How does female attraction work, or rather how does a man become attractive?

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xXMachineWomanXx · 2022-04-13T17:00:32+00:00

I can only speak for myself. I have to personally know and like the person. My boyfriend and I were friends (and formerly coworkers) for a long time. We have a lot in common and have similar life goals. Neither of us are quitting our day jobs to become models anytime soon, but we both like working out and I find him attractive.

Naus1987 · 2022-04-13T17:37:33+00:00

The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Be the kind of person that people want to be around.

Mrs-Salt · 2022-04-13T19:39:51+00:00

I know this is a massive generalization, but I've found a pattern that men making 6 figures in my age bracket are insufferable and arrogant. No amount of money can cover up a terrible personality. After all, a relationship is a partnership between two humans -- if I am not attracted to their character, why would I want to be with them?

PresentationPlus · 2022-04-13T19:15:35+00:00

Speaking as a woman, 24f, I find men with good personalities attractive. Guys who are gentle, have a good sense of humor, and can have a nice conversation are the absolute best. Facial hair is also very attractive to me. And eye contact. And when they use my name….

xvszero · 2022-04-13T18:58:46+00:00

The answer is always going to be "every woman is different". Sure you will find certain trends but then you will also find women into the absolute least trendy stuff possible.

I'm a dorky looking guy and my wife makes more than me and she absolutely adores me. This is what also exists in the real world.

TheDrWinston · 2022-04-13T18:10:29+00:00

Life isn't worth changing yourself for others, unless you're an asshole.

Faeraday · 2022-04-13T20:40:08+00:00

Besides having that stereotypical chad face.

Not attractive to me.

Like is it really just money and status in the end?

Not at all attractive to me.

I don't have any desirable physical traits

I have severe doubts about this. Based on your other assumptions in this short post, it's much more likely you don't know what physical traits are/can be desirable.

How does female attraction work, or rather how does a man become attractive?

First, try to deprogram your thought that women are a foreign entity. There is no one-size-fits-all-women for what they find attractive in men. We are all just individual people with individual interests.

Personally, some physical traits I'm attracted to in men are an average to slimmer body, (proportionally, shoulders broader than waist), softer facial features (definitely not "stereotypical chad face"), and... that's really all I've got for physical feature preferences.

It really doesn't matter how physically attractive a man is if we don't have anything in common. Do we get along? Like similar things? Have similar world-views? Does he see me as a person or a "female"? Important stuff.

The best way to "become attractive" is to focus on developing your own interests, personal growth, and loving yourself before you can properly love someone else.

andrezay517 · 2022-04-13T20:35:40+00:00

Find a way to be happy, and share your happiness. Best dating advice I ever got.

2022-04-13T18:47:14+00:00

you may as well be asking about the qualia of another person at this point. you just skipped over all the material stuff, and the nonmaterial stuff is obviously gonna be different for everybody, so why ask for a general answer? as men we will never understand the feeling (gay attraction is probably different right), we can know certain things about it but that's mostly material stuff.

uraniumEmpire · 2022-04-13T19:29:00+00:00

Hobbies and good humor.

Octopizza · 2022-04-13T20:38:43+00:00

What is working for me is self-love. Like, I’m a believer that no one is truly altruistic. People will tend to look out for themselves first and I respect that, to a healthy degree. Now someone who is taking care of themselves, especially their mental health and peace, is very attractive to me.

It makes them less likely to act on their insecurities. They’ll come from a place where they want the best possible outcome for themselves re: peace of mind and obtaining that through reciprocating peace to me. Someone who loves themselves won’t want to measure up and compete with other men on who has the most money/status. They won’t act on those status acquiring desires that can be harmful. They are at peace because they feel they have nothing to prove. And I can be at peace within his peace.

Ok-Stand-2788 · 2022-04-13T19:41:40+00:00

Plenty of ways to become attractive that don't involve your face or wallet.

- Be physically & socially active

- Be comfortable & lighthearted at social settings in your community where groups of people are enjoying themselves. (bonus points if you can make people laugh)

- Take a leadership role in social settings / make decisions

- Have a hobby or cause you're genuinely passionate about

- In conversation, have some interesting stories to tell about your life experience

^ The basic shit that makes you fun at parties will eventually make some women attracted to you. Short, funny-looking men have been getting laid for generations doing the same stuff.

Don't overthink this, my guy. Overthinking is unattractive.

Environmental-Row979 · 2022-04-13T18:07:17+00:00

Female humans are not some foreign species -- attraction works pretty much the same as it does for any human, regardless of sex and/or gender. You see someone and you're either into it or not. That may change/shift as you get to know them better. And, as always, what is attractive to one person is not necessarily what is attractive to the next -- and one person finding you unattractive does not mean that you ARE unattractive/undesirable.

I don't know if it's because I am a queer person who is attracted to people across the gender spectrum, but I truly do not have a physical type. Not one of my former partners bears any resemblance to each other. I find most people pretty physically attractive; it's 100% their personality that lets me know whether I'm interested in getting physical. Within 5 minutes of meeting them, I am most attracted to someone who "gets" my sense of humor, shows care/concern for people around them, and who is focused on ME rather than scanning the room for a brighter prospect or trying to run game (trust me: people know when you're doing that).

What makes me attracted to my partner: he is intelligent, a thoughtful/skillful communicator, and treats me with respect. I have no idea what you mean by "status" but I earn more money than he does. I am an educated, independent adult. I am not looking for someone to provide for me or protect me. I want a partner who shares my values, goals, and interests.

honey-bundy-88 · 2022-04-13T20:16:22+00:00

Back again are we u/Pomeranian111?

Whenever I see a post like this where a guy swears he needs to be a 10/10 Chad to be dateable I always like to browse the hashtag National Boyfriend Day on Instagram. I love seeing such a diverse group of men and boys getting loved on by their women. Male beauty standards are as rigid as female ones, but you don’t have to fit them to a T in order to be considered attractive enough to date. This excuse is used to counter any real world observations that would directly conflict with the narrative and give you hope. Make no mistake, TRP is designed to keep you miserable and hopeless so you keep coming back for more advice, not escape the matrix.

Answer this question honestly: Do you really believe that all women are superficial bitches who only care about money, status, and big dicks for sex?

You’ve come here fishing for compliments a many times and the women here and on multiple subs have told you you’re attractive. So what else is next for you?

princessbubbbles · 2022-04-13T18:17:16+00:00

General rule of thumb: behaviors that make a good friend are also what makes a good partner. Then romantic and sexual interest follow sometimes. Source: am female, had only one partner in my life who was a friend who is now my husband, I had/have other male platonic friendships.

Do you want a monogamous, long term partner?

guiltymorty · 2022-04-13T21:37:06+00:00

For the modern day independent and financially stable woman money don’t mean shit. Status maybe for some women but most don’t give a fuck. What matters then? Looks, personality, chemistry, compatibility, values, priorities, love language, communication etc. (the latter ones plays a heavier role for the LTR), but essentially what makes us feel good, wanted, appreciated, understood, heard, seen. There’s physical attraction based on what we see, smell, feel, listens to etc, and then emotional attraction which is way more about the way you treat her and challenges intellectually (hope it makes sense - it’s the best way I can describe it). If you lead with your wallet or your status, you’re only going to attract a certain type of woman. And you know that what’s between you two is based on money/status so it’s never really 100% genuine. Work on your looks, do your hobbies and look for women in those spaces because then you’re gonna find women who will at least value or find that attractive about you (shared interests, values, same types of people). You don’t need to be a 8/10 to get a girl, but obviously if you go for 8/10 women and you’re way below that you’re not gonna be successful.

Gmed66 · 2022-04-13T21:44:09+00:00

Chad face and bod totally puts me off, I just wouldn't be comfortable with someone who didn't somewhat match me. Both ways- I'm not fat either and wouldn't want to date someone really fat, dad bod is fine.

Money not that important, my husband was between jobs when I met him, but I couldn't be with a deadbeat he has to have some work ethic similar to mine, part of being a reasonable, modern, well rounded person. Status, well obviously being confident, well regarded and fun to be around is attractive to most people.

I think most women have a type, maybe you are someone's type, presuming you have achieved healthy BMI. After that you need to 'click,' that's the important thing. If you get on and can talk for hours, that's the magic.

It's complicated!

FixinThePlanet · 2022-04-13T23:44:34+00:00

stereotypical chad face

What in the heck is this? I'm pretty sure women have a much wider range of physical attributes they find attractive so there's literally no chad face which makes a guy automatically women bait.

I don't have any desirable physical traits

I don't know what you look like but your opinion of yourself and your assumption of women's desires automatically makes you unattractive to me.

shravfr · 2022-04-14T00:53:12+00:00

I have fallen bad for atleast 2-3 men in my life that I didn't think we're too attractive (to put it nicely). These were classmates, project mates etc who I had daily interactions with before beginning to like them.

For me it was majorly because they were funny, attentive and respectful. I was in a project group with three other guys and often got spoken over (mainly maybe bc i was soft-spoken). This particular guy always made sure to hear me out and I felt very respected and taken care of. Also he was a genuinely nice guy and not pretending to be nice to me. Naturally by the end of the course, I was very into him.

CFinCanada · 2022-04-13T17:39:35+00:00

It depends on the woman?

For me when I was last dating (early 2015) I was asking guys I right-swiped on some dealbreaker questions. I'm throwing in the "preference/nice to have" questions I asked my bf for good measure:

Do you smoke?

Do you have kids?

What's your favourite type of music?

How tall are you? (he's 5'8")

Do you 4/20? If so, how often? (this was a trick question, I was trying to weed out stoners)

Do you like going to concerts?

Do you like horror movies?

Where do you see yourself living 5 years from now? Like, are you a city person or do you just want a tiny plot of land you can call your own and a backyard?

Depending on how the person answered those questions, I'd either continue chatting with them and getting to know them better, or I would unmatch. If things were going well with the ongoing chat, eventually we would meet up in person.

And after a few dates, I would let them know that I don't want kids, ever. I'm childfree. Because I didn't want to waste anyone's time if they saw themselves having a conventional family, and vice-versa.

A lot of women my age (I was 29 at the time) would have been looking for the opposite things. So it really depends on the woman.

There is someone for everyone. You just have to find them. And that's the tricky part.

2022-04-13T20:20:17+00:00

No. I mean, it does help when picking up Women, especially shallow women. But mainly it’s charm and good hygiene.

onenightstanduhoes · 2022-04-13T21:27:42+00:00

Was thinking about it earlier today, the reason why TRP theory can be so contradictarian is that not every woman is attracted to the same thing ! Yes status, money, muscle, artistic quality, leadership and so on are attractive. BUT, there are gold diggers, and there are gym rats, and also artistic women.

perlm · 2022-04-13T22:26:43+00:00

Being fit and well-groomed, having well-fitting clothes. Having interests/hobbies, including some that a woman can imagine participating in. Having interesting friends. Being positive and proud of yourself. Not being needy. Being a good story-teller. Being funny.

dallasdarling · 2022-04-14T00:06:24+00:00

So, your question is kind of an issue. Women are individual people with individual personalities, preferences, wants, needs, and interests. There is no unifying theory that will explain or predict the behaviour of people based on their sex. That's just not reality.

I do have some advice for you: try making some female friends. Not friends with potential future benefits, just friends. Girls know other girls, so you'll eventually meet someone nice. But first, you need to heal your understanding of women as people, and try developing equal, fun, supportive relationships with a few women without expecting anything other than friendship from them in return.

And when your new platonic female friend tries to set you up with her roommate from college, and vouches for you because she knows and trusts you, get to know that person first and find out what she finds attractive. Maybe she likes smart guys who listen while she talks, maybe she likes the life of the party, maybe she is attracted to kind, funny, or even dreary people. Who knows? We are all different.

And then, when you know her and know what she's looking for, don't change yourself to fit into that mold. Just be yourself, and see where it goes. If you are a good fit, you will find out.

Zenia_neow · 2022-04-13T19:28:41+00:00

It really is just personality lol. Sometimes looks play a factor. Most people don't know what's in your bank account so money only attracts certain types of people who are looking for opportunities. Love doesn't occur with money, it develops through experience. Most women just want a dude they can vibe with.

Huge-Theme6774 · 2022-04-13T20:31:49+00:00

I have a weakness for men who are protective and respectful towards me 🥺

pyrotechnic-looter · 2022-04-14T00:57:02+00:00

It is not the same for every “women”, as we are all individuals.

The “chad face” (i imagine u mean chiseled looking, prominent jaw, etc?) is sport of ick to me. I do not have a “type” just tend to find unique faces of one sort or another if they’re attached to a decent human….

A lot of ladies do get attracted or interested to some sort of talent if its not the traditional looks or success or status or whatever it is. Great personality is a sort of “talent”. A lot of girls dig musicians.

Technusgirl · 2022-04-14T01:58:38+00:00

Every woman is different when it comes to physical or personality preferences. Find a woman who likes you for you and don't pretend to be something or someone you're not. We also like someone who shares similar interests, beliefs, hobbies, etc. Women don't actually care about money or status because we can get that on our own. Only narcissists care about that sort of thing and most women are not Narcissists.

But for women in general, they tend to like a guy to look healthy, be taller than them, have some kind of drive and ambition, empathetic, decent social skills, not arrogant and someone that doesn't give us "creep" vibes as well as someone we feel comfortable with. But that's just what I've found in general from other women.

Gmed66 · 2022-04-14T04:17:30+00:00

Other than celebrities and pro athletes, which guys with money and status are doing that well with women? This is more of a media construct than reality.

Wirecreate · 2022-04-14T04:32:07+00:00

Every woman is different but generally having things in common and respecting each other is a good start. Not all women want the stereotypical chad face some women like men with unconventional/unique features an ask Reddit thread had a question about what people find attractive and many answers were unique features some that could be considered “ugly” or personality traits that weren’t super manly chad stereotype, some answers were conventionally attractive but it just shows that everyone has a type and you are someone’s type. if you or someone else finds the thread it might give you and others a good confidence boost.

TLDR everyone has a type and you’re someone’s type.

darknessbemyfriend · 2022-04-14T06:33:31+00:00

Have good hygeine! Be nice, but chill. Stay active (for your health and enjoyment, not looks). Have your own hobbies. Make some effort with the way you dress/look (don’t have to be a model just the same standard as you would expect of your female counterpart).

Girls are literally the same as you, maybe just a bit more discreet with their attractions.

What you expect of a partner you should expect of yourself.

Edit to add: there is no generic thing that will attract all women. Some girls like beards, some don’t. Some like skinny guys, some like chunky guys, some like dad bods. Some like dark hair, some light….. etc etc.

Common things that will help are at the top. Being comfortable with yourself is the best start. Good luck.

Ol-Sinnerman · 2022-04-14T11:07:12+00:00

I'm gonna give you advice I gave to a teenager I played video games with.

Spend your time acting as if you'll live alone for the rest of your life with no burdens, and you'll be infinitely more attractive. Just do your thing, and it will all come together, because you'll be more confident, get better chemistry with others, and be in a better mental state.

Every failure is a free opportunity to work on yourself, and every success is a reminder that you started in failure, and that you are and will be doing a good job.

You got this.

premedicalchaos · 2022-04-13T20:44:17+00:00

The hottest thing to me is guys who smile easily and take care of their hygiene (look like they put effort in, eg, an accessory or two, not-ugly-sneakers shoes, looks like an outfit and not a mass-produced tee shirt). Takes anyone up 3 points on the scale!

The_Important_Stuff · 2022-04-13T21:47:01+00:00

In this economy? The number one is having money. The average person is struggling and cannot afford to live alone.

Old-Leather2251 · 2022-04-13T20:05:17+00:00

I would say just being a real man. Taking responsibility. Treating her with respect, kindness and love. Doing what you will say you will do and keeping your word. Being reliable. Showing you care. Not being a “bro” or obsessed with “the boys”

Nothing is more attractive than a REAL man.

live_long_n_prosper · 2022-04-13T22:01:22+00:00

Hardworking, healthy, generous, kind, good morals, self respect, knows how to be a man so I can be a woman (ex. make more money, kill spiders, good sex drive)

According-Egg169 · 2022-04-13T23:41:00+00:00

Watch American Psycho

Gaddammitkyle · 2022-04-14T05:30:37+00:00

Girls dont fuck guys who are nice, they fuck guys who are sexually attractive. That's it.

Five_Decades · 2022-04-13T16:55:19+00:00

As a rough rule of thumb, women are going to look for the 4 Ps.

Protector, provider, partner, parent

Do you have traits that signify you'll be good at these 4 things? if so, women will like you generally speaking.

Good looks imply you're healthy. Being healthy means your kids will be healthy and you'll be healthy enough to stay with her.

Its complex, but I would recommend you read some David Buss. He discusses the evolutionary psychology of attraction and mating, but w/o all the sociopathic, dark triad, misogynistic aspects of TRP.

Also everyone has their own hangups that affect who they're attracted to. if you were neglected as a kid, you may be unconsciously attracted to people who don't care about you because you feel if you win them over you prove you're worth loving. some people love it when a partner throws themselves at them, some get bored and lose interest. People with low self esteem have a lot of hangups that cause a lot of issues in mating. A lot of the things that cause an instant attraction spark (that you intellectually know are unhealthy) are likely due to unresolved childhood issues or other traumas.

Theres also short term vs long term mating. What people prefer in one may count against you in the other. For example, for short term mating men like mentally ill women (because they're sluttier). But being mentally ill counts against you if a guy is looking for a long term mate (because its a sign you'll be a bad parent and partner). Women like dark triad, muscular men for short term mating. For long term mating those things count against you because guys like that are abusive cheaters.

DocGlabella · 2022-04-13T19:35:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

giddy-girly-banana · 2022-04-13T18:39:25+00:00

Be handsome
Be attractive
Don’t be unattractive

wittypink · 2022-04-14T10:16:18+00:00

Kindness

Hellboundforpeace · 2022-04-14T14:57:27+00:00

Liking yourself and investing time and resources into yourself will generally help. I recommend reading no more mr.nice guy by dr. Robert glover and models by Mark Manson, the last one is about building attraction without all the misogyny and PUA bullshit

dottywine · 2022-04-17T02:53:29+00:00

Fortunately for you, the beauty standards for dudes are way lower than what it is for a woman. You don't have to look conventionally attractive to find a woman who finds you attractive enough. The main thing is being attractive once you've opened your mouth. Do you have a personality that is attractive? Are you the type of person that someone wants to get to know or get close to? Money and status just makes it so more of the people you meet are willing to keep sticking around you. Another strategy is to just get fit. Having a fit body also helps you be attractive enough for people to want to stay around you. That's something anyone can get over time.

Title	How does female attraction work, or rather how does a man become attractive?
Author	Pomeranian111
Upvotes	27
Comments	172
Date	April 13, 2022 4:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/u2uasj/how_does_female_attraction_work_or_rather_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-does-female-attraction-work-or-rather-how-does.1112815 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112815

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