Am I wrong.......

HereinPA1 · 2023-09-11T16:23:00+00:00

Absolutely not, you are not wrong. I wish I never had to speak with, see or interact with my stbxw ever again. I have to though because of our kids. She didn’t cheat, just your regular ‘ol walk away wife.

The thought of being friendly like all is well and she didn’t abandon our marriage and break up our family gets me infuriated.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-09-11T17:21:50+00:00

Fuck that. Be there for your kids, that's all that's important. Get togethers with her and the boyfriend are pointless attempts so she can validate her shitty decisions.

Be dad to your kids and lock her out of your life, except for discussions regarding your kids.

Bus_1299CC · 2023-09-11T16:25:37+00:00

If you don't want to spend time with her and the new BF, Don't. It really is that simple. Your job is to be a great dad to your kids. She terminated her access to husband privileges, let her live with that decision.

jjfishers · 2023-09-11T18:34:03+00:00

Not at all. 50/50 custody and I haven’t spoken to or looked at my ex since our second mediation hearing.

When my 8 year old brings up things they did when she was there it’s a polite ‘wow/that’s nice/sounds fun’ and I leave it at that. Never ask questions and never will.

Communication is done via text/email/calendar and unless it is in regards to the health, happiness or future of our child I don’t respond or engage.

Not my job to be friends with an abhorrent person to make them feel better about themself.

TheBoyBand · 2023-09-11T16:24:21+00:00

Nope not wrong, you are completely justified in your choices, I was in same situation. Don’t allow the BuT itS bEst For ThE ChilDrEn crowd to guilt you as if nothing ever happened and you just gotta suck it up. Its exactly whay they want for you to break your boundary so they can say, SEE were better friends, its how God or whatever delusion they have meant it to be. F*** that.

Edit: Best for children is a healthy, strong, fit, healthy Dad without the bullshit.

techrmd3 · 2023-09-11T16:24:16+00:00

Yeah decline her poisoned invitation.

she wants to rub your nose, and keep you as a rebound possibility.

warning she will sabotage any new relationship you have. Will claim anything you do is to mess up her relationship. Will go bat shit crazy if you look like you are marrying anyone.

Sensitive_Chad · 2023-09-11T16:25:53+00:00

No, you're not wrong, man. This is her way of justifying everything. To be able to say "Look everyone! What I did truly made everybody happier and better people." Keep doing what you're doing. Don't show your kids that they need to "be there" of be "friendly" with their spouse's new lover when they're older.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-09-11T16:54:48+00:00

You're not wrong. It's 100% up to you who is in your life and who is not. She betrayed your trust and it's selfish of her to expect you to just pretend there are no hard feelings.

I want [my kids] to have a good relationship with her

And you're right to do so -- but it's on her to actually have the relationship, and if she's not willing to do the work, don't defend her to the kids.

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-11T17:03:02+00:00

You are right on man. Tell her

you lied and cheated. Why the fuck do I want to spend time with you and your loser boyfriend? Who will cheat on you or figure out that they f’d up by getting involved you. Seriously! Fuck off! Other than that have a nice day. But get bent.

Something like that.

rootron80 · 2023-09-11T16:52:19+00:00

I appreciate all the comments and advice. My main priority right now is focusing on my kids and myself. I just want to do what I can to be the best father for them, but she was trying to make me feel like I was not being a good father, by not wanting to do all these things together.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-09-11T16:30:42+00:00

F no. That's pure delusion on her part. My ex (who also got busted cheating) wife wanted to stay married 10 more years until our kids turned 18. Hell no. You don't have to be a part of her circus. Keep your boundaries. You got this. .

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-09-11T17:32:46+00:00

I can't imagine being as strong as you and wanting the kids to have a good relationship with mom. I'm so fucking bitter about the cheating and the abandonment of our family that I want the kids to hate her for destroying their family.

MidniteOG · 2023-09-11T18:02:09+00:00

She made the decision to ruin it, it’s not up to you to fix it

jkw118 · 2023-09-11T18:07:27+00:00

So I like you feel a bit fd by the situation, you want the best for the kids. So I've been dealing with my ex for 7 years.. I have defended my ex dozens and dozens of times, as I'm not supposed to speak ill of her.. and meanwhile my ex is a toxic person.. speaks ill of the kids friends, and of the kids themselves.. makes fun of them. For whatever reason she can. For the most part barely behaves like a mother. They live with me most of the time.. I encourage them to see and spend time with her.. And at this point none of them want anything to do with her. All of them can't wait for when they turn 18 and can tell her to screw off. Their words.. I still do my best to not speak ill of her.. but when they come home upset because ex was yelling about how our oldest is nonbinary and she just doesn't know what she really is.. their all pissed because they believe that's oldests feelings and decision .. my only response is that's your mom..

As to spending time as a family etc.. I have grabbed dinner with the ex, kids, and her bf... it was a kods bday.. I have done so,e other stuff.. but it's mainly because the kids have asked me specifically to be there for them.. if the kids don't ask.. I don't go.. and mostly I dont.. Half the time I do.. it's so the kids can leave asap.. as they don't want to be around her..

chestpubesandballfro · 2023-09-11T21:12:39+00:00

My x cheated with my employee/ biz partner.

I terminated his employment classy like, divorced her and kept the kids.

When he was unemployable in our Market, because I told everyone in Seattle tech about him.

I own my tech. He was just sales.

She then tried this trash with me.

“Lets all get along” aka get him a job

Shocker…. dude bounced 6 months later for SF

The next 3 months She took some time to compete with McDonalds for “how many served” in our zip code.

When she was all used up, she came clawing back, begging it was the best for the kids….

Get ready for the best “No” of your life.

Get that power back!!

Ncfc48 · 2023-09-11T21:34:56+00:00

They get more delusional by the minute tell her were to go mate

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-09-11T19:07:42+00:00

This is so typical. All the very important aspects of family and marriage that was simply shoved to the side for the affair is now missed. Things are feeling “not right” with your ex.

It does not matter whether you are there or not. You won’t even be noticed. Why? Because there’s the equivalent of a Orangutan sitting with you family. AP. The kids feel it, your ex feels it, AP feels it.

My advice is to occasionally do things with ex and kids without AP. Never with AP. That’s what’s soul crushing to your ex.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-09-11T22:15:50+00:00

You are not wrong. You really need NC to heal and therefore with kids contact has to be limited to that which is necessary just for the kids. Her needs and wants should not get any consideration from you.

Living_War_8089 · 2023-09-12T00:44:49+00:00

Fuck no. Shes doing it for two main reasons possibly a third. 1. Guilt, she may suffer some guilt in all this so she's trying to make up for it.

Image. It wasn't that big of a deal we're friends we both moved on.
You may have a skill or knowledge she may still want to use. Mechanical, medical, financial etc.

Tell her to fuck off with a smile level up and get a younger better looking woman!

ranger69danger · 2023-09-12T02:09:33+00:00

No dude. Spend some money on a real badass hobby. Go skydiving. Avoid the booze.

You never have to share space with that person(s) against your will.

It sounds like you are doing great for kids.

How are you doing for you?

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-09-11T18:46:13+00:00

Here is my take. H3ll no, you don't have to do a darn thing when it involves your exw and the loser AP. I recently made some posts about my kid's birthday party and that whole thing blew up in my exes face. No f*cking way am I validating any of that BS.

I will not attend events on her home turf (my old home) nor with her family and especially OMB AP. However, I did go out on my kid's actual birthday with the ex and I do join my kid's sports practice and games even on my off days. That's where it ends, I'm sure not going to be a prop in her "look everything is fine" BS. You don't either OP, just keep that high road, don't speak ill no matter what in front of your kids and they will eventually see who is the better person.

Doubledolla · 2023-09-11T19:42:43+00:00

Nope. Can't trust her as a wife, how the heck could you trust her to be your "friend"..... she betrayed you to the fullest magnitude. Let her time with the kids be just that. Your time is yours. There will be those things that you go to that are combined like school, sport functions but you don't have to go together or sit next to her. Just be cordial, but heck to the no on letting her be part of your life. She probably is realizing she lost a trusting friend who actually cared about her and also wants to save face on being a cheating wh@re. She chose a different life, let her have it. Bye Felisha

Fatbatman1281 · 2023-09-11T21:14:14+00:00

No I don’t think your wrong and I would feel the same exact way. Actually your better than me because wouldn’t be able to have a convo with the broad.

thrownaway41422 · 2023-09-11T21:44:02+00:00

The woman us delusional for even thinking you'd be OK doing stuff like that.

nsbbeachguy · 2023-09-12T00:17:28+00:00

Watch how quick it changes when you bring a serious new girlfriend.

playerknowmore · 2023-09-12T00:23:35+00:00

Before we got married, I laid Don the law. I don't suffer disrespect. I told her I don't date backward, and when I'm done; I'm all the way done. No friends after divorce. I only pay what the court says.

kharon86 · 2023-09-12T00:36:41+00:00

There will be plenty of opportunities to show your kids you are civil and friendly with their mother. Youth sports, recitals graduations. Happy hour with the AP is not one of them.

Is0prene · 2023-09-12T05:31:50+00:00

The only reason she wants to be friends is because it benefits her more than it benefits you. If it was the other way around she would be long gone. That's how women work.

DailyDiz90 · 2023-09-12T13:56:45+00:00

Dont do it. Its not good for your kids to see you socializing with people that disrespect and betray you. They will want to respect you when they are older. Dont take that from them.

lifeisallihave · 2023-09-12T20:58:18+00:00

Stay away and keep your mental strength. She must be out of her f***king mind. Keep your self respect and dignity intact.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-09-12T23:35:20+00:00

Are you really asking that question? She is humiliating both of you

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-09-12T23:39:01+00:00

You split for a reason. Get your shit in order and stay away from her and move forward

Xan-Diesel · 2023-09-14T02:14:26+00:00

She wants to be friends so she can paint the picture that she isn’t a monster for dissolving and discarding your family. “See? We’re still friends and have a great relationship! How badly could I have behaved?”

My ex-wife was incredulous when I told her no. I’m a great friend. I’ve got lots of people that want to earn my friendship and HAVEN’T destroyed my marriage with infidelity and lies. Why on Earth would I hand the glorious gift of my energy or attention when you’ve behaved despicably? Would she instruct our sons to befriend a person demonstrating her terrible behavior?

Dontgetmarriedever · 2023-09-14T02:23:16+00:00

You are in the right brother. I think it’s a guilt thing women feel or they are being malicious. What normal person would want that?. Chicks are fucking crazy. My ex wouldn’t try to have me meet her boyfriend but she would try and get me to go out with them and “play” family. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her and I needed boundaries. She would ask me to stay for dinner and stay for cake on my kids birthday. Fuuuuck that. I’ll have separate birthdays and Christmas thank you very much. I never talk to her about anything but the kids. She is on boyfriend number 3. It’s been a year since the divorce was final. I told her they just want to fuck her and that’s it. She had this inflated worth of herself she thought it was just gonna be so easy. Guys were just gonna fall all over her. I told her she belongs to the streets. She hates that one. Fuckin dumb bitch. I’m just as dumb trying to make a whore a housewife. Clean break bro. Be the best dad you can.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-09-11T17:34:25+00:00

Will your kids like to hang out with Mom and Dad at the same time? Yes. Will they be confused seeing another guy with their Mom and their Dad just looking the other way? Yes. When they grow up will they think you did the right thing for yourself? No.

She wants the family experience and she also wants the new dude. Is she aware how much it would hurt you to endure hanging out with her and the AP? Maybe. Does she care? Doubtful. In fact, she may even like having 2 men in her life, the doting father and her loverboy. Don't give in to the manipulation. Don't let her have her cake and eat it too. You can focus 100% of your time on your kids. Create a new life with them that doesn't include their mom, do fun things and create memories with them. Its now her responsibility to juggle fuckboy and her children, best of luck to her.

CoastFit5531 · 2023-09-11T22:48:05+00:00

You don’t have to do what your not comfortable doing, you can take your kids out whenever you want without any of them tagging along

CeeCeeIreen · 2023-09-13T02:33:05+00:00

I divorced twice. Daughter with number 1, never talk to number two as there are no children.

Doing the business of the children is real between you and her. Try to keep it business like. You have your business, and your ex has hers. You should only attend those things that are important to the child. I myself never included holidays or birthdays. Now children get 2 and that's okay! Make your celebrations like you want to, as will your ex.

That leaves only graduations, weddings, emergencies (heaven forbid) that you might attend in concert with an ex. Even that's business. Polite. You'll see. The ex's life will change again as will yours.

It's all about the kids. Having some boundaries (for your own sanity) is a good teacher for them as well. My daughter is 34 now. She sees her mom (and me) for who we are.

And we get along great! ;-)

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-09-14T16:51:50+00:00

A cheating ex is not a good mother, no matter how well she treats your children. She is morally bankrupt, and should be treated as such? And what is this about not telling your children, are you daft, because she will tell them something, be it true or not.

MiiBone · 2023-09-11T17:10:00+00:00

I disagree with the group here. I say you go. You dont need to make it a monthly routine or anything. But I think if you show up and just be friendly, you look strong in front of your kids.

Like it or not, this is the new normal and you and your ex need to Co parent together so get the awkwardness out of the way and be cordial so kids don't grow up with issues. Sure the meal is gonna suck. But I think it takes bigger balls to go then to not go.

Show that bitch that you are moving on and you are the better person, without having to actually say it

Plus you can mentally fuck with the new boyfriend muwahaha.

Oh and if you are a drinker, dont drink during this meal. I know it would only take me a few sips before I started saying snarkey comments.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-11T23:37:49+00:00

How would you split the check?

Title	Am I wrong.......
Author	rootron80
Upvotes	62
Comments	61
Date	September 11, 2023 4:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16fz8j7/am_i_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-wrong.1231438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231438

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