Can men and women ever become platonic friends?

petrichordium · 2018-11-24T14:41:16+00:00

Yes. I have female friends I’m not attracted to, but they’re funny and cool.

I also have attractive female friends whom I’d hypothetically bang, but their personalities and outlooks on love are so wildly out of step with mine that I’d just have to be a total delusional thirsty bum to waste any time there. Like it’s just flashes of “huh she has a great ass” but the vast majority of our friendship is spent on... friendship. I will have occasional sexual thoughts about ANY attractive person, but that doesn’t disqualify the vast majority of time you spend with someone just being buds.

Here4thebeer3232 · 2018-11-24T13:35:57+00:00

lefactorybebe · 2018-11-24T13:52:39+00:00

Yes, I believe so. My best friend is a man, we've been friends for like.....ten years I think. He's like a brother; the idea of any sexual activity with him is physically repulsive. And beyond that, I've had/have, a lot of male friends and most of them haven't had any issues.

sublimemongrel · 2018-11-24T14:20:49+00:00

I think when people get older yes. Or if they truly are not attracted to each other. But if you’re an attractive girl good luck in finding plenty of young men who truly only look at you as if they want a platonic friend. Which isn’t to say there is something wrong with them, they can’t really help that but this is just what happens. If they are really in love with someone else you can still be pretty good friends with them though, there is another exception IME.

VermiciousKnidzz · 2018-11-24T16:03:33+00:00

yes. some people are too thirsty tho

VDKay · 2018-11-24T17:51:41+00:00

Yes, they can but only under certain circumstances

I have a silly personal rule-of-thumb to determine when a man and a woman can be friends without ever either one getting feelings for the other: If and only if they are both recently sexually satiated with people having higher perceived sexual value than the "friend"

Sexually satiated: had sex, or intimacy, or strong prospect of getting intimate in the future (e.g. long-distance-relationship)

Recently: The time it takes for sexual abstinence to become bothersome. This differs from person to person. Generally, for men is a lot shorter than women

[deleted] · 2018-11-24T17:55:42+00:00

Yeah I have had many throughout my life and still do. I feel no urge to bang them and have fucked or been in relationships with other girls at the same time.

Never understood why anyone finds this idea confusing.

flamingoinghome · 2018-11-24T16:06:15+00:00

Yes.

Although I also think that people can have sexual tension with their friends and it not be a big deal/ they get over it.

blackedoutfast · 2018-11-24T18:25:06+00:00

yes but only if both of them (esp the dude) have an abundance of other options or are sexually successful with other women. but if a guy doesn't have any other options and gets emotionally close to a girl and starts doing things and spending time with her, it's only a matter of time before he catches feelings for her.

i have a lot of attractive female friends who are definitely hot enough to be fuckable but their friendship is more valuable to me than their pussy. and i'm not so thirsty or desperate that i get blueballs hanging out with them.

but there's also nothing wrong with sexual tension or flirting in a platonic friendship as long as everyone is on the same page and know that it's just for fun and not going anywhere.

dylang92 · 2018-11-24T19:00:29+00:00

100% if they aren’t attracted to each other.

goatismycopilot · 2018-11-24T14:27:33+00:00

I have some aquaintances from my hiking group I text with and meet for beer once in a while I am not interested in them romantically I assume they are not interested in me. But my closest friends are other women and I do not see that changing.

Drippyskippy · 2018-11-24T15:59:06+00:00

For this answer, I'm going to assume that platonic friends are non family members/friends of family members/SO's of friends/family and are of similar age to one another.

If your a woman yes (where else would she get her beta orbiters?). If you're a beta male its a bit more complicated. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The beta will inevitably want more. It may start as platonic, but if the situation were to come up where she showed romantic interest, the beta would be all in. Alpha males no.

Lordkeravrium · 2018-11-24T20:26:24+00:00

Definitely. I'm tired of this "males and females cant be friends" thing. It's stupid. I have plenty of female friends who I'm not attracted to.

jonascf · 2018-11-24T22:27:35+00:00

Yes, even if one of them have some light sexual feelings. If you're somewhat mature and sexually satisfied in general feeling like that are easy to ignore.

Raikichu · 2018-11-24T13:41:31+00:00

The likelihood probably correlates with intelligence.

Dweller_of_the_Abyss · 2018-11-24T13:50:40+00:00

Yes. Can I? No.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-11-24T19:43:02+00:00

who cares if theres sexual tension. thats part of life

Katt_Ohara · 2018-11-24T15:49:51+00:00

Yes. I have tons of guy friends in highschool who are still my friends. If they see me walking the street they'll give me big bro hug or kiss my forehead. All of them have SO or have kids now but the treatment they gave me isnt different when we were still im highschool.

I think everybody can control sexual tension.

KikiYuyu · 2018-11-24T18:50:16+00:00

Yes.

woyspawn · 2018-11-24T19:33:02+00:00

Depends on your definition of friendship

If you mean superficial camaraderie, sure

If you mean deep emotional bonds such as in time-tested male-to-male friendships, then no

DatsDa1 · 2018-11-24T19:36:37+00:00

I believe men and women can be friends depending on what you value out of a friendship.

nihilismMattersTmro · 2018-11-24T20:06:39+00:00

Yes. I had a very good guy friend from Jr high through college, never got flirtatious. We hugged maybe 4 times for stuff like graduation. He was literally repulsive as a relationship prospect after seeing him with gf's and was religious on top of that where I was not. I know he felt the same way. Our friendship was competitive in nature, not allowing the other to suck academically or in our respective sports. We had a lot of respect for each other on those fronts and both knew the others weaknesses and the effort involved to overcome them. Because we knew and pushed each other's thresholds when one of us got close to breaking we knew the signs, and that it wasn't merely "drama." We literally saved each other from doing stupid shit like dropping a class or pissing off a power mad AP teacher/Prof or coach.

We were fine like this for many years and probably still could be. But significant others of marriage material are not, so we just kinda faded out after college. It was as easy as coming to rely on each other was. We're better for knowing each other while we did but even a platonic bond of many years isn't something many SO's want to feel like they're competing with.

nihilismMattersTmro · 2018-11-24T20:42:25+00:00

nihilismMattersTmro · 2018-11-24T22:07:17+00:00

both have to be unattractive

PHOENIX_THE_JEAN · 2018-11-24T22:28:38+00:00

Yes they can. Men AND women need to understand boundaries. If you are in a relationship with someone and you both expect monogamy, then you should be monogamous. You can have friends of the opposite sex as long as they (and you) respect the relationship.

Million-Suns · 2018-11-24T23:28:55+00:00

The lack of sexual tension is precisely the prerequisite for a male/female frienship.

SmurfESmurferson · 2018-11-25T01:05:08+00:00

My best friend since infant-hood (actually before - there's a picture of him as an infant, laying on my pregnant mom's belly) is a dude. He was the Man of Honor in my wedding

We're not related; his parents were my parents' childhood best friends - they set them up on a blind date during high school. We were raised as long-distance brother/sister

I admire his intelligence, charisma, sense of humor. I can see that he is an attractive dude (and even if I couldn't see that, my single girl friends constantly tell me)

But, and I can't stress this enough, there is no attraction there. I want to fix his hair, joke about our shared childhood memories, bully him (with familial love). I do NOT want to touch him, ever, and I don't want to ever think of him as a sexual being. He's just my lifelong bestie, and I find him as asexual as I find my actual sister

I know for a fact that feeling is mutual. Some of his friends have been very attracted to me over the years, and have been perplexed by our asexual relationship

PanderjitSingh_k · 2018-11-25T01:22:26+00:00

Why not. Most of my friends are women and there is no sexual tension despite us all being raging heterosexuals.

SkookumTree · 2018-11-25T01:52:50+00:00

Yes. I have a few female friends that I never felt any attraction at all to - including a female best friend, from 14 to 19. Neither of us was ever attracted to the other. If she came on to me I would be shocked and TBH I'd probably turn her down - I don't want to risk the friendship and I was never attracted to her. Another close friend of mine was an excellent friend but a horrible partner. She was the most honest and least tactful person I ever met. Caring to a fault, she could rage at people...and make them feel better when she was done.

[deleted] · 2018-11-25T09:39:07+00:00

Yes, after 40.
Otherwise, not really. One of the parties will always be, if not actively interested, at least open to starting a relationship/hooking up with the other.

DrDoctorNoLife · 2018-11-25T11:58:44+00:00

For relationships, I view woman in terms of what I would gain vs what I would lose or need to put in. There's some woman who are fun, pretty caring, hot as hell, but you know that if you bite... you'd be in for a ton of headache which will end in complete disaster - an absolute waste of energy and time. So why not enjoy the good aspect and leave the shit aspect alone. If you stick to this belief and not bite, she'll catch on and won't risk embarrassing herself to keep up a "date me" facade - hence platonic friendship.

The sexual tension will appear and disappear depending on what state of mind you/the girl is in. Basically a hormonal and environment thing. But if you already have a girlfriend, then you just re-direct the tension. Same with her.

So the answer is... "Normally" yes. When you are feeling abnormal (down/broken up/mentally vulnerable etc...) then no.

Kittennoodle · 2018-11-25T12:25:44+00:00

My experience has been no, you cannot be friends. It's unfortunate because opposite sexes really do, in my opinion, have insights you're just not going to get with your own sex. I was friends with a couple guys for like a decade until they came clean with what they wanted. Haven't talked to them since.

I brought it up to my husband once if say worst case scenario happened and he told me the same.

toronto87 · 2018-11-24T16:50:19+00:00

Sure, if you're not sexually attracted to them. This requires both parties to be reasonably functional in the sex/dating market and attracted to / successfully pursuing other people.

even if the dude isn't sexually attracted to the girl, if his sex life is a failure he is eventually going to develop a strong lust for the nearest person with a vagina who talks to him.

AlanHalworth · 2018-11-24T14:05:35+00:00

"A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." (Friedrich Nietzsche)

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Willow-girl · 2018-11-24T14:12:22+00:00

Yes, I think so, especially in the workplace where you're thrust together for better or for worse, lol, and it helps if you're able to play well with others.

[deleted] · 2018-11-24T17:59:44+00:00

sex/sexual tension

is more likely than not to happen sooner or later. It's possible in the long run in the same way couples who don't get divorced for 60 years also exist

haighter57 · 2018-11-24T19:25:16+00:00

Yes but both parties have to enter into the friendship with platonic intentions, which does not always happen in practice.

TopOccasion29 · 2018-11-24T19:36:00+00:00

Generally no but there exceptions.

If neither party are attracted to each other (which is rare) If both are attracted to each other but keep being friends (which is rare too). Usually someone ends up catching feelings.

I only have 2 close female friends in my life and i've known them for a long time. They've both confessed their attraction to me as have I. But we decide to keep it platonic. Apart from that then no, I can never be close platonic friends with a woman i'm not fucking.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2018-11-24T19:42:54+00:00

Not in my experience (myself, and friends), however I wonder if that's more due to background than anything. I grew up in a single-mom household - she had already been married twice when she had me, divorced my dad when I was about 2, and didn't marry again till I was 16 (divorcing that guy during my freshman year of college). In between that and her being a social recluse, I didn't really see any platonic friendships. A lot of friends came from similar parental backgrounds as well - one parent missing, divorce, etc. So, not like there was much modeling of healthy social relationships going on for any of us. This would probably extend into other areas besides those between husband/wife since those types of households tend to be dysfunctional to varying degrees.

I could see that being a factor in the unlikelihood of platonic friendships between men and women, which would skew myself and those I know to thinking that it couldn't be possible.

taw · 2018-11-24T19:44:57+00:00

If both of them have someone else already, sure.

If one or both of them are single, things tend to get complicated.

Worleyboy · 2018-11-24T19:47:14+00:00

absolutely, more than one of my female friends are asexual and i honestly have never had any romantic/sexual intentions for my relationships with them. Theyre just chill af and cool to be around, so i spend my time with them.

slavicgypsygirl · 2018-11-24T20:06:06+00:00

Heterosexual men only ever want to date or have sex with me but I am friends with gay men :)

Christian_Kong · 2018-11-24T20:09:11+00:00

I will say yeah but under most circumstances one of the two parties has sexual feelings towards the other. Myabe not enough to ever consider acting on it but it lingers in the background.

solorathain · 2018-11-24T23:11:26+00:00

Some men and women can be platonic friends, most however cannot.

Pesky_Gibbon · 2018-11-25T01:13:54+00:00

It's possible, at least from my end.

I've had plenty of male friends with whom I would never dream of doing the horizontal tango. And a few that I would, but I don't like ruining good friendships unless it actually seems like a GOOD IDEA.

[deleted] · 2018-11-25T02:49:39+00:00

If both of them are asexual ahah or they are gay and lesbian but if you're talking about heterosexual/bisexual people

no

Gravel_Roads · 2018-11-25T10:14:27+00:00

Yup. I got plenty of both. Gay, straight, bi, poly, atheist, religious... Anyone that's capable of overlooking differences in others is capable of sustaining a healthy friendship with that person. Friendship does not require full mutual understanding, just a willingness to accept difference.

SyrusDrake · 2018-11-25T14:13:51+00:00

Short answer: yes. Long answer: Still yes but I understand why this issue is debated so much. To me, the important point to note is that there's a difference between "I would have sex with her" and "I want to have sex with her."
I have female friends. And if the opportunity arose, I'd have sex with most of them because they're attractive and they make me feel safe. But that doesn't mean that there's a constant sexual tension between us or that I in any way attempt to actively pursue that goal.
And I also have female friends who I love dearly but I'd never have sex with because they're significantly older than me and/or totally not my type, physically.

[deleted] · 2018-11-25T16:06:08+00:00

Emotionally? Sure, a guy and a girl can hang out and have fun together as friends, without worrying about relationships. As long as you give it ZERO thought, sure.

Logically? ABSOLUTELY NOT. If you actually give it some thought and analyze things logically, the only reason a single guy and a single girl who are close friends arent dating, is that (at least) one of them thinks the other is too physically unattractive to date.

Think about it. If they're close friends it's becaues they like each other as people, correct?

Okay, that part's established. What else is left besides the "emotional" aspect?

The physical aspect, right?

Oh...

So the physical part is lacking, or isnt """good enough""". Otherwise, they'd be perfect for each other.

No one above double digit IQ wants to hang around someone with the constant realization that they think you're ugly\unattractive.

Of course, if you just cover your ears and go "LALALALALALA" then sure, they can be friends.

[deleted] · 2018-11-25T16:17:23+00:00

ITT:

Men: No.

Women: Yes.

Some men: Sure, but I'd absolutely date my female friends.

Some women: Sure, I have plenty of male friends who are completely platonic!

peachycreaam · 2018-11-26T04:42:04+00:00

A purely platonic relationship is not impossible but rare. Men generally pursue friendships with attractive women in hopes that it will turn into something more. I wouldn’t trust a guy with a female BFF, personally. There’s likely to be some history. I’ve seen a lot of posts on reddit alone of women feeling heartbroken because their best guy friend got married or got serious with someone. Doesn’t sound very platonic to me.

JasonnChristy · 2018-11-26T05:27:30+00:00

nope I have been explaining this for years.

testpostignorepls · 2018-11-26T15:56:50+00:00

If both are in committed LTRs and both find each other unattractive yes.

I had a good platonic relationship but then suddenly she came out of the woodworks and said that we were flirting a bit, I didn't feel this way but I guess it was from her perspective.

RPorDeath · 2018-11-27T02:14:23+00:00

Ya, I do have female friends I would not bang. Have no interest in and are not very attractive. Sometimes I think we take the RP thing a little to far folks

Bedtimeshine · 2018-11-28T22:41:16+00:00

Yes... but attraction is overwhelming the main reason have the motivation to interact. Men and women can be friends but by in large they just aren’t. For atleast one person in the overwhelming majority of opposite sex friendship the desire to interact is not fueled by anything platonic.

[deleted] · 2018-12-20T01:47:59+00:00

Barely-moral · 2018-11-24T13:39:58+00:00

Without sexual tension? I am going to place a bet on "no".

That being said, the fact that there is sexual tension from time to time does not mean that neither the man nor the woman have to act on it. As long as both are mature enough to keep their biological functions inside their own brains and agree to never do anything about them that shit could work.

I also place a bet on "no" in that case.

SweeterPickles · 2018-11-24T18:21:21+00:00

Yes, 100%

Several of my closest friends are women, and, aside from one night when I got too drunk with one of them, we’ve never had any sort of sexual tension at all. That one case we didn’t even do anything but cuddle, so I’d hardly say that counted.

At this point in our relationship, I have absolutely no desire for them romantically.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-11-24T13:50:24+00:00

No. I second I get too close to a woman, I want to see what her nipples look like.

[deleted] · 2018-11-24T13:34:10+00:00

If you are a heterosexual man, then yes, you are the only man I know who doubts this, thus you probably are capable of becoming friends.

If you are a woman, then no, I did not met a heterosexual man who can do this. And I do not think they are easy to find. Although I hear rumors.

AlwaysResist · 2018-11-24T16:25:33+00:00

sure!! After a good Pump n Dump!!!

[deleted] · 2018-11-24T19:22:03+00:00

Only if the men are fags or the women are fat.

Title	Can men and women ever become platonic friends?
Author	GladAcanthopterygii5
Upvotes	24
Comments	244
Date	November 24, 2018 1:31 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9zygo7/can_men_and_women_ever_become_platonic_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-men-and-women-ever-become-platonic-friends.258903 https://theredarchive.com/post/258903

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