Would you share him?

2021-08-04T04:07:43+00:00

I think you can accept your man has options without accepting him living that out. My husband is a fairly HVM from my viewpoint and knowing he has options is actually one of the things that keeps me motivated to look my best and be my best for him. Cheating would be a hard no for me as it would break our wedding vows, not to mention the implications it would have due to our faith (Catholic).

fosho_away · 2021-08-03T20:05:04+00:00

No, absolutely not. There are too many decent men out there who don’t need to do bullshit like that. Happy to “sacrifice” a few inches of height or whatever for basic common decency and not treating me like a bang maid.

Tbh tall guys with 6 figures is… a low standard. I make 6 figures, I’m tall too, so what? Kindness and integrity are what you really want to filter for, less common and infinitely more valuable.

Now, if I was into it/thought it was hot/was allowed to also have partners, that would be a way different story. But I’m not so see above

Maddymadeline1234 · 2021-08-04T02:37:23+00:00

Absolutely not. I'm a HVW and when we got married, it was suppose to be monogamous. Break that and he is no longer high value. He can't even keep his promise. Cheating is all about this huge amount of disrespect, sadness and hurt you KNOWINGLY, WILLINGLY and PURPOSELY are inflicting on the other person.

If agreed upon before marriage that it will an open relationship yeah than fine but no I practise monogamy and I expect that from my husband as well.

This reminds me of the kdrama I am watching Love (ft divorce marriage) where the lady was a HVW. She is a professional producer, elegant, beautiful, takes care of the home and family, prepares meals and baths for her husband, never rejected him whenever. Yet he still cheated on her with a younger woman. It makes it even more maddening when he mentioned casually that all men will cheat, it's just nature and she should get over it for the sake of the daughter. And be there for their daughter and teach her to get over it and forgive her husband in future when he cheats!

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2021-08-03T20:11:03+00:00

No. Then he wouldn’t be the man I thought he was ie not high value.

Lightandlush · 2021-08-04T04:55:59+00:00

I hope not. If I did, it would be at the expense of my self-esteem. It would break me.

santarosa2020 · 2021-08-04T01:39:35+00:00

No man can be a good husband or father if he is spending time having sex with women other than his wife. Other women are always a drain on resources. Birth control does not work 100% of the time, so additional children might be produced outside the marriage. Even if no additional children are produced, the other women are going to want material things from the man. Also, where will these sexual relations take place? Most likely not at the home, so additional hotel bills or apartment rentals will be required. Sexual diseases might be acquired and spread to the wife. No amount of money is worth having poor health.

Also we have to think about the effects on the children. His children will likely find out eventually. Will any child think highly of a father who can't control himself sexually? Also what of the loss of time? A man can't have time to wine and dine multiple women and still make it to his son's soccer game or his daughter's school play.

It would be better to have a husband earning a low salary than to have a husband with poor morals.

Nandemodekiru · 2021-08-04T00:54:05+00:00

HARD no. The possibility of STD’s alone makes me want to vomit. If I ever found out he was seeing other women, he’s not touching me again. My body physically revolts at the thought, not even getting into the emotional toll.

LilCinnamonRoll_ · 2021-08-04T04:40:34+00:00

A man who wants to sleep around doesn’t sound high value to me.

catmos · 2021-08-03T20:08:45+00:00

In my opinion, cheating in itself makes a man not of high value. The feeling of a need to cheat points to insecurities which directly contradict the idea of a HVM. Yes, if he is high value in other ways, he will be put in more situations to cheat as he will naturally attract women, but if he is confident and self-assured, he should have the wherewithal to turn those women down- especially because women who make advances on married men are not HV.

wonderrageveritatis · 2021-08-03T22:43:11+00:00

Absoloutely not. High Value means he may check certain boxes, but high value doesn't matter if things don't click between you and him.

raspberryjam1 · 2021-08-03T23:29:36+00:00

Hard nope, men who need side plates aren't high value and he's likely to leave wifey for a younger hotter side plate eventually, especially after the kids hit 18. Plus, I don't think there's any way to not take resources from the wife or children. Time is a resource. I assume more resources would be involved too: money, libido, energy. And he could bring home an STI/STD. This is essentially willingly giving up her spot as wife IMO.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-08-04T03:09:31+00:00

If he was interested in bringing others into our joint sex life, I’d be open to it. If he wanted to have a separate sex life with someone else, that would be a hard no.

blueflower888 · 2021-08-04T10:24:29+00:00

I'm a woman that has actually been in this situation myself.

I would consider myself in a few ways a 'red pill wife'.

My husband has given me and my children a good life. He has more money than I imagined any husband of mine would ever have. He has cheated on me a number of times. I am not a physically attractive woman, but I have seen some of the women he cheated on me with on Facebook and they are also ugly and overweight so I don't think it's my looks. I can accept him seeing prostitutes with the condition that he uses a condom, but the situations with women who were personally involved with him have made me resent him.

One thing that makes me really angry sometimes is the fact he could give me an STD. If I he gave me one I would be very angry with him and I would secretly feel contempt. I also don't think I should have to have pap smears because he decides to put himself at risk of HPV and in turn myself. I stay faithful and I do my part not to catch it. I still don't get this medical procedure because I don't like the procedure and if I die of cancer it's also his call because I have told him my conditions and what my boundaries are when it comes to medical care. I'm not going to change what is my decision because of his promiscuous behavior when I have played my part. My mother had cervical cancer and I'm aware it's something I could get from my husband having sex with too many women. I'm aware I'll die if it's not caught and it's something I have made peace with. There are some boundaries I have that I am not willing to compromise because they would upset my quality of life, invade my own principals and hurt my mental health. This is a source of frustration for me as I know my husband could just not sleep with other women.

I know I'll probably have concerned and upset ladies telling me off in the comments over this but I have my reasons and I think they are valid even if they don't seem rational to other people.

Divorce is not an option I have. I won't go into the specifics of that situation. I don't live in my home country and it's not safe for me and my children to go back there. I am unable to claim welfare where I am now and divorcing my husband would not be safe. I convince myself to love him because I guess I have to.

I would much rather have the option to divorce him if he kept on cheating on me with non prostitutes or not using a condom. If I had the option and he gave me some type of STD that would be the nail in the coffin of my love for him.

I will always hold some degree of resentment in my heart for him.

I think if it wasn't for the bad situation in my home country I would rather not be with him and have slightly less money if he continues to cheat. I only say this because he hasn't cheated for nearly 2 years. I know because he always tells me everything. Honesty is something we share together even if I don't agree with what he does.

I am honestly tired of it and I have reached the end of my rope with him a few times.

I don't think this is a situation where the majority of women can be happy. I think most women would rather have a monogamous husband who is in the same league as them as opposed to a good looking, tall, rich husband that they have to share.

Polygamy is never something women want, unless the women are bisexual and also have sexual and romantic involvement with another woman. I am 100% straight so that will never be the case for me.

I would happily have gotten with a man who wasn't as good looking and had a bit less money but my husband was the man who chose me out of lots of others and the man I ended up with. My standards are not extremely high.

He got me out of a situation which I am grateful for and my life could have been worse. Growing up I had a really, really horrible life and my life is better now but not without a price.

I think my feelings are torn.

MrsChiliad · 2021-08-04T15:19:19+00:00

Also agree with u/fosho_away that this list has very low standards.

Someone with similar values to mine trumps most of what you listed and it’sa non-negotiable.

anotheredittor76777 · 2021-08-03T20:40:36+00:00

an0n1ooo · 2021-08-03T20:24:53+00:00

Nope. A man who wants extramarital sex is not high value in my book.

NoFaithInThisSub · 2021-08-04T01:32:44+00:00

He decides that to fulfil his life, he wants to start having sex with other women.

what a crappy goal, fulfil his life with meaningless sex with randoms. You can go dig up the posts on the main sub of guys who ask "is this it?" and realize there is more to life than this.

Dancersep38 · 2021-08-04T02:20:17+00:00

Nope. That is my husband, though he's not a lifter or in great shape. If we were talking an actual second wife I would at least hear him out. I'm 100% opposed to swinging, open marriages, or any form of casual sex outside of your relationship. It's not high value behavior, first and foremost. A man like that is by definition not an alpha or however else you want the phrase it. What a terrible example to set for our daughters- women are to be used for fun and no woman should expect commitment from her husband? No. Fuck that. Gross. I won't even bring up all the associated risks, except 1: he gets some fling pregnant. So on top of it all, you now DO have to share resources.

Oh, and he's embarrassing you publicly by the way, so he doesn't respect you. A quality man would never marry a woman he doesn't respect.

If you want an open relationship I think that's fine if that's what is negotiated at the start. I personally would absolutely never be okay with one and I certainly wouldn't be okay with one after 10 years of monogamy.

TheOtherRic · 2021-08-04T13:26:17+00:00

As a guy who saw this I hope you don’t mind an outside opinion.

If a man needs multiple sex partners outside of marriage to ‘fulfill his life’ he is not high value.

grahamcookiefart · 2021-08-04T09:18:15+00:00

A) handsome, lifts and 6ft, 6 inches does not make him high value

B) no thank you I don't want STDs from his flings

C) if he is looking outside of his role as a father and head of household then that instantly makes him low value

In a practical sense, how would I react if my husband wants to pursue other women: he is an adult, he can and he should if he wants to, but then our relationship would turn into that of strictly roommates and we'll raise the kids. I don't sleep with men who sleep with other women.

anothergoodbook · 2021-08-03T23:56:31+00:00

I wouldn’t marry a man in that range knowing what I know now - because he very well will probably be sleeping around and I wonder if that would be the deal to begin with? I mean not necessarily, don’t get me wrong. But I’m content with the life I have. And I have no idea what it would be like to be in an entirely different social class/sphere.

Morals don’t change, but the acceptance of breaking morals tends to go up the wealthier and “higher value” a person goes. (For example if 50 Shades of Gray were set in a trailer park versus a penthouse apartment it would be creepy as hell. But it’s “sexy” when it’s a billionaire with a helicopter - I promise I haven’t read it. LOL).

Of course I’m thinking of someone like pro athlete/celebrity, incredibly wealthy, attractive, high value where they have women just offering themselves to them (which isn’t typical). That’s even why people like Billy Graham was never, ever alone with a woman (to even avoid the ability for someone to say he was unfaithful).

But also being in the situation - would someone give up the status and wealth if their husband was unfaithful. I’m not in the scenario and I can see why it would be hard. Like… okay, he’s still a good dad, 100% present emotionally, I get provided for… I like to think of what my answer would be (and I think it’s easier today with divorce being what it is), but I can’t say totally 100% that I would walk away from it.

I realize that what many are saying is “he’s not high value if he cheats”. But I think that’s missing the point. Many people consider that level of success and looks to be high value (especially in RP world). Now here in RPW most of us take morality and sexual faithfulness into account when looking for a captain. So to US a guy that cheats isn’t high value. However there are lots and lots of women who also want the lifestyle of that high value man. They’re willing to compromise on some things (sexual commitment) to get the other things.

LivingfreewithSophie · 2021-08-04T19:53:15+00:00

No, no and no. That's will be a horrible influence on the kids and the relationship, which the kids will mimic/model, and then it will affect them again. Hypergamy is also about creating the bedtime for your kids - having a cheating father and a doormat mom is not part of that, and should be avoided imo 🙂

xosomeblonde · 2021-08-05T15:37:03+00:00

A 10/10 in all other areas immediately becomes a 1/10 if he can't/won't be loyal. Nonmonogamous men are NOT high value to me... actually, they have no value as far as I'm concerned. Doesn't matter how many other boxes are ticked.

piratebabygirl · 2021-08-03T23:49:01+00:00

I am not as resolute in my thoughts on this topic as everyone else posting. Mostly because of my childhood, I see serial monogamy and non-monogamy as two sides of the same coin.

My husband and I came to our marriage so jaded by past relationships/marriages, that we agreed to be non-monogamous. We have a be open and honest with each other rule.

Funny part of it all is, neither of us have seen other people since being married. It’s not because either of us feel like it would be wrong or cause problems. I don’t want anyone else. He says he doesn’t either “I did that stuff when I was unhappy as a way to escape. I’m happy now. Even when shit hits the fan and stress is through the roof, I’m not unhappy.”

My hubby checks all the HVM check boxes. I wouldn’t leave if he slept with another woman, I wouldn’t consider it cheating. If he lied about it, even by omission, that is where I would feel betrayed. Lying is where I draw the line.

orangerose18 · 2021-08-03T23:22:26+00:00

Cheating is what happens when a man wants to “win” but can’t feel like he’s “winning” in the written, agreed upon contract, so he bends the rules. A man of honor lives by his word. A sleazy LVM feels no remorse about going back on his word because his promises mean jack shit.

So your premise is entirely false. A HVM wouldn’t cheat or go after other women. A HVM is a man of honor. The man you’re describing is a LVM.

sapc2 · 2021-08-04T02:43:12+00:00

It's a no for me. A man is not high value if he can't contain his sexuality within the bounds of his marriage.

SuperWriter07 · 2021-08-03T23:34:05+00:00

I would stop considering him a high value the moment he makes such a request. Being high value is more than just being attractive and earning good money. If he cannot provide me emotional fulfilment in the relationship, he is NOT a high-value man for me no matter how rich or handsome or noble he might be.

lightcobaltblue · 2021-08-04T17:10:44+00:00

No, I would rather have someone who is "lower value" then. Less money for example and better values.

acgs1995 · 2021-08-06T20:43:06+00:00

This isn't a HVM. I have a word that describes this behavior, but won't be using it. Simple as that. Women look for love and fidelity, if you are going to be cheated, he is not worth it.

AdventurousAd5107 · 2021-08-24T08:49:25+00:00

Adultery is wrong and a man that cannot control his sex drive isn’t a man worth staying with in fact it’s very unattractive and illogical

Men should have emotional depth and should value a woman who has completely surrendered to him emotionally and physically (even by having his children) if he doesn’t see the value in this and how precious this is then he shouldn’t be considered a high value man

I as a Christian woman don’t find some of redpill men’s ideology healthy I think it teaches men to be materialistic money driven man whores

They don’t need to view women as perfect harmless creatures in order to rationalise treating them well (and since they clearly don’t because of what society has done to women) they need to follow the bible in my opinion a man needs to love his woman as he loves himself and a woman needs to submit and have reverence for her husband

mama_wren · 2021-08-03T22:14:33+00:00

The original question was "share". Does RP for women equal these terms?

From the view that "cheat" does equate with share, I suppose the appropriate reaction in situ according to RP is to reevaluate one's own value to determine why the expressed desire to "cheat" has been voiced.

I am new to RP, and though not sold on the philosophy as yet, I mean no disrespect.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-08-04T15:49:23+00:00

Really surprised to see so many woman saying men who cheat aren't HV. I think we are making the mistake of judging them by the standards for women.

Was Mr Big from Sex & the City not technically HV? I'm not suggesting an Aiden-Big debate here but by all accounts, Big was extremely HV.

Who defines what is HV anyway? Someone may consider Aiden to be much more HV than Big but I think Carrie would beg to differ.

Also, what if the man in question was like, Arab Prince level rich where he could easily afford several families, all living in total luxury for generations?

I think we are all being extremely BP here ladies, I'm gonna say it. 🤔

Edit to clarify that I'm not condoning anyone cheating but I'm...realistic about mens nature? Isn't that the very basis of TRP?

All_Lurk_No_Post365 · 2021-08-04T01:40:21+00:00

I would like to twist this question into an even more difficult one:

What if you're a normal woman on the SMV scale and you married a whatever guy, makes ok money, isn't very dominant, like 40lbs over weight.

But....over the course of a few years, he transforms himself into an overall HVM

Loses weight and becomes attractive, good height, great physique, built a business and is making like $300,000 annually.

Now during this you're still average, would you then consider putting up with it since there's no way you could pull a man at this caliber if you break up?

ManguZa · 2021-08-04T07:39:28+00:00

I'm a bit disapointed by comments on that post :

Men should compromise their diversity need for a woman, women shoundn't compromise their security need for a man. So few women here take the position of understanding the needs of men and only focus on their own. Not saying you HAD to accept sharing, but showing a bit of compassion wouldn't be too much.

bluemonie · 2021-08-04T10:21:08+00:00

I'm curious, are you talking about Polygamy or swingers lifestyle?

terragutti · 2021-08-04T12:27:43+00:00

No. Period.

I dont understand how it would be okay, unless youre really okay with open relationships, but thats for other people, not me. With the logic in your last paragraph, i would say that if any woman or man reasoned that way, i would say they need to respect themselves more and know that theyre worth more than that.

nbdnpc · 2021-08-09T01:57:36+00:00

What is an HVM?

GaatsX · 2021-08-11T10:18:50+00:00

HVM Rules : Have tons of female friends..but fuck your wife only.. and make sure you wife is damn best..

Svenskamamma · 2021-08-22T06:46:17+00:00

My husband meets all the HVM requirements you listed, and if he wanted to open our marriage I would walk. No one should ever stay in a relationship that compromises their values or stay with a partner who places such little value on them.

The things I value most in my husband is that he is loyal, loving and dependable as a husband and father.

Nandemodekiru · 2021-08-04T04:27:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jphr1920 · 2021-08-08T22:41:09+00:00

As an older guy who's been through some stuff, I've had endless conversations about it with low and high libido women and men.

Sexual behavior of primates can be predicted by how far/near their scrotal sacks sit from their bodies, and sperm count.

For a 19yo or older woman, the average Testosterone concentration is between 8-60 Ng/dl

For a 19yo or older man, the average Testosterone concentration is between 240-900 Ng/dl

(Younger, inexperienced) Women tend to apply their own view on sex (which is highly emotional/romantic as opposed to primal/physiological male view) to judge male sexual behavior.

Vast majority of women will never understand male libido unless they use synthetic testosterone, and the few who do ask men how they can function normally in society with that much sexual lens to everything (bodybuilders have reported this).

Women ovulate, men don't. Women have monthly windows for procreation, men can impregnate many women in a single day (especially if they live together and have synced their cycles). Women switch off as soon as they start breastfeeding, men go on overdrive.

The one thing people should never do is LIE AND CHEAT. Lying and cheating is low T behavior, but male sexuality is not as monogamous as the female.

Many blue comments here for a redpill message board.

Would you share him?

Comments

The Bible

Title	Would you share him?
Author	HappilyMrs
Upvotes	17
Comments	116
Date	August 3, 2021 7:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/oxb7cy/would_you_share_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/would-you-share-him.796622 https://theredarchive.com/post/796622