How long did you wait to be intimate again?

Moist_Tea4159 · 2026-06-16T09:18:08+00:00

4 days

PaddyTheClaw · 2026-03-31T15:36:27+00:00

I didn’t sleep with anyone for about 18 months-ish. I was left with nothing at the time, job, house, prospects… nothing. But I slowly started rebuilding my life and focused 100% on me.

I’m so glad I waited because I then went to fill my boots from a good place emotionally and psychologically. A year later I was ready for a relationship which didn’t work out -ironically- because she jumped into a new relationship too soon and hadn’t fixed herself first.

I don’t think you have to wait as long as I did. But I do think it depends on how quickly you can get into a good place emotionally and psychologically. Your starting point, circumstances and how hard you work on yourself all affect how long until you’re really ready. More people should wait longer but not too long

andy2m · 2026-03-30T13:15:40+00:00

I went on the apps and go some within about a month. I told her about my situation, I was Looking for something long term casual and she was down with that. I couldn’t do an ons as that’s just not me and doing it massively helped me and her at the same time. There is no right time but I would say the right person is more important.

901_vols · 2026-03-31T14:50:54+00:00

Currently at 6inths, probably another 4 years or so if it's up to me

Ok_Business5507 · 2026-03-31T01:05:47+00:00

Separated August 2025. Dating wonderful woman since October. Divorce final December 21st. Fireworks New Year Eve. Probably could have been sooner but I intentionally waited. We’re still dating.

darealyst · 2026-03-30T21:25:31+00:00

4months or so? Said she was leaving in September, she didn't move out for 2 months, then it was selling the house, then Christmas. Once I was in my new place the following January I started dating. Just casual and sleeping together, I have no intention to remarry. That usually puts a time limit on dating them and they/I move on after 3-4 months.

Ex wife probably cheated but I have no proof of with whom. I did find missing condoms, a secret second cell phone, and constantly staying out late in the final period of being together.

Wonderful-Act-996 · 2026-03-30T20:58:25+00:00

Hell yeah man get stuck in

streetsmartwallaby · 2026-03-30T20:20:20+00:00

Threeish months. Of course I’d pretty much known / been preparing for the divorce for at least a year.

hotrod427 · 2026-03-30T18:57:55+00:00

Call her and go on a date. Just be honest with her and say you might not be ready to go down that path. If it feels right, then it does. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. Don't force it.

But just go out with her and have a nice casual date. Go get some coffee, or get brunch, or go at night in a chill place for a drink and some appetizers.

twice_paramount832 · 2026-03-30T22:28:13+00:00

13 years and counting.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2026-03-30T18:21:22+00:00

OP, it's probably a bit early to be jumping into another relationship, even if it's casual, but doing so may give you a good perspective on the differences of what another woman can bring to the table compared to your stbexw. It will also sort out some of your psychological challenges you've acquired while in your marriage.

My experience with a few women after my divorce was mainly how much better the sex can be! My ex had an extensive list of issues surrounding her sexuality. We were not compatible whatsoever. It was a wake up call for me realizing I had spent 14 years of marriage having a lackluster sexual experience and dead bedroom.

You may not have this opportunity for awhile so if I was you I'd take advantage of it. You'll be better off for doing so.

Boomhower113 · 2026-03-30T18:04:57+00:00

I knew I wouldn’t date until it was final. Just didn’t seem fair to whoever I was with to still be married, even if it was just on paper.

My first date was probably about 4 months after it was final. Just a couple of dates, hooked up (it was awkward as hell), never saw her again. Probably the best way to do it, actually.

tyyyy110 · 2026-03-30T17:49:31+00:00

I didn't wait long to be intimate. The pain of divorce was hard enough. I wasn't going to deny myself the pleasure of not having some casual fun when it came my way. Heck, she was out there doing it already before we even separated.

Nether_Chain529 · 2026-03-30T16:29:58+00:00

Until my divorce is finalized, I’m staying out of any entanglements. I’ll build relationships strictly at the friend level for now. Besides… after all the damage she’s done, I need to unf*ck my head a bit. Just because I don’t want to drag prior history garbage into it.

Strange_Button_3330 · 2026-03-30T16:23:41+00:00

16 days for me.
Honestly I was a mess at the time and I'm surprised it has worked out as well as it has ~ a year and a half later it's still a ton of fun. Even if it went sideways I wouldn't have regretted it.

Con: With that said, my only "regret" is that the new relationship buzz was dampened by the grief of the divorce. It was exhausting for the first couple of months.

Pro: It sped up the process of letting go of my ex-wife - I think it gave me a great perspective on what the alternatives are. Now I look at my ex and shudder at the thought of being with her ever again.

I say go for it, have some safe fun and see that there's a future ahead of you.
Just don't move in together or involve the kids - keep in simple.

KingJon85 · 2026-03-30T16:01:13+00:00

6 months separated and 3 months divorced and I haven't even really attempted much yet. Perhaps it would help me move on.

I just don't even have the energy to deal with women yet. I feel like im dealing with too many of my own personal issues.

I got a number a couple months back but she didn't return my call for some reason. I added a girl on Facebook that I dated for a short period like 20 years ago. Thought about asking her to hang out. All in all the motivation isn't there yet.

I feel like im getting there because for months I was so broken, I couldn't even look at women. That has passed. I just kinda flip flop between feeling broken and ready to move on.

I don't know if I want to go out and bang 40 year old bar hos. Perhaps find someone who wants to be somewhat exclusive and live separate lives. And take things very, very slow.

DivorceCharacter512 · 2026-03-30T15:55:55+00:00

A month or so. I saw no benefit in becoming a monk. Treat any new relationship for what it is. Don't get too invested in or distracted by it. Shes probably not the one...

bk2747 · 2026-03-30T15:28:49+00:00

2 years.

My plan was to stay single for 6 years (the length of the marriage) but women continued to approach me, I was just past 2 years when I was invited over a woman’s house , wasn’t a good 5 minutes in the door before she was all over me. We hooked up every day for a whole week and it was awesome.

Around the same time another woman approached me and I literally had to say “no” twice, 3rd time she wasn’t taking no for an answer. That was last year…. We literally just finished and I’m getting ready for work, we celebrated our anniversary last February 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Ok_Builder_3285 · 2026-03-30T15:17:46+00:00

For me it’s been over 6.5 years and counting. It’s not for lack of trying. No women want anything to do with me. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years and no woman has given me her number. My ex was the last woman I’ll ever touch apparently.

Do whatever makes you happy. If you want to be with someone do it. Take whatever happiness or pleasure you can even if it’s not long term. I’d be willing to be with almost any woman who would have me at this point, but none will.

notconvinced780 · 2026-03-30T15:11:51+00:00

THE critical element of your post is “With that said, Im not ready…”.

This is a highly individual decision. For some, there has been a lack of intimacy for an extended period period of time before separation, for others its sudden. Some have spent years prior to filing coming to terms with their feelings and getting emotionally sorted, others don’t begin that process till after filing. I’d say there is nothing “wrong” with starting to explore your post marriage life, shortly after separation, but it really is dependent on when the individual feels ready. Don’t feel guilty about being ready though. If you have a desire to give her a call, and just feel guilty that you came to terms with everything earlier than you imagined, dismiss that guilt and go have some fun!!

Solo_job · 2026-03-30T15:03:22+00:00

My cheating wife was in a relationship a month before asking for a divorce. Me, I couldn't do anything physical with anyone until we filed. My wedding vow means that much to me.

Now, I have stretched the meaning of it to be fully transparent by being on 5 dates in 6 weeks. I justified that to myself by not engaging in any physical contact with any of them, not even a kiss goodbye. I did hug each one of them, but there was no sexual meaning behind it--I'm just a hugger, I did the same in front of my then wife countless times.

Now that we've signed the paperwork, I'm no longer beholden to my vow. She's been actively violating it since before the marriage, and I just couldn't; It felt wrong. Maybe it was some leftover sense of loyalty or lingering morality. Either way, I'm free from those constraints.

I have a date set for this Friday with a nurse, and our conversations have turned rather spicy. I'm sure she will be the first person I have sex with since my wife in January. 2 1/2 months without sex for me is something I haven't done in close to 12 years. To be with someone completely new with the intention of building a relationship isn't something I've felt in that same amount of time; It's invigorating.

PghSubie · 2026-03-30T15:02:46+00:00

You need to move on. Your wife was part of your life in the past. Build a new future for yourself withOUT dragging your wife along.

Call her

Snowbirdy · 2026-03-30T14:55:29+00:00

It took me a year after separation before I was ready for that level of intimacy.

Everyone is different. You need to move at the pace that you’re comfortable with.

JumpyApricot80 · 2026-03-30T14:49:01+00:00

I know what you mean by ‘feeling dirty’ and all. It took me 2 years. But now on hindsight, it was all in my own head. My ex had already initiated separation and moved on, why didn’t I?

ChiMarOra · 2026-03-30T14:39:43+00:00

Two months. If you've been out of the dating market for a considerable amount of time, then buckle up. Things have changed over the last 15 years and. it. is. nuts. Not in a good way either.

LaCathedrale · 2026-03-30T14:38:30+00:00

I'm going to buck the trend here and say that having sex with another woman made me realise I had not at all finished processing all the shit my ex put me through. I wouldn't change anything, but I now know I need to wait longer.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-03-30T13:49:46+00:00

Currently on month six of abstinence. Honestly, the longer I go, the less I think about it. Women and relationships just aren't high on my priority list right now. Just focusing on myself, getting my life back together, and just having fun with friends.

Bowl__Haircut · 2026-03-30T13:58:58+00:00

A wise man once said, "The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else."

training2020 · 2026-03-30T13:48:28+00:00

Dating is different too tho just hooking up technically.

training2020 · 2026-03-30T13:47:48+00:00

Honestly when I got divorced I got drinks and hooked up with a friend the same day I moved out. She had become single around the same time as me. The bedroom with my ex wife was dead for almost a year. I had needs lol.

gaelorian · 2026-03-30T13:45:08+00:00

When you feel ready. We had struggled for a long time. Tried all the therapies. Hadn’t been intimate in a long time. Once we officially separated and I had a place to stay away from kids (we nested) I started talking to women. It happened about a month later when I ran into someone I knew that I always found attractive.

Appropriate_Breath91 · 2026-03-30T13:25:02+00:00

I waited almost 2 years. Not because of advice given to me or anything like that.

I was shattered. I wasn’t ready.

Only you will know when you are ready.

I’m not the kind of person that seeks to fill a hole in my heart with sexual validation. A lot of people do though; and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it; but that approach wasn’t right for me.

I spent my time working out, woodworking, and fishing for 2 years. Went back to my roots and discovered who I am without anybody.

In the end I was glad I waited; because when I met the right girl; I was finally ready. And I didn’t deal with dysfunction issues like many do; cause I gave myself that time to heal.

Now I’ve nailed new girl more than I nailed my ex wife in 5 YEARS in just a few months. And I’m happier for it; too.

You’re only about a month into it; there’s a giant rollercoaster ahead of you! Just something to keep in mind!

Firstborn3 · 2026-03-30T13:09:45+00:00

So about a month after my wife left me, I happened to run into a girl I went to high school with. Hadn’t seen her in over 20 years, we were both 42 at this time. The bar we were at closed early at 10, so I ended up going back to her place for awhile. We had a few drinks and she talked about her divorce, etc. She told me that since I’d been drinking I’d had to stay the night. So I did. Started making out, clothes coming off, etc. It had been a long time since I had actually intimacy like that with foreplay and all, as my ex wife was very much a “get in, get off and go away” about sex.

So then the big moment came, she climbed on top of me and much to my surprise… I go limp. Limp in the kind of way that there was absolutely no way I was gonna come back from. For 18 years I had only been with one woman, and that NEVER happened. But there I was. We blamed it on whiskey dick and being nervous, and agreed to meet up the following weekend and try again. Meet up again, and same thing happened. I was frustrated but somehow it made sense.

I wasn’t ready. Looking back now I was a mess. I had a long way to recovery, and I’m still recovering. Still, that was a good experience because it got my confidence up and showed me that I’m not as ugly and undesirable as my ex wife made me feel.

Give it time, wait until you’re ready.

Noobagainreddit · 2026-03-30T13:07:03+00:00

Just do it. You.dont.need to look for anything serious. It can be a massive confident boost.

Will help you move on for sure.

darthkennedy815 · 2026-03-30T13:02:12+00:00

I waited til 6 months after the divorce was finalized, which is at least a year longer than she waited

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-03-30T13:02:06+00:00

Call her. I didn't "wait" a day, just wasn't as lucky as you. Had a few hookups a few months later, they pursued me, impolite to decline, right? Didn't call them the next day - no deeper attraction. Then slept with the first girl I actually liked and completely forgot my ex. Down the road, the girl turned out to be very damaged with a lot of issues but she did help me out to move on, more that anything else I did and tried in the months before.

ComfortablyAlive · 2026-03-30T12:56:23+00:00

So you’re aware, separation agreements don’t hold up in court above the charge of adultery. Wait until the divorce is final. You’ll also be guaranteeing the nail in the coffin if you think you want a shot at reconciliation with your wife.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2026-03-30T12:44:25+00:00

I took one year (4 seasons) to have time for myself and fully handle the situation and also prioritize getting my kids in a good place as well as my new house. Women can be a huge time sink and honestly after divorce, I just wanted all that time to myself. Once I got mentally to a good place, I decided to dip my toes into the water but it was really about 1.5 years before I even casually dated someone.

There is no right or wrong time but there is more harm in going too quick than too slow.

thetory · 2026-03-30T12:43:55+00:00

I was married 13 years. I waited 18 months, she waited negative six.

thetory · 2026-03-30T12:43:49+00:00

I was married 13 years. I waited 18 months, she waited negative six.

DevinB12 · 2026-03-30T12:37:49+00:00

Several months for me before dating. I wasn’t in a good place for a while and even though my divorce has been final for a month and our separation was over a year ago, I’m still struggling to want to commit to much if anything.

Title	How long did you wait to be intimate again?
Author	Owww_My_Ovaries
Upvotes	44
Comments	67
Date	March 30, 2026 12:32 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s7p914/how_long_did_you_wait_to_be_intimate_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-did-you-wait-to-be-intimate-again.1576722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576722

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