHOUT listening to me. In that case I knew i was never going to cum so why not just pretend to get it over and done with so sex doesn't have to be a constant pity party and then sex becomes dreaded?

I talk and bitch online because what is the point in talking to a wall?

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T23:34:08+00:00

Idk I'd find it weird to go into football coach mode right after we're fucking like "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!" It's easier to just say wow that was great and escort them out of my room.

[deleted] · 2019-03-28T14:23:29+00:00

I predict that almost every woman ITT will say something like how her lies are white lies or she lies because her lies actually help men out.

Howeever, the real reason is that women are submissive and non-confrontational and would rather let a guy be bad at sex and talk shit about it behind his back than say anything to him upfront.

AutoModerator · 2019-03-28T13:40:41+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-03-28T15:42:46+00:00

I mean for me it’s just a performance. I always figured it was just to get me off? Like all the shit people say during sex

throwaway2323423477 · 2019-03-28T17:27:54+00:00

Women want resources from men so it is on their interest to lie about sex so that man could feel like a chad and give her green papers

beachredwhine · 2019-03-28T18:32:49+00:00

Women are not stoic civilization creating man lords my goodness! Do they lie about having an orgasm? Well I mean sure they talk about that shit all the time. But do they lie about how huuuge your penis is? How is the biggest and greatest of the penis they ever did see? 😂 Of course not jeez guy.

Oh wait for did you know the only way a girl can have an orgasm is if the guys beenis is the greatest and hugest of all of them?

Oh my God I better stop do we really need more guys obsessing about a girl squirting I pee and free lube out of her gross vagena? Ugh while he's probably trying to lick it my God let's just stop. Right. Now.

A girl's orgasm? Who care? Who gives the slightest of slightest of care? Just do her butt for a month and maybe choke her a bit and order her to say she loves it. "You love what?", what?

Ohf wait that right the sweet lovely cuties of our dreams love a guy who has dominance and daring they never could have. What guy would just dominate a cutie pie? What about her choice to just go away and stop bothering me for a week or two? My God man what if she comes back?

Better shove my face in her crotch, better concentrate on her crotch, cause my God what if she doesn't come back? 😳👀

I might just have to bang some other girl.

Who will probably grip tight if I ever bother missionary for her, and close her eyes, and then DUH explode in a gushing gush of my God why isn't this cutie pie wearing depends? While she's screaming, of course, to alert all the other alfalfa males to come beat me up again and take this girly away to grip tight and close your eyes land

Shadow_Of_ · 2019-03-28T21:30:45+00:00

I don't care if she fakes or doesn't fake her orgasm, what I do care is if she's taking the course of action to help herself or help me.

lurkingconfused · 2019-03-28T22:21:22+00:00

One of my younger friends (mid 30s) has had ONS and STR with around 25 or so dudes and has never had an orgasm with any of them. She'd admitted it sort of by accident and I'd asked her about it because it sounded crazy to keep having so much shitty sex and I was curious how that could be. She's an opinionated loudmouth and very sexually forward so it kind of shocked me to hear that she faked orgasms with pretty much all of them.

She seemed to back up some of what's been said here, that with ONS she's faked it to just be done with it, though sometimes she let them know they sucked afterwards if they wanted another go and she didn't like any of the rest of their personality.

With STRs (she hasn't had any longer than a few months, don't think I'd consider those long term) she's tried to steer them along and been ignored so faked it and tried to steer them more explicitly next time. If I recall the convo we had correctly, she thought making it stressful in the moment was bad if she liked the guy and wanted to try and keep him around.

The weird thing to me is how she'd still be sexually interested at all in these STRs that couldn't get her off.

throwaway2323423477 · 2019-03-29T03:39:22+00:00

I fake orgasms to a) play into the male fantasy and b) because female orgasms kind of ruin sex (see below). If the guy is in the bathroom afterwards, I can get myself off in about 30 seconds. I don't really need him to diddle around stupidly for 10 minutes trying to get me off and then give up because his arm got tired. That's not sexy: it's not his fantasy; it's not even my fantasy.

I want some guy to move on me hard. I want them to fuck me aggressively and get off on it. I want them to pin me to a wall and whisper nasty shit in my ear. Frankly, the female orgasm is not all that compatible with what I actually want from sex. I don't want some pathetic nu-male to lap at my pussy for 10 minutes like a small cat, I don't want someone to pause in the middle of rough sex to grab a vibrator or use their hand to rub me, I don't want to integrate toys into foreplay. By faking orgasms I get the sex I want, and it pleases lazy men who, frankly, don't even care enough to really closely examine whether or not you're actually getting off.

At any rate, sex is overrated and not what keeps a relationship going long term. I'm engaged now to a guy who doesn't know he's never made me cum and if I have it my way he never will know. But frankly, even if he found out, I doubt he'd fucking care. The joy of being with a guy from Russia - they know how to treat a woman like a woman and not agonize over this sort of shit.

kristmastree · 2019-03-29T17:29:30+00:00

I never faked it with my ex cause he was great, but I did fake it before. I'd mostly be when I get bored and just want to get it over with. A couple of moans would help a guy cum and I'd just leave without the awkwardness of suddenly standing up and being "bye".

[deleted] · 2019-03-31T01:08:25+00:00

Because of the very real threat that a woman has no idea who would take, while alone, and fucking - a comment about performance entirely too harshly and literally kill her.

GamingYourMom · 2019-04-01T22:16:28+00:00

To manipulate her beta bucks.

Title	Why do women fake orgasms or lie about men concerning quality of sex?
Author	embitteredMaleLoser
Upvotes	26
Comments	245
Date	March 28, 2019 1:40 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b6ix73/why_do_women_fake_orgasms_or_lie_about_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-fake-orgasms-or-lie-about-men.256568 https://theredarchive.com/post/256568

Comments