Do all women desire/expect a man with a high-powered career, six figure income, and big dreams for the future?

PrincepsOmni · 2020-02-05T10:20:44+00:00

Women do vary in the specifics of what they want in a man.

It doesn't hurt a man to better himself in all areas though.

Maria_take_the_wheel · 2020-02-05T11:29:44+00:00

My perspective:

I do not really care what he does as long as we can have a comfortable lifestyle meaning a own home, holidays once a year, no issues to afford the bills, and free time activity for all of us.

Now I am studying in STEM and will have good paying jobs. So if he has a lower income then me he needs to be okey with taking care of the kids until they can go to school, so that I can climb the ladder to ensure the income.

If he does not want to be a stay-at-home-dad he either needs get working harder to earn more so we can afford the lifestyle or there won’t be a future because I won’t leave a promising past just because he won’t be a dad.

So in a way I get why woman are saying to leave, but for me it totally depends on how his priorities are.

Just mind you, that I do not live in the US so all of my expectations can be easily afford with a middle-class to high-middle class income!

87AudreyHorne · 2020-02-05T11:22:43+00:00

I so so dont. I HATE the type. No business corporate guys for me. I want someone chilled who likes to enjoy life and doesnt care about these things. Someone who'd rather have time to read a book than just make money, who has time to relax and discover more interesting things

SherbertBacon · 2020-02-05T12:17:41+00:00

inspired by threads on FDS and elsewhere,

Was it actually inspired by FDS? Who regularly post that it's about the ambition, investment, and independence? Who also have on their wiki that there's no $ attached to a HVM, but his mindset?

But what about guys who found a comfortable place in life and are happy being there?

He still has the potential to be a HVM, provided he meets the other qualifications listed in their handbook.

I constantly see men who enjoy relaxing, playing videogames, having a job that pays the bills but isn't too taxing, described as "losers".

Playing videogames in moderation is fine, but it's a stagnant hobby. Unless you can derive real passion and growth from playing vidya it's not much different from having "television" as a "hobby."

y point is, aren't there any women who would enjoy that sort of life?

What life? Watching a guy play videogames? Would you want that? And even if you would, the answer is still "no."

Is a high-powered career climber the only life worth living? What do you think?

You've created a false dichotomy. FDS looks for qualities in a man that reflect a growth mindset, self-respect, intrigue, passion for the world. Videogames and a low-key life just don't create that. It's not the fact that he plays videogames or has an average job. It's that he's not interested in growing or changing or challenging himself or others. A low-key life is a boring life, because the person living it is probably bored themselves.

goatismycopilot · 2020-02-05T10:27:44+00:00

Your description is too vague for me to answer. What is a job that that pays the bills but is not too taxing? Lots of low wage jobs can still be stressful. Yes there are women who will date a dude like that but they aren't the hot Stacey porn chicks the PPD guys all want.

ElderSign · 2020-02-05T12:24:14+00:00

Like attracts like. Comfortable/relaxed/lazy men attract comfortable/relaxed/lazy women (yo). Ambitious men attract ambitious women (whether that is ambitious appearance-maintenance-wise, domestically, or career-wise).

2020-02-05T11:59:52+00:00

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all for the kind of men women want. I value empathy and being good with kids above that so I tend to almost always go for teachers, counsellors, ‘healers’. Last guy I dated was a nurse. I’m in a STEM field myself, so I need someone that balances me out. I acknowledge that I will most likely be the breadwinner and I want someone that will take a more active role in childcare than I will be able to. I also lead a more alternative lifestyle so I need someone that is also on board with that. Video games aren’t an outright deal breaker, but if he’s playing daily and that’s his only/main hobby then I don’t think we’d get along.

So - I’m fine with an average income if he’s good with kids and okay with a lil gender role reversal, I have my own house so I don’t care where he lives (although I wouldn’t move into his apartment - I like my gardening wayyyy too much) and a gamer boy probably wouldn’t fit my lifestyle. Everyone’s got their own preferences

Opposedmoth · 2020-02-05T12:55:35+00:00

My guy is pretty much this dude. He earns ok money at a job he really enjoys (which is way more important to me). He lives in a townhouse with a roommate. He drives an ok car - not a shitter, but nothing flash. He plays video games.

I’m a professional. I earn about 50% more again than him. And I’m absolutely smitten with him. I’ve been with ‘career men’ in the past, and I can tell you hands down that my current guy is so much more attractive in every way. He’s intelligent, funny, kind, quirky, and interested in some really cool stuff. He absolutely oozes masculinity (more so than these fabled ‘alphas’) and he’s just generally sexy as hell.

So yeah. We exist. And I don’t think we are that rare.

Oncefa2 · 2020-02-05T13:09:57+00:00

Statically this does seem to be the case:

Ludwig, V., & Brüderl, J. (2018). Is there a male marital wage premium? New evidence from the United States. American Sociological Review, 83(4), 744-770. Abstract: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122418784909?journalCode=asra&

You've also hit on the primary reason for the earnings gap and the existence of gender roles (the ones that require men to work longer, harder hours, while women spend more time at home).

All of this literally starts in the dating world due to women's preferences in men.

eveleaf · 2020-02-05T22:33:14+00:00

My husband makes an average wage, lives in an apartment, and plays video games. (I also make an average wage, live in an apartment, and play video games.)

I wouldn't trade my guy for anyone else on earth. He's my favorite person, and the notion that I might have passed on him because he wasn't rich, or super aggressive about his career, is horrifying. I love him to bits. I love our life together. And our two average wages is more than enough to live comfortably (if a bit conservatively) and save for the future too.

Fieryirishplease · 2020-02-05T11:46:05+00:00

Nope. I made more money than my husband when we got together. He lived in a house share with his mother. He played copious amounts of video games. At the same time I didn't see him as a "project" I saw that I liked this person and I was happy to see how things go.

Now? We have moved to a new state, he made me a stay at home wife (at his behest and my enjoyment), he still loves to game and play league with the boys, and we are buying a home with just his income. Living in an apartment, having a non six figure income shouldn't be seen as a sign a man doesn't have dreams. Doing what is good to get by and enjoying life is not a sign of a loser at all. So long as bills are paid who the fuck cares? Live your life and don't kill yourself over having a certain lifestyle. It isn't worth it.

My husband works a job he loves, usually 40 hours a week unless he is doing a voluntary tour in another state to flex and make a bit of extra cash for frivolities like rebuilding our gaming computers.

NarniaFox · 2020-02-05T12:26:50+00:00

I think that really ambitious ladder climbers must be stressed as fuck. It's aspiring, yes, having a lot of money is great too, but it isn't always worth the trouble. I feel that having a stable comfortable life with a good job and a few hobbies is much nicer than cosplaying some wolves of wall street.

From the other hand, I wouldn't like being with someone, who is totally chill and has zero long-term plans, I'm in my 20s and it isn't the right time for being totally relaxed. My ideal income would allow us move into a bigger city, travel a few times a year and have a dog. But we probably will have to work and earn more, if we ever start planning to have children.

sublimemongrel · 2020-02-05T12:57:15+00:00

I did not when I was single although I would not have dated some guy with no career potential or motivation. Six figures plus is what I desired/expected for myself and now, married, my husband and I make about the same. I don’t care about video games at all but I would not be happy if that hobby or any hobby really consumed his life.

RF111164 · 2020-02-05T16:34:47+00:00

talking about how if a man still has an average income, if he still lives in an apartment, if he enjoys playing video games, you should dump him because there's no future. In other words, the only man worth being with is one on a perpetual path of ascension, career and money-wise.

Machiavellian mindset will get machiavellian guys who'll leave you for younger women ("a perpetual path of ascension", remember?)

pinkdrawings · 2020-02-07T16:46:15+00:00

No, but I'm also not like..drop dead pretty. I'd just like someone normal. Normal income, apartment is fine, video games are fine. I just want someone chill.

2020-02-05T13:54:51+00:00

They only want the money and the status. Dollars, euros, pesos, if you're rich, women look at you like you're an ATM. No woman wants a man like this if he doesn't have the six figure income part.

The world raised a generation of spoiled women that think they're entitled to have a man like this when all they have to offer is fake love and a used vagina dripping litters and litters of semen due to being used more than a fleshlight.

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mandoa_sky · 2020-02-05T10:21:20+00:00

well re the video games thing, unless said lady is a gamer too and plays the same games as her guy, what would they have in common?

SlashCo80 · 2020-02-05T12:42:19+00:00

[deleted]

azngirl7689 · 2020-02-05T13:02:06+00:00

The last part, yes. I’m an ambitious lady with big dreams and it’d be nice to have a male counterpart.

The first two are meh. I care about effort and follow through not money. Though...usually big dreams people make good money by having work ethic.

DrMcFoxyMD · 2020-02-05T13:06:34+00:00

I think women should look for a man with similar drive. If you’re not a highly motivated, passionate, driven person (and face it, most people aren’t) then expecting that in your man is wrong. You’re dooming that person to a life with your mediocrity.

If you are cool with having a high school diploma and a shit job, rock out with your bad self. Definitely try and do the best you can and get a man with better than you, but if they keep dumping you there may be a reason.

Look at the statistics of how many people in the US have a undergraduate and graduate degree. How many of you are in either category? Just as you don’t want someone undereducated, do you want to be with a man who wants someone less educated than he?

I’m highly educated and driven but money is not a motivating factor. I don’t want a man driven by profit.

2020-02-05T13:06:51+00:00

That or really good looking.

garbage_gemlin · 2020-02-05T13:33:37+00:00

I can’t say anything about all women here, and tbh I am in a bit of a bubble. Basically all people I know (except for my own family), men included, are upwardly mobile, college or university educated, good jobs, big plans for the future. None of my friends bfs or my boyfriend play video games more than once a month or so. I have one friends who is very career oriented and said she wants a stay at home husband but she wants a dude who would be productive all day, not play video games. In my personal view, I don’t really care too much about what salary my dude will make, but I myself am a driven person with goals for the future and I couldn’t would feel dragged down by somebody who doesn’t want to do the same things. My boyfriend and I have plans like, get good jobs and move to another country, travel, retire early, make passive incomes. If I wanted all of that and he wanted less, that doesn’t mean he wants the wrong things, but it means that we wouldn’t have compatible goals.

Im sure there are girls out there who also want to just chill, go to work, come home and relax. It depends on where though. My home town has a ton of people like that, who are not really interested in politics or social issues, enjoy partying, and typically just want to relax and have fun. The town I moved to is not like that at all.

Mulkvistee · 2020-02-05T14:45:11+00:00

It's less about the money and more about the attributes that come with it. I married someone whose started and sold one business then started another, and when I put the question as to why to him he said "I make money because I can't make time." He likes the autonomy that comes from being his own boss, he likes to pick and choose when he wants to travel for work and not have to answer to anyone if I go too or he brings a kid, or some days say fuck it and work from home. He's very involved with his kids because his life is designed to allow for what he thinks matters.

He does seek out novelty, rarely says no for the sake of saying no, and is extremely interested in the world and people around him. My personal hell would be to end up with some crochety old bugger that thinks bonding is fighting over who mows the lawn or if the coupons for his favorite soup were cut who thinks a good time is staying home and screaming at the news on TV. Hard pass.

Instead I do a lot of what I want to do, the trade off is he's basically a professional boundary pusher. But I'd rather spend time with that brand of person than someone who wants to throw a lackluster fuck my way because the router is busted.

misiepatysie · 2020-02-05T15:39:54+00:00

I can only say for myslef. I have my own apartment where we live with my SO. I earn money so I need him to earn just enough to contribute to expenses. I expect him to play video games as it is also my hobby and I like to do hobbies together. His dreams should allign with mine: so no kids, a dog, moderate social life and a stable job.

CatchPhraze · 2020-02-05T16:02:23+00:00

Yeah most women want a family and that requires a safety net and a higher standard of living. Most women also expect to do the majority of the childcare and be full time workers. If he can't at least match you Fincical contribution he's failed on all fronts.

It's more about growing as a family to women. Even childfree women are going to want to replace the family unit with things like travel, and a low earning home body just isn't compatible

ontherailstoday · 2020-02-05T16:22:09+00:00

I didn't expect all that... but then again I was a short, dumpy bucktoothed socially-inept girl with a receding chin and thin hair. I probably would have expected at least some of that if I was tall, willowy, athletic, social and had a pretty face. And why not? People have a right to expect to choose from what is available to them. They also have the right to refuse to choose anything or to better themselves to increase their choices.

I do however think it is reasonable for any woman to expect that if a man wishes to be with her and has declared so in the most definite of manners, that he stop playing several hours of computer games on a daily basis to be with her. I mean seriously, your mother may be OK with that, you just working and gaming and that's all you do, but it is not in the least bit an appealing thing in a partner. If your partner works she's going to be un-amused to come home and find she's it for all the work around the house... if she is a stay at home she's going to be hella lonely if you don't socialize with her when you get home. Whichever way it goes, if you're a heavy gamer and don't marry another heavy gamer and not have kids you will probably need to change to sustain a LTR.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-02-05T17:21:18+00:00

I know a lot of ambitious, successful(career wise ) women who have coupled up with a chill guy who makes less than them career wise. The point of attraction was the emotional , or physical or intellectual chemistry instead of the man being able to financially provide. I suspect that the changing tide from education levels and percentage of workforce being higher for women versus men will make that stereotypical desire for a career/high earning guy to decline.

Physiologist21 · 2020-02-05T19:51:23+00:00

Of course because why should your SO have their own set of ideals unless they directly improve your life for no specific reason lol.

createweirdstories · 2020-02-05T20:04:59+00:00

Well maybe not past 30 still in an apartment (I'm a hypocrite cos I'm poor & past 30) but he doesn't have to be that rich. He can make up for that in either looks or just being a cuckold.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-02-05T23:47:52+00:00

Youre committing the false ditchonomy fallacy. FDS is saying dont stay with manchildren, which is a very valid advice. That doesnt automatically mean you have to be perfect.

2020-02-06T04:14:52+00:00

Women want to be with a man with social proof/status as a way to elevate their own social status. Men who work at a gas station and play a lot of video games generally do not have status, per normie standards.

That being said, there are niches that don't require ambitious ladder-climbing that you can be high-status in, and appeal to those women.

petit_lu-cyinthesky · 2020-02-06T20:37:14+00:00

Stop thinking "women want this" or "women like that". Just as men, women are people, not a homogenous blob; they all want, like, and aspire to different things.

eboy4hire · 2020-02-08T05:02:20+00:00

This kind of shuts down most of the debate points of this sub, but the key is being good looking. You can do whatever you want if you're good looking. Otherwise people will find something to exploit you for.

ultimatecool12 · 2020-02-11T15:18:21+00:00

All women want a Chad hunter eyed serial killer millionaire extraordinaire.

Boring enlightenment chill types are like so boring and so disgusting to women eyes.

chomponthebit · 2020-02-05T14:57:40+00:00

Most women wait at the finish lines to fuck the winners. A few women help men become winners (like Conor McGregor’s SO, Dee)

gimpgirl555 · 2020-02-05T10:38:19+00:00

In other words, the only man worth being with is one on a perpetual path of ascension, career and money-wise.

Most women reason that way. But most women are also losers who can't have a career of their own, which is why they want a man to do it for them.

I constantly see men who enjoy relaxing, playing videogames, having a job that pays the bills but isn't too taxing, described as "losers". My point is, aren't there any women who would enjoy that sort of life?

Nope. But many women will settle for it anyway because they don't have any other options.

Is a high-powered career climber the only life worth living? What do you think?

Being a career climber is a terrible life. I advise against it.

Title	Do all women desire/expect a man with a high-powered career, six figure income, and big dreams for the future?
Author	SlashCo80
Upvotes	26
Comments	165
Date	February 5, 2020 10:17 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ez7i4c/do_all_women_desireexpect_a_man_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-all-women-desireexpect-a-man-with-a-high.330547 https://theredarchive.com/post/330547

Comments

Ludwig, V., & Brüderl, J. (2018). Is there a male marital wage premium? New evidence from the United States. American Sociological Review, 83(4), 744-770. Abstract: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122418784909?journalCode=asra&