Paying for Dates

Plastic_Holiday_2037 · 2026-05-24T15:31:17+00:00

First, I’m paying for everything every time. I can and I like to.

If she’s not fucking you buddy you’re a fool.

hhh888hhhh · 2026-04-23T21:41:30+00:00

She is a penny digger. Period. What guy wouldn’t go out with a girl if she paid all the meals. Not going 50-50 is this a time bomb for a money grabbed divorce in the future

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-08T08:32:43+00:00

I thought they wanted 50/50. I would start getting cheap take out meals or home cooked meals. If you have the communication skills and the correct delivery you might discuss this issue with her.
In any case bringing up a sensitive discussion like this would also test her communication skills so go for it. She is an adult and should be able to handle adult discussions.

Standard-Bottle7820 · 2026-04-03T19:36:39+00:00

Dating is not even 100 years old.

You don't need to do it period.

Sick of her not paying? Do free stuff.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-04-03T14:01:36+00:00

She would be spending money to get “made up” either way.

TheWallGoingUp · 2026-04-03T00:37:03+00:00

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-02T17:55:29+00:00

I’m always tempted to pay for everything, but I know it leaves me resentful. I think if you’re posting on here you are resentful too. Relationships are about flows of energy. If you feel like you’re over paying what ever that means to you the relationship won’t last. Be warned however, I partner that pays may be less interesting in some other way. Pick your compromise because it’s hard to get everything.

One-Specialist-4983 · 2026-04-02T17:22:53+00:00

I’ve been with my girl for some time, but I always pay. When we do a casual dinner she always send me her portion without me asking. On date nights she always asks how much she should send me and I always decline. She did book a 4 day trip and said it’s all on her… felt very nice being appreciated.

I would bring it up in a conversation so what her thinking is…. Or just go with your gut feeling.

willowtrees_r_us · 2026-04-02T09:27:38+00:00

Maybe she's old school too? Is everything else going good or other red flags? Sex abundant?

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-04-02T08:02:50+00:00

I always pay, but my current girl always tries to buy a round when I am not looking, she always says thank you for dinner, and she always repeats that she just wants to spend time with me. Like the other guy said: trust your gut.

bigblue778 · 2026-04-02T04:54:08+00:00

I paid for everything with my ex; after all, it was what we were all taught. Well, things never changed. I helped her through uni, paid all the bills. She got a job earning twice as much as me, but still I paid everything, even bought my own birthday gifts. Come separation, she came after everything: my super, long service leave, sick leave, even my sister's house. After that i said never again, my current girlfriend i paid for the first dinner, but after that i expected something in return. Im not a 50/50 guy but if she sees something or comes up with a plan i expect her to pay for it. And for the guys saying is she giving you sex, that's not a excuse sex isnt a gift she gives have some pride in yourself.

Numerous_Rush5227 · 2026-04-01T20:53:33+00:00

From experience, any woman not willing to even forcibly pay for a couple bottles of wine at the store or convenient store stop isn’t worth pursuing. Most of us here already experienced a temporary (speaking just from childless divorce) decline in finances. I’m not trying to expense out my financial security for an ungrateful woman anymore. Sue me haha

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2026-04-01T20:41:48+00:00

Trust your gut - leave her at the curb. I'm old school and don't mind picking up the check - but someone who never offers or avoids it isn't worth the effort. Next time you're out with her - pull the old "I left my wallet in the car" excuse and ask her politely to pick up the check. Her body language will tell you EVERYTHING at that moment.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-04-01T19:27:34+00:00

The man pays. Been like this since the beginning of time and will always be like this. If you want a partner who is 50/50 then date guys.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-04-01T16:58:47+00:00

I pay for everything, they offer but I don't like the feeling when a woman pays me anything. She's not my wife, we don't share a life. Gifts and homecooked meals are ok. Food and drinks are cheap here so it doesn't matter anyway. I do low effort dates, and prefer them to come to my place where they are a guest.

If she treats you right and you earn more, where's the problem? You always pay in some way.

SaaSWriters · 2026-04-01T12:07:19+00:00

I have never encountered this.

I don’t put myself in such situations.

While I don’t mind paying, I don’t go to places where I have to spend money because I prefer for women to come see me at home.

ng_rddt · 2026-04-01T11:31:20+00:00

I may pay for the first date because I invited her out, but after that I split the bill 50/50. I want her to value me for who I am, not my money.

I agree that some women may make more effort to get ready for the date, but the men usually have to make more effort to arrange/plan the date and men spend more on the dating apps to get the date. By some estimates, 80-90% of the paying customers are men https://digitalyieldgroup.com/blog/the-economics-of-attraction-gender-roi-gap-in-mobile-dating/ with most women using the apps on the free tier while men subscribe and are much more likely to pay for likes. I think I spent about $2000 on the apps the year I was dating before I found my partner (on the apps) and we’ve been together for 2 yrs now. She used the apps in free mode. She had 500 men wanting to meet her in her dating queue—my only chance of jumping to the top of the list, where she could see me, was to pay for the like. Fortunately, she saw me. But once we started dating, I strove for a balanced relationship (unlike my marriage; I realize now the financial imbalance in my marriage was one of the factors that led to the divorce-my ex felt entitled)

For all the men who complain that women are entitled and take advantage of men, you may want to look in the mirror and ask: why are you enabling that by paying for everything?

Everyone_Is_Sad · 2026-04-01T06:32:17+00:00

I'm a divorced man and I don't even know how to ask women out.
It's crazy. You'd think the last decade would condition me to approach women, but I'm just lost.

redditrock56 · 2026-04-01T05:52:19+00:00

If she's fucking you, who cares?

If she's not fucking you, why are you wasting your time?

serkovavantgarden · 2026-04-01T05:51:25+00:00

If I offer to take a woman on a date/dinner etc then I’m paying

If the activity has been mutually agreed then we’re chipping in

upvotersfortruth · 2026-04-01T05:12:30+00:00

Follow your gut. However, have you ever discussed it with her? After this time has passed and X amount of dates, the tone has been set. So it’s a little harsh to conclude she’s using you (although she may very well be). But if she never even offers … red flag.

probebeta · 2026-04-01T04:28:59+00:00

If I'm going on a date I pay for it, but I also pick a place that I can afford. Splitting bills is just really not my thing. But I do expect some reciprocation, and unfortunately I dont tell her this. If she likes me enough she will do it without me asking. This could be some amazing cooked dinner which I very much appreciate. If she doesn't then she will eventually end up in my friend zone. By that I mean we go out for a date, then yadda yadda, but she will soon realize that this is as far as this relationship goes.

I think many women today, unfortunately, think that sex alone is going to be enough to lock a guy down. It's not...

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-04-01T03:44:51+00:00

Depends on how long you’ve been dating and whose dong the asking. At the beginning if you’re inviting you pay. She should still cover a little bit as a sign of good faith i.e you pay for dinner she offers to cover drinks after. Once you’ve been dating for a while and you’re in a title situation i.e. bf and gf, it should be more fair. Wouldn’t expect 50/50 bc you make more than her but something closer to 60/40ish depending on the pay gap

OzzyBSK · 2026-04-01T01:27:35+00:00

If you feel like you are being used, you probably are.

Conscious-Camel-5090 · 2026-04-01T01:25:30+00:00

I rarely if ever have allowed a woman I’m dating pay for dinner idk just not for me but do you

IHaveABigDuvet · 2026-04-01T01:04:34+00:00

I think it should be proportional and fair.

If you are in the same tax bracket at least I see no reason why she can’t pay for dates too.

crzapy · 2026-04-01T00:50:05+00:00

A good rule is whoever invites or plans the date pays.

My girlfriend asked if I wanted to see project hail Mary. She paid for dinner and a movie.

I asked her to dinner and bowling. I paid.

I'm over the guy always has to pay.

CRobinsFly · 2026-04-01T00:19:47+00:00

If she has genuine burning desire for you, she'd pay for some things. I typically pay for most dates but I do ask for a "cover 20 dollars of this" every once in a while. Since yours doesn't, she's just letting this gravy train run its course. You are definitely being used, gold diggers just vary in their overtness.

Since youre considering breaking up with her, might I suggest what I'd do since it will probably lead to a breakup? Just do the bare minimum and stop taking her on dates and spending money on her etc. Show up for sex/hangout and that's about it. Tell her youre evaluating her cooking ability. If she even cuts sex off, then dump her.

Slick-Fork · 2026-04-01T00:12:54+00:00

The dynamic may be unintentional.

Try mentioning staying in for budget reasons - e.g saving for a trip and see if she ponies anything up.

DadVader77 · 2026-03-31T23:14:03+00:00

Don’t buy into that “women pay getting made up” bullshit. All the time they always say “I do it for me” when it comes to that so that dog won’t hunt.

They keep on trying to have everything both ways and then wonder why they can’t get decent men.

Majorpia · 2026-03-31T23:09:26+00:00

Major, major red flag. Her attitude says it all. As men, we need to stop supporting this attitude/outdated expectation. Don’t let them blame their makeup costs on us. It is the most ridiculous argument I’ve ever heard

Shoddy_Classic_350 · 2026-03-31T23:09:00+00:00

Sometimes I'm happy that I'm older and don't care anymore. Why do you want to get bogged down with another relationship? Date money doesn't mean much to me. Seems like you're not financially independent, so we're in different worlds. I'd get the fuck out of there if you're already having money concerns.

PlaystationSwitchAWD · 2026-03-31T22:50:21+00:00

If the woman is rarely paying for anything now, you can expect it will get worse after marriage. I think during dating, my partner paid for 40-45% of dates. But after marriage, I had to foot 85% of the downpayment for a home.

Bro, I would get out if I were you.

rboller · 2026-03-31T22:48:06+00:00

I think you bring it up subtly and perhaps abstractly like via a discussion of gender roles. If not it seems like it will be a grain of sand that will eventually cause resentment. Gotta be able to negotiate values, whatever they may be, with a longer term partner.

UrAristotle · 2026-03-31T22:45:26+00:00

The "ladies spend money getting made up and dressed up" is such bullshit.

Okay, men spend money on the vehicle they pick her up in. Men have to go to the gym to stay fit. It's such a stupid argument.

I've been dating a woman for 8 months. We've never discussed money. We're building a life together, so if someone else needs something, we get it for them. A while back she needed a new carrier for her cat. I could go pick it up at PetSmart easier than she could, so I grabbed it. Last weekend I was sick. She went to a pho place and brought me soup. Most meals I pay, but on occasion she does ask to pay.

The stopped dating the woman I was seeing just before her for exactly the reason you've mentioned. I had taken her out on several dates and I was pretty sure that my purpose was to give her free events. I wasn't interested.

Character_Plum3284 · 2026-03-31T22:28:48+00:00

It's 2026. The double standard will only end when men start standing up against this crap.

Money to get done up is a horse hockey argument/justification.

I'd never date a woman who refused to pay. I would just tell her to grow up. If she doesn't want to pay, then I'll move on, simple.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-03-31T22:24:24+00:00

Does she at least offer to pay? I’m old school too but the shift in dynamics are here

rowman_nahledge · 2026-03-31T22:14:45+00:00

If you getting some action we all gotta pay for it at some point or another. Im old school though so im the type to pay. But i better be getting paid back jn other ways lol

TXJohn83 · 2026-03-31T22:12:49+00:00

What are her age and income compared to yours?

twiggyRamirez11 · 2026-03-31T22:05:44+00:00

Bro if you are getting laid and making more than her. I don’t see the issue here

xchubanx · 2026-03-31T22:00:42+00:00

If it's bothering you, and it's the only thing bothering you, this is the prime time to have a conversation about it. Especially since you've been dating for "many months". Is everything else going well? Does she have other commitments she's saving for like kids or a house or big trip?

If you're not comfortable having a conversation about it, then the money thing probably isn't the only issue here.

Title	Paying for Dates
Author	Cool-Lavishness-1955
Upvotes	21
Comments	69
Date	March 31, 2026 9:54 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s91ffn/paying_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/paying-for-dates.1576858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576858

Comments