would you date a single mom and if not why not?

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2020-04-13T16:31:17+00:00

Date? Like have sex with more than once?

Sure why not

Speaker7 · 2020-04-13T16:42:35+00:00

No, because I'll never be the focus of her world. Her children should be and that's cool. I'm not into BB let alone for someone else's children. Not for me.

Troy016 · 2020-04-13T16:34:55+00:00

No. Risky as shit. You’ll never be a priority. Kid will not like you. Baby daddy gonnna be around, too much drama, likely to fuck you too lmao. My resources going to a kid that’s not mine. Just a big ass red flag

jax006 · 2020-04-13T16:43:24+00:00

Hell ya.

If you're a bottom 80% beta-type guy, you can easily punch like 3 points up by dating a single mom. Being a caring dude with a good job is like being God to those girls.

You just have to deal with letting them down when things inevitably get too serious or she tries to start making you step-dad. Which sucks... But might be worth it if you're thirsty enough.

princelydeeds · 2020-04-13T16:57:55+00:00

In my 20s or 30s hell no!!!

Later in life, the dynamic changes because everyone has kids.

Women with kids were a very low priority unless they are simply outstanding and amazing in every other way (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, availability, FINANCIALLY). Even if the woman meets all of these factors, then the kid has to also be sufferable and she has to treat the kid and me in a manner in which I find acceptable. Women this Amazing are usually not single. Since I don't believe in unicorns... No!

babystarboyx · 2020-04-13T16:32:04+00:00

Fuck that

Joey_Lopez · 2020-04-13T16:35:28+00:00

no.

There are better alternatives out there. Why would anyone date a single mom since there are women with no kids out there?

Zero_The-Hero · 2020-04-13T17:20:00+00:00

Where do I begin?

I’m 26 and don’t want to be a father yet
Why should I raise another man’s child?
Awkwardness of dealing with baby daddy.
raising child takes a lot of time and resources
She has a special connection to the father.
The child will one day seek out a connection with their “real father”
In younger years it’s a sign of poor impulse control
And I’m naturally less attracted to them probably biology.
I wanna be someone’s one and only baby’s daddy.
They need help, so they might be more desperate.
No women is awesome enough to make me go after her instead of childless women.

Joey_Lopez · 2020-04-13T16:42:48+00:00

I used to date single moms when I was younger and I looked at relationships as just an arrangement to get sex on demand.

Now that I'm older I don't date single moms because I want a family of my own, not another man's family. I also don't want to be second to another man and I don't want to spend any money on a kid that isn't mine.

WIA20XX · 2020-04-13T17:17:31+00:00

Fuck? All day.

Wife up? You have got to be shitting me.

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-04-13T20:01:01+00:00

This question gets posted a lot.

Most of those self proclaimed single moms, are´nt single moms because they get child support from dad. They are divorced women and as such they are not LTR material.

Single moms are the lowest of the lowest. They got pumped and left with a kid. Daddy is unknown. They are not LTR material.

The only women with kids, who are potential LTR material are widows. If her husband died in an accident ofcourse. Because if he died from drug abuse, she is hard pass too.

No one with options counsciously dates single moms.

JesterMcGavin · 2020-04-13T16:47:49+00:00

[deleted]

Visserman75 · 2020-04-13T16:38:47+00:00

Maybe when I am 50 years old

dylang92 · 2020-04-13T17:16:38+00:00

Am I single dad? If not, then no. Lots of stuff to go through here, baby daddy drama, I won’t be any sort of priority (rightly so), it’s not my kid so I don’t want to be possibly responsible for another man’s kid that isn’t my brother or cousin or whatever. In the end, it won’t be my kid, so I don’t feel like it should be my responsibility to take care of it and dating a single mom would involve you having to do it in some way, shape, or form. Self-centered? Maybe, but again why should I throw work into someone else’s kid?

Barely-moral · 2020-04-13T17:29:18+00:00

No.

A single mom is either a good mother and puts her child first (sucks for me because I will never be a priority) or she is a terrible mother that doesn't (sucks for me because I don't want to asociate with trash)

So no. No no no no no no no.

CentralAdmin · 2020-04-13T16:59:13+00:00

No. And it was hard as hell to avoid them when I was in my 20s. There were 18 and 19 year old women with kids. I gave up after a while until I met women without kids.

Single moms are good for casual sex. If they're older, they've lowered their expectations and don't expect you to commit. The younger ones still delude themselves into thinking they're worth more because they scored a babysitter to hit up the klurb on Saturday night.

But generally speaking, it's difficult to date a single mom. She will never prioritise you. Her kids come first. If she has a good relationship with her ex or the kids' dad(s) that can help but you'll never know if they're still secretly hooking up. Many single moms still want the baby's daddy to commit. If she has a terrible relationship with the ex, you know she makes poor decisions or she could have driven him away. Both are red flags.

You also get single mom's who think they're entitled to only the best and that their single mom status is a sign they're worth more. We've raised a generation of women who believe they're queens because they fulfilled a biological function. Nevermind that they tend to raise kids in poverty, made poor decisions and may never have a normal relationship again. They're all queens who deserve a tall, good looking, financially stable guy who will ~~bail them out~~ provide for her and her kids. The worst are the ones who want single men who have no kids because they don't want baby mama drama. How ironic.

Men don't find this appealing at all. When men tell women this stuff, women get really offended and shame men for not wanting 'man up'. That's a terrible way to try to convince someone single moms are worth the effort because it just reveals more entitlement.

ramaga · 2020-04-13T19:57:06+00:00

I'm in my late 40s and I would never date a single mom. Why eat off a plate that has another man's leftovers on it?

IWTKMBATMOAPTDI · 2020-04-13T16:36:53+00:00

Absolutely not. I don't like kids so there's already a fundamental incompatibility present. Even if I did I wouldn't want to raise someone else's kid.

XtoDoubt · 2020-04-13T16:43:12+00:00

I'd spin her as a plate. I'd never meet her kids. This might change as I age. At a certain point, they've all got kids.

missile · 2020-04-13T16:59:54+00:00

If I were single... no probably not. They're a poor choice for both the short term and the long term. In the short term, a large fraction of her time and energy will be taken up with her children. In the long term, every child she already has is one less child of yours that she'll be able or willing to have, all other things being equal.

Exception: if I were a single dad, a single mom could be a potentially good choice, due to our similar situations. Whether it leads to a blended family, or a more casual pairing, single mom's opposite numbers are single dads.

PapaPinyun · 2020-04-13T17:06:26+00:00

Didn't we just do this?

same answer- hell yeah. I would like to get with most of the single mothers that I know.

The ones with awful kids do however register as less desirable to me.

especially if the kid is, 6, 8 or so, older, then you get an unskilled helper with the deal and all it costs is a few charming moments where you impress a gullible halfwit.

SeemedGood · 2020-04-13T17:22:17+00:00

Before I was familiar enough with women to understand how they think it wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. It just would have been something to work around, no biggie.

Now, no way. Would be casual sex only.

kradient · 2020-04-13T16:37:01+00:00

I’m 25 lol why tf

Meydra · 2020-04-13T16:59:09+00:00

No. Because I don't necessarily want children of my own (except if the person I'm with is very special) and I sure as hell don't want another man's children.

MuleFool42 · 2020-04-13T17:21:43+00:00

I would only date them casually and as a fwb option. For single moms, you're always secondary to the kids, so you really don't want to commit to a situation like that. And you absolutely don't want to marry - doing that means taking responsibility for her kids as well, and that's the father's job.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-04-13T18:07:51+00:00

A man will if the mom is pretty enough and if his self-esteem is low enough. Men who have standards will not even “shop” for that.

Rahim556 · 2020-04-13T18:21:46+00:00

I have before. Assuming I was single now I would never do so again. One of the main reasons is you will never come first. You're signing up to come 2nd, or 3rd or whatever. I'm not ok with that.

babylyalka · 2020-04-13T19:18:28+00:00

Women need to see threads like this. I think way, way more women would abort after birth control failure if they knew they were the shit on society’s shoe.

2020-04-13T20:06:34+00:00

Plate/FWB sure

LTR, no

2020-04-13T16:44:31+00:00

Depends entirely on the woman and the dynamic between her and the childs father. Lots of drama and a woman that ignores you and treats you like shit? Well, it's a no brainer. I wouldn't go near her with a 10 foot barge pole. If things were chill, she was a good woman and she was invested in more than just her child? I'd consider it.

Swift-the-Gift · 2020-04-13T16:44:39+00:00

Not my first choice.

I think the simplest answer is that it is incredibly unbalanced as far as prioritization and time. I have the ability to prioritize her to the top and give her all of my time if I so choose. Which means we have a healthy space of how much attention and time - from none to all - that can match our relationship at whatever stage.

She, however, could do the same - but that would make me question her judgment. Like, your kid should be your highest priority and be given a significant amount of time. This creates the imbalance.

Some single moms have a good support structure and find a balance and I tip my hat to those that can and the men that date them. I would imagine this is the exception not the rule.

And also the age of the child is relevant in the conversation.

Ressurwr3kd · 2020-04-13T16:45:03+00:00

No because I don't even want kids of my own. Dating a single mom is a super complicated situation and since I'm young, it would probably be a lot less fun.

ThisIsMyAccount135 · 2020-04-13T17:03:50+00:00

Hell no.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-04-13T18:07:46+00:00

Absolutely fucking not.

I will never be priority. I will always have to jump around other person's schedule. Forget about spontaneous fun. Forget about long holiday trips to exotic places. Forget about city breaks outside the holiday season.

And of course one has to live with the fact that either their kid will hate you or you will bond with them and eventually see them go.

And I haven't even started touching on the money subject.

CraptainToad · 2020-04-13T18:08:28+00:00

if I was older and already had a kid.

In my 20s and 30s hell nah

2020-04-13T18:10:20+00:00

Nope. Never. No way. I saw my cousin do that. Years of heartache

TomahawkSuppository · 2020-04-13T18:22:36+00:00

No fucking way.

Teflon08191 · 2020-04-13T18:28:36+00:00

No.

My resources go to my kids. Her kid will never be my kid, no matter what her association is with me.

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-04-13T18:46:44+00:00

If she’s hot and her kids don’t get in the way of our fucking.

2020-04-13T19:16:16+00:00

Nope, I have no intention of having anything to do with another man's child. There's also a visceral distaste I feel toward them knowing they chose to have children with someone who eventually left, barring extreme circumstances, for example, he died of an illness, then I wan't even less to do with her because you ain't living up to the memory of a dead man.

eboy4hire · 2020-04-13T20:53:37+00:00

I actually have a compromise for this. If I can be a stay at home dad, then I will date a single mom.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-04-13T22:20:11+00:00

Yes, b/c I'm a single dad. We're not so rare anymore.

maljo24 · 2020-04-13T18:34:04+00:00

Yes. First of all, you know they put out.

Second, these are usually wonderful women who married jerks. No one is perfect.

Third, they have relationship experience, are mature and highly motivated to make her partner happy.

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901735 · 2020-04-13T16:57:16+00:00

Title says it all.

and if not why not?

It truly does. LOL

Until you heal your wounds, you'll just bleed on anyone who gets close to you. And your children, the fear, your hunger, is insatiable.

That said, good luck, I hope you do find your prince charming.

wtknight · 2020-04-13T17:24:32+00:00

Sure, if I liked how she looked and liked her personality enough, but if she got pregnant through casual sex then that would be a no. When I was younger I preferred women who did not already have kids, though.

JesterMcGavin · 2020-04-13T17:40:42+00:00

Hell to the no

throwawaygang21 · 2020-04-13T18:47:23+00:00

like seriously date? No, maybe later on in life when I'm older, but for right now issa no.

DeuxPistolets · 2020-04-13T20:06:54+00:00

Some one asked that question a few weeks ago. This is my answer:

I would never date a single mother. I’m a 38M that’s never been married/ never had children.

There are several reasons why I would never date a single mother. First reason... Her kids are always going to come first, which is a good thing. However, if I’m in a relationship with a woman, I’m going to put her first. I only want to be in a relationship with a woman that would put me first as well.

Secondly... A lot of single mothers are looking for a father for their kids. However, they will say they are a “package deal” (I would hardly call that a deal). I have no interest in having to spend any of my time around her kids. Being a parent is also time consuming. A large chunk of the relationship with a single mother will involve spending time with her while she’s doing “mom stuff” (how fun!).

Some women are looking for a father figure for her kid(s). I have absolutely no desire to raise another man’s kids. They aren’t mine. I have no duty or obligation to.

The other problem with dating single mothers (especially at first), is their lack of availability. If they have split custody (such as every other week or only on the weekends), you’re relationship is going to revolve around her kid’s schedule. I have no interest in dating someone that I can only see every other week.

There’s also the fact that, if you get serious in a relationship with a single mother (such as a LTR or marriage), you’re going to either be contributing financially, or paying for, her kids. I’m simply not going to spend money on kids that aren’t mine.

I’m not going to say that all single mothers are single mothers because they made bad decisions. There are women who did everything right, but their husbands ended up cheating, passing away, etc... Now, they’re left in a situation where they’re a single parent. However, that still doesn’t change the fact that they can’t offer me what I want.

I’ve also noticed a trend in online dating where there are the obvious single mothers that have made bad decisions. These are women that had kids way too young, and often with different men. A lot of these women are looking for a meal ticket. It’s obvious that men should avoid these women period.

When it comes to single mothers, I would absolutely NEVER date one. I would BY FAR rather be single than to ever date one.

tickledpic · 2020-04-13T20:20:14+00:00

Yes. But I date only after we have been fucking for few months. At that point if our chemistry is so good that I want something serious and exclusive with you, your child becomes my own.

2020-04-13T20:24:21+00:00

If I wanted a family, yes. I love kids and family. Of course i would :)

NeedingAdvice86 · 2020-04-14T00:17:20+00:00

Only if I was a single dad without other options...….single mother have other priorities than dating, would not want the drama involved in the ex, and if they don't prioritize their children then not really the type of woman I would ever want in my life.

jayval90 · 2020-04-14T00:54:25+00:00

I had the opportunity, didn't pursue it. She was a widow too, and actively started making an effort to talk to me, etc a few years after her husband/my friend died. She has 2 kids.

What annoyed the living crap out of me was the fact that she was willing to go out of her way to take a risk talking with me and dropping obvious hints, but none of the single girls that I ever liked growing up would ever stoop so low (even though they're the same age and definitely want marriage). I really wish I felt anything for her.

Financial_Plant · 2020-04-14T04:01:19+00:00

I hate kids in the first place but if she's my type then sure

2020-04-14T06:36:37+00:00

Almost certainly not.

If I were dating it'd be to vet people for long-term relationships, including kids down the line, and that puts them in a catch-22.

Their kids are their priority. This is good, but it also means that I'm not, which is a very rocky foundation upon which to try to build a relationship.
I am their priority. This means that their kids aren't their priority, which is disgusting.

If there's a unicorn single mom who's out there who's completely amazing maybe I'd date them. Like she's early 30s but she still has a rockin' body, her kid's 15-17 so they're basically taking care of themselves, they tick all the boxes when it comes to lifestyle, we get on like a house on fire... yeah I'd go for it. She doesn't exist though.

richlad · 2020-04-14T08:20:36+00:00

No it's a ticking timebomb and serious threat to my freedom and assets

Notsonewguy7 · 2020-04-14T13:06:56+00:00

No. I don't want kids. So I don't want to date someone with kids. Unlike alot of guys here whom appear to dislike single mothers as a concept I don't care about that at all.

My goal is to have a simple relationship that lasts without much unnecessary complications. Single mothers bring more complication inherently so I rule them out by default.

DogPawDog · 2020-04-15T18:28:38+00:00

There is absolutely no chance of me dating single moms.

Why? Because she wouldnt give her all to me. I dont want to be somebody's second. Better to give time to those who want me to be their main man

SocietalEngineering · 2020-04-13T17:52:32+00:00

If I like her, sure. Nothing wrong with single moms imo, I never got what all the fuss was about.

Insecurity by men who talk the talk but don’t walk the walk, I’d assume.

ari_thot_le · 2020-04-13T18:50:43+00:00

Completely depends on the scenario but yes I absolutely would. Raising kids alone is hard and any woman who does it successfully is obviously a fairly extraordinary person. So if they are very good moms to their kids and level headed otherwise I don’t know why I would let the fact she has kids ruin my happiness.

Of course her kid will come before you, but that’s exactly how I want my wife to be with my own kids!! If I dated a single mom who ignored her kid for me I would dump her instantly and leave, no questions asked.

So yes I would date a responsible woman raising children alone and I wouldn’t give a shit if they have to be slightly less devoted to me

reluctantly_red · 2020-04-13T19:19:41+00:00

If you get to 40 without any baggage you haven't been living.

Title	would you date a single mom and if not why not?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	159
Date	April 13, 2020 4:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/g0m3j7/would_you_date_a_single_mom_and_if_not_why_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-date-a-single-mom-and-if-not-why-not.653836 https://theredarchive.com/post/653836

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