Is a man only as faithful as his options--would most men be polygamous if they had the ability?

Cobra_x30 · 2020-08-04T23:14:09+00:00

The short answer is No.

Every single woman has a vast array of options, even the ugliest. She may or not like those options, yet they exist regardless of her tastes.

A man who has many options must therefore negotiate this. He trades his faithfulness for hers. This is how monogamy essentially works.

A small handful of men with options choose women who are further down the ladder or desperate enough to hang onto some part of him and will accept a situation were he is not faithful, but she is.

This is how it works.

Barely-moral · 2020-08-04T23:09:33+00:00

I don't know about men in general, I can speak for myself.

A harem sounds like too much work for little reward. I would rather stay monogamous. Dealing with people is exhausting even for sex, even during sex. I rather find one woman I am compatible with and stay with her.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-08-04T23:13:11+00:00

In the absence of law and order every man would fight to the death to live his best Ghenghis Khan lifestyle.

Smoogs2 · 2020-08-04T22:55:27+00:00

Not in the way people are describing “options.” I am sure that if men had the true option to live whatever life he desired, you would see a lot of yachts and a lot of harems.

Mimoxs · 2020-08-04T23:32:30+00:00

Yes

Desire for many women is written in male psychology to some degree. It's not "all men are cheaters!!" but it's more like, it is just hardwired in their nature to seek out as many as possible, so it's more difficult for them to fight against.

Most men would probably pick within a few dozen.

Granted as you said women too I would absolutely want a harem if possible in a perfect world, but the difference is women are also into emotional attachments and develop emotional bonds with partners, so our harems would be smaller. The ideal harem to me... Maybe like 6-8

Men don't develop these emotional connections so they have desires for a larger amount of women

poppy_blu · 2020-08-04T23:54:48+00:00

IMO - based on numerous conversations I’ve had with men and decades of observation — the appeal of an endless supply of women tends to dwindle as men get older. Why?

spinning plates gets exhausting. Few women are going to put up with this for long and constantly finding new plates takes effort.
Quite a few men have told me they stopped playing the field because women are just too much work. And multiple women equals more work.
really only very wealthy men can actually arrange harems, and there’s something pretty creepy about the whole thing anyway. Every sexual fantasy isn’t meant to be acted out even if you have the means to do so.
having companionship becomes more important as men age. It seems unfathomable to young men here but their sex drive will decline and they will be willing to trade exciting sex for intimate companionship. And you’re all going to get the age where it isn’t even a choice anymore.
men do fall in love and whey they do, they’re willing to play by the rules and be monogamous to be happy.

My take: most men if they had the choice would take a steady gf or wife with a mistress or 2 on the side or occasional affair.

Interested to hear what the men here think of my theory.

wtknight · 2020-08-04T23:17:54+00:00

Not if those men had to help financially support all of those women and/or their offspring. Otherwise yeah, most men would probably want multiple women.

RepresentativeSwan1 · 2020-08-05T00:05:02+00:00

If I could wave a magic wand and live whatever life I could conceive of:

I would have a harem of women of all different shapes, sizes, races, ages etc. They would have no desire in life other than please me sexually (and only me).

I would then also have one woman as my wife, who would be a full person with her own thoughts & desires etc and who I actually connect with as a person, not just sexually. She would be bisexual and share the harem with me.

angry_ogunsoto · 2020-08-05T02:05:42+00:00

Yes! A man will have sex with a woman as long as he has the option to do so. I am talking about the vast majority of men (like 95% if not all men). Men who say they only need one woman in their life (a wife) simply say so because they don't have many options, struggle in dating and hope to find the perfect one. They usually say: I only need one. But it doesn't mean they wouldn't love to be successful with women. It is just that they can't. Thus practically every man would seize the opportunity to bang a hot chick.

SslimReaperr · 2020-08-05T00:07:20+00:00

Most men would probably pick up a harem if it was suddenly that simple and possible. I’m sure a small portion wouldn’t.

If this applied to women, I absolutely would choose to have my own harem of men.

taapy234 · 2020-08-05T01:22:57+00:00

Kind of funny how it goes, doesn't it?

A man is judged for hypothetical options that he might use. Never mind the fact that they created a self imposed system that LITERALLY blocked their own male imperative. (all to sustain the society they built and created)

Current living women have real, not hypothetical options and they continue to abuse that privilege every day, everywhere in this country.... and worse of all, they tell each other to use it in unlimited ways with flagrant disregard for wider society as a whole...crickets

The good thing from all this is, millennials are no longer the "young" group anymore. So we will see see the consquences of these actions by millennial women and how they fared in their "dog eat dog" world they created once that fertility gap is completely eliminated like Gen X.

skullirang · 2020-08-05T07:42:31+00:00

They either say yes or they are lying.

You don't believe me? What percentage of men who suddenly became successful break up with their wives/gfs and hook up with some new chick.

Obviously they will say it's because the relationship fell apart, but really they started seeing women they previously thought unattainable started showing interest.

Eastuss · 2020-08-05T07:58:35+00:00

Most men who have options still have to pursue women and make it happen. I think most men would not be faithful if women actively approached them and made it easy, but it's not the case.

JohnDoe9564 · 2020-08-05T10:19:21+00:00

Look no further than Kings. The have a wife, and multiple mistresses. Businessmen cheat on their wives all the time on trips with hookers. Most men will bang anything if given no repercussions.

SirNemesis · 2020-08-04T22:39:26+00:00

Harem obviously.

dxfifa · 2020-08-05T04:15:17+00:00

Nothing to do with faithfulness. Most men only enter monogamy because they want to (for different reasons for a 4/10 simp compared to a 9/10 chad obviously). If they had access to unlimited woman they'd still do what they desire.

Some men want a relationship and find monogamy is the right fit for their wants, or it is far easier than trying to manage women's crazy shit when they want you to themselves. Some can manage a harem of girlfriends, some others do it with fuckbuddies.

Because men mostly don't date seriously when they still want to play far less men cheat or anything in that vein in monogamy than women. The men who do cheat do so with more women. Serial players who love females giving it all to them so say whatever to get it instead of being forward about not wanting anything. We all know the man who has a girlfriend all the time but they never last long. The rarer version is a guy who genuinely loves women deeply while he lusts for them without understanding himself, then gets over it quick after going full on boyfriend within a month.

Or the sexually neglected partner after his girl goes off him and he feels stuck for whatever reason

And women keep giving these liars or clearly nonsensical men pussy lmao

Usually a woman only cheats with 1 guy but most women don't dump men until they replace them. She'll keep her man while playing with the clearly dangerous and untameable/exciting new guy. But will dump him if she thinks she's found mr right

The rare case is a hoe dating beta bux and still putting it out there

7-11-21-Luck · 2020-08-05T04:47:46+00:00

Younger me would love that but older me don't even have the energy to deal with one

jakethegreatwhite · 2020-08-05T06:57:13+00:00

I think having one partner who connects with you and understands your needs(sexually aswell) is far more valuable than a bunch of chicks you just "fuck" and is more rewarding( but really its probably a bunch of fucking drama, more stress then its worth)

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-08-05T07:27:29+00:00

This is exactly a reason why women choose such men for marriage. They lack options, they wont cheat and they wont remarry after the divorce, so its going to be a one way alimony.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-08-05T07:27:59+00:00

I think there’s a huge appeal to having just the one partner, one lifetime partner even, in that if you only know that one partner you can direct all of your pair-bonding resources toward her, which could help satisfaction in her. It’s for that reason I so dislike having to have an N of 1 while continuing a post-divorce partner search, it’s a stain on my efforts.

I can see the appeal of trading those benefits in for the benefits of a harem in the traditional ‘king with a handful of faithful wives’ thing, but if being appreciated is the goal and you’re already skeptical that women can really love you to begin with, you might want to maximize your woman’s satisfaction with you by not making her jealous, or maybe that’s exactly what you want to do if you’re more in the ‘she’ll love me more if she’s on her toes like that’ camp. Certainly gorillas take the traditional harem option because it maximizes the number of kids the one male in the group can have, and the females are faithful because their whole reason for being in the arrangement is to bear the child of the male of their choosing while having help raising it from the other females. In human terms, you’re not going to AF/BB someone if your supposed BB has a harem that’s spreading his money thinner than gives you any advantage; your BB in that scenario are the other wives.

Meanwhile a harem in the form of an open relationship or some sort of poly arrangement would be a nightmare; multiple unfaithful women offering multiple avenues to be swindled into raising someone else's kid and multiple avenues from which to have and STD tracked into the household? ha! no.

2020-08-05T09:51:44+00:00

For the right woman monogamy would be ideal but for less than of course I want a harem of lovers

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-08-05T12:14:44+00:00

I would def need that but unfortunately it's not "okay" so...

Workaholiconew · 2020-08-05T13:18:15+00:00

If we were to only follow our instincts? Yeah almost every single one of men would want a harem, we have a instinct for spreading the seeds. It we were to follow both nature and nurture considering reality as it stands however? A good deal of us would prefer monogamy.

You forget the limited resources men have to spend to get and maintain a single woman and multiply it by each woman plus the problems that arises by them interacting. If we had a single woman who is willing to satisfy us and not be too bothersome, we would stick to her. That is why not every rich men in countries where polygamy is allowed, have an harem. Let alone another of our instincts, we get attached to things and people if we interact with them long enough.

I mean, we need sex, but we have other objectives, we have our hopes and dreams. Sex is like food or water. We pursue it to this degree because of our sexual 'hunger'/'thirst', not because we don't have anything better to do. Do you eat to live or live to eat? Same thing for a man and sex.

Also, having to deal with more than a single father/mother in law seems tiring.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-08-05T13:19:31+00:00

Ideally, most men would have one wife they love, plus a changing rotation of hot young sidechicks purely to get some sexual variety once in a while. Does that mean he doesn't really love his wife? No, there's no emotion with those other women and he wouldn't sacrifice for them, spend resources on them, or want them to become pregnant. Not having a sidechick is like not having a superyacht, not really something most men lose much sleep over, even though they'd probably get one if they could get one through legitimate means.

Joey_Lopez · 2020-08-05T16:07:25+00:00

I think most men would if they didn't have to invest so much time and energy into getting it. Like I know I could get more girls if I really wanted to. The thing is that I don't want to take the out and talk to them on the phone for a week to get it. If I could tell them to come to my house for an hour or so I would do it.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-08-04T23:20:33+00:00

I'm one woman man, not becouse I can't get any more, not becouse that's what I would like, but becouse that's what I have to do. I'm have a strong moral code I don't break, and a great sense of duty.

If my fiance didn't care then hell yeah, I would be banging around all year. Sadly she cares, so I don't.

GhostTheEternal · 2020-08-04T22:37:50+00:00

every man magically had the ability to choose any spectrum of sexual arrangement

So that includes having a harem of women that expected absolutely nothing from me, worshiped the ground I walk on, and desired nothing more than to please me sexually?

I think you've got your answer.

If we're talking about 2 girlfriends that expect me to remember their birthdays and message them all day and take them on dates, etc, then that's already too many.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-08-04T22:56:13+00:00

I think a lot of people, both men and women, are only as faithful as their options.

Some people are looking for a better deal, and some people are happy with what they got. Sometimes they do coincide with each other in the event that somebody has found someone who they consider "really good," but the former are less likely to be faithful than the latter, in my experience.

Which one would men pick if there were no constraints? Is there a lot of variability?

I'm the type of guy that just wants to be happy, but I'm not willing to just take anybody because I know my value. I want at least what I offer in return. No harems. Being with one person is hard enough and I don't have that level of "persuasion" necessary to keep more people around. I live a quiet life with a few good people around me and I want to keep it that way.

Is a lot of "I'm a one woman man" just making peace with one's lot in life? Or is it genuine?

Depends on who it is.

nemma88 · 2020-08-04T23:40:55+00:00

Yes. Choose more than one partner.

I don't think that's saying much though because so would imo women if they had the opportunity without repercussion.

Rahim556 · 2020-08-05T01:33:15+00:00

No. Some men are not interested in casual sex or harems of women. I understand the appeal of it, but it's gross when you think about it and not worth it. Many things seems appealing and aren't best for you.... Harems, casual sex, heroin, cocaine, gambling, etc.... So it's not necessarily about "options," as I have turned down many opportunities. So it's not lack of ability to, it's lack of desire to. I'm just one man and one example. But you asked, so I answered.

CraptainToad · 2020-08-05T07:41:42+00:00

Idgaf about validation from women besides the ones I want to commit to. A harem/casual sex in general is more trouble than it's worth and I'd rather just jerk off.

gunbusterxl · 2020-08-05T11:00:11+00:00

Some would, some wouldn't. Stop trying to generalize entire genders. People are into different shit.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-08-04T23:49:11+00:00

I know a lot of ho's that'll suck dick on spot that I can hook dudes up with but they are always against it. These are options and opportunities they don't take, so a poly man is just that. There are plenty with options just not executing them because some bitches are just straight up nasty or the men themselves like the "alpha genes" to even execute some shit and that's when this question "are all men poly" whatever doesn't even matter. The idea that if the tables turned a bunch of omegas and betas would go swimming in the pussy like a champ and invest themselves into a harem of females and actually perform properly is laughable to me. 90% of it is performance and showing up and half of 'em don't even leave their rooms for one taste of pussy or a woman these days.

SaBahRub · 2020-08-04T22:36:33+00:00

You mean fuck whoever they want, or have relationships with as many women as they want? One at a time, or all at once ?

There is a difference

Sid_Insidious · 2020-08-05T02:44:37+00:00

IF I was in the physical shape necessary to attract someone I also found attractive and,

IF the relationship provided what I was looking for without the deal breakers and,

IF she was actually into sex and liked getting her partner off as much as I do...

Then no. If I am in a fun relationship and getting my "sexual needs met" (read: sexual desire quelled) I would be happily monogamous in that scenario.

-Solitude-- · 2020-08-05T05:37:31+00:00

A harem would always have a favourite. Whoever isn’t the favourite would only end up being hurt in the long run. I can’t speak for all guys, but if I had a harem I’d pick one girl and try to let the rest down nicely.

0seagirl · 2020-08-05T16:02:27+00:00

This subverts the important element of attachment in relationships.

Attachment is the entire glue keeping couples locked together in a commitment scenario, despite external influences (e.g. other desirable people being reachable) or internal struggles, (e.g. relationship problems; dealing with and accepting the partners flaws and imperfections).

If a man had absolutely no sense of attachment to the woman he's in a relationship with, I can imagine he would be more likely to be polygamous, or even simply just drop the relationship if it starts to be difficult for him.

Without attachment, there'd be very little reason to stick by someone for very long.

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Title	Is a man only as faithful as his options--would most men be polygamous if they had the ability?
Author	committeeless
Upvotes	17
Comments	144
Date	August 4, 2020 10:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/i3tduj/is_a_man_only_as_faithful_as_his_optionswould/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-a-man-only-as-faithful-as-his-options-would.721561 https://theredarchive.com/post/721561

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