What makes a man submit to a second (or third) destruction in divorce?

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-11-13T07:36:54+00:00

Because when it comes to women most men are clueless, romantic fools.

Even after a nasty divorce they think “This one, this one will be different!”

PokerFriend247 · 2023-11-13T08:03:40+00:00

We deluded ourselves and we get caught up in brain chemicals of bonding. Confuse Sex for love. Etc

I think we should ‘memento’ movie tattoos. Remind ourself daily.

4 rings of life.

Friendship Ring Engagement Ring Wedding Ring 💍

And nope it’s not an Eternity……….ring…

In end you finally realise it was all SufferRing. 👀

Gattsama · 2023-11-13T07:11:06+00:00

It's not about logic or reason, but emotion and feeling. Marriage has three classic institutions: social, religious, and legal. We have a culture that has decided that the ultimate form and expression of love is marriage. And that the only 'true' form of marriage is signing the legal contract with the government.

You could have the ceremony, make the vows, cohabitate, have kids together, etc. But it's not a 'real relationship,' until you involve the government.

Being a touch tongue and cheek, but if you believe that model. Then not being married is the same as not having 'real' love. And not wanting to get married means you don't really love your partner.

So logic, reason, and life experience be damned; they decide to do it again 🙄 I've learned from before, this one is different, I vetted her really well, etc etc.

There is a huge social and religious push to marry. And many people bought into the system.

icemountainisnextome · 2023-11-13T12:58:11+00:00

Over a month from my wife abandoning the house. I have no, absolutely zero, intention of getting married again. Knowing people, even the people you trust with your life, can just up and disappear. I'm never going to put myself in that/this situation again.

I'm an emotionless, depressed, cynical piece of shit now and don't see myself getting married ever again. Hopefully I can find a woman that thinks the same, but right now I'm totally ready to die alone.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-11-13T13:19:33+00:00

Humans are interesting. We go through tough things in life and swear it won't happen again. For example, we party all night and extremely hung over and swear we won't drink again. Yet, a week later, it happens again.

I'm not marrying again, not at my age (48). I stay on this sub, just to remind myself. The environment in the u.s. is not conducive to marriage any longer, IMO. Women grow up brainwashed by social media, disney movies, etc which shows them that some prince is going to swoop in and marry them. There is an unrealistic expectation of what marriage really is.....tough work. If you really think about it, humans are not built for marriage. Biologically, men are here to 'spread seed' by having unlimited sex with unlimited women. Women value provisioning while they take care of kids.

Social media is a huge problem as well. Even average women get tons of messages, likes, cat calls, and follows from dudes just waiting for their chance. If you are dating someone new, i guarantee there is some guy on her friends list just hoping to bang. Male validation is like currency to women! What is the point of a woman posting a picture with spandex up their ass 5"? For themselves? Haha. Go through social media and look how many women are posting 'selfies' or doing provacative poses vs men. They do 'challenges' which every single one involves them posting a selfie. I cringe when a woman posts spandex ass shots while in a relationship......that is called microcheating. They are advertising themselves as available. Some women will even bitch about men DM'ing them after the thirsty post. Really?

All the validation has average women thinking they are 10's. Imagine if it was reversed. Men continually get messages, likes, and DMs from women asking if they want to have sex. If your current relationship wasn't doing so well, it might make you think twice. This is what it is like for women. They continually get hit on at work, in public, and social media. They have unlimited options vs a male. Women are valued for youth/beauty when it cones down to it.

Women can't be blamed for everything. We, as men, have to stop liking thirsty posts by women. Don't stop your goals, career, gym, or hobbies for any woman. I did this in my first marriage. If you DO decide to get married again, you better vet, vet, vet. Every woman seems perfect in the beginning. Its brain chemicals. The 1st 18 months is generally awesome. Have a list of boundaries, including red flags like::

Women who dress provocatively
Friends with ex
Lots of male friends
Social media hyper user (thirsty posts)
Only wants 'upscale' restaurants on 1st date
Has had many malw partners
Already traveled the world
Young kids
Separated
High conflict ex

This would be mine, but everyone is different. The point is, don't let brain chemicals and thinking with your d%%% get you in trouble. It's getting harder and harder these days and the court system does not help. Get a pre nup if needed. Some get thrown out or modified but its better than nothing. I don't care if soneone wants to risk a 30% success rate on 2nd marriage. That's on them. I just don't see how a piece of paper makes a difference. People will call you mysogonistic/wonan hater for not wanting to get married. Lol. These people are part of the problem. F off. I'm not bagging on people who want to get married again. That is their choice. Theyy have the stats and are taking the risk.

Good luck men.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-11-13T08:48:08+00:00

There are people who have one marriage and one divorce, two marriages and one divorce, two marriages and two divorces but rarely three marriages and three divorces - once you hit three, it seems to become a cycle within the cycle of life - so three brings four brings five

mrk177 · 2023-11-13T11:46:22+00:00

False sense of hope.

tinrooster2005 · 2023-11-13T16:00:44+00:00

Real talk this is what my personal observations are:

Young and naive- this time it'll be different. Doesn't do any sort of personality audit or mental health housekeeping and the cycle repeats.
Financial Hardship- the situation post divorce is financially harder now that he has to support his self and his family in two separate homes/financial situations. uses a 2nd marriage to stabilize things
Social pressure- I noticed when I was an unattached and unmarried man, society in general treated me with some low level hositility? I don't have a better word. This kind of made me reconsider not getting remarried several times.

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2023-11-13T10:34:16+00:00

My marriage was crap but my divorce was not nasty. I am also a fantasist and a romantic. Seeing my grandparents in their 90s and being married over 60 years gives me some hope that I just married the wrong one. There's a saying, "If you fail and don't succeed...".

cdjohnny · 2023-11-13T12:15:10+00:00

Personally I like the companionship and the commitment marriage represents despite my ex not taking that commitment seriously. My second wife, married 12 years now, and I share the same morals, interests, etc... It's not always easy but I'm happy. We both have kids but not together, were a bit old for that. Oh, and I made sure I married someone on an equal footing from a savings and income level. I think this is key.

idiskfla · 2023-11-13T13:50:02+00:00

Loneliness makes people do crazy and illogical things.

You think the guy who adopts a 100 cats does it just because he like cats?

traveller1976 · 2023-11-13T14:35:21+00:00

Societal pressure on men get submit for repeated castration in divorce court is very strong, almost irresistible. Men today must guard themselves from utter destruction. Cohabitation and impregnation of an untrustworthy female will destroy you. I don't care if the women shame you or flail on the floor screaming you don't have to put a ring on it. You can get all the benefits of companionship without risks. Nowadays the burden of proof is on women.

Professional-Cost968 · 2023-11-13T14:45:13+00:00

Met the love of my life and wanted to marry her. We both signed a prenup agreement prior to our marriage. The way we look at the prenuptial agreement is deciding while we are still in love how we want our divorce to go if we fall out of love.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-11-13T15:19:22+00:00

Some people never learn and some only needs one experience

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-11-13T16:29:20+00:00

Its human nature to let go of the pain and move on, we're wired to do that. Religion, society, and good people encourage us to let go of the past and be optimistic about the future. To hang on to pain and suffering is deemed to be broken.

Then a really sweet girl comes along, does everything right during the dating phase just like our ex did. And we think to ourselves "Am I going to punish this sweet girl for what my ex did to me?". There you go.

kitterkatty · 2023-11-13T17:07:54+00:00

Weddings are fun? Idk.

IrrungenWirrungen · 2023-11-13T17:37:37+00:00

To name another reason, a lot of times the men know the woman will leave if they don’t get married.

Especially if they are more “traditional”.

judasholio · 2023-11-13T19:28:49+00:00

Would not recommend marriage for any man in the United States. If you can afford to start over, Find another country that values Fatherhood and family.

woahbrad35 · 2023-11-14T03:21:19+00:00

Not me, there was zero benefit to getting married. I'm older now, kids aren't in my future anymore, I have less patience for stupid relationship drama. Never signing that paper again.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-11-13T13:29:07+00:00

Some people just want to be loved.

azvoice · 2023-11-13T13:52:44+00:00

Usually second marriages are better, and we have prenups.

PghSubie · 2023-11-13T13:46:07+00:00

So far, my second marriage is wonderful and has exceeded my first marriage in length as well as emotional and even financial support.

If you adopt the same strategy for a second wife as you did for the first, then don't be surprised when you end up with the same result. If you learn from your mistakes, then things can be better

softinvest · 2023-11-13T19:04:12+00:00

Being alone sucks and we think we can cure it by finding someone to fill that void. A lot of us can’t be in the company of ourselves. We need to man up and not be simps and always plan for the worst and until we do that, these stories will persist

Title	What makes a man submit to a second (or third) destruction in divorce?
Author	ijustdontcare74
Upvotes	32
Comments	52
Date	November 13, 2023 6:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17u51la/what_makes_a_man_submit_to_a_second_or_third/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-makes-a-man-submit-to-a-second-or-third.1238300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238300

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