How do you end a date early?

MsDReid · 2021-06-22T07:57:20+00:00

I’ve up and left in the middle of dinner and to this day I think it was one of my most power moves ever.

I’m on a second date with this guy. Firs date was great. Amazing restaurant, paid, he owns his own company. He planned the date. Was super respectful.

So I arrive at date 2. Ordered my food and then he mentions he sent a picture of me (from my social media) to some of his friends. I felt this was odd but let him continue talking. He said “yeah everyone told me you were so gorgeous except one of my friends…but she’s just jealous because she wants to be with me.” She said you look old.

Insert HUGE eye roll. First of all any man who keeps a woman around “as a friend” when he knows she wants to be with him is doing it because he is a loser that just likes the attention and probably having sex with her (yes, I feel the same way about women who keep these types of men around). Someone is NOT your friend if they are only hanging around because one day they hope you will start fucking and dating them.

Second of all I felt it was a neg. Like he was insecure and he was wanting to bring me down a notch. Any man of value would have never said that to a woman even IF someone who knew him said that.

So I of course say something “That doesn’t sound like someone who is a friend in my opinion.”

Now it gets EVEN WORSE. “Don’t take it personal. She’s just used to me hooking up with skanky girls. So she just assumed.”

So I look at him and say-“oh, ew. So you’re a skank?” He was literally confused. Shocked. And said “wait what? No??” And I was like “oh sorry I was confused. You said you hook up with skanky girls.” And of course, muttering, stumbling over his words. Saying it’s different when your a man. Blah blah blah.

I literally was like “Yeah, it is different. It sounds like those girls just fell for the act you put on while you were the one who set out to be a disgusting skank.”

I then went off on how disgusting it was that he allows this “friend” to talk shit on the women he dates and that I felt he may have some very deep issues if he feels like that’s a friend and that’s okay. He then says that I “shouldn’t worry” because he had plans to hang out with her the next evening and would “set her straight”. Plans to hang out with the girl who wants to be with him so bad that she talks shit on every girl he does out with. He’s going to go hang out with her the day after our date. Lmao.

I then looked up and said “I’m too OLLLLLD for this. Bye.” And blocked him everywhere.

I then get a message request from the girl apologizing and asking me to talk to him again. Lmao. I can’t imagine being that desperate. I literally responded and said “I won’t be talking to him again. Not really into skanks. You shouldn’t be either. He told me your were just some desperate girl that is obsessed with him.”

Anyways. I walked out and I made sure to say as I stood up so people within earshot could hear “This was a waste of my time. But the Martini was great. Take my meal to your “friend”.” And yes. I did the air quotation marks. Haha’

ndf250 · 2021-06-22T12:54:23+00:00

There was this one time I went out with a guy. He wasn’t what I expected and he took me to this really trashy bar. I asked to go outside and then told him I had to leave. It was a less than 10 minute date. I didn’t feel guilty at all.

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2021-06-22T10:50:57+00:00

I was in and out in less than 15 minutes once.

I looked down at my empty tea cup and politely said “Well looks like I’ve finished my tea, this place is lovely, thank you but I’ll be going now.”

It happened so fast I even shocked myself.

candyfox84 · 2021-06-22T14:11:15+00:00

This happened to me once. I was going to a concert with a guy who was good friends with some of my friends. The band was supposedly amazing. Well, within about 3 minutes of walking to the venue, I could tell he was drunk and/or high, so I just got overcome with anguish and anxiety. I just told him I couldn’t be there, that I was sorry but I had to go. He was shocked. I turned around and walked back to my car. Never saw him again!

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-06-22T12:58:13+00:00

So, I just told the guy in a very matter of fact way that I wish him the best of luck, then I got up and left.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-06-22T07:37:09+00:00

I try to avoid these situations when I can by doing pre date screeners. I'll usually voice call the guy and feel out the vibe (about 15 min in my rattiest PJs) before I commit to seeing him in person. After most of these voice calls, I don't go on the date. Saves me the time and awkwardness.

I also like to limit first dates to under an hour, to start with so the guy isn't expecting a long evening. Set up somewhere you "have to be" beforehand.

If the guy does something offensive on the date, I just walk out. If he's "okay" but clearly not a keeper, I'll leave politely.

TiredLaura · 2021-06-22T17:59:37+00:00

When I was younger I would have made like the quintessential "good girl" and just stuck it out until he signaled that the date was over. I was too insecure to turn a man down.

As I got older I found that thanking for dinner/coffee/whatever and ending the date, got easier. There's definitely something to be said for getting older and have ever less fucks to give. I'm not about to waste my time with someone who just makes me feel "meh" at best.

Platipus6 · 2021-06-22T07:37:42+00:00

If someone's being such an absolute weirdo or creeper on a date that you want to leave, either they don't think they're doing anything wrong and will argue if you tell them, or they know what they're doing and will lie to your face.

Keep your purse on your lap and pretend you felt it vibrate, "check" the message, book a taxi or a ride, say "gotta go" and just go lol.

If a dude is being so off that I want to leave I lose my appetite anyway and can't eat.

If you think he's going to chase you down and grab you, swing past the servers and motion to a woman and ask for the back door.

Journal when you get home to see what red flags you missed to end up on the date that went so badly. Every time I've thought back after one, there was at least 1 glaring one a few small ones.

whereIgoIrun · 2021-06-22T14:05:09+00:00

I've only done this once but, I waited (while secretly gathering my things in my lap) until the waiter came over and then stood up, said I was leaving, handed the waiter $20 to cover my bill & tip, and walked out and away as fast as I could. It was done and I was out in <15 seconds (the guy was being aggressive and I was scared if I gave more notice he'd make a huge scene).

I know FDS says not to pay for a meal but in this case I was pretty sure this guy was going to stiff the waiter on even his portion of the check, let alone mine, and I didn't feel like that was right. And I'm pretty sure I was right because I was one block away and the date caught up to me (that's a whole other story), I'm pretty sure he did run out on his bill. I didn't want any part of that.

Three0hFour · 2021-06-22T15:16:37+00:00

Literally texted my sister asking her to call me with an "emergency". She called freaking out (date could hear) so I said sorry I have to take this & walked out of the coffeeshop.vShe was so convincing on the call that once I got to my car I was like "hey I know I asked you to do this BUT THERE'S NOT AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY RIGHT??"

TheWestWindBlows · 2021-06-22T15:30:02+00:00

A good one that works, especially if you're worried about a reaction or being called out, is to fake receiving a text that says your roommate is locked out of the flat. It's less drastic than faking an emergency, but the context would still require you to leave.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-22T18:51:12+00:00

I usually tell them in advance that I'm spending 2 hours tops on the first date. It isn't okay to spend 4 hours + with someone that is, after all, a stranger. We can increase the time as we continue dating but I personally would advise against spending too much hours on the first date. It can create a false sense of intimacy, it can create an opening for lovebombing and it can hurry something that shouldn't be hurried.

2021-06-22T07:17:15+00:00

I always think about this, never really had to do it but if it comes to that, I would always say just lie. Just say something that they basically can’t say no to and keep lying. Just check your phone and say that’s there has been an emergency. If you can’t do that, you could always just say that you’re going to be sick and need to leave immediately.

And yes you’re right, men do get but hurt at women lying, but why aren’t they “butthurt” about women being harmed, coerced, or otherwise mistreated by their dates. Sometimes the decision to cut a date short is absolutely necessary for our safety, and men have shown over and over that they do not respect our honest decisions because they feel entitled. Lying is the best way to protege to urself in some situations, so I couldn’t care less about males’ opinions.

daenerysstormbornfan · 2021-06-22T17:14:04+00:00

A lot of people say they’re gonna go to the bathroom and just don’t come back. It’s quite commonplace, just block them afterwards.

crustacean_evasion · 2021-06-22T15:01:26+00:00

Discreetly set an alarm on your phone to ring like 2 minutes later, and then when it goes off, look down at your phone and act surprised as if you forgot you had to do something really important! Ex. Usually a time sensitive thing works best, such as picking someone up from the airport/work/school or submitting a report for work. Just make up some lie, as another commenter said, something that they can’t really argue about and leave quickly!!

idiopathictendencies · 2021-06-22T17:38:30+00:00

I’ve done the in person version of block and delete without warning: excuse myself to the restroom and just leave.

cervaNera · 2021-06-22T13:05:01+00:00

If you’re having anxiety about setting boundaries and worried about dates that are creepy or could get angry if you try to leave, maybe ask a friend to practice with you and build up your confidence.

My friend and I set up a fake date together and both pretended to be creepy/aggressive/sexually forward and then each practiced saying exit lines. She actually ended up having to do this IRL (this was a few years ago when we were still leveling up) just a week or so after we did this and ended up calling me immediately after she got home safely.

I still remember her saying, she’d never left a date before it was “over”, but helping her practice how to leave made her realize that she can also decide when the date is over. It’s such a small thing, but after being in many controlling relationships, getting out of “people-pleasing” mode seems impossible, so taking baby steps to help rebuild your confidence can be the way to go.

Edit: Every once in awhile, if we go out and have a dinner date, one of us will still pretend to get upset and “fake leave” before we go to the next place, just for shits and giggles.

jupitarianrise · 2021-06-22T07:29:56+00:00

Get an uber before you get up. Tell him you “need to make a call” or “go to the restroom” take your stuff, jump in the car and leave. Personally I wouldn’t be ashamed to do that. If I’m not having a good time, I can leave.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-06-22T11:54:42+00:00

Just be like "I'm not feeling this - I'm creeped out by you" then LEAVE

You owe him ZERO courtesy.

Why - because he would not have a problem faking an entire personality to what your 'likes' are in order to be appealing, future fake a relationship then sleep with you and ghost.

Remember THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU therefore YOU OWE THEM NOTHING.

Develop audacity and give zero fucks.

Stay wild x

Fun_Tangerine4494 · 2021-06-22T22:03:08+00:00

I told a date once that I had just dropped acid and I had 15 minutes before I started rolling. Then I took off. 🤣

TornadoSunset · 2021-06-22T18:04:09+00:00

It depends on your reason for leaving!

-If it's because you feel unsafe in any way, then leave quietly. Go "to the washroom" and don't return.

-If it's because they say or do something that is gross or a dealbreaker, leave right away. Trust your instincts. (I had a date where the guy told me that "women who wear revealing clothing are asking to get raped" and I stood up and said "I would never date someone who believes this." And I left with him still sputtering about how he didn't mean it, etc.)

-If it's because you don't feel compatible, but your date has treated you well, you can try being straightforward (I have done this a few times) "Thanks for your time, but I don't see this going anywhere. Hope you enjoy the rest of your evening." There's always a possibility that they will become aggressive after your matter-of-fact ending the date, but as you're in a public place, you should be okay.

SlowMango7000 · 2021-06-22T07:37:26+00:00

I have gone out the back way. That guy was just stupid. I still laugh. Proud of myself.

Alarming-Midnight-73 · 2021-06-22T17:45:59+00:00

The pre-date screening call should minimize the times you need to end a date early. I've saved myself a lot of time with that strategy in the handbook.

Frogspocket · 2021-06-22T10:46:33+00:00

When I was dating I went on a handful of dates where at some point he became unattractive to me and I knew in that instant I wasn't interested in a relationship. For example, one guy opened up about his history of depressive episodes and implied that another one could hit any moment. That doesn't make him a bad person. But it is incompatible with me. I still finished the date and did my best to enjoy the night (even though I knew it was over romantically, it was still fun to socialize). I find it really classless when people do games (like have their friend call to fake an emergency). They aren't stupid. They know you're just faking an emergency. It's so immature. Instead, i finish the date, and then once I'm home safe (usually the next day) I would thank him for the date and let him know that I wasn't interested. I don't clarify. Like if he says "can I ask why you're not interested" I wouldn't say "because I can't handle your mental illness" (because I wouldn't want him to hide that from the next woman and I'm not interested in critiquing him). I would just say generic things like "I just didn't feel a chemistry" and then I would block and delete. Just to keep it simple. Unless he was a creep. I ghost creeps, no explanation, no manners. But I've never been on a physical date with a creep. Just encounters via phone. If I felt in danger in person I would leave.

messicanamerican · 2021-06-22T17:59:56+00:00

The last horrible date I went on he was the complete opposite of what he showed on the old. He came saying how he always wanted to get with a Mexican and was so excited to meet me. I told him that he was disgusting fetishizing me and to fuck off. I left him with the bill and walked out.

miwamus · 2021-06-22T21:28:47+00:00

I've left numerous dates. One I walked out on after 15 minutes. Just "yeah... I'm gonna get going." He got upset but I didn't read him as dangerous and he wasn't. Another time the guy started talking shit about American women so I waved the waitress over, gave her my card, paid my part and stood up and said "I'm done here." All while he was holding a monolog (that he'd been holding for the past 30 minutes).

This is when I read the guy as non-violent. But going forward, if I end up with someone I read as violent, I have decided to tell them I left my insert whatever in the car. Alternatively, go to the bathroom and flag down a waiter or waitress on the way and ask for the emergency exit.

Oh! Adding, I had one date where the guy had asked me on a date and when the bill came he said "I'll take this one if you take the next." As soon as he said it, I pretended he wasn't there anymore and got on my phone, ordered an Uber and left as soon as it got there. No good bye or nothing.

warinmymind94 · 2021-06-22T23:21:09+00:00

Definitely drive yourself /have your own means of transportation or a trusted friend nearby to pick you up. Never have him give you a ride.

You can get up at any time and walk out.
You can pretend that you're getting a phone call /text and politely excuse yourself "I really need to take this call, it's important, so im gonna step out for a little" (try to head to your car asap and leave). You could also excuse yourself to the bathroom, but dip to your car.
You can say something like "its getting late" or tell him you can't stay much longer because you have another commitment "I promised my grandma I'd drop off her medication i picked up for her, as she can't drive anymore" etc.
If you're not digging his vibe, tell him that you have plans to meet your friend afterwards, so you can't stick around long.

At a restaurant, if you don't want to walk out in the middle, don't order apps, desserts, or extras. This can help keep the date shorter. Dont have him walk you to your car, wave to him, you can thank him if you like, and just sort of wave and say "thanks, see you later" (I did this with a guy that was trying to hang around me as I was walking to my car, and he got the idea).

In a movie, if you want to leave, the best time to do it is during the middle of the film, if you feel awkward about leaving obviously or are worried about making a scene. Act all cool and excuse yourself to the restroom, and really just dip as fast as you can.

Hostileovaries · 2021-06-23T04:25:53+00:00

I have a fake a phone call app that I preset to go off about halfway through the date. If the date goes well, I ignore it. Going badly then, "it's an emergency and I really have to go."

MissOliviathecat · 2021-06-23T07:52:57+00:00

I was once on a date with a guy that I really fancied, we had spoken on the phone etc beforehand and we met at one of my favourite spots.

20 mins into the date he starts spouting about how "domestic violence victims bring it upon themselves/ rape victims shouldn't dress so sexy/ women should go to the gym more and be less fat" so I told him his points of view were problematic, that I was leaving and I didn't want to hear from him again.

I blocked him as soon as I got home.

Life is too short to sit through dates that don't respect you /women/ human beings or that you aren't attracted to. 🤷‍♂️

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-06-22T21:19:21+00:00

"Ok, it's was nice meeting you and talking to you but I have to go." Then I get up, say my goodbyes and leave. No need to explain or make up excuses. In my experience, no one had ever acted aggressively or inappropriately so far but there haven't been an instance when I'd have to leave without finishing my meal. In such situation I'd probably say that I've lost my appetite and we should cut the date short.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-06-22T21:33:26+00:00

I always let people know where I am and when I’m going on a date. My friends love being a “cockblock” when dates don’t work out. I excuse myself to the bathroom and send a message to my group chat and I can always count on one of them calling me and making up some lie to get me out.

If it’s really bad and I need to get out pronto, I just call an Uber tell him that something came up and leave without giving him a chance to say anything. I usually pay for my meal so he won’t chase after me. To me, that’s a sign that I’m not interested anymore.

casuallyuninterested · 2021-06-22T21:54:50+00:00

I like to always have a get out excuse ready. Fx saying you have plans after the date giving you a valid reason to leave after a while or not to plan too long of a date to begin with (in my experience men always try to drag out dates, convince me to grab an extra drink etc. even though anyone with the slightest intellect would be able to read my lack of interest and respect that). The excuse could be finishing some late report for work, meeting a friend who has xx urgent need for your company etc. Fortunately, having a dog makes this very easy as I’ll usually just say I have to get home to walk him (here they actually also often try to convince me to come along on the walk/prolong the date - jeez men really are annoying huh? - but still, you have a “valid” reason to leave the place/guy/date). My goal is to move beyond the instinct to be polite/use an excuse and simply say “thanks for meeting, but I’m not interested” and leave. Even if that’s after five minutes.

SayNad · 2021-06-22T19:52:58+00:00

In a sit-down restaurant, do you finish your food and then go? What do you say? Do you explain anything about why you’re leaving or make up an excuse?

Do you just up and leave? Lol.

The short answer is : YES.

No explanation is the best explanation - trying to explain or making up excuses will signal them that you are hesitating, and it opens up room for argument. And argument can lead to manipulation, he will keep saying things and you will keep feeling guiltier and guiltier. And end up giving him more chances that he doesn't deserve.

If you have to say something, say something short and curt, and get up before he can reply. You can thank him for the date or not - but speed is crucial. The more you stay and try to explain, the more doubt you will feel and the more psychologically vulnerable you will be.

laffytaggy · 2021-06-23T03:04:07+00:00

I usually vet/screen a lot before a first date. But if I am iffy, I ask a friend to call/text my phone about 20 mins in and I make sure my volume is up. That way I figure its an easy out if I am not feeling it (oh hey, sorry I have to run now. Thanks the (whatever)!)

But once I went in a date with a guy who berated me and wanted to talk about politics, I went ahead and ended that.

shadowlillium · 2021-06-23T03:27:09+00:00

I know we don’t do 50/50 for a real date, but if I want a clean fast escape, I pay my way out of it.

If they aren’t absolutely horrible but I can’t stand being there another minute, I be like “this was a lovely date but I just ain’t feeling it. I’ll pay my way and get going. Thanks for meeting up”

If they are horrible and need to escape ASAP, I fumble with phone saying I got a call and need to go. I’ll get my side of the meal.

If they are a decent person and it is a nice date, but not feeling romantic towards them, I’ll finish the date and see if I just wasn’t feeling it, and later let them know I wasn’t feeling anything.

Though I will say, I try not to do just dinner dates on the first meet up. Normally like doing some small activity first and then a dinner so it isn’t just a “interview” date. I don’t want to feel like dating is an interview but an experience, and often the small activity before hand decides if Im going to move forward with dinner or not. So rarely I ever need an exit strategy by the time we reach dinner stage, but once in awhile, ppl do let their whole ass out at dinner phase so~ it’s not ever full proof except for good extra vetting

illuminati_hottie · 2021-06-24T01:47:04+00:00

I know lots of people have said this already, but I just want to be another person confirming that it’s fine to just walk out. One time I was a on a date with a man who started YELLING at me! After he was finished yelling, I literally just said “I have to go” put my drink down and walked out without waiting for him to reply. I assume he took care of the bill lol. So yeah, I just upped and left.

I would say that if you’re getting creeper/unsafe vibes from the guy then yes you should just up and leave without explanation. But if he’s nice and you’re just not feeling it, it’s probably best to say, “You’re nice, but I’m just not feeling this” and then up and leave. He might try to convince you to stay, but don’t. Just go.

questionasker012 · 2021-06-23T00:22:23+00:00

[removed]

2021-06-22T17:19:25+00:00

[removed]

Title	How do you end a date early?
Author	questionasker012
Upvotes	62
Comments	92
Date	June 22, 2021 6:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o5grnj/how_do_you_end_a_date_early/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-end-a-date-early.785744 https://theredarchive.com/post/785744

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