This is a reminder that your insecurity IS valid. And you don’t need any other reason to have a porn-free relationship.

I understand there are SO many issues with porn, especially the ethical side with trafficking victims and exploiting under age victims.

However, I am so sick of women and girls being made to feel bad for their insecurities which are a perfectly normal response to their partner watching porn!

I see so many posts all over the Internet, and hear so many women in real life justify their partners use by “I know my insecurities and jealousy are my problem. I just don’t know how to work through them. I just really don’t like the ethical issues with porn...” etc.

Of course we should be outraged by the ethical issues of porn. But we shouldn’t have to be experts on these issues to justify and school men, and try to convince them not to watch!

Your insecurity should be enough for him! He should want to show you that he cares about your feelings, and wants to make you feel like the only one for him.

If men faced the same kind of blatant objectification and constant visual assault of naked men, that we do as women, they would be in the corner shrieking. I know they pretend they don’t care, but this is just a cover so they can continue watching and alleviate their feelings of guilt or discomfort. When faced with the actual reality, they do not like the tables turned on them.

As women, we are constantly being pressured into caring about everything and everyone and every cause possible. It’s great if you genuinely care about trafficked victims, and if you want to learn more and do more in this area - great!

However we shouldn’t have to do this to get our point across to anyone. There are so many causes that we probably all care about, we can’t all be experts in every single cause! We would have no time to work!

Men are not expected to be experts so why should we?

Why should we not own our very valid feelings of jealousy and insecurity?

Women are gaslit into just accepting so much sexual abuse and lower standards on a cultural level - their partners and other men ogling, cheating, prostitutes, strippers, porn, camgirls and on and on and on it goes. I’m sick of women denying their own feelings.

Sure, be aware of ethical issues of porn in a general sense, and know where to get the info if you need to refer someone. But don’t feel bad about owning your feelings, or feel like you need a psychology/ sexology/ research degree to explain why porn is bad just to avoid being labelled as insecure or a prude.

Ideally, men should already be aware of the inherent sexism and ethical issues of porn and refrain from use to start with. We know this isn’t too likely, so if we are going to give an inch and a chance for them to stop, at least give that chance to a man who genuinely wants to listen and make you feel secure, and alleviate your feelings of jealousy.

Edit: To add, as one of the commenters pointed out more eloquently than I could in my message across - it actually takes a very secure and confident woman to recognise their feelings on porn and to set this boundary on no porn.

So don’t feel bad, or feel you have to explain anything. Set the boundary because you know you are worth so much more and that your feelings on porn (whatever they are) are perfectly valid.