"Get out there and meet women" - what do people have in mind when they say stuff like this?

tritter211 · 2020-02-22T14:58:48+00:00

In modern day and times, most of us won't bother with strangers all that much unless you get an indicator of interest from a woman to proceed your approach.

So you have 2 choices: go the OLD way, get preselected from those sites, and set up a date.

Or you just do your own hobbies, travel to different places where people congregate and hope you find a girl who shows interest towards you.

bonusfruit · 2020-02-22T13:48:39+00:00

Normies trying to teach spergs how to be normal. It just doesn't work

decoy88 · 2020-02-22T15:44:37+00:00

Leave your apartment/house
Look nice when you do
Go somewhere where there are other people around. Talk to them.
(Preferably somewhere where it's not 95% dudes)
Have the attitude of "I'm going to have fun" even if you don't meet someone who will let you stick your dick inside them, because that usually doesn't happen. And if it does, you'll want to be enjoying yourself already.

That's it. Maybe there's a 1-in-30 chance you meet a dateable girl. That means that if you do the above once a day, you'll find a girl in a month. And you'll have 29 other fun, interesting experiences to talk to her about.

Say yes to stuff. Talk to everyone. Quit acting (or more commonly, not acting) out of fear. Stop letting your brain tell you no. "Oh that guy has a cool shirt." Tell him! The odds might be very small that you'll make a new best friend, but the odds are pretty high that you'll make yourself a friendlier person, and the odds of that happening alone in the dark in front of a screen are 0%.

You might think that you'd enjoy going home and playing video games more than, say, talking to your elderly neighbor, but in two weeks you're going to remember the story that nice old lady told you about her grandkids and it will make you smile. You won't remember the five hours you spent grinding at your game. And if you ever have people over, you can tell them about Gladys who lives three houses down, and they'll like you for it.

This stuff builds on itself. It's not instantaneous, it's not fair (some people are more attractive or have more opportunities than others), there's a large degree of randomness, and it's uncomfortable at first. All of those things are reasons to do a lot of it. It'll go faster, you'll get more opportunities, the numbers will work out in your favor at some point, and when they do, you'll have a pretty good idea of what to do.

Zippo-Cat · 2020-02-22T15:34:02+00:00

what do people have in mind when they say stuff like this?

"Get out of my face"

Christian_Kong · 2020-02-22T18:01:46+00:00

It usually means: "I'm tired of/have no answer for this situation so go figure it out yourself."

justwanttosubscribe · 2020-02-23T00:42:27+00:00

The advice in this thread sucks.

"Go out to bars" doesn't work. Everyone is at bars with friends and are there to drink with their friends. I have been to bars alone a lot and it never works. It's just not the kind of environment anymore to go alone and meet people.

"Go out to coffee" been doing this for years and nothing will EVER happen

The advice in this thread is just the same blue pilled stuff we see over and over. Meeting people basically requires you ALREADY have a social circle and you are lucky enough to be around women your age a lot and end up being in the same places.

"Go out and talk to people" itself basically never works. Something else needs to happen. Usually you need to be lucky in SOME way that you end up meeting people who also want to go to bars and stuff with you

Also stuff like meetups online hardly ever work, it's mostly older people who go and events don't even happen that often

GennyX · 2020-02-22T13:23:35+00:00

It means, develop a healthy social life.

blackedoutfast · 2020-02-22T22:20:10+00:00

If you don't understand this, it probably means you either have a basically non-existent social life or your social circles are stagnant and consist mostly of low value introverts who only socialize with each other. You probably need to focus on making more/better friends first. Don't go out with the goal of getting laid. Go out so you can have fun and meet new people and have interesting experiences.

You need to get outside of your comfort zone. Yes be more outgoing. Yes go to bars/clubs/coffeeshops on your own if you don't have anyone to go with (not malls tho wtf it's 2020 malls are dead). Go see random bands. Go to a wine/beer festival. Go wander around in whatever downtown type area and just explore. You may not realize this, but bars and clubs and festivals and all that are really just an excuse for people to socialize and meet new people.

And yes definitely talk to strangers while you're doing this.

Don't go to a bar or whatever and then silently sit in the corner nursing your drink fucking with your phone and avoiding eye contact. Talk to people. Just start shooting the shit about what you're drinking or the sportsball game on tv or whatever. If you see a guy wearing a cool watch or a girl wearing a stylish outfit, mention that to them (not in a creepy way). Then just keep asking followup questions and it becomes a conversation.

If someone seems annoyed or isn't very chatty back to you leave them alone and talk to someone else. But a lot of people will be happy to chit-chat with a complete stranger in situations like that. Most of the time it never goes anywhere and you never see them again or even learn their name. But sometimes you'll meet someone and really hit it off and some of these people will turn into friends or hookups or girlfriends or who knows.

flamingoinghome · 2020-02-22T15:56:52+00:00

You are supposed to go to bars and parties. On your own or with one or two friends. Get a drink. Try and catch a woman's eye. If she seems amenable/smiles, go over and talk to her about something--the weather, or work, or the latest big news item, or the book you see she's reading. Whatever.

You also--and i know this is controversial advice around here--will need to make more friends.

CMOAN_MAYNE · 2020-02-22T16:33:17+00:00

You gotta set yourself up for success.

Most of human discipline can be boiled down to putting yourself in an environment that suits your goals.

TotalTravesty · 2020-02-22T17:50:01+00:00

Shyness and social anxiety are real. It’s a challenge to live with (I don’t think you ever fully overcome it) and takes a lot of practice, time, effort and tears. But there are two things you mentioned in the OP that will doom anyone before the shyness can:

1: Considering developing a social life as “jumping through hoops.”

2: Developing a social life just to get laid.

Those two attitudes are indicators of someone who just fundamentally doesn’t like people. And that’s fine—I guess. But if you consider other people some kind of chore then nobody is going to want to be around you.

Other people probably have more effective advice about what to do, but I just wanted to throw it out there: if you simply don’t like people, don’t be around people.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-02-22T18:01:32+00:00

I'm not RP but yes go to bars and pubs. You dont need to do loud clubs if you're not really into that scene, but the mood is set when there is alcohol, night time, socializing... you can start talking more easily, alcohol makes it all smoother even when stupid, friends are there to take the heat off.

Just go with 2 uglier but social guy friends and merge with a group of girls.

Encourage shots, play drinking games etc. so everyone is fun drunk

ontherailstoday · 2020-02-22T18:03:34+00:00

> However, here's the thing: putting yourself out there for the sole purpose of getting laid is counter-intuitive.

That's because it is the primary or initial purpose.. and you can intuitively add other purposes to create a synergy between your purposes.

So you want to meet women and you're going to go out more to implement this. Great! What's some other things you want to do with your life? Fitness? You can do that outside them home in social contexts. Competition? That's available outside the home in social contexts. Male friends? They are available outside the home in social contexts. Expand your mind and new experiences? that too!

> When you try and do it for long enough, you'll eventually be told by similar folk that you shouldn't actually try to meet women on purpose, but instead have it happen as a by-product of doing something bigger.

Absolutely! You need a something bigger that includes many many different things including meeting girls.

> So it depends on your situation then. Whether you're at school, college, work, travel etc

You are in control over a great amount of your situation. A lot of people have at least four hours a day on weekdays and at least 8 hours a day on weekends that they fritter away on all sorts of stuff. You can choose something else in that time. Even at school or work you have some choices to make. For example what are you doing on your lunch hour... are you hunkered down with your phone or talking to your workmates? You find out lots of stuff if you talk to your workmates, opportunities open up, turns out the middle aged dude has a boat and likes to go fishing... maybe you want to go too... oh look now your facebook is full of photos of you on a boat and you've got a hobby you know a bit about and another option for getitng to know people.

> what exactly do RPers and their ilk have in mind when it comes to meeting women?

Be someone with a diverse, proactive and participatory social life.

> Are men supposed to go to bars / clubs on their own? Sit in a coffee shop? Go to malls?

When you can see some synergy for you in that. I mean let's say you've picked up an interest in warhammer and there's a shop that sells your stuff. Off you go, buy your stuff. Maybe you feel like a coffee... don't get coffee at the drive through and drink it in your lonely vehicle, sit down and borrow the free loan newspaper, and drink your coffee and every so often glance up and look around at the people. Why are they there, what are they doing, what brings them to this, what is their motive, what is THEIR synergy? You see an acceptable looking and behaving girl say goodbye and peel off from her friends to go to the art supplies shop. What do you think she's doing, where do you think she's being all the rest of the time? Have you ever been to a drawing class? Why not? What do other people see in drawing anyway and why don't you see that in drawing?

Have some thoughts about the other people around you. Don't just think in ways that close yourself down and keep you at home, think in ways that open yourself up to engaging the world.

You meet people by having a life. You get a whole lot of things by having a life.. contacts, opportunities, knowledge. You get the life you want by OBSERVING, THINKING, UNDERSTANDING and then TAKING ACTION TO PARTICIPATE. You can't observe unless you are out in it. You can't think and understand unless you distance yourself from your specific goals just a tiny bit to allow yourself the space. "what am I doing at this shopping centre, alone drinking coffee?" you're observing and thinking and understanding in one of the spaces you're just allowed to be around other people without excuse.

chocolatefondant21 · 2020-02-22T19:04:37+00:00

Why is your focus on getting laid? Most women are repelled by this If they sense you just want to get in their pants. Better to get to know women as people and then maybe one of them will take interest in you.

jalapenopancakes · 2020-02-22T13:16:03+00:00

Have hobbies that aren’t sitting at your computer all day. Go find the groups of people who do those things.

Professional orgs. Meetup.com. Music festivals and concerts. Trivia night. Karaoke. A fucking book club. Take an art class. Intramural co Ed sports. A fitness group.

2020-02-22T18:29:11+00:00

I'm not TRP, but I am a big fan of telling men to 'get out there'. It works in two ways. The first is to hone your social skills to make you more sexually attractive, and the second is to open up your social life so you do meet other women.

It's not about hanging in malls or coffee shops. Most couples meet through their mutual friends. The more social gatherings you go to, the more women you meet.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-02-22T19:08:04+00:00

"Get out there and meet women" - what do people have in mind when they say stuff like this?

If I had to guess, exactly what it sounds like. Go out to places where people congregate, like bars, clubs, college campuses, concerts or other similar places and events, and be social with women, specifically.

However, here's the thing: putting yourself out there for the sole purpose of getting laid is counter-intuitive. When you try and do it for long enough, you'll eventually be told by similar folk that you shouldn't actually try to meet women on purpose, but instead have it happen as a by-product of doing something bigger.

Guys who are only looking for sex aren't interested in actually getting to know and/or relate to the women on a personal level. The most successful guys are the guys who make everything appear natural, or like there is "something bigger" going on when there actually isn't, which takes a glorious amount of social skills (or psychopathy) to pull off. That's why TRP pushes the "fake it 'til you make it" line. Experience is the only thing that will get you to where you want without making women and sex a major focus of your actions.

41013 · 2020-02-22T20:15:49+00:00

They mean, “stop whining, ya housebound loser”

Red__Blue · 2020-02-22T20:44:14+00:00

Go to dance classes.

Go to a dance club.

Join a book club.

Visit a park and bring your dog. If you don't have a dog, get one. If you don't have a park, walk to one.

Take an art class.

Go to the beach and surf ( or take a class)

If you can't find clubs and recommended places to go to: you're not integrated into your community locally.

Go to church, read local library board, visit a community service group, become a freemason, join some local infrastructure that gives you options and opportunities.

So my question is, what exactly do RPers and their ilk have in mind when it comes to meeting women? Are men supposed to go to bars / clubs on their own? Sit in a coffee shop? Go to malls?

You can also do that. Red Pillers just want you to recognize that you have the capacity and the right to walk up to someone and say "hello" to people because you want to. You don't need an excuse or a reason: you are the reason.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2020-02-22T13:00:39+00:00

So PPD, how the fuck do you meet women in the first place?

Go to bars/clubs alone. Meet fun people and then go to things with them like parties, others bars/clubs, etc.

Go to groups oriented around hobbies that you have/might enjoy and meet people there. Eventually, some of them will want to do something social.

putting yourself out there for the sole purpose of getting laid is counter-intuitive

You should never go out with the sole goal of getting laid, unless you know what you're doing. In general, go out to places where the sex ratio is decent and there's a party vibe. Pick some combo of nightlife that you enjoy, nightlife that has a decent number of women, and nightlife where the vibe is right for casual sex (i.e. drinking, drugs, dancing, people you vibe with).

MDBVer2 · 2020-02-22T13:03:12+00:00

Go and subject yourself to a couple weeks to months worth of rejection until you are desensitized and numb, or breakdown and get stuck in a cycle of wondering why you're so repulsive despite your best efforts not to be.

I mean, realistically, these are the outcomes. The idea of throwing shit at the wall and hoping something will eventually stick is just stupid. Everyone has an overall chance of finding a date, male or female, and that chance is largely determined by things about themselves they cannot change.

superlurkage · 2020-02-22T16:46:28+00:00

Don’t sit in your house and bitch on Reddit instead of going out to a bar or doing something to improve yourself.

You know, the very thing you’re doing right now

passepar2t · 2020-02-22T13:06:24+00:00

Back when I was more social, I used to go to a bunch of house parties through friends and friends of friends. My friend and I often threw our own parties either at our house or on the beach, around a bonfire. I also met a few people at rave-related events.

At some point, I started meeting people through grad school and later through work-related hangouts (a bunch of city reporters from different papers that used to drink together.)

When I lived in foreign countries, I would hang out with people from the expat community, they usually threw parties or hangouts on a regular basis.

Finally, I was part of an IRC community full of nerd roleplayers and I got with a number of girls from that.

AnActualPerson · 2020-02-22T16:04:20+00:00

last night i took out some of my bf's hs friends (who are, unironically, scrawny indian and asian guys) and i forced them to talk to a group of girls. some of them hit it off. at a karaoke lounge/bar set up. it happens. 🤷 half the battle is showing up.

Zero_The-Hero · 2020-02-22T16:32:37+00:00

Live life

ifelsedowhile · 2020-02-22T16:46:19+00:00

Have a circle of friends and acquaintances large enough and eventually you will have your chance at beta bucking.

largepaycheckaddict · 2020-02-22T18:05:47+00:00

Stop thinking too much about “rules” and just do what you want or what feels right. See a cute girl in a record store checking out a band you like? Go chat her up. Yeah chicks complain about this but what else are you gonna do to get a date- honestly. This is where going to the gym and working on your aesthetics help. The hotter of a dude you are the less likely she is to be “creeped out” or annoyed. It’s women’s default nature to be hospitable and nurturing so there’s a good chance she’ll still be a nice person even if she’s rejecting your approach.

Personally, OLD works great for me and I prefer it over all other methods at this point.. although it depends on location. It’s good for big cities where women might have recently moved there for work or university or something, but in your podunk suburban town it can be a real cesspool of low quality potential partners.

I hate night game. I’m personally not interested in meeting women who go out drinking every weekend or hitting up clubs. Just not my style. I only really like going to a bar or club if I’m with a good group of friends, but even then I find it kind of depressing because you’re just surrounded by drunken stupidity and trashy behavior.

I don’t think I’ve ever honestly chatted up a girl in a coffee shop or regular day game setting. I’m on autopilot a lot in those places or don’t see any women I find attractive or my type. But then again I’ve never gone out to the mall or coffee shop with the sole purpose of meeting women.

Even though OLD was laughed at back in the day as being for people who can’t meet someone IRL.. I really think it’s the future for most people.

2020-02-22T20:08:24+00:00

Post normal people with healthy social lives meet and are introduced to one another quite frequently.

OXOzymandias · 2020-02-22T22:01:43+00:00

I love that people are telling you to just go out and to have fun.

The issue here is even me, as a fairly social guy, i have more fun inside XD.

I mean lets be honest if i had no sexual urges or the want to get a gf i would never leave my place, expect to go at the gym, college, job, a few gathering with the boyos and my club meeting twice a week, THAT IS IT.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-02-23T04:04:21+00:00

When I wanted to expand my social group, I’d have a brunch meal, or invite a group of people out to a fair. I’d select these groups of people from a long list of people I’ve topically met by attending get-togethers with other friends or coworkers. I’m pretty misanthropic, so I only tend to like about 10% of the people I meet at the average social function, but of those 10%, I tend to like an additional 10% of the new people they introduce me to.

The more people I actually like, the more likely I am to meet someone as chill and like-minded as I am. Especially so, since I actually know how to communicate my personality in a way that pretty much anywhere I go, I have people saying “You have to meet my friend so-and-so, I bet you’d get along.” So I’ll meet old so-and-so because even if I don’t really like them, there’s a chance I could get along with some of their friends, so I put them on my list of people to invite along next time I go out to a thing and because I’m a delight to get along with, they put me in theirs.

Meet enough people and 1.) learn how to be choosier about what personality traits you can take or leave 2.) you get better at integrating into all social settings, including ones where you meet women. It essentially is the process through which you learn how to Not Be Awkward. It’s a skill that requires practice , like all skills.

twennysvn · 2020-02-23T05:21:03+00:00

It means stop asking questions and accept your role as an asexual worker drone.

azngirl7689 · 2020-02-22T16:16:32+00:00

Go outside and hang out with people. People know women who know women. Etc etc.

Making connections is how you get things not by scrolling a phone and hoping people come to you.

ctrl_f_sauce · 2020-02-22T16:48:10+00:00

Literally go outside and meet women. Go to church and talk to women. Go to the grocery store and talk to women. Join a social athletic league and talk to women.

Make yourself uncomfortable.

XtoDoubt · 2020-02-22T13:12:31+00:00

Cold approach at bars and clubs. Cold approach during the day in the street. Use dating apps. Obviously, there's techniques you should learn about beforehand but it's really as straightforward as that. You're going to get rejected. A lot. But that's the nature of pickup.

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PierceTheEye · 2020-02-22T16:48:01+00:00

This is what they mean

sadomasochrist · 2020-02-22T17:28:02+00:00

I mean they're right, doesn't matter how. But it does remind me of this from It's Always Sunny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siAbiwPyccg

grand_tiremaster · 2020-02-22T18:25:53+00:00

I think dog walking and going to dog parks is a real good way to meet others. If you have a dog of course.. if not, then perhaps meet ups or congregations of other hobbies. Go to a reptile show or something.

HerosEnd · 2020-02-23T09:03:00+00:00

Nothing. They're literally stupid.

MrHerbSherman · 2020-02-23T16:35:49+00:00

Hang out in public places

Do activities outside

Talk to the women there

Show intent, not too little not too much

EverytingsShinyCaptn · 2020-02-25T15:48:20+00:00

I've often wondered the answer to this question. I live in a small town, and despite having a relatively large social circle and going out quite often, I meet zero women that are my age, single, and interested in me. Online dating doesn't work and meeting irl seems impossible for me. i have zero luck chatting people up in bars and clubs, and my friend circle has never introduced me to a woman that was single or into me. Both hooking up and getting to know someone over a longer period of time can't happen if you don't meet anyone in the first place, and it's really starting to feel like there's no-one to meet.

Feels bad man.

I now interpret "get out there" as meaning The Philippines, as it's a totally different ballgame out there.

uezo · 2020-02-22T21:28:24+00:00

ITT: normies being normies.

Starting and continuing a conversation with a stranger is physically and mentally painful for me, much more if it's a girl my age that I'm attracted to.

I actively go out with friends and no women has ever shown hints of being interested for the last 4 years.

rus9384 · 2020-02-22T17:46:38+00:00

Messaging women on social media (networks).

The point is, you will add her on social media anyway even if you cold approach her somewhere.

Erramayhem89 · 2020-02-23T01:55:33+00:00

I spent years being social and going to clubs and bars and nothing ever worked. I still hated being in those settings. LOL at the advice telling FA introverted men to go to bars and be more social bro. Even when i went to these places i never got more than a 2nd date with any girl that wasn't an ugly troll. And i'm like a solid 7.

For introverts it isn't that easy to just be social bro.

Title	"Get out there and meet women" - what do people have in mind when they say stuff like this?
Author	nonedat
Upvotes	64
Comments	146
Date	February 22, 2020 12:26 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/f7rws5/get_out_there_and_meet_women_what_do_people_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/get-out-there-and-meet-women-what-do-people-have.338041 https://theredarchive.com/post/338041

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